26 January 2010

Return to KRONWORLD.

Two days = massive eternity. No, seriously. I'm not joking on this one. We take a couple days off from the old McBlogster, and so many awesome things occurred in the interim:

1. We found out that Niklas Kronwall returns to the lineup...TONIGHT, against Phoenix.

2. As previously reported, Tomas Holmstrom says he may return to the lineup on Friday against the Predators. If this is true, I Can't. Fucking. Wait. (Is anybody else as seriously stoked as we are to have a Friday game to watch instead of a Saturday game? It gives us something to do other than go to sleep at 10 p.m.)

3. Somebody with the most kickass handle ever, DatsyukianGeek, started following us on Twitter. I could not stop thinking about this all weekend.

We also missed recapping the game against the Kings on Saturday, although, unfortunately, we did not miss the suckass game altogether. Can I take a five and talk to you guys for a second? TSO--both of us--had a particularly chaotic week with our jobs and whatnot, so we went underground for the weekend by literally running away. Before you get all worried and commence sending us greeting cards of your own, we're ok. Actually, last week resulted in some pretty good news for me, in the form of a "promotion" (best way to describe it--more money + more hours + more responsibilities) and the hiring of a new employee I'll get to menace. I'm greatly looking forward to it. I'm considering conducting my own interview, just to see if we hit it off. Here, let me run a question by you guys:

Question: Imagine a person enters our workplace, acts a fool, and then departs. Upon said person's departure, I make a killer sarcastic remark. Your reaction:

A. Laugh along appreciatively.

B. Quickly retort with your own snarky statement, thereby one-upping me and becoming my brand-new BFF and de facto soulmate.

C. Chuckle slightly, only because you're a consummate professional, but later give me an exploding fist bump to celebrate my awesomeness.

D. Scold me for my obvious lack of professionalism.

E. Burst into tears because you've never been able to grasp sarcasm. (Note: I do not believe in tears, so I will not offer you a Kleenex.)

I think it's a good barometer, don't you?

Anyway, as previously mentioned, the Wings take on the Coyotes tonight, and, as also previously mentioned, Nik Jr. comes back with a vengeance tonight. Now, if any of you read my comments on here--no, really, you all don't need to raise your hands at once--you may have noticed that I promised one of our readers, Dena, a surprise upon Kronwall's return. You see, Dena, as well as one of our anonymous commenters, has a lovesick, almost actually sick, obsession with #55, and, as you all know, we love to celebrate obsessions and fanatics of all kinds here at TSO. See, others would possibly consider putting them on a reality show or sending her to love rehab (Dr. Drew's available, right?), but over here, we place passionate fans like them on a pedestal. I mean, it's not as if I haven't been caught peering into the window of #96's home. Without further adieu, here goes:

Hey, look, I made a collage without the use of "chickenpox" (my feeble attempt at recreating freckles, as Brian is a freckleface. I'm glad the person who commented that it was chickenpox didn't guess herpes, though. I mean, I would have found it funny, but I'm not sure Brian would have enjoyed being known around the internets as Herpesface. And I definitely wouldn't want to be known as girlfriend of Herpesface. Wait, hearing that in my head just now did make me giggle...)

I have no idea what Dena or the anonymous commenter look like, so I just made them both Smurfs. Hope neither of you mind. Also, you guys have the longest torsos ever. Does that mean you're constantly looking for tunics or muumuus to wear since regular shirts are virtually impossible? On a positive note, can I just say that those shades of lipstick look fabulous on the two of you? Hope you ladies have the time of your lives watching the game tonight.

So that's what's up. The puck drops at 7 p.m. tonight. Alas, we won't be watching it. (Bitchface Versus.) However, you may be treated to one of Brian's fabulous "Recap of a game I didn't watch" recaps. Or you could just go to a blog with standards and consistency. In any event, let's go, Wings!


  1. Haha awesome. I also have something special for Kronner's return...

  2. It's a happy day in Kronworld indeed! I can go with either picture as the color of my hair changes with my moods. Now that Kronner is healthy again, it's time to hit the salon and go back to blonde.

    Log on to NHL Gamecenter as there is a free preview tonight. Versus should be included (I don't get it either) otherwise I'll be doing the usual googling for a feed.

  3. Hey, I don't know if you are aware, but if you want to watch the game anyway, you can go to this site: www.atdhe.net. This is where I get to watch most of the Wings games since I live in Quebec and we don't have FS Detroit over here.

    Actually, I subscribed to NHL Game Center on nhl.com but whenever I try to watch a game on there, the bitch never stops freezing. Pure waste of money.

  4. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE !!!!!I could hardly sleep last night, I was like a 5 year old waiting for Santa. And I know Stewie felt the same way. (Hopefully Kronner sucks the Meech right out of him, I really don't mean that in a sexual way.) As to the drawings on the
    card, the one on the right is spot on. I really appreciate that you made me a stick, awesome. The only difference I see is that my boobs are WAY bigger, oh and I'm alot more "Swedish" looking. No, but people have told me that I have an uncanny resemblence to Mrs. Crabtree (the bus driver on South Park for those not in the know). You know that I am almost 40, single with no children. So it goes without saying, I have alot of cats....

    Thank You Natalie for making me look so pretty and making me (and the people I work with) laugh until I peed a little.

  5. See? I knew my artistic renderings would hit the mark, somehow. Mwahaha.

    Dena, let's be honest for a sec. The only way your boobs would NOT be bigger than the picture I drew is if you are a 9-year-old. And honest to god, if I ever found out that a 9-year-old was reading my blog, I'd hang it up and then hang myself. Just saying. I really just laughed out loud when I read that you compared yourself to Mrs. Crabtree. Too funny.

    Anonymous, I totally stole your use of "Kronworld", but I thought you would approve of it since it's being used in a celebratory manner. I totally meant to include a picture of a Gillette or something in the collage, but I forgot. Consider it a mental gift from me to you. I'm glad you and Dena enjoyed your present!

    Anybody who wants a great laugh, head over to Andy's site and check out his self-created videos. Too funny...

    And thanks, Anonymous and patleb940 for the tips on checking out the games online. However, due to the lack of high-speed internet at home, I can't stream any sort of video. It SUCKS. It's my excuse for missing out on everything awesome. Thank GOD this hasn't interfered with too many games so far, considering Versus hasn't had coverage of many. Come playoffs, it will be a different story. I may have to break in someplace.

  6. Totally approve and totally love the present, including the mental razor.

    Rumor is the dispute will be over some time in March (well, that's the last I read) which sounds suspiciously like they have already reached an agreement but then I have a suspicious mind.

  7. Anonymous, I also heard the Versus-DirecTV dispute will be settled in March. And I agree - sounds like they know there's a deal, so why wait??

    Worse yet, Anonymous, we will NOT be able to watch our game on the NHL Center Ice free preview. It will be blacked out because it is exclusive to Versus. Bogus.

    Not to mention Versus is following me on Twitter. I am just waiting for them to tweet something about the game so I can snark something back at them.

  8. I heard something about the dispute being over in time for playoffs, too. You're right about the whole thing sounding suspicious. How do they have a timeframe for the end of the debacle if they're still technically beefing with one another? Sigh. This crap SUCKS, in any event. I can tell you one thing: If it's NOT over in time for playoffs, there will be an uprising of epic proportions from hockey fans. Enough is enough.

    We did call and complain to DirecTV toward the beginning of the hockey season, and they gave us a 50% discount on our Center Ice package, which was nice, but it still doesn't make up for the hassle of missing games. Geesh, even missig non-Wings games on Versus blows.

  9. Yeah, I just logged in to the useless service and saw that. I am going to have to find a feed now. Those bastards will not keep me from 55!

  10. ESPN 360 has versus games. Don't you all wish you were Europeans now? Kinda scared of the fact that ESPN 360 gets their shit through GameCenter and if that acts up because of the preview night, then we might get it fucked up too

  11. Another two goal lead, gone.

  12. Hey there is only one Anonymous here and that wasn't me! I am not really happy I eventually found a feed altough it was good to see #55 (even if he was out of position on that second goal).

    Can Homer out to play tomorrow?

  13. Is face herpes possible? I certainly hope so! A man has to have goals, and I may now have a new one.

  14. Anonymous #1 and #2: You guys HAVE to come up with some sort of creative monikers so I at least know which anonymous person is saying what. Anonymous non-shaving Kronner-lover, maybe that can be your new name: GilletteKronnerGirl55. I don't know. I'm tired, and my creative juices are nil.

    Aside from the second goal you mentioned, how did Kronwall look during his first game back? Did anybody get KRONWALLED? We are on a need-to-know basis here.

    Andy: You know, you're right. Europe is so much better than here. I guess I'll just have to take solace in the fact that I'm within driving distance of Joe Louis Arena. Mwahaha. (Hope you got to watch the game ok.)

    Brian, facial herpes IS possible! Technically, cold sores are a form of herpes. Fair warning: I'm not making out with you again if you contract it. (And everyone here are my witnesses.)

  15. Apparently there was a "mini-Kronwall" event in the first period. I only know this from Ken Kal and the folks at A2Y because I was still frantically searching the series of tubes known as the internets to find a feed. I did finally find one with 12 to go in the second and was able to see his -1. Not pretty but he has been out forever. Much less sickening than the Stewie/Big E suckfest. I then lost the feed at the end of the 2nd only to find it a few minutes into the 3rd so I can't say I really "saw" the game.

    That said, it was nice to see a Wings defenseman move the puck through the neutral zone and pinch at the appropriate time. Of course, I am a tad bit biased.

  16. Hey, no worries with being biased here. We make no denial whatsoever of our own subjectivity toward individual players, so we give our readers similar latitude.

    One more time, just for kicks: VERSUS SUCKS!