tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90322705657694905142023-11-16T07:16:54.026-05:00The Scrappy OctopusNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06001384021623775472noreply@blogger.comBlogger205125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-84913457748494800742013-05-13T13:10:00.000-04:002013-05-13T13:10:31.274-04:00What Happened To Your Flying V?It's in the books. The Red Wings defeat the Ducks and move on to round two to face Chicago. Quite honestly, I was stoked that the Wings got the Ducks in round one. I thought it was a good match-up for the boys to get their playoff feet under them, because it would have been a hell of a lot harder to figure this shit out against the Hawks. Now they can take this confidence into round two against Chicago.<br />
<br />
A few thoughts on the Ducks. Maybe if Boudreau had changed Geztlaf, Perry, and Teemu's diapers more often, they wouldn't be crying so much. Poopy diapers make it hard to skate I would imagine. Saku Koivu shall be known as The Lesser Koivu henceforth. He is the Baltic and Mediterranean of Koivus. Selanne has to retire this year. It's science. The ageless one has extended his playing career by drinking protein shakes consisting of the harvested hypothalamus of Dick Clark and extract of Betty White, both items of which there are limited supply.The last sands of the hourglass have come trickling down Benjamin Button. Corey Perry. You sir, are a giant walking, talking turd. The best part of the post game last night was during the handshake line and Perry ever so sweetly embraces Todd Bertuzzi. And if you play that part in slo-mo and can read lips, you see him whisper into Todd's ear, "please don't kill me sir". Etem...fuck you, you're good. Escape while you can before you become douche-infected. Getzlaf, you are a perfect example of the term, craptain. I don't know what you think the C on your sweater stands for, but I am pretty sure it doesn't stand for cry. Of which you do a shit-ton. You and Crosby should have a Whine-Off For Charity event using old school yo mama rules. Have fun golfing you guys.<br />
<br />
On to the Red Wings. I will pull a politician and totally flip-flop my position on Abdelkader. Me, along with so many other Wing fans (according to my sources which is only half remembering tweets through a drunken haze) were not a fan of him being on the top line. It was an excruciating process watching him develop into a top 6 guy. One huge improvement in his game is that he didn't impale someone's head on a flailing stick which seemed to happen every other game last year. I guess hard work does pay off. Not at my job. Hard work means I get more hard work. Franzen. Shot blocker. Hustler. Defensively responsible. Whaaaa? That's a big difference from the beginning of the season where I was constantly screaming, "Franzen you lazy motherfucker, MOOOOOVE". Here's something I thought I would never be saying, "Thank god Ericsson is on the ice". He has been solid all season. I think Wings fans are more critical of the D because we compare them to one of the best defenseman ever, especially because we still expect to see #5 step out on the ice for his shift. I am still not sold on Colaiacovo. He did things last night that made me go, "ummmm...what was that exactly". Quincey. I just shake my head. Smith. I'm so, so sorry you are paired with Quincey, but everyone has to overcome handicaps and so can you.<br />
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The rookies. I like them. A lot. Questioning my sexual identity a lot. I don't think the Ducks were prepared to deal with this fast creative line. Nyquist has the moves. Brunner has the shot. Andersson has...really good manners? No, he is responsible. And a good defensive forward on a line in which if Nyquist and Brunner feel like makin' bacon, he's there to cover.<br />
<br />
Our captain. Hank. Henred Letoberg. All other teams dream of white, they dream of red, but can't find a Zetterman. He willed this team into the playoffs. He willed this team to a first round series win. He increased my sperm count ten-fold. His on ice leadership is Yzermanesque. You see that gleam in his eyes that says, "fuck this, we are winning this game. Come with me into the trenches boys". He has looked in top form all year. Pavel. Datsyuk has done things this year where I just point at the tv and say, "did you see that?" His grand larceny was in full effect last night. Those three steals in one shift, are you kidding me? The will and resolve of those two has been awesome to watch.<br />
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Filppula, you still owe us all for that dumbass doink pass behind the net. You want 5 mil, then earn it. Cleary's play reminds of DJ Lance's dancing from Yo Gabba Gabba. It's this odd controlled chaos. I sometimes expect him to somehow explode out of his skates up into the netting, land in front of the goalie to have the puck ricochet off of his nuts America's Funniest Home Videos style and end up with a goal. But I will take that goal.<br />
<br />
So now it's on to round 2. How many times will coach Q transform into Yosemite Sam? How many girls will Patrick Kane choke and pee on? How many time will Eddie O-face tell the national audience that the Red Wings are really good at cheating? Only time will tell.<br />
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Postlogue-Oregon WI.<br />
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A solitary figure sits on his back porch of his country home. He stares down at the two pieces of paper sitting in front of him on his patio table. One is a photograph. The other, which he picks up, is an offer sheet. As the tears start to roll down his face, they hit the paper making the ink run. He now knows what could have been. He looks over at the photo and his rage begins to build. "Fuck you Zach Parise, you did this to me". Ryan Suter drops the Red Wings offer sheet to the ground and screams to the heavens, "WHYYYYYY?!?"<br />
<br />
Haha. Suck it Suter. As the old knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade said, You choose...poorly.<br />
<br />
Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-2044168185053442942013-04-18T16:31:00.000-04:002013-04-18T16:31:38.370-04:00I wrote something.<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You know what's even worse than coming back to blogging after a multiyear hiatus and finding that most of the shit on your site is ANCIENT HISTORY (holy fuck, a Derek Meech tag?!) and that in your absence, Blogger has finally reached roughly the mid-year 2002 level of technological prowess?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Waking up to a world in which with less than two weeks to go in the season, the Columbus Blue Jackets are in the playoffs and the Detroit Red Wings are not.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Fuck. Me.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">How is this real life?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Or is it actually real life? I've long suspected that instead of believing we're going to die and THEN go to hell, maybe we're already in hell. Not HELL hell, like for serial murderers and puppy kickers and Pol Pot and the entire membership of the Westboro Baptist Church, but the good part of hell, for people who are semi-shitty and/or too fun to kick it for all eternity in heaven. And maybe we've all had our fun in Good Hell for long enough, and now something actually shitty has to happen. You knew the carefree, free-for-all, whiskey-chugging, circle-jerking shenanigans had to end at some point. Let's all just reflect on the good times.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Twenty-one years' worth of 'em.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That's a long time. For many of us, it encompasses the majority or even the totality of our hockey fandom. The last time the Wings missed the playoffs, I was four. Danny DeKeyser was in diapers. Chris Chelios was ushering in the 1990s by celebrating his 1,990th year on Planet Earth.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And now, with just a handful of games remaining for the Wings to scratch and claw their way through to a bottom rung playoff spot, it may soon be all over. That's what many of us are thinking, anyway. "It" will be a thing of the past -- the Glory Days, the Dynasty, the certainty that while other teams' fortunes may ebb and flow, Hockeytown's is always on the upswing because The Detroit Way never falters.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Clearly, this season has not given us much to cheer about. The Wings failed to make a splash during the last offseason, despite the unusually high-profile courting of free agents who would have unquestionably enhanced the roster's chances of success. The injury bug yet again robbed us of several of our key players, including Darren Helm, and the impact from his absence cannot be overstated. One of the most horrible sports cliches of all time -- your best players need to be your best players -- has been a steady reminder that when the players who are paid the big bucks to produce the big points fail to register numbers in the books, the loss column begins to outweigh the win column. Those nagging criticisms from bloviating blowhards we all hate keep manifesting themselves in the results of Detroit's play on the ice: Tired. Uninspired. Over the hill.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Last night's loss against Calgary is fairly comparable to other shitty games we've watched the Wings play this season, except with so much on the line, it's fair to assume that the Ozzie Switch would get flipped -- you know, the one that elevates you from your dogshit potential to your awesomesauce kinesis. And it didn't happen. Instead, we watched our team get dry-humped up and down the ice by a team that has been disadvantaged by just about every crappy thing that can happen to a team in the National Hockey League. Yes, this is real life, and yes, it sucks ass.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I know, I know -- we as Red Wings fans have it good. I know how the others see us. Fans of other teams want to punch us in the throat when we gripe about our team being not as good as another, and then we make it to the second round of the playoffs. They make fun of us for complaining over trifles when we have had the luxury of watching myriad Hall of Famers wear the Winged Wheel over the course of the past two decades. But here's the deal, straight up: I don't give a fuck about thinking about this from somebody else's perspective. JFC, this is the Detroit Red Wings we're talking about here. Our team. We make the playoffs, period. That's just the way it's done.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What happens next? Playoffs or not, we all know the organization has some tough questions to ask itself. They're the same questions we've been asking ourselves and one another. How do we shore up our weak defense in the immediate future? Are our top players really destined for the roles they have been assigned? Is a coaching change the answer? (And for those of us who believe it is, what would a different coach be able to accomplish differently than the current one with this roster?) Why are we investing so much in broken-down dinosaurs when young kids with exciting potential have had to dust off the kneepads to convince someone for a spot in the lineup? And, a more painful question for the immediate future: What's worse -- missing the playoffs and snapping the streak or eking into the playoffs and facing CHI or ANA in the first round? (Picture this: An Axe Body Spray-ed, Fratellis-lovin' motherfucker holding up a broom at the Joe? I know, RIGHT?! Now press the button on this <i>Men in Black</i>-style memory eraser, fast!)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I don't proclaim to know the answers to any of these questions. As soon as I formulate a moderately intelligent thought, I end it with "Fuck it -- let's just see if we can manage a buyout for the entire team." People far mathier than I can explain to you the potential financial comings and goings for our team. People with memories like Beej can recite on cue who's available, who isn't, who has a NTC (I swear, <a href="http://www.twitter.com/tplhockey">TPL</a>, if I could find the link to your chart, it would have totally gone there).</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As for me, I'm just a spoiled, whiny, bitchy, babycrying Red Wings fan who feels THISCLOSE to having a Grade A meltdown if the Wings' season ends on April 27. In Texas. Which I'm 13% sure might be Actual Hell.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Over the next ten days, there will be a lot of nail-biting and Xanax-popping. Definitely some double shots to take the edge off. Maybe even sex with hobos to relieve some of the tension. (What? Don't say you've never considered it...) We care so much about this team, we're willing to ride the rollercoaster until we fly off the rails and crash into a brick wall. Because we know that even when we crash, we get back up and keep on going. Draft Lottery, FTMFW!</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">LGRW.</span></span>Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06001384021623775472noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-75613470956371466252012-11-21T20:09:00.000-05:002012-11-21T20:09:22.295-05:00A Thanksgiving Word From Scrappy OctopusRight now we would be about 2 months into this years season......but we are not. Our favorite Red Wings are playing over seas or in the AHL. Negotiations for the CBA are not going well and it looks like this season is lost. This really sucks the butthole of a corpse.<br />
<br />
I have gone through the standard Zac stages of loss.<br />
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1. Dur-ness. "That was an entertaining Stanley Cup Finals. Now they can get down to business and hammer out this new CBA so we can have training camp, pre-season, and then a sweet new season.<br />
<br />
2. Pissed-ness. Ummm, hello. It's the end of July and shit doesn't look too good. Come on now guys.<br />
<br />
3. Are you fucking kidding me. No training camp and pre-season is cancelled. You guys are a bunch of fucking douche-ass fucks. Well, better call Direct TV and cancel Center Ice.<br />
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4. Burning Rage of a Thousand Suns. Regular season games start getting cancelled. I am a seething inferno as a curtain of red lowers before my eyes. I want to drink the blood of my enemies in front of their families from a golden chalice.<br />
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5. Whatevs. I got shit to do.<br />
<br />
I am not happy about this. I want to punch Bettman. No. I want punch Bettman as hard as I can. Actually, no. I want to punch Bettman as hard as humanly fucking possible and laugh as his head explodes in a red mist. Whatever side you take, it doesn't matter. THE FANS LOSE. We buy the merch. And we buy the tickets. Don't get all pissy, owners, when we can't do that because you are demanding the first born from each player and all the unicorn rides you can handle. Don't cry to us when your team folds because you fucked up. People are starting to not care. Those people won't come back. And you have nobody to blame but yourselves.<br />
<br />
But fuck all of that. I want every Red Wing fan to have an awesome Thanksgiving. I want every fan of any NHL team to have an awesome Thanksgiving. I enjoy talking to each and every one of you. I am thankful to have you in my life. We will get hockey back someday. For now I will go to high school and college games. Because I love hockey.<br />
<br />
Happy Scrappy Thanksgiving.stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-81594532802714974812012-04-11T12:01:00.002-04:002012-04-11T12:06:56.049-04:00Two Men Enter, One Man LeavesI've been absent from all aspects of the interwebs lately. Twitter, Facebook, blogging. A death in the family will do that. I wanted to do a pre-series write-up much earlier and then stuff just kind of happened. I really wanted to do it during the last two games when people were freaking out about playoff position. Now I get to do it after the dust has settled and the match-ups are set in stone.
I did not give a shit about seeding this year. Locking up a spot in the playoffs is all that really matters for me. That last game against the Hawks saw some interesting shit on Twitter regarding seeding. People wanting them to win, people wanting them to lose. And then there were people like me who wanted them to win outright, not to wrap up home ice, but to beat the fucking Hawks. If it was a matter of them losing the game and cancer would be cured, I'd still want them to beat the Blackhawks. Watch a game at the UC and you will understand.<br />
<br />
I saw one tweet where someone wanted them to get the 6th seed because they thought the Wings couldn't beat the Predators. Huh? So, are you just hoping they win one playoff round? What happens if they have to face them later on? Going into the playoffs, I always believe the Red Wings can beat any other team on the table, West or East. This isn't some kind of leap of faith thing either. I've watched them get further than they should have some years and I've seen them come up short when they shouldn't have other years. But I always think they CAN win it all. Every year.<br />
<br />
Would I have preferred that they got home-ice? Sure. Especially the way they played at home this season. But am I sad that they didn't get home-ice? Fuck no. Home-ice guarantees that you play at home for the 7th game. Whoop-de-fuckin'-do. You played a seven game series that will grind you to dust. What if your next opponent's series only went five games? Beating teams on the road makes for successful playoff hockey. That is what the Wings have to do this series, and that is what the Wings can do this series. All of the speculation and stat referencing. All of the "On paper this series favors blob-de-bloo". All of this <i>educated guessing</i> is a moot point. All of the intangibles don't mean jack squat unless they actually come into play.<br />
<br />
The West half of the playoffs is a bare-knuckled grind from top to bottom. Were there teams I would rather the Wings play? Yeah. But any match-up was going to be a tough one. I am totally taking the Wings in this series. I think they will do it in 4 to 7 games. That is my rock solid prediction. You have Radulov. What? Is Wings Nation supposed to shit themselves? Do you have a Goose? That's my wild card in this series. Maybe not a ton of minutes, but they will be meaningful minutes. The Preds will be going, "What the Hell? Who the fuck is this guy now?" Helm coming back is going to be a huge boost. My big 'ole plate of crow I hope to eat, Ericsson. If he can play the same hockey he has played since coming back from injury then that would be lovely. Watching him play, I imagined him in the film room during his recovery with Chelios and Fischer standing behind him reeducating him Clockwork Orange style. Am I completely sold? No. Am I much more hopeful? Yes.<br />
<br />
Well, this shit is about to drop like a ten ton hammer. My drink of choice for the playoffs is shooters of whiskey mixed with pepto. See you all on the Twitters tonight.<br />
<br />
Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-16430668497781153922012-03-25T12:18:00.000-04:002012-03-25T12:18:48.435-04:00Thanks For The Angina, HockeyThat was quite a game last night. Both of them. We were flipping between two games last night. Red Wings vs Hurricanes and the UMD Bulldogs vs the Maine Black Bears. And because of that flipping we missed two thirds of the goals scored, and there were 16 scored in total. At one point the Wings were down 4-1 and UMD was down 2-0. At that rate, if I popped Die Hard into the DVD player, John McClain would have been shot and killed in the first five minutes, thus negating all subsequent Die Hards and tearing a hole in the space/time continuum. Thanks sports. You just made Planet of the Apes possible. And there is no way I am going to be a house-boy for an effeminate baboon named Chauncey, who I serve tea to while cleaning up all of his flung poop.<br />
<br />
But this alternate time-line was not meant to be. The Bulldogs came back and won 5-2, while the Red Wings dominated the 3rd period finishing the game 5-4. And there was much rejoicing. Zetterberg basically said fuck you to losing last night. Special teams are still sketchy but the Wings can drop the hammer on any team when it comes to 5 on 5. Was there a little extra inspirado with Lidstrom back in the line-up? Maybe. Was there a bit more cohesiveness with old lines being reunited as the injured return? I think so. Did I shit myself when Miller took a puck to the hand? Smells point to yes.<br />
<br />
The conundrum the Wings' brass will face is what to do with Smith. He's NHL ready. I know he has been reassigned to the Griffins, but let's just break it down like this. Kindl has 12 points in 51 games. Ericsson has 10 points in 63 games. Smith has 7 points in 14 games. I'm no mathaholic, but that gives Smith my G.M. couch nod. They are all pluses on the season. Smith quarterbacked the PP for the Badgers, so I place a higher value on someone who can play the powerplay. It would make more sense to move Hudler off of the blue line and put Smith back there for the second unit. This is actually a nice problem to have. It means that the defense is finally fucking healthy. The specter of Doug Janik no longer looms above our heads.<br />
<br />
The Hank-Flip-Huds line was a beast last night. This is totally your Lord of the Rings line. Zetterberg is Aragorn. Filppula is so Legolas it is not even funny. And Hudler is any random hobbit. This has been one of the most consistent lines all season. Nyquist with Dats and Bert was nice as well. The Thunderchief showed off his awesome summer league softball skills with his mid-air swat. It will be very interesting to see what Nyquist can do with a whole season. One of the coolest things about Datsyuk is the opposing players with the puck know he's there and it doesn't make any difference. He is still going to steal the puck. It's like he is some kind of, I don't know, a....magician. The ghost of Houdini slips out his straight jacket and applauds every time. Miller is not Miller Lite. He is the High Life. He is your champagne of beers. He gets the job done. Cleary kind of fits on this line after bouncing around lines this season.<br />
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This next paragraph is only for Disch, and not even hockey related. We were grocery shopping yesterday and almost done. And then I saw it. The most beautiful loaf of marble-rye you ever did see. I believe bread is one of the most sandwich inspiring ingredients out there. Badass Reubens are on the menu tonight. Jen and I double teamed that grocery store like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman. She went to the deli for some premium corned beef and Swiss cheese, where I might have broken an old lady's hip rounding up thousand island dressing and sauerkraut. I will lightly brush the slices of bread with olive oil to give them the correct amount of crustiness. I will amply layer the meat followed by the Swiss cheese. I will firmly press the sauerkraut to remove excess liquid, (because nothing ruins a sandwich faster than sogginess) and add that layer to the sandwich. A little fresh cracked black pepper and then the thousand island, wrap in tinfoil and heat in the oven for about 20 minutes. Bon Appetit.<br />
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There are fourteen points left to go this season. Go out there and get 'em Wings. I'm out to go watch the Hunger Games. I love biographies. And it's been a long time coming for the full story of the Takeru Kobayashi/Joey Chestnut hot-dog eating rivalry. I hear that Larry Murphy is the narrator. I am stoked.<br />
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Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-4137754723036396482012-03-11T16:21:00.000-04:002012-03-11T16:27:17.276-04:00Roller coaster of...well, it's not loveWhat's exciting? Seeing what these kids can do. What's not exciting? Having to see what these kids can do this time of year. Despite riding this roller coaster of win, lose, win, lose, lose, win, lose, there are some silver linings. Their losses are only by one goal, so they are not getting blown out with half the Griffins in their line-up. Zetterberg and Filppula are getting hot down the stretch. Miller, Miller, chicken diller (that didn't work how I wanted it to) is adding a little bit of scoring spice to his defensive work. And we are finally getting a good look at Smith, and I am liking what I see. Living in Madison, we got to see what he could do all the time as a Badger, and what he did was good. Right now Ericsson is polishing up Conks plunger. That last sentence is in no way whatsoever a creepy penis euphemism.<br />
<br />
The Griffwings are losing to the better teams by only a goal and they still smoked the Wild and Blue Jackets. So I would be worried if I were these other teams when they have to face a healthy Wings squad, which is hopefully soon. Plus, the Wings have some good kids to plug in when needed, just not all at once.
Seeing all of these different lines is a little weird and is probably why we are seeing the more than usual odd-man rushes, which is one of the un-silver linings as assignments are missed. The PP is the same as it was when they were healthy. What I'm saying is, it still sucks. One of those P's must stand for 'poop'. Is their rule of thumb that only the man with the puck can skate around? It's like some bizarre form of freeze tag.<br />
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Another benefit of these switched-up lines is seeing different guys being thrown on a line with Helm. Like Franzen. Yeah motherfucker, you gotta skate hard to stay in the play now. No more Meat Loaf on ice waiting to skate like a bat out of hell only when it suits you. Ewwww, grody. I'm am sincerely sorry for the double Meat Loaf reference. Just a weird thought: If you are meeting Meat Loaf in a formal setting, do you address him as 'Mr. Loaf'? I know I would.<br />
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Sometimes I wonder what's going through players' heads when they are out on the ice. Like, do they have their 'pump me up' song running on repeat in their mind. I wonder what they would be....what they would be...they would be..would be.<br />
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Pavel Datsyuk-Magic Man by Heart<br />
<br />
Valtteri Filppula-Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake<br />
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Nik Kronwall-Crush Em by Megadeth<br />
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Darren Helm-Flight of the Bumblebee by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov<br />
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Jiri Hudler-Pimpin' Ain't Easy by Big Daddy Kane<br />
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Johan Franzen-Everyday I'm Shufflin' by LMFAO<br />
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Brad Stuart-Unfortunately it's California (O.C. theme song) by Phantom Planet<br />
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Justin Abdelkader-Abra Kadabra by The Steve Miller Band<br />
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Tomas Holmstom-Obviously it's Demolition Man by The Police<br />
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Jonathan Ericsson-Oscar Mayer Weiner Theme Song by The Oscar Mayer Kids Choir<br />
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Nick Lidstrom-The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived by Weezer<br />
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Todd Bertuzzi-Movement I O Fortuna from Carmina Burana<br />
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Henrik Zetterberg-Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top<br />
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Drew Miller-Time To Get Ill by The Beastie Boys<br />
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Dan Cleary-Der, it's Come in Cleary by Greely's Reel<br />
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Now when you watch the next game, these songs will run through your heads as well as theirs every time they touch the puck.<br />
<br />
Now before I leave, I have one request of Mike Ilitch. Dear Mr. Ilitch, I think it would behoove you to get in touch with George Lucas. If you pay close attention to the Star Wars movies (and why shouldn't you?) they have this invention called a bacta tank that rapidly heals injuries. I know what you are saying, "that's from a movie, it's just fantasy". True, but if you don't believe for a moment that George does not have real working replicas of his movie inventions at his compound, then I understand how Ericsson got his contract. Thank you for your time, sincerely, Scrappy Octopus.<br />
<br />
That's it. I'm out. It's time to lock myself in the bathroom with a boom box so I can peacefully lip sync with into a hairbrush to Sexy Back.
Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-89973174120518514662012-02-17T23:08:00.002-05:002012-02-18T00:37:51.833-05:00Winner Winner, 22 Chicken DinnersNever in my life have I seen so many homoerotic tweets involving another man. After Datsyuk scored that goal with a handful of seconds left on the clock, my twitter feed erupted with hundreds of dudes talking about how they just jizzed in their pants. I pooped mine, so the clean up is way worse. What a game ending play by the big three. I don't even think you could recreate that on a video game even if you played eight hours a day for the next decade.<br /><br />Joey_______Mac played outstanding again, even bailing himself out after an ill advised clear up the middle. He has more than earned his spot on this team. I left a blank space for a nickname. You will find out more about that later on. Sorry Conks, but you can pick up you plumber's apprentice application at the front desk on the way out.<br /><br />I think it has been over a year now since either of the Scrappy originators have posted here. So to trick Brian and Natalie into sort of posting, I pretended to be a high school student with a sports reporting assignment for my English class. I submitted a series of questions that they needed to answer or my teacher would beat me senseless. They both agreed. In fact, Brian was very eager to help, going so far as to offer to do the interview face to face while we shared the Mike's Hard Lemonade he said he would bring.<br /><br />So here it is. The glorious return of Brian and Natalie...sort of.<br /><br />1. With the trade deadline looming, are there any players you are lusting for? And if you circled yes, what are you willing to offer up?<br /><br />Brian-Yes. I would love Rick Nash but I don't think we have the pieces to give up. Another along those lines would be Jack Johnson; would love him, but doubt we have the pieces to get it done. I also doubt Suter gets dealt, so anyone realistic; no. I'd be willing to give up Kindl as part of a deal for a better defenseman, Ericsson as well (but in my mind, he has a trade value of "Lebda"). In all reality though I feel very good about our team as is and I doubt they make a move, and if it is, it'd be a small one (Knuble? Moen?). Mark me down as most definitely NOT on the Ales Hemsky wagon, as he is a giant wuss. <br /><br />Natalie-Lusting for? Sure. In a non-screaming-bonerjamz way? Possibly. Pretty much every year, I have the same mentality when approaching the deadline: Even though there may be interesting prospects, I'm never super amped to chop up the team that's doing well in order to experiment. I liked toying with the idea of acquiring Ryan Suter, but since he's allegedly staying put, and again, I don't feel that the Wings would benefit from the moves required to snag him, I had to clock that one in the ol' spank bank, too.<br /><br />Zac-I would offer up Kindl or Ericsson for a seasoned 5/6 defenceman. With the Preds picking up Gill I think everything is off the table until this summer. But quite honestly, do you really want to tinker with a team that is on top of the NHL? Maybe someone who puts the puck in the net, but I am stuck as to who would realistically be given up.<br /><br />2. How many actual Ericsson's does it take to equal his contract?<br /><br />Brian-This is an excellent question that I've given a lot of thought to, and i'm thinking there isn't an actual answer to it, and i'll tell you why. For every competent/impressive thing he does, he blows three assignments/turns the puck over, etc. So if you had more Ericcson's, you would only expand the bad things with not getting more good in return. TRICK QUESTION ASS BAG.<br /><br />Natalie-Is this like the old "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?" commercial, meaning that some wise cartoon animal will descend from the heavens and deliver an enlightening answer? Because I could really use one. But if you're asking me for a firm number, I'd say it's somewhere between 419 and 5,221.<br /><br />Zac-Yes it was a trick question. The answer is zero. My math is rock solid on this one. If you want me to show my work, fuck off, I did it all in my head.<br /><br />3. Give Joey MacDonald a nickname that doesn't involve a macaroni and cheese reference.<br /><br />Brian-Special Sauce. BIG MAC REFERENCE. You could say something like (after a big save) - "Oh Joey MacDonald put some special sauce on that save!" <br /><br />Natalie-Joey "Thanks for saving our ass" MacDonald. Sure, it doesn't pack the same one-two punch as Beej's "Special Sauce" (nasty!) moniker, but seriously, we're fortunate we had J-Wow-Mac waiting in the wings while Ty Conklin was busy clogging up toilets with his own homegrown bullshit.<br /><br />Zac-Joey "I prefer that you address me as Joseph, opposing shooter" MacDonald. Joey "Baby Kangaroo" MacDonald. Joey "How you doin'" MacDonald. Hmmm. Special Sauce it is.<br /><br />4. What is your starting lineup for the alumni game? Since you have already filled one out in your head, construct a 2nd line.<br /><br />Brian-Oz in goal, obviously (With Tim Cheveldae riding pine and being terrible, as he was my entire childhood). First line of Federov, Kozlov, and Larianov, with Fetisov and Chelli on D. Second line? Oh, I got your back. Draper centers Maltby and Homer (because he's done after this season). Notice who isn't there? Lidstrom. Because he is never retiring ever. Absent are Howe (doubt he plays) and Stevie (because he said he isn't playing). If they were they would obviously be high on this list.<br /><br />Natalie-Homer - Draper - Downey. Come on, 2/3 of that answer was a fucking given. Because the combination of fierceness/gingeriness/hotness would equal unparalleled fabulousness both on and off the ice. It would be a real joy to see Rafalski and Cheli back in the Winged Wheel. And, of course, I have to bring Ozzie back (sry, h8rs). As far as a second line, I'm going to go ahead and flex the traditional meaning of the word "alumni" so I can bring in a line of Ville Leino - Jason Williams - Sean Avery so you ungrateful motherfuckers can go ahead and REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.<br /><br />Zac-I like those lines. I think I am going to pencil them in. But Konstantinov does the puck drop. I don't care if there are ten people helping him do it, but he has to be involved.<br /><br />5. Invent an event for the Winter Classic festivus.<br /><br />Brian-A $5 to punch Wendell Clark in the face booth.<br /><br />Natalie-The #55 challenge: How many hot dogs can you eat in 55 minutes? Years later, the Freep will print a fluff piece citing the coincidence that many people wrote in their commemorative WC burn books, "Larry Murphy: He made out with a hot dog."<br /><br />Zac-My event also involves Larry Murphy. We hire the racing wiener assortment from the Brewers. They get a five second lead before the Murph is unleashed. Place your bets as to which one Larry catches first and devours in one sitting not realizing that it's actually a dude in a foam suit.<br /><br />6. Teemu Selanne. Yes or no. And why.<br /><br />Brian-No. With Anaheim surging I don't think they'd trade him. I LOVED Teemu and if we could get him for next to nothing, he'd be a welcome addition. But giving up pieces for a guy who is retiring end of season? Pass. I would, however, trade Shitbox for him. Because they would be doing us a favor. <br /><br />Natalie-Nah. While I have all the respect in the world for Selanne, I can't imagine Anaheim actually dealing him at this point, and I'm good with where we are.<br /><br />Zac-I say nay as well. A) The Ducks wouldn't let him go to the Wings. B)And I don't want to wake up to NHL.com headlines about how new teammate got Kronwalled into a vat of icy-hot and is out 6-8 weeks with chemical burns.<br /><br />7. Who do you want to face in the first round of the playoffs? Columbus is off the table, only teams that have a legitimate shot of making the playoffs.<br /><br />Brian-Does Dallas have a legit shot? Because they're a special brand of terrible (but somehow competitive. I don't get it). <br /><br />Natalie-If the playoffs began the second I'm writing this, we would face Los Angeles in the first round. I'm totally OK with that. Then again, if anybody in the L'Eastern Conference wanted to play wife swap with their opponent in the first round, I'd be totally OK with that, too.<br /><br />Zac-I wouldn't mind Phoenix. Whoever we face is cool as long as the Wings stay up and retain home ice.<br /><br />8. With the success of the shootouts this season, do you look forward to them, or do you still watch them peeking through your fingers.<br /><br />Brian-I'll never ever feel good about them. Count me in the apparent minority that likes shootouts (games need finality. I know ties existed all through my childhood and I always thought they were stupid, and you can't have never ending OT in the regular season. If you wanted to end ties with a slap fight i'd be ok with that too, so long as it doesn't end in a tie). I simply remember every year in recent past when the Wings have been god awful in them, and I think now they're living in some sort of bizarro opposite world where they are doing well in them and eventually they'll fall back to earth.<br /><br />Natalie-Eh, it's a mixed bag. Honestly, I'm fine with them, provided they don't go past the third or fourth round of skaters. If Pav, Bert, Huds and Hank all blank and/or fail to close, I'm shitting my pants brown.<br /><br />Zac-I would much rather win in regulation, denying teams the bonus point for slightly sucking rather than outright sucking. But I do enjoy writing the "Inside the head of Todd Bertuzzi" segment.<br /><br />9. One night. No rules. Which group of three Red Wings do you have a Hangover sort of night on the town with?<br /><br />Brian-Ideally it would be Homer, because he'd be a real hoot. But the person most likely to have that kind of experience every night of his life is Hudler. <br /><br />Natalie-Homer, Hudler and Datsyuk. Datsyuk because even if the night went downhill, he could just read the phone book in his accent and be the life of the party, without question. Homer because I'm pretty sure you can't get a DUI on a snowmobile (but don't quote me on that). And Hudler because I'm pretty sure he can tell me how which homeopathic creams are best for clearing up whatever ails me in the morning. <br /><br />Zac-You fools. I give you the perfect opportunity to mysteriously "disappear" Ericsson and you waste it on debauchery? No, that's mean. Homer, Kronwall, and Cleary. Homer would be fun in any situation. I would love to hear Kronwall talk to Mike Tyson. And I have always wanted to have a beer with Cleary.<br /><br />10. How are the wedding plans coming along?<br /><br />Brian-We have none yet! Eloping doesn't involve planning. <br /><br />Natalie-Oh, shit...is that what we're supposed to do next?<br /><br />Zac-Whatever you do, do it how you want to do it and not for anyone else. It's your day and you should both feel like a princess.<br /><br />Well there you go folks. Today I walked in all Verbal Kent and walked away Keyser Soze. Now sweep up that broken coffee cup.<br /><br />And for number 23, Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-84975016184566521062012-02-12T11:31:00.002-05:002012-02-12T12:48:51.630-05:00No Big WhoopSo there is some kind of streak going on at the Joe, huh? You know what? I don't think I even want to talk about it. Not because I don't think it's significant, but because I don't feel like being all jinxy. I do find it pretty exciting that they are playing the Flyers, the last team to hit 20 wins at home. I care about the streak but not as much as I care about 2 points.<br /><br />Joey Mac. He is more than serviceable. His playing makes me think he is saying, "Hey, I played well for you last year. Did you need to go out and find another back-up? No, I don't think so." Guess what Conks? You better get used to that plunger because you are not even trade bait right now. Watching Joey play this year makes me remember last year when we all freaked out and then he played solid for us. Now, like last year, we can focus on bitching about the power play and not the back-up goaltender situation.<br /><br />The Winter Fucking Classic. Start saving your pennies people because even if anyone can get a line on tickets they are not going to be cheap. Even if nobody can get tickets, still plan on going because of Ilitch's Super Spectacular Winter Hockeytime Extravaganza of Awesome Frivolity. Sign up early for snowball fights with live snowmen. Get your tickets for scenic reindeer flights high above the city. Be first in line to Battle Ciccarelli in the Blue Paint for a stuffed animal. Note: You must sign a waiver before participating which includes but is not limited to-lost teeth, concussions, shattered kneecaps, ruptured testicles/ovaries, exploding spleens, or accidental removal of appendix. Seriously though, I know that the wheels are turning in many circles to make some fun things happen, so keep your eyes peeled.<br /><br />So in my last post I crawled into Bert's head when he takes his turn in the shoot out. I think I will again, but I will also visit Hiller's pube covered noggin.<br /><br />Todd-You like this Jonas? I'm going to give you a long moment to reflect upon your life up to this moment.<br /><br />Jonas-What's he doing? How is it possible to move this slow? He is actually travelling backwards. I think I see the fabric of the space/time continuum tearing.<br /><br />Todd-You know that scene in Star Wars where Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewbacca are trapped in the trash compacter desperately trying to avoid their agonizingly slow impending doom? That is what this is like, only there is no R2-D2 here to save you.<br /><br />Jonas-Why is he staring at me like that? I think I actually feel my soul burning away. <br /><br />Todd-The puddle of urine you just laid down on the ice cannot save you. It is over Jonas, the workers are going home.<br /><br />Jonas-I'm so cold, but I cannot move because my tears have frozen my mask to the ice.<br /><br />I'm sorry but I think Pavel and Todd are the best one/two punch combination in the shootout. If the game does happen to go to the shootout, I pause the DVR, go pop some popcorn, then sit back and enjoy the show. What a huge difference from last year where I dreaded the shootout, just accepting that hey, at least they got a point. Mind you I would rather they blew the doors off of the competition in regulation.<br /><br />Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-31005693465667757162012-01-23T14:21:00.003-05:002012-01-23T15:41:55.511-05:00Shootout At The Joe-K CorralThe Wings go for another win at the Joe tonight against the Blues. This will be a grind of a game. The Blues come in tonight sharing the lead with the NY Rangers with the stingiest goals against. It sounds like Jalak and roll will get the start tonight and he is on fire. Sir Jimmothy is having a good streak as well so this will come down to quality scoring chances. Pucks to the net and follow 'em hard, boys. Keep an eye on that butthole Backes, (is that hillbilly plural for 'backs'?) And Peetranjlo. That's how everyone says it, don't ask me, but he's a bit en fuego at the moment as well. This is a tough one, but they will keep the streak going at the Joe. And if it comes to the skills competition, I do believe the Red Wings can pay the bills.<br /><br />The last couple of years you could feel a shift in the Earth's orbit as Wings Nation collectively raised their hands in frustration when it went to the shootout. It was the world's most anxiety filled six shots. It never seemed to go the good guys way. Until this year. All of the Wings shooters just seem to have a different confidence this year. I wonder what is going through their heads.....<br /><br />Pavel Datsyuk-"I am Russian ninja. Is almost unfair for goalie. I should try blindfolded. I like soup. Soup. Soup is funny word. But tastes sooo good. Soooooouup. Oh, hey look I just put puck past another goalie. He looks like he got hit with stun gun."<br /><br />Todd Bertuzzi-"That's right goalie. I'm coming in nice and slow, stalking the puck like a jungle cat. I like taking my time so I can savor the smell of your fear. Did you eat your Wheaties this morning? I didn't. I had a bowl of kitties marinated in tequila and clown tears and stuffed with ghost peppers. I've got loads of filthy, dirty moves. Moves that make everyone go 'DAAAAAMN' like Chris Tucker in Friday. Remember when you would be playing NHL 95 on your Sega Genesis with your asshole friend who would abuse the Spin-O-Rama move? I'm that asshole. I'm going to make the analysts at NHL Tonight say the word 'cheeky' twelve times with this move. Just close your eyes, it will be over soon. The puck is my dark passenger that I need to put in your net."<br /><br />Jiri Hudler-"Woooooooooo. Hey everybody, check this shit out I'm going to....aw crap. Maybe a slap shot from the blue line wasn't such a good idea. I should just keep copying Z. Or my famous, Don'tforggedaboutdapuckbuddee, move."<br /><br />Henrik Zetterberg-"I'm walking on sunshine, whooa ohhh. I'm walking on sunshine, whooa ohhh. I'm walking on sunshine, whooa ohhh. And don't it feel good."<br /><br />See how much more relaxed they are. When we get more shooters, I will crawl into their heads as well.<br /><br />Let's Go Wings.stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-27272915502920742212012-01-07T11:30:00.002-05:002012-01-07T12:26:45.552-05:00A Very Scrappy AnnouncementDo you want the good news first, or the great news? Well, since I'm the one writing this shit, I get to decide. The good news first then. The Wings are back in action tonight against the Leafs. For some reason it seems like they haven't played in eons. So hopefully Holmstrom and Helm have been getting plenty of groin massages. Not at the same time mind you because that would be creepy. Plus it costs a lot extra if you are into that sort of thing. Let's get back to hockey talk since this was starting to head down Hudler Road, which runs right through the heart of the red light district. <br /><br />This game is a chance for the Red Wings to jump on top of the Central. With the Blackhawks on a three game skid and an upcoming tilt against said team, the Wings need to grab the Central by the horns and wrassle it to the ground. January needs to be a pull-away month leaving the Blues and the Hawks slap fighting for second place.<br /><br />No realignment. I'm not weighing in on this one yet. I'm just going to sit back and pray that this isn't a harbinger of doom in regards to the CBA.<br /><br />Discher made a very interesting proposal to the Blue Jackets yesterday at The Production Line. http://theproductionline.us/an-open-letter-to-scott-howson-and-the-city-of-columbus/<br /><br />Here is what we need to do to make this a plausible reality. Everyone start calling Ericsson by his full name. Which according to me happens to be Jonathan Loui Eriksson. Remember to spell his last name with the 'k' to solidify my ruse. When talking about him, drop the Jonathan and use Loui because I am told by people that he prefers to use his middle name. Yes, I realize you all saw where this was going by the second sentence. But keep in mind, teams took Lebda, so sometimes simple ruses are sometimes the best.<br /><br />Alright then. It's time to move on to the great news. The founders of this fine establishment have made a verbal agreement to, at some point in the near future, enter into the alliance of holy matrimony. A most sincere congratulations from the MacRostie household goes out to Brian and Natalie. <br /><br />I am working with my non-existent contacts to get Todd Bertuzzi to perform the ceremony. Wouldn't that be rad. I think I could persuade him to do it for a case of PBR and a basket of kittens. Somebody suggested that Juri Hudler be in charge of the bachelor party. Are you insane? If I have learned anything from Hollywood, its that a dead hooker really kills the buzz of the celebration. Plus, with all of his KHL money tied up some 900 number scheme, it would mean everyone else is paying for the blow. And Juri's motto is, "No blow, no show".<br /><br />If anyone has any ceremony suggestions, just put them in the comments.<br /><br />All kidding aside, I am extremely happy for you two. This is great news for a great couple.<br /><br />Now Let's Go Red Wings<br /><br />And a bonus Let's Go Lionsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-21342946012047598152012-01-01T12:30:00.002-05:002012-01-01T14:21:47.452-05:00I'm Not Making Any PromisesYeah, yeah, I know. "Where the fuck have you been Zac?" I missed a couple of games here and there. Especially whenever there is a West Coast swing. I'm not saying I don't want to watch those games, and I'm not going all Sally saying they are just too late. It's that I get up at 2:00 am to go to work. It is impossible for me to watch those games. I do usually get to see them the next day if they are rerun on the NHL Network. We missed most of the Chicago game because we were out with friends for my birthday. We saw the third period and it looked like that summed up the game with the way the calls were going. To quote Mick, "But hey, a refs a ref".<br /><br />We saw most of last night's game, and it was glorious. Another shutout for Sir Jimmy Howard VonStoppinpucks. Most people don't know that that was his family's original name from the old country. Jimmy is playing uber confident right now. I only wish he had the kind of stats that Maple Leafs goaltender James Reimer is putting up. Wait. What's that you say? What the fuck? According to the stats page over at NHL.com, Reimer is beyond 30th in all of the big goaltending categories. Those stats would be decent in a 1500 team league. Good thing he is on the All-Star ballot. It's right up there with Crosby's 8 games played. Sorry NHL, but you are really doing this shit all wrong. I know people say that they don't care about the All-Star game, but I do. I believe players should be recognized and rewarded for THE SEASON THEY ARE HAVING THIS YEAR. Get rid of putting people on the ballot based on reputation. And for god's sake quit letting us dopey fans vote. We are all retarded homers. Maybe next year we can vote on class clown, most likely to succeed, best dressed, and cutest couple. We all know that Keith and Seabrook run away with that last category. And I'm pretty sure that nobody can dethrone Lundqvist as best dressed. 24/7 is showing off his skills in dapperness.<br /><br />You know what I would like to see? No, not world peace. That dream is a moot point considering that the world is supposed to end next December. Don't worry, I've already hired John Cusack and a limo to save me and my family. What I would really like to see is the disappearance of these fucking ridiculous reputation calls against Todd Bertuzzi. And yes, I am an expert because I have those one things, what do you call them...oh yes, fucking eyeballs. I have said it before, he gets at least one a game. These bullshit calls that magically seem to happen when the opposing team is down or the Red Wings are surging. Okay, I will take off my tinfoil hat now, but I will be damned if I am taking off my tinfoil underwear.<br /><br />I am really enjoying the play of Zetterberg right now. I know that I was a little down on him a few posts ago, but he has been really strong on the puck. And if he had a goal for every time he hit a post these last couple of weeks, he would have a bucket full of goals. These shots will start going in. It was also nice to see Mr. Streaky score last night with a good ole fashioned Mule move to the net goal. Maybe this will be the start of one of Franzen's good streaks. So feed the Mule boys. Or according to Doc Emrick, feed the Moose. Just driiiiiiiive to your local pet food store and pick up some moose pellets.<br /><br />Hey, who else wanted to go to Detroit and pick up one of those Special Edition Red Wing Ram 1500 Express trucks? Me too, only I have seemed to misplace that extra $36,000 I had laying around for just such an event. I would even take the one from the commercials with all of Franzen's puck dents. Maybe I would get a $35,500 discount, you know, kind of like hail damage.<br /><br />I like that some of these Griffins are getting some big club playing time, but it will sure be nice when the Wings get some of the guys back from injuries. A whole line of rookies is just sometimes there. It is better when one of these guys gets inserted into a line of vets. But the experience gained just bolsters the depth.<br /><br />Now as to the title of this post. I really am not going to make any promises. I am not going to make a ridiculous New Year's resolution stating that I will post before and after every game. I am not going to promise that I can coerce either Natalie or Brian to write here this season, we can only keep our fingers crossed. I can only promise that I will probably be just as inconsistent as the previous months. You will get the same shit from me, posts liberally sprinkled with various forms of the word 'fuck'.<br /><br />I hope all of you in Red Wings Nation had a glorious holiday season. Here is hoping that the new year brings another Cup back to Detroit. We will also see if I can detox off of all the ham I have eaten this last week.<br /><br />And as Always, Let's Go Wingsstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-17043317579402264392011-12-17T10:01:00.002-05:002011-12-17T11:03:36.037-05:00I Broke Out the Canned Air'Sup Folks. Hahas. It has been awhile. So between work, holiday doings, a bunch of December birthdays, naps, and tweeting about meals, I have totally neglected the ancient holiday tradition of blogging. We also had Jen starting a new job and the neighbor kid eating all of our food. Seriously, this tyke packs it away. I wonder if pet food stores sell tape worm food, either that or I buy stock in Cheez-its. How about those new Colby Cheez-its? They are fucking great. <br /><br />Wait a minute, why am I here? Oh yes, Red Wing hockey. Since I last wrote at this fine establishment the Wings were doing pretty good. Scoring goals, Jimmy looking not at all like an All-Star, shutting other teams down. Then they came up on the Predators who were doing just as well. It was a battle of a couple of 3 game winning streak teams. And even though the Preds came out on top, the Red Wings played very well. Hank and Pavel both had missed opportunities, but sometimes that's the way the puck bounces. And speaking of bounces, that Weber goal was about as mental as you are ever going to see. Watching that slow-mo was like watching that scene in JFK where they were watching the Zapruder film in slow-mo. "Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left." I really don't think any of Jimmy's goals were all that weak. The Preds just happened to be in perfect position for the rebound after Jimmy made a great save. <br /><br />Unfortunately the mistakes the Wings did make in this game cost them. That would be them having a chance to get the puck out of their end and failing to do so. That allowed the Predators to cycle while preventing a Wings line change. I saw people on the twitter saying that game was a horrible choke. I must have been watching a different game. The Predators played them tight all night and were really laying the body on the Wings. Sure, the Wings controlled the puck a ton in their end and had some good cycles, but it's not like the Preds were playing like shit. <br /><br />Aside from the suckitude of a Wings loss, it seems that the close Wings games have been really exciting games to watch. But I will take a boring blow out over a close nail biter any day. Especially with the points in the West tightening up. I would rather enjoy my adult beverage of choice leisurely rather than slamming shots of flaming Everclear to calm my nerves.<br /><br />Tonight the Kings come to the Joe. This is a Kings team with a broken crown. They have all kinds of shit going on. Firing the coach, tied with the Mighty Islanders for last with 67 goals for this season. I never like to say, "This should be a win for the Wings", but this one should. The Kings are in disarray and playing a team like the Red Wings is not a good place to try to put the wheels back on the track. I'm just glad they are playing on the ice at the Joe and not like the ice they played on at their last game. Which had about the same consistency as a fucking hard packed Slushee.<br /><br />I know the countdown is on for Christmas and that's all well and good, but my countdown is on for my free motherfuckin' ham from work. I also have a couple of projects to finish up, (I have not forgotten you Ann, a series of events has delayed this project but is back on track now). I also found something I started a long time ago that, when finished, I will probably give it away here at Scrappy Octopus. Just don't hold your breath, it will be done when it's done and I have other art obligations to tend to before I can even think about that.<br /><br />Let's Go Red Wings <br /><br />And Ham on Ham Eatersstabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-37500801639882358292011-11-26T11:47:00.002-05:002011-11-26T14:02:18.385-05:00Don't Say That Out LoudThere are some things, as a Wings fan, that you do not want to say out loud. Hank didn't look very good in yesterday's game. Yes, he had that beautiful backhand pass to Flip for that goal, but there were times where it didn't look like he could do what he wanted to do. With his history of back problems I have to ask, "how hurt is Zetterberg?" I really don't think that this is a case of a player slumping or trying to get himself going. He just doesn't look sharp, especially when he is twisting or turning. Does he need to sit? Not as a message, but to have his injury evaluated. I know that people will say, "if he was injured he wouldn't or shouldn't be playing". Yeah, well sometimes it's not as simple as that, especially with a back injury. Some days you feel great. Some days it feels as if a railroad spike is driven into your spine. And sometimes treatment or surgery doesn't do a whole lot. So if he is feeling at around 80%, maybe he needs a more Homeresque like schedule. Of course this is all speculation on my part. Maybe he is slumping a bit, but watching the way he is moving out there, something is a little off.<div><br /></div><div>Now here is something I will say out loud without any hesitation. Fuck Jonny Ericsson. He still makes all of the same old mistakes. I will say that he looks a tiny bit better than last year, but not by much. When he is a non-entity in games, I guess it means he had a decent game. The one thing that I noticed that has gotten worse is his speed. It bugs the shit out of me when he goes gliding to the puck like a fucking glacier. Hey doucheface, you're supposed to be hustling to the puck to negate the other teams' forecheck, not carving out the Great Lakes. And why is it that one out of ten checks is decent? His checks look like he's that one single guy that goes to a club by himself to grind on chicks. His body checks are so Night at the Roxbury. I wonder if the rest of the team wants to give him a Full Metal Jacket 'blanket party'? I know I do. That being said, the penalty against him battling for the puck was weak and that goal where we all shouted, "And there's Shitbox", was caused by Jimmy's noodle-armed pass.</div><div><br /></div><div>Datsyuk and Bertuzzi are looking really good lately. Seriously, Datsyuk has been downright magic-dirty. If you lowered him by his feet from the scoreboard while being handcuffed and strapped into a straight-jacket into a tank of water, he would still score within 30 seconds. And the Thunderchief is playing a lot smarter out there, and I love it when he is in the shootout. When he scores on a nasty move it allows me to stand up and shout, "KNEEL BEFORE TODD SON OF JOR-EL". It just seems that he really gets how Datsyuk plays and that's why he plays well on that line. I know people will argue that playing with Datsyuk makes everyone look better, but I don't think that is it. I think Bert being on that line allows Pavel to do different things, to really let his creativity flow.</div><div><br /></div><div>Aside from Howard's 90 year old lady pass resulting in the goal, I like his play this season. He just seems more poised and confident this year. Challenging shooters. And like the twitterverse says, "He's got the Jimmy Hands".</div><div><br /></div><div>So tonight is To Catch A Predator Night at the Joe with buy one get one free Mike's Hard Lemonade. The Preds are on a little slide, and let us hope that that continues. This is the first meeting between the two. The Wings need to start this first of six match-ups on a good foot seeing as the Predators took 4 of 6 last year. The Predators top defensive pairing of Weber and Suter are in the top ten of +/-, and that's with them usually going against an opponents top line. The Predators give up over 30 shots a game which is nice seeing as the Wings take more than 30 a game. Look for the good guys to pour the shots on. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, let's hope that Zetterberg proves me wrong, making me look like an inept blogger. Jimmy will need to be strong in net. On a side note, isn't it fitting that Conklin has been demoted to latrine duty in the Wings make you feel at home commercial.</div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, I'm outta here. Lets Go Wings. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-16378727473610509672011-11-25T10:19:00.002-05:002011-11-25T11:15:20.581-05:00Skate Off That Turkey BloatFirst I have to apologize to my three readers for not posting in awhile. Due to a combination of sick kid, work, and general laziness, farting around on the interwebs wasn't a high priority. That being said, I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. Our Thanksgiving festivities were very good, despite me cooking for a house full of Packer fans. And even though the Lions lost, I didn't sabotage the meal. That's why today's headlines are full of morons pepper spraying each other for buy one get one free Crocs and not "Southern Wisconsin family suffering from volcanic diarrhea".<div><br /></div><div>With these last two wins by the Wings, the standings look a lot different than a couple of weeks ago. They are on the better side of the goals for/goals against ratio with a +12. They still take the most shots in the League and their shots against are among the lowest, usually in the one or two spot. These may seem like dork stats, but in the long run they usually turn out favorable for a team. Some of the teams that are on top of the league may be scoring butt tons of goals, but they are also giving up too many.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now today the Wings go into Boston to face the red hot Bruins. The Bruins come into this game riding a 10 game win streak, scoring a shitload of goals while doing it. This is a good test for the Red Wings, to see if they can shut down a high-powered offense while still getting shots to the net. All four lines will have to work hard because Boston runs deep in their line-up. Not only will getting shots on important, but the quality of those shots will count when you are facing Tim Thomas.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what is going to be the deciding factor in this game? It will be the anti Ken/Mick jinx. During the pre-game or first five minutes of the game, one of them will mention some kind of streak or milestone that is like the Sword of Damocles hanging over the game. How many times have we heard, "So and so hasn't scored a goal against the Wings in X amount of time", only to have that player have a 4 point night? Even though this is a NBC game, in my head, I can hear Ken or Mick really talking up Boston's win streak. And that is what cuts the horse's hair.</div><div><br /></div><div>Could I be any more obtuse in coming up with a deciding factor? At least I didn't consult with the psychic octopus that picks soccer matches.</div><div><br /></div><div>No, Jimmy will have to be extra sharp. The back check will have to help out the defense. And they need to crash the net making life for Thomas difficult while piling up the shots. How do you like that? I basically just said what every coach has said since the dawn of time. Oops, I forgot, "we just need to stick to the basics and keep the puck in their end".</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I gotta go and see if I can get pepper sprayed while battling some tard for a $10 dollar crock-pot Thunderdome style.</div><div><br /></div><div>Lets Go Wings</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-10673990313117534222011-11-12T11:24:00.003-05:002011-11-12T12:13:21.309-05:00Top Jimmy Cooks. Top Jimmy SwingsHe's got the looks, he's the king. The one thing that always bugged me about Howard's play the last two years was his lack of shutouts. I know it's a little arbitrary because a win is a win. But I always felt that the shutout was a nice way for the goalie to give a little extra fuck you to the opposing team. Jimmy has three on the season now, which is tied for first in the league. That gives him eight for his career. I like this. I like how he is playing this year. It shows that if you give a goalie goal support and strong forechecking and backchecking, things will go their way more often than not.<div><br /></div><div>Kudos to the Wings for giving Khabibulin his first regulation loss and getting his goals against above 1. It's nice to see them figuring these goalies out on this win streak. During the slide it's not like they weren't getting pucks to the net, but the amount of quality pucks to the net. I always felt for some reason that opposing goalies always played way up against the Wings. Like they used some magical video game power-up before the game. I like the shots they are taking. But Datsyuk, please, need more shoot. I would be very interested to know what Kronwall's blast clocked in at, 'cause that thing left vapor trails. Any guesses? For sure +100mph. </div><div><br /></div><div>So now the Wings finish out this home stand against the Stars who have been clicking. What kind of team shows up after dropping one to the Pens last night? This will be a battle between the haves and the have Otts. And if you have Ott, then I don't like you because he is a douche. There is good balance on this Stars team. They have a good defensive core and some good young guns up front. When you look at their roster, there are a couple of players where you go, "Aw shit, I forgot they picked up THAT guy". Plus there is Lehtonen who leads the league in wins. Hopefully tonight he is Kari Lehtsomein. </div><div><br /></div><div>When the Wings are playing their game, other teams don't frighten me. I think they are the best 5 on 5 team out there. On a side note. I have always been pro Bertuzzi. He gave the team a lift when they needed it. But having him out ill has been a nice break for the Wings since you can subtract about 3 penalties a game. One reputation penalty. One dumb retaliation penalty. And one 'What the Fuck, Todd' penalty. When he comes back and does something like that, I think he will be the odd man out and taking some healthy scratches.</div><div><br /></div><div>Hey Dallas, welcome to the Real D. Let's Go Wings.</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-44126504866175178052011-11-11T15:56:00.002-05:002011-11-11T18:06:17.586-05:00Protect Yer BerriesSo the source of all of my news, twitter, informs me that Zetterberg is suffering from a "middle body injury". I do not know what this means. This sounds like when you rent a porn pay-per-view and you get a three hour block, but you took care of business before the opening credits were done rolling. Now you spend the next three hours making sure that you are making the most of the rental fee. Inevitably you cause yourself a "middle body injury". Or, like someone suggested, volcanic diarrhea. Who knows with these injury reports these days. It's a page out of the Belichick school of disinformation. <div><br /></div><div>For the last two games at the MacRostie Clan household you could feel the hum of will power as we collectively concentrated our mind beams through the television to have pucks magically fly into the net for the Wings. Well, that didn't really happen. The Red Wings played well enough on their own without the help of my neurotic superstitions. As a fan, when I listened real hard during that first game, I could hear a collective sigh from Red Wings Nation as the goals started piling up. </div><div><br /></div><div>Watching these games I noticed something that will not come as a shock to anyone-Ericsson is really fucking slow. There are so many times where he just quits skating and glides to the puck. Which in turn causes a turnover or errant pass from him. Or you have him taking a penalty. Although that weak-ass hooking call that led to the bulldozing Landeskog goal. That's a weird name. You have been banished to the Land of Skog. I think the Landeskog is the natural enemy of the Sleestak. Long story short, Ericsson is not worth 3 jillion a season. More like minimum wage plus tips. But then he would forget to claim his tips and the IRS would be all over his ass. And you don't want to know what he does for tips. </div><div><br /></div><div>Tonight the Oilers are in rollin' into the Joe. There is a lot of youth on this team. Which in turn leads to inexperience, which leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to the dark side. The way the Wings played against the Avs shows they know how to play against these youthful, speedy teams. Their puck possession is a start to a good game plan. So is not getting caught flat footed. The big thing will be getting pucks past The Bulin Wall who has been playing Beyond Thunderdome so far this year. Jimmy has not been too shabby himself though, bettering himself in most categories so far this young season. The two teams have about an 18% success rate on the PP, but the power play isn't much of an advantage against the Oilers, whose PK has been stellar at just under 87%.</div><div><br /></div><div>So they will going up against the number one draft picks for about the last decade, Ryan-Nugent-Hopkins-Alliwishous-Esquire-the III. What up with all of these hyphenated names lately? Isn't nugent the stuff they put in candy bars? Now with 50% more nugent. Yes, I realize that it is actually nougat you asswipes. Shame on you for trying to piss on my fun.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's Go Wings</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-26836546218953258922011-11-05T13:21:00.002-04:002011-11-05T14:32:35.938-04:00Well Goody Gum Drops For YouI kind of knew this was coming. I have been fartin' around on the interwebs reading various Wings blogs just to see what everybody else was posting as their pre-game. And over at A2Y I saw it. Two perfect examples of what I was looking for. <div><br /></div><div>1. Trolls reveling in this little slide by the Wings. I never understood trolls. The biggest thing I don't understand about them is them basing their whole hockey identity on hating the Red Wings. Oh I understand your jealousy, really I do. But for you to think that I give one giant steaming pile of shit about your taunts written from your sister's basement while you furiously masturbate over where the Red Wings are in the standings, well, you have got another thing coming. Quit trying to match wits with some of the best in the business. Your arguments always break down due to you using half-assed research, invalid stats, and the most egregious of all offenses-your boring ass tired cliches. Seriously? These are the weapons you arm yourself with before going into battle. Just shut your stupid ass face, wait for the Proactiv to kick in, and find yourself a life you fucking turds.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. Fans of suck-ass teams trying to console us. Welcoming us to sup at their buffet of suck. Fuck off. We are Wings fans. Pardon my arrogance, but even with this losing streak, the Red Wings are nothing like your team. The last twenty years is proof to that. Here's my stat laden argument-The Red Wings are awesome, so suck on that shithead. Sorry if we decline to join your brotherhood of losers, but we just don't roll like that.</div><div><br /></div><div>To everyone saying that the wheels are falling off of this franchise, are you fucking retarded? I have been hearing this for the past decade. This is a talent laden team that just needs a few tweaks here and there. Enough with the age thing. The team has gotten younger with the off-season's retirements. And don't tell me you wouldn't trade your top two defensemen, plus the agreement to become a eunuch for Lidstrom. Yeah you would, you liar.</div><div><br /></div><div>Geez, lately the first half of my posts have become reactionary to the happenings on the internet. So I guess we talk about tonight's game. Eww, the Ducks. If there was ever a team to turn things around with a massive beatdown, it would be them. I am not afraid of Hiller's Darth Vader mask. Remember in Return of the Jedi at the end of the movie when Luke helps Vader take off the mask and underneath his head just looked like a chewed on eraser? Yeah. Under Hiller's mask is just a mealy-mouthed pig-nosed turd with a femmy page boy haircut. Nobody ever liked Prince Valiant or his stupid hair. He should cut his hair and donate it to Getzlaf even though he only deserves a wig of pubes.</div><div><br /></div><div>Whew. My dander is up and I am full of vitriol today. I guess it's due to all of the assclowns shooting off their mouths. Don't get all butthurt when we shoot back. For our aim is deadly and our ammo plenty.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's Go Wings</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-89436344115764811332011-11-01T15:53:00.003-04:002011-11-01T16:44:39.067-04:00Blame It On The Rain or Remember When Ashley Simpson Lip-Synced on SNLThere was a virtual shit storm on the twitters yesterday, that is still overflowing today. Keep in mind that the offending party has done this in the past. Joe Burkel who ran RedWingsGuy.com, (don't bother going there, it doesn't exist anymore) stole an article for the last time. He cut and pasted the Bill Roose article of Nyquist's call-up and called it his own. This was not a mistake. It was blatant plagiarism. Roose called him out on it publicly on twitter and was supported by many in the blogging community, myself included. Burkel appears to be non-existent, taking down the offending site and nuking his twitter account. Do not feel bad for him for he did this to himself. Whether he took the site down of his own volition or was prompted by the RW legal department is of no consequence for both scenarios would be the actions of a guilty man. He knew what he did was wrong.<div><br /></div><div>There were two great pieces written about bloggers and mainstream media dealing with plagiarism. One from J.J. over here at Winging it in Motown <a href="http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/31/2528498/policing-our-own-bloggers-msm-in-the-new-media">http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/31/2528498/policing-our-own-bloggers-msm-in-the-new-media</a> </div><div>And the other by Nick at <a href="http://nickonsportsblog.com/">http://nickonsportsblog.com/</a> </div><div><br /></div><div>Give these both a read.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anybody defending Burkel has now become suspect in my book, especially if they are a blogger. As I have mentioned before, this isn't the first time he has pulled this stunt. I saw someone tweet that this is a sad day in the RW community. No it's not. Not everyone needs to be a blogger. And when you take away the plagiarism all you were left with were articles with misspelled players names, incorrect stats and a podcast that was like freight train of knitting needles driven straight into your eardrum. It's okay to just be a fan.</div><div><br /></div><div>I do this for fun. I like interacting with other Wings fans. Some take it very seriously. But the actions of Burkel put us all in jeopardy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Shit. There's a game tonight, right? Well then, here's hoping that the Red Wings pull the chute on this free-fall. Look at all of this shit you caused Nyquist. You better score a hat trick. I'm only yanking your chain kid, think of yourself as a catalyst for a better tomorrow. There. No pressure. It's time to get two points tonight. It's time to climb the ladder vanquishing foes along the way. It's time to show the Minnesota Mild who you really are. I've got beer and whiskey and I'm ready to go. Are you?</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's go Wings</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-61174938208118896552011-10-31T14:55:00.002-04:002011-10-31T15:55:22.134-04:00Hopefully It's Nyquist and Not NyquilSo the Wings call up Nyquist. Is this the shot in the arm the team needs? Hopefully. People are wondering who is going to sit. I say sit someone who isn't scoring goals. All kidding aside, I see him fitting nicely on the 4th line. The instability there will probably be around for a while until something clicks. But seriously, someone needs to start scoring. I'm talking a nice fat 10 game point streak, because 1 goal a game isn't going to cut it. Being a bunch of defensive minded forwards is all well and good, but that's only if you are keeping the other team off of the board. Biscuit in the mother fucking basket please. <div><br /></div><div>Will a fatter walleted Kronwall be a happier, scoring, body smashing machine? Again, hopefully. It would be nice to see more points coming in from the back end. And sir Ian White, time to clean your shit up. Figure out how you fit in this system before trying to do too much on a play and leaving the team out to dry. I don't know if the defense is overreacting to the low score output and are pinching when they shouldn't be, but it seems that there are a lot more odd man rushes or outright breakaways so far this year. So by all means pinch, but pinch smart.</div><div><br /></div><div>Quite honestly, no one individual is playing consistently shitty this year. It's just easier to focus on one player's fuck-ups when there are no goals on the board. When it is a mediocre team effort, a mistake by someone is amplified. Hopefully the turnaround happens soon. Shit, I've used the word 'hopefully' entirely too much in this post. And as of this moment I'm no longer concerned about an even distribution of goals. I want someone to go on a tear. I want that someone to climb the leader boards. I want them to skate in, score with authority and finish it off with a good old DX crotch chop right in the goalie's face. (That last part won't happen because Red Wings players are classy where I am not). We are burning for a win. But we are really burning for a fucking curb-stomp of a win.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now hopefully, (again with that word) @jennyquarx and I publicly shamed/coerced/guilt tripped the original Scrappy Octopus, Natalie, into doing a pre-game for the Wings/Wild match-up. If not, then I say to all of you, bombard her on the twitter to bring on the snark, for it has been far too long since she has graced this blog. Sorry Natalie, I'm fucking shameless. </div><div><br /></div><div>LET'S GO WINGS </div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-61247973312506815702011-10-30T11:12:00.002-04:002011-10-30T12:21:07.568-04:00To Don The Winged WheelWe missed lasts nights game against the Wild due to a Halloween party we went to. Most people are saying be glad you missed it. Reading the other blogs, it sounds like it was a pretty poor outing by the boys in red and white. I followed the game on my phone, furiously hitting the refresh button, willing the score to change.<div><br /></div><div>The panic button has been pressed by fans and it has been pressed hard. I am just as worried as the rest of you. People keep reminding me that it is early in the season and that the Wings will be fine. But I believe that these early season games are important. A good start balances out the slumps and streaks that every team deals with throughout the course of a season.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not going to harp on the negatives. We've all flogged that horse plenty in the last four games. A lot of people are calling for a shake-up. And switching up lines is all well and good, but that seems more of a band-aid to me. What I think needs to happen is someone in that locker room needs to stoke the embers in the guts of each and every player into a raging inferno. They need to capture that proverbial lightning and bottle it. They need inspiration. They need to remember what it means to wear the winged wheel, that they play for one of the best franchises ever. It's time for them to step up and etch their names into the annals of hockey history.</div><div><br /></div><div>You are a Red Wing. A team that fell from prominence only to rise from the ashes like the mythical phoenix and make the playoffs for twenty straight years. You have won four cups within that stretch, more than some teams have in their entire history. You have won against adversity in the past. Now that adversity raises it's ugly head you dig deep and find a way to slay that beast. We have seen you dedicate a season and win the Stanley Cup for a fallen comrade. We have seen you fight for each other as brothers gaining a sense of redemption with the beat down of Lemieux. </div><div><br /></div><div>You have one of the greatest fan bases ever, many of whom I have met and now call friend. I have seen them step up and bring a fellow Wings blogger from Brasil. These same fans raised over twenty thousand dollars in two years for the Children's Hospital of Michigan. I am proud to be a part of this community, and we do it for you, Red Wings, the uniting factor of this community. We don the winged wheel in support of you. We are proud to be your fans. We know what you can do, so it starts now, the march to the 21st straight playoffs. Play your hearts out for the rest of the season, not for us but for yourselves, because we will be with you through thick and thin. </div><div><br /></div><div>And as always, Let's go Wings</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-2184873939406738922011-10-28T11:24:00.002-04:002011-10-28T12:39:06.765-04:00Put Roy Scheider on the Fourth LineIf there is one thing that Roy has done well, it would be killing big dumb sharks. So if anybody knows of any good necromancers out there, give them a holler so they can resurrect Mr. Scheider to don the mantle of police chief, Martin C. Brody. Somebody is going to need to step up tonight and be a shark killer, (I'm looking at you Franzen). Z has been a little too quiet for my liking at the beginning of this season. If Hank is looking to inherit the 'C' after Lidstrom retires, then he has to start leading this team when they face adversity. <div><br /></div><div>There is a trend I would like to see end this season. Quit making bad teams feel good about themselves. Also, you can quit letting rookies get their firsts of their NHL careers. Every time Ken or Mick announce that so-and-so hasn't scored in approximately seven years it seems that player scores against the Red Wings. Make these other teams hang their heads in shame as they make their way to a dark recess of the locker room to quietly sob with self loathing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Besides the atrocious power play, another aspect of their game that has been lacking is-the breakout, because it hasn't been there. I don't know if there is some kind of side betting going on, but it seems as though their breakout consists of trying to hit the scoreboard. I don't know if they are trying to hit the opposing teams goal totals so they don't have to look at it, but guess what guys, those goals don't disappear. </div><div><br /></div><div>All right. Here is a streak to keep going since they have dropped the last two-Jimmy is undefeated. Since aliens have abducted shutout Conklin and replaced him with Swiss cheese Conklin, Howard will have to shoulder the goaltending load. And he needs to be rock solid. Which Jimmy will show up? I'm hoping for Jimmah, and not distracted-new-dad-Jimmy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Helm, Bertuzzi, and Holmstrom are the only players who are either even or on the plus side for the last two games. The top line hasn't been shutting down other teams top lines. Maybe Babs should be looking more for match-ups rather than different line combinations. I will have to pay close attention to where the lines are matching up tonight to see if this is true. Maybe the top line could jump start their scoring if matched up with weaker lines.</div><div><br /></div><div>Besides the weak scoring chances and no offensive zone pressure the last two games, I do put a lot of the blame on Conklin's shoulders. He let in some bad goals. It's hard to gain momentum when a goal gets let in from the parking lot or you forget that the posts are your best friends.</div><div><br /></div><div>I realize that this post seems like I'm Debbie Downer, but unfortunately that's where a fans mind goes when you are used to cheering for a winning team. And tonight I want the Wings to beat the Sharks. I am willing it from the very core of my existence. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now everyone together-Let's Go Red Wings *Clap Clap clapclapclap* </div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-49129006494719960612011-10-23T10:38:00.003-04:002011-10-23T12:27:18.423-04:00Sports Hurt Your SoulI am not good at doing post game write ups after a loss. I definitely can't write them right after because it takes me until the next day to uncurl from the fetal position. The title of this post comes from @jennyquarx, who at the end of a bad sports night, turns to me and says, "Sometimes sports hurt your soul". Absolutely. <div><br /></div><div>We had some important games going last night in our household. Obviously, the Red Wings/Caps, and we also had the Spartans/Badgers football game. I congratulate you MSU fans, and to the sports gods....Fuck hail Marys. The ending of that game was a butt-clincher. It's hard to watch people celebrate on twitter, be it friend or foe. While nobody did anything to us per se, I did notice some people being shitty to others. There is a line between good natured ribbing and being a cunt-ass-fuck hiding behind your keyboard. Don't say something you wouldn't say directly to someone's face. That's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. Even bigger than dipshits saying Lindstrom.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now on to the Red Wings loss. I don't have the correct words to express the feelings I had during this game. That was pretty brutal, but like many people said on the twitters, better a brutal loss now instead of at the end of the season or during the playoffs. There was a moment during the beginning of the first period where the Wings were buzzing around the offensive zone, cycling, shooting, and putting up some good pressure. That was the only highlight, other than the Kronwall goal. The Caps didn't even have to play awesome hockey last night, they just had to capitalize on Red Wing mistakes, which they did very proficiently. I'm not going to break down each goal. If you want that info go here for J.J.'s CSSI analysis, <a href="http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/23/2507242/cssi-analysis-red-wings-1-capitals-7">http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/23/2507242/cssi-analysis-red-wings-1-capitals-7</a> It should actually be CSI analysis because last nights game was a crime scene. </div><div><br /></div><div>I never knew that J.J. was trained as a wizard because coming up with those numbers boggles my mind. I don't grasp the formulas. Hell, I still think E=MC Hammer. But let us apply a little CSSI analysis to me as a fan.</div><div><br /></div><div>half-minus: I pushed the luck of my newly purchased Target Red Wings shirt, which was 2-0. I should know better.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's going ok until Washington's second goal where I incur a double-minus. One for not forgiving Emmerton his rookie mistake, and the second for saying "Fucking-A" in front of my kid.</div><div><br /></div><div>I earn a plus for honoring Murph and making hot dogs for dinner, but then getting a half-minus for getting mustard on my shorts.</div><div><br /></div><div>I get another full minus for not making a voodoo doll of Mike Green.</div><div><br /></div><div>I get a plus for saying we can get back into this when Kronwall scores the power play goal.</div><div><br /></div><div>A minus three comes next. Two for having "Budd Lynch goal" enter my thoughts. And another minus for getting so pissed at Conklin for giving up a goal from the Zamboni parking garage.</div><div><br /></div><div>A big minus five for considering turning it to Nick Jr. and seeing which episode of iCarly is on.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another minus for saying, "Come on guys, what the fuck are you doing?" at least 11 times.</div><div><br /></div><div>Tack on another minus for searching the interwebs to find the perfect Lolcats to sum up my feelings.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I come in at a sucky minus 12. Way to go Zac. That was a tough one to watch but hopefully it was a learning experience for the team. At least it gives them plenty of video to show what they need to button up when going against a very solid team.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think I need to go lay down now. And for the next game, Let's Go Wings</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-66315102078712211002011-10-22T16:25:00.002-04:002011-10-22T17:10:01.104-04:00Take a Ride in the DC CabGood thing nobody listened to my, "Ahhhh, it's a trap", bullshit in my last post. The Blue Jackets are not playing good hockey and their single solitary point is like a single solitary tear trickling down Rick Nash's face. I think a Freaky Friday scenario may have happened and the spirit of Joe Thornton inhabited Nash's body, because Ricky was getting a little bit douchey last night. I liked that Hudler dropped him to the ice with a lovely single-leg takedown. See everybody, MMA training does pay off. <div><br /></div><div>The power play was shitting glitter last night. And so was the Mule. And the Legolas of the NHL, Valtteri Filppula, had a nice and sneaky 4 point night. That earned him player of the night from the NHL Network. Darren Helm had another awesome non-point night. He was all over the ice last night. I think he even ran up to the DJ booth to spin in between shifts. But please Helm, no more trying to block shots with your face....because you are too beautiful to me. I wish all of the little things he did translated to fantasy points though, because he is on my team. </div><div><br /></div><div>A bizarre highlight for me last night was when Ken was mentioning the two tickets, two drinks, two hot dogs deal, my kid, channeling his inner Murph said, "Mmmmmm. Hot dogs."</div><div><br /></div><div>So tonight we have a battle of the last of the unbeatens. The Caps are 6-0-0 against the 5-0-0 Red Wings. This is a tough test. Alex 'Alfred E. Newman' Ovechkin is hopefully hampered by Datsyuk all night. If they play responsible hockey I think they squeak this one out over the Caps.</div><div><br /></div><div>Or maybe Ericsson will just going around punching people. He looked like one of the big headed fight bosses from Double Dragon. Another bonus of Ericsson fighting is it means he is off the ice for 5 minutes.</div><div><br /></div><div>Saddle up people, to the victor goes all of the fortune and glory Dr. Jones</div><div><br /></div><div>And as always, Let's go Red Wings</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-81018399966395056722011-10-21T16:07:00.002-04:002011-10-21T17:39:38.513-04:00I'm Done HibernatingSweet zombie Jeebus has this been a way too long of a fucking break. I feel like I had just started a season of NHL 95 on my Sega Genesis and one of my drunk roommates hit the reset button, making me start the pre-season all over again. It seems pretty ridiculous that the schedule makers that be thought this was a good idea. With my tin foil hat firmly in place, blocking out the evil brain waves of Gary Bettman, I'm able to theorize that this was done on purpose to overload the Wings at the end of the season. Shit, other teams have already played twice as many games.<div><br /></div><div>This long stretch really fucks up my inept blogging skills. I've lost my flow. I want game action to write about. I don't want to write about an IR's recreation of Scenes From a Mall. Although I am happy to hear about your latest enjoyment of a Cinnabon purchase, or your heartbreaking dilemma of where to eat at the food court. (Yes sir, there are sooo many choices.) Except I don't know if Steak Escape counts as fine dining, even if you do have a lit candelabra and a cello serenade. </div><div><br /></div><div>See, I'm totally writing fake shit now. Well, half fake. You can guess which half is fake.</div><div><br /></div><div>So we finally get a game tonight, in fact we get a little back-to-back action. It's Columbus tonight, and I hope they wear their third jersey 1950's soda fountain uniforms. (Even though it's an away for them). That way, when Carter's foot starts bothering him he can don a paper hat and serve us delicious vanilla phosphates.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I roll my 12 sided die it bolsters my hyper awareness giving me an extra +8, allowing me to sense a trap up ahead. That's what sucks about these games after a long break, they have trap written all over them. Couple that with the Blue Jackets really needing a win here, the Red Wings will have to be on their toes. Hopefully they worked on their power play on this hiatus, which seems to be the consensus amongst Wings fans as needing much improvement.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what did @Flapjack_McZap and @jennyquarx of Clan MacRostie do this week while the Red Wings were idle. Well, we met up with a fellow Wings fan who happened to be in Madison for a few days. Especially after H2H2, we take every opportunity to catch up with a Wings fan if they are in the vicinity. Ryan, you are a gentleman and a scholar. A lover of fine beers and tasty metal riffs as well as burning a mean fret board yourself. If Ericsson does not give up a breakout pass to the opposition's wheel house for a one-timer this season, you will win his jersey. I don't know if that's a reward or punishment. Plus, we also met a cool Kings fan. Jose, you are an encyclopedia of NHL knowledge. Nice job stumping three Wings fans with some Red Wings trivia.</div><div><br /></div><div>I will see everyone tonight, (interwebally speaking of course) in various spots, mostly the twitters and at times, the Winging It in game thread, which takes me all intermission to catch up.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's go Red Wings. Don't let Columbus spoil the undeats like the Niners did to the Lions. </div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9032270565769490514.post-75642456115752046542011-10-14T10:11:00.002-04:002011-10-14T11:10:42.401-04:00How Do You Follow A Conkblock?I don't know if Jimmy's performance was spurred on by Conklin's shutout from the game before, but he needed a nice game like this. Sure, there was that blast off his shoulder that went up and over, but triple zeros negated that. And there was that other dinger off of the pipe, but that's the way the bounces went for Jimmy last night.<div><br /></div><div>Speaking of the no-time-left-no-goal, how long before O'Halloran starts announcing no goals in Soup Nazi fashion shouting, "NO GOAL FOR YOU."<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I think Franzen is feeling pretty good, talking about his knee specifically. He's been making his old school quick cut to the net with soft hands move.</div><div><br /></div><div>Hudler does not want to hear any more of this trade bait bullshit. Plus the fact that nobody even offered the Wings a carton of Lucky Strikes and a fully stamped Subway card for him. With his off season MMA training he looks to be raising his game from Juicy Couture to Randy Couture.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bertuzzi's pass to Abdelkader was a beaut. Having Datsyuk skate into the offensive zone attracting 15 Canucks really helped open up the ice for Abs. And how about Abdelkader's bitch slapping of Lapierre last night? He should have thrown in a donkey punch for good measure. I liked how Sally Lapierre pretended to fight back after the refs stepped in.</div><div><br /></div><div>Both of the penalties to Bertuzzi were very weak at best. At least he doesn't draw further attention by putting his hands in the air proclaiming innocence before the whistle is blown. He just starts jawing Yosemite Sam style at the refs on his way to the box.</div><div><br /></div><div>I really can't say much about the power play because nothing much happens on the power play. I don't see why they are having these pp problems when a lot of their 5 on 5 play has been dominating. Like Mickey pointed out last night, they are being too cute. They keep trying to force passes into a crowd. Even if the pass connects, you are trapped in a phone booth, and not everyone is Datsyuk.</div><div><br /></div><div>One of my favorite moments from last night is when they had a graphic up during the pregame which had the ginger twins pictures side by side with their stats below. Then Mickey says, "That's Sedin on the left". Oh really Mick. Then who's that on the right? Sedin 2.0, a weird alien clone, or a robot sent from the future to protect John Conner? Your guess would be as good as any because the jury is still out on that one.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ericsson didn't poop on anyone's head so I guess that's a good thing. He still makes way too many bonehead plays that just make your sphincter clench. He made a couple of those last night. We will all need O-ring transplants by the end of the season.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's all I got. It's a nice start to the season. Work out some of the bugs, especially on the power play and then keep it rollin'.</div><div><br /></div><div>Later folks. (hahas)</div>stabbityjoneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02471636137379790052noreply@blogger.com2