Jimmy's facial to Sid? Icing on a sweet cake.

Would everyone out there agree that this was the single best game the Wings have played this season? I know the snap judgment in society dictates that everything that just happened is the biggest, best thing of all time, but tonight's game was a total and complete effort. 60 minutes of badass, we're the Detroit Red Wings and we're going to dick punch you until we're bored, and then we're going to give you the old Cleveland Steamer for shits and giggles (you may be asking "Who would provide the steamer?" I'm glad you asked. Brett Lebda. You can just tell by looking at him. Doesn't make him a bad person, just different).

My thoughts on tonight's game:

1. Nice game by, oh, everyone. I literally have nothing to complain about. Even in victories I can usually find something to nitpick. Not tonight.

2. Jimmy should've had the shutout. Damned weirdass bounce in front. Oh well. He'll have to settle for a win against the asshat Penguins. Good consolation prize.

3. I know he didn't have two goals tonight, but Datsyuk was just amazing on the ice tonight. During one of the power plays, he was kind of a one-man power play out there with chance after chance. He created, he took control of the game, and onwed that shit tonight. Good on him.

4. Derek Meech had a good game in limited ice time. Did you read that correctly Pens? DEREK MEECH looked serviceable against you tonight. As a forward. The position he does NOT play on the regular.

5. This was the first Vs. broadcast we've seen this season due to the petty, childish Direct TV/Comcast feud (for the record - TSO was extremely pro Direct TV, as Comcast is the devil). Pens vs. Wings, you would expect, oh, I dunno, an NBC style broadcast......didn't happen. No excessive fawning over the Pens. The Red Wings got mentioned, so that was nice. But Doc and Edzo were.....good. Which makes me appreciate how shitty NBC's coverage of hockey is. I mean, for me, I didn't have much to compare it to. Vs was blacked out all season and I've never had it before. Local Fox Sports and Comcast sports channels do a good job. But kudos to Vs. It was also nice to NOT see Pierre McGuire or Milbury.

6. Good game Wings. Jimmy, Z, Pav, everyone.

On a totally separate note, H2H is fast around the corner. Since this might be the last time I post before then (unless that crafty Nat talks me into another game recap!), I just wanted to express how exciting this is. I mainly thought of all this tonight because I just reserved our car for the trip (full size baby because TSO is stylin'). Charity, hockey, and a chance to hang with the best blog community in the world.......amazing. I mean, folks chipped in, and now we're shipping up a guy from Brazil to see a Wings game! AND we raised a bunch of money for charity. AND Michael Petrella is going to wear a fabulous Bert tribute shirt. Life is good. Can't wait to meet everyone!

Back in the saddle!

Thanks to a Wings' victory tonight in overtime over Buffalo, we're sitting pretty in the eighth seed, until at least tomorrow night, when current nemeses Nashville and Calgary take to the ice in their respective games.

TSO is comfortable yet slightly underwhelmed at the Wings' effort tonight. They came out for the first period, guns blazing, rattling two goals off early in the period, thanks to magic courtesy of Datsyuk and Eaves, and maintained a fast and urgent tempo until the first intermission.

The beginning of the second period left much to be desired, and though the Wings picked up the pace slightly in the second half of the period, not a whole hell of a lot occurred between then and the overtime winner by Rafalski.

A couple of quick thoughts:

1. Brian was extremely pissed at Zetterberg for failing to hustle to negate the icing called against Detroit late in the third period. I have a sinking feeling that had the outcome of the game been different, I'd probably be sleeping in the flood zone outside tonight.

2. Patrick Eaves is on fire as of late. For the most part, he played an amazing game; however, when he stuttered over and lost the puck that was right at his feet in front of Jimmy, I really considered hopping on NHL.com and purchasing a #17 jersey...and lighting it on fire. Because we weren't playing a team with the greatest offensive prowess, nothing resulted of Eaves's blunder, so all is forgiven over here at TSO. Now that we've gotten it out of our system, we'll just remember his awesomeness.

3. Pavel played a great game. We're still giddily and hopelessly in love with the top line.

And how's about one for celebrating our return to a playoff seed? Never hurts, right?

You're fucking out!

...As in out of the playoffs! For now, anyway. I would rather have been dropping a hard Kenny Powers line after a win, but I think it fits tonight. Fair warning - I think Nat and I both were irrationally angry after this game.

So tonight's game was absurd. Maybe I'm a completely crazy fan, but this loss made me mad. You are battling for a playoff spot. A spot in the playoffs that the team you're playing can take from you by beating you. In this scenario, you are leading the game 2-1 at the start of the third...get outshot 15-4 in the last period and lose 4-2. That, to me, is a big sack o' horseshit. Where was the effort? I believe it was the good folks at Helm Street today who stated that this Wings team can be the best team in the league for about 20 minutes, and it's a pretty true statement. The second period? Amazing. Third period? Oy vey. My timely observations, with a few questions sprinkled in:

1. I'd love to hear someone who actually plays hockey on this (Chris from NOHS, Petrella, I'm looking at you, and probably others I'm forgetting ) - Was Jimmy kind of suspect tonight? He looked out of position a lot early, seemed to fight the puck a lot and have rebound issues. Maybe I'm crazy. Though I'm saying this, I don't think you can really blame him for the goals tonight....and this isn't pro-Ozzie-he-should-be-playing-right-now crazy talk. He shouldn't. Jimmy is our goaltender, for better or worse, and I think for the better. Jimmy just seemed shaky tonight.

2. I know it was mentioned a lot at the end of the telecast, but Hank, um, doesn't really look good. I mean, the guy is a warrior, so I don't judge. I think any of us would rather see a half strength Hank instead of, oh, I don't know, Jeremy Williams. But it is what it is.

3. Pav, Homer, and Franzen - Domination. Franzen looks great.

4. If only the Wings were in the East...

5. I can't even count for you the amount of swearing I edited out of this. This game was sad. It just makes you think - how can this team have a third period like this? NOW? At this point in the season?

I know I'm not even coherent right now so I turn it over to you the readers. Talk me, Brian, off my over-reactory ledge.

A welcome-back to Lilja, and oh, yeah--how about that game yesterday?

If hockey fans are the best, then Red Wings fans are the most awesomest times infinity.

Our pal saraneuie, owner of her own photo blog, has generously agreed to continue sending her welcome-back montages to us to post on here. A million thanks, Sara, and without further adieu, I present you with a collage of Andreas Lilja's first game back at the Joe:

Even still, seeing him back in the Winged Wheel feels too good to be true, like I'm imagining it.

***

And yeah, how about that game yesterday against our nemeses? Felt pretty fucking good to win 5-4 at the United Center, didn't it?

My favorite part, other than Datsyuk's amazing breakaway goal and the fantabulous Franzen interpretation of a diving motion (LOVE how Chicago brings out the best in terms of the Mule's antics), was how the Hawks didn't really seem to get that the game was over at the final buzzer.

Because I'm pretty 'hood, I had to think long and hard about what gangsta song I would use to describe how I felt following yesterday's victory. I think I've chosen a solid one:

Wings drown Sharks, 4-2. (Regulation. Bitches.)

Christ on a stick, thankyouthankyouthankyou for giving us two points in regulation tonight. Mandatory keyboard explody type celebration time: sdofdofndofodsufowehofsfnds.

Super duper quick thoughts before calling it a night:

1. Welcome back, #96. Homer played like a man possessed tonight. Time and again, I've praised him on here for always working hard, and tonight, he displayed as much hustle and grit as ever. He notched an assist on each of the first two Wings' goals scored, and by the end of the game, he'd put six shots on goal.

2. When Kronner couldn't stay on his skates during one of the Sharks' power plays during the first period, I thought, "Fuck. Not again." Turned out it was just a broken blade on one of his skates. Then, for start of the third period, he didn't return to the bench; Derek Meech took his place on the power play. Late in the third period, FSD reported that Kronwall had a "slight tweak, nothing serious." After the game, Babcock indicated that he "tweaked his ankle." Hmm. I don't believe "tweak" is a serious medical offense, so we'll keep hoping for the best until we hear otherwise, right?

3. Speaking of Meech, he actually played a decent game; on the aforesaid power play, he scored a goal, and he elevated his defensive play throughout the game (particularly noticeable after he scored that goal). Way to finally play as if you give a shit about earning a permanent spot on the team, cochise.

4. Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg both had stellar efforts tonight. Zetterberg scored the Wings' second goal tonight on a power play, and feeling my heart soar while watching Homer reunited with the Eurotwins was a feeling I shant soon forget.

5. Speaking of Pasha, my jaw is still scraping the ground due to the fact that I witnessed Joe Thornton strip him of the puck during a Datsyukian playbook rush. I believe the universe attempted to negate this by later having Nabokov cough up a juicy rebound to Datsyuk, but still...

6. How about Brian Rafalski's defensive play along the boards during the final 60 seconds? Holy Jesus...

7. San Jose is really just too ridiculously good at faceoffs.

8. I like seeing Dan Cleary and Valtteri Filppula play together, and I didn't mind seeing Homer on the second line tonight, either, as much as I love the Flying Circus. I thought these three did a great job maintaining pressure and creating chances.

9. Patrick Eaves's goal was magnificent--I love when our guys are in the right position to catch the other team with the pants around their ankles, which is exactly what happened with San Jose here. Also worth noting is Kris Draper (who earned an assist on Eaves's goal) and Darren Helm, who also both had tremendous efforts tonight. Valtteri Filppula also showed up to rock and roll, earning himself two assists.

10. Joe Thornton is a dickhole for crashing into Jimmy late in the third. But thanks for negating that stressful 6-on-4 sitch, Joe. You just gotta hate it when that happens.

This was the most consistent effort the Wings have put forth recently. They were a little sluggish to start the game, but warmed up to a fever pitch during the final eight minutes of the first period. They were a little uneven at the beginning of the second period, but left all that soon behind after Cleary scored the first of four unanswered Wings' goals. The third period was all around outstanding for Detroit.

We owe ourselves a tiny sigh of relief that the game didn't go into overtime; Nashville earned a point tonight against Phoenix (who won in the 11,403th round of a shootout), Dallas beat Minnesota, Colorado beat Columbus, and Los Angeles topped the Rangers. The standings are so ridiculously tight right now--every little bit counts. The Wings now have 64 points (tied with the Preds). Tomorrow night, we play the delightfully disgusting Anaheim Ducks, who are not far behind us with 59 icky points. We don't need to be reminded of how crucial another regulation win tomorrow is. Let's go, Wings.

Wings try to lose, still win 4-3.

If you have some sort of heart condition, this team will probably have you dead before the playoffs. I hate to be the one to break that to you.

Let us start with the good:

The Wings tried for THIRTY WHOLE MINUTES!!!!! Seriously!!!!

Jimmy made some game-saving saves.

Todd Bertuzzi didn't take a dumb penalty.

A win is a win, I guess, right? Right? Why do I not feel good about tonight's game? Oh, right, because the Wings, while dominating the first period, were only ahead 1-0. Todd Bertuzzi could've had a hat trick; instead, that goon can't even get breakaway shots off. What a dolt.

Anyway, here are some of TSO's thoughts on tonight's game:

1. Again, good game by Jimmy. Not an "I'm Jimmy Howard and I'm going to own this game like it was a cock" (TSO=big Kevin Smith fan) type game, but good. He made many key saves and was huge in the shootout.

2. Natalie's take on Ville in the shootout: "He made me shit my pants. Runny." Her words, not mine.

3. There needs to be some kind of consequence for Babcock placing Dan Cleary in shootouts. Maybe I agree to TP his house anytime he pulls that shit. It should never happen. Ever. If he is the last guy.....maybe you put him in. Or maybe you let a backup goalie have a shot. I'm just saying.

4. Bert, seriously, what the hell? TSO is in the Pro-Tuzzi camp, but after the first period, though he scored a goal, I was VERY in the Con-Tuzzi camp.

5. Seriously, though, do you think Pavel Datsyuk loves or hates playing with Bert? They have chemistry, but do you think Datsyuk has started drinking harder because despite his best setup effort, Bert can't quite seem to bury much? Good lord.

6. Actual comment made by me during the game (after the third Detroit goal the PA played the Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again") - "Why are they playing that? They don't need to worry about it. Backstrom won't get fooled again. The Wings will take their foot off the gas and not do anything else offensively." I didn't quite think they'd collapse like that though.

7. Seriously, this inability to finish is maddening. This would never happen if Franzen were still alive.

8. Darren Helm doesn't really ever have bad games, does he? Man-crush on Helm is intensifying by the day. Why isn't HE in the shootout?

TSO needs to go check out the next-to-last evening Tonight Show antics (and probably fall asleep after 30 seconds). A win is a win, right?

Victory in the U-S-A Coincides with Wings Failing to Roast Ducks

The good news from last night? Team USA won the Gold Medal in the World Juniors Championship game against Canada, triumphing 6-5 in an overtime thriller. Truth be told, we watched the end of regulation and the approximately four minutes of overtime instead of watching most of the first period of the Wings game. Coincidentally, we switched back to the Wings game just in time to witness both of the Ducks' first period goals. Sigh.

A note on Team USA's victory: What a game. Seriously, I haven't seen that fast-paced and competitive of a game in...I'm not sure how long. Both team's defenses played extremely tightly, and play intensified during the third period, with little stoppage until the Americans got called with one of those irritating penalties resulting from a player being shoved into the opposing goaltender by another member of the opposing team. The Canadians scored two goals within a minute of one another late in the third period to force an uber exciting overtime.

A small taste of Olympic fever next month? Sign me up for being super excited.

Now, on to the Wings/Ducks game. We've seen the Wings put forth apathetic efforts in their recent losses; we've also seen them look tired and lethargic. But it's been a while since we've witnessed a game this utterly sloppy. My thoughts, as categorized thusly, in an attempt to begin formulating some sort of logical recap format:

The bright light at the end of the tunnel turned out not to be a train...at first.

In a game in which your team loses 4-1, you've gotta give the best moment of the night to the goalscorer, Valtteri Filppula. Filppula is still "getting back into the groove", as I dubbed his New Year's resolution; it was apparent tonight in his sometimes uneasy skating and handling. His goal, however, on an errant rebound from Jonas Hiller, was a temporary momentum-changer; it's too bad the Ducks scored shortly thereafter to distance the score by two points. This was Fil's first goal since his return five games ago.

I've hit rock bottom. Where's the whiskey?

Choose your own adventure:

1. Saku Koivu notches career goal #200...shorthanded...against us.

2. Brian Rafalski is on the ice and is in some way culpable for all of the Ducks' goals tonight.

3. Corey Perry (bleh) scores a goal after every player ever piles in front of Jimmy Howard.

4. James Wisniewski graces us with his presence with John Keating on FSD+. His day-glo hair singes my retinas.

5. Wings achieve their first loss to the Anaheim Ducks this year in a shitshow of a game.

Scrappiest moment of the night:

When Todd Bertuzzi straight up body-slammed Bobby Ryan. Worth at least 500 points in my book.

Players who didn't piss me off:

1. Valtteri Filppula because he scored the lone goal.

2. Nicklas Lidstrom, who notched an assist on Fil's goal and made crucial defensive moves.

3. Patrick Eaves, who was thisclose to burying a nice breakaway chance.

4. Mattias Ritola, who also created a decent scoring chance.

5. Ville Leino, who watched the game from the rafters.

Players who need to wake the fuck up:

1. Pavel Datsyuk. Although he also earned an assist tonight on Fil's goal, he was largely invisible for most of the game.

2. Brian Rafalski, for the abovesaid.

3. All other defensemen not named Nicklas Lidstrom or Brad Stuart.

Pearls of wisdom from your scrappy grandma:

How do you expect your team to win when they spend 99.9% of the time getting dry humped through the neutral zone?

Once you know, you can never go back.

Well, well. There is something both Derek Meech and Doug Janik excel at, and it's called getting their asses handed to them.

Also, ice melts in Southern California. I know, right? I was as shocked as you are.

Finally, it's nice to see we can still slip into the old patterns of giving a shit for the final 10 minutes of regulation. Because, you know, it would be a shame to squander the game in its entirety.

Wings @ Blackhawks tonight.

Yeah, yeah: We totally took a pass at writing any sort of game preview of the Dallas Stars game. It's just that...we got nearly two feet of snow, and playing in that is infinitely more exciting than writing about the Dallas Stars, whom I consider one of the most yawn-inducing teams in the Conference. I guess that's why they have ice girls, for Christ's sake.

Anyway, if you want a recap for yesterday's game, here it is: Pavel Datsyuk wiped up both ends of the ice with the faces of every single person on the Stars' roster. Tomas Holmstrom scored a magnificent goal. The Homer/Datsyuk/Bertuzzi line played a solid game yesterday. Brad May actually kicked someone's ass. Time stood still. Jimmy let in a couple of softies. Doug Janik looks like the kind of guy who if you let go on a Friday, you'd want to notify security the preceding Monday that this guy means trouble. Toby FlendersonVille Leino had a decent chance...at some point in the game, but you know how much we care about Leino's decent chances over here (if "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas). Wings played a decent first period, an absolutely electric second period, and came out flat for the third period. Hey, at least nobody got injured yesterday. Lose to Dallas, 4-3.

***

Wings visit the Windy City tonight for the first time this season. We're also going to see Marian Hossa face the team for the first time since he jumped on board the Chicago bandwagon. I'm ready to see Brad Stuart make wallpaper out of him; he did a pretty good job of doing that to Kopecky back in October, but I hear Kopecky is still standing, so if Stuart could go ahead and finish that job, it would be fanfuckingtastic.

Should be an interesting game. Chicago is on fire right now. I'm tempted to make the requisite "Oh, if we drop this one, it's only because we're playing back-to-back road games or because we're so injury-ridden, blah, blah, blah", but instead, I'm going to quote rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.

I've sent a little memo to the Wings. It's not a big deal or anything, but I thought I'd stick it on here and maybe pump up the morale for tonight's game. Here goes:

Dear Red Wings,

Hey, it's your favorite Scrappy Octopus here. Just wanted to send you a little note of encouragement to say good luck tonight against the Blackhawks. I don't have to tell you how symbolically important your meetings against the Hawks are to your fanbase.

I did want to point out that in addition to it being five days before Christmas, it's also the day before my birthday. And since you're not sending me Aaron Downey in a box (unless it's going to be a late delivery, right on my birthday, and not to be bratty, but I did specifically request an entire week with him, not just one day), you really owe it to me to go ahead and win tonight. If tonight goes poorly, it will ruin my birthday and my chances of living a productive year. Also, I will promptly light myself on fire. So there, you all have all of that on your consciences.

Much love to you all! Stay positive.

XO, Me

Let's. Go. Wings.

A Very Scrappy Christmas

Did that first period really just happen?

Did the Flames just score 30 seconds into the game, while Zetterberg, Leino, Lidstrom, and Rafalski were all just standing by, leaving half the net unguarded and essentially screening Ozzie from viewing the play?

Did Homer really just get a penalty for "retaliating" against bullshit from Giordano? The entire audience at Joe Louis Arena saw what happened, as evidenced from the booing. The Scrappy Octopi certainly saw what happened, as evidenced by the fact that we both screamed obscenties and/or barfed blood.

Did Brad Stuart's power play goal really just get disallowed because Dan Cleary was "preventing the goaltender from moving inside the crease" because the fucking heel of his left skate was inside the crease? The fucking left heel?! Did that really just fucking happen? I mean, I'm pretty sure that the laws of physics aren't suspended to the point at which Kiprusoff cannot move to his left if Cleary is standing directly in front of him. I feel like I'm huffing fucking paint here. Since when are we calling this rule into practice for screening in front of the goaltender? I'm at a fucking loss.

Did the referee, standing directly behind the fucking net, really not just call a penatly on Kiprusoff for slashing the back of Homer's calf, causing him to fall down? Again, the entire chorus of spectators saw this go down. We saw it go down on TV. What is happening?!

Did Pavel Datsyuk just inadvertedly redirect the puck into our own net?

Is Todd Bertuzzi trying to set a record for how many times one can go offsides during one period of play? Thanks a mil for breaking up that great rush midway through the first, Bert.

I will give 15 years off my life for the following to happen:

1. The Wings have to get back in this game. They simply have to. This is insanity. They had some decent chances during the power plays, but what happened during the first is just some crazy bullshit. They cannot let this prevent them from coming out swinging in the 2nd.

2. Sometime very soon, can Babcock please break up the abysmal 2nd power play unit of Cleary/Leino/Bertuzzi?! How is this a good idea? Dan Cleary, I get it. He's gritty, and he's the replacement Homer for screening. But Todd Bertuzzi and Ville Leino out there with him at the same time? Leino has the speed of an Amazonian three-toed sloth, and Bert just does absolutely nothing on the power play; the most he's ever going to do is be the 3rd best person on the team for doing what Homer does and Cleary kinda does, which is be the boss at disturbance in the crease. Leino and Bert have no business being on the ice together; the only time this should be allowed is if the Wings win a grueling game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Then they can come out and celebrate together. I'll be ok with that. I'm not even comfortable with them coming out on the ice at the same time to congratulate the goalie after an ordinary win. It's just too much of a recipe for disaster. This unit needs speed and playmakers. Put another one of the youngsters out there and sit Leino and Bert. Jesus Christ, replace everyone with Helm/Draper/anybody young not named Ville Leino. Just give someone else another chance. I'm sick of seeing these three fumblefuck around out there on the power play; every time Datsyuk and Zetterberg vacate the ice, I give up all hope that something's going to get done, unless it comes from the blueline. Speaking of the blueline, why in the fuck is Derek Meech on the 2nd unit?!

Anybody game for taking some double shots?

Canadiens surrender; lose 3-2 in shoot out

Thank you to the Montreal Canadians for essentially handing us the game in the first period with SIX POWER PLAYS. That was completely insane; though the Wings certainly did their best to make the game more interesting. Tonights short recap:

1. Jimbaroo certainly played an adequate game in goal with only one borderline questionable goal. Well played sir.

2. Did anyone else out there have a sense of impending doom when that game went to overtime? Speaking of overtime/shootouts, wowie wow wow in regards to Mr. Zetterberg and Mr. Datsyuk.

3. Georges Laraque. Hmmmmm. How do I put this delicately.....I'm not going to say I hope you contract herpes. Actually, I DO hope you contract herpes. What an asshat. I think I speak for just about everyone when I say that didn't look like a short term injury, and I'm quite afraid to read the news tomorrow. I'm even more afraid of my hockey fandom life involving more Derek Meech. Someone hold me. There might have been retribution on Laraque if Brad May were still alive.

4. I'd certainly like to thank the Canadians for taking six penalties in the first. Much appreciated guys.

5. Nice win tonight. I'm glad the guys didn't this one slip away.

And since I have nothing left to say, I leave you with this "fight" from noted wuss Danny Briere. Does it not seriously look like they aren't fighting but rather hardcore making out?

Wings contract cat scratch fever; lose 2-1

That subject is an homage to the Scrappy Octopus; I know she would've wanted it that way. She isn't so scrappy tonight; more like the "sick/drowsy/drugged up/dysentery ridden" Octopus tonight, so once again, the B team is here.

Tonight's game recap is tough. I had this post planned out in my head all throughout the first two periods, so lets start there. At no point did I ever once feel the game was in jeopardy. The Wings came out of the gate dominating the game in a most absurd manner; when I saw the kitty cats had two shots at the end of one I was surprised; I swore I only counted one. Through the second period, I was going to add to the post that the cute little kittens from Florida were the worst team I'd ever seen and demand to start a letter writing campaign to have then contracted. Then, a funny little thing happened....

The Wings, as they are liable to do from time to time, eased the foot off the gas, gave up a goal, went to OT.....and then a loss.

What can you say about that really? This is a meaningless game in November; however, you'd hate to see this continue later, and I think we all worry about that a little.

In an effort to be slightly less wordy, a few random observations:

1. Pavel Datsyuk played well tonight. I'm sorry I doubted you. Except I'm not, because you were invisible the other day.

2.Clemmensen played a great game. He also has a sweet helmet.

3. The Big Rig kinda looked like maybe he had a flat or something. Seeing him this season is so very different from watching him in the playoffs last year. I hope he figures it out. Maybe he needs a tune-up? Can someone direct that man to the nearest Pep Boys?

4. One of my favorite scapegoats, Brett Lebda, was adequate tonight. This may seem bad, however, generally I would rate him somewhere between "complete dumpster fire" and "man, someone needs to take him out behind the woodshed". So this is complementary. A game not spent pining for Derek Meech is almost as good as a victory. Almost.

5. The good folks over at Nightmare on Helm Street made a great point in their preview today; stating that they could name maybe 4 Florida Panthers (number not exact; I'm too lazy for fact-checking). Prior to tonight's game, I could've named:

Tomas Vokoun
Scott Clemmensen
Stephen Weiss
Nathan Hoton
That Olesz guy
The guy that got killed by Brad Richards

My knowledge base did not expand much. Corey Stillman is still alive, so that's good. And their coach has a sort of creepy molester vibe. Whatever.

Canadiens tomorrow night. Go Wings.

Stars shoot down Wings 3-1

The Scrappy Octopus is feeling under the weather tonight so her not so better half will be taking the reigns for tonight’s game recap. I promise to try to keep the dick jokes, swearing, toilet humor, and general inappropriateness at a high enough level that maybe you won‘t notice a difference. A guy can dream. What a game to recap…

Oh, there will be one thing on Wings fans minds tonight I’m sure, but lets talk about the game itself before we get to officiating. In order:

1. This game was sort of a huge turd all around wasn’t it? The Wings were outplayed tonight. Both goalies faced 32 shots tonight, however, Alex Auld wasn’t really challenged that much. It kind of felt like Dallas dominated play for the most part and had more scoring chances. Which leads me to…

2. JIMMY! Great game by Jimmy in the loss. Lots of key saves to keep the Wings in the game during the times where the team looked relatively uninterested (which is to say the majority of the game). The Wings had a chance to win tonight thanks to Jimmy.

3. Henrik Zetterberg - what can you say? He played a great game. The Wings future captain was once again the best player on the ice. No one can touch this cat right now. Conversely…

4. Pavel Datsyuk looked like he couldn’t have given less of a shit throughout the first two and a half periods of this game. 16:27 in ice time tonight and I couldn’t tell you one fucking thing he did tonight aside from fair well in the face-off circle. That’s certainly SOMETHING, but it doesn’t really seem like enough does it?

5. Jonathan Ericsson can eat a dick.

6. Seriously, is it legally possible to file a restraining order to keep that dick hole 100 yards from frozen surfaces until he figures it out? I speak harshly, but I don’t actually hate him. I just don’t have to like him right now.

And now on to officiating….

I’m notoriously absent minded, so perhaps I’m forgetting a game somewhere, but that was one of the worst overall officiated games I can remember seeing. I can’t say that for the most part it wasn’t officiated evenly, because it was. The hooking call on Rafalski was borderline ridiculous; May’s “slash” on Auld WAS ridiculous. Daley’s goaltender interference, Auld’s delay of game, Homer’s hooking….all absurd. Drunk Mickey Redmond referred to the officiating this evening as “a circus”, and for once that drunken bastard said something lucid. For all of the bad officiating I cannot seem to wrap my mind around May’s no-goal. In the playoffs last year we ALL remember Brad Watson’s intended whistle. You can argue all you like about “intended whistles” and such (and I will in a second), but the rule, as written, was interpreted correctly then. Ok. Gotcha. Tonight though? What is happening there? I’m trying to picture how the conversation went while analyzing this and every time I do it makes brain goo seep out of my ears. Why? Because my brain literally melts when I try to imagine things that fucking stupid. If I, on my 15 inch (size approximated, but its small), can plainly see that the GOD DAMN PUCK IS SITTING IN THE FUCKING NET, maybe it oughta be a goal.

Ok, I grant you that there is a rule regarding intended whistles (which is stupid on its face, being that we are in the day in age with TV’s and VIDEO and SOUND that can be rewound and what not. Fancy!). I once again refer to drunk Mickey when he said the save was never made! The puck went straight into the net after it was shot, barely glancing off the goaltenders pad. So, unless you INTENDED to blow the whistle before he shot the puck, that’s a goal and that call was ridiculous.

Enough about officiating. It would’ve been interesting to see the rest of the game play out. Again, we got outplayed, so its not like we deserved to win the game; and the call disallowed the tying goal, not a go-ahead goal. You could argue that if we’re tied the defense doesn’t pinch up as much, which doesn’t leave the Big Rig stranded to take a dumb penalty, which eliminates the power play……

What if’s. I guess it could’ve been summed up with one word:

Whatever. We got outplayed and lost the game. Tomorrow the Scrappy Octopus returns to its regularly scheduled (and higher quality) programming. Appreciate you folks stopping by.

Wings pass on the BJs.

What? At least I didn't incorporate the verb "swallowed". Just know that I thought about it.

Wings win in Columbus, 9-1.

Not a typo.

NINE to one.

Seven players on the Wings' squad accounted for the nine goals, including two apiece for Niklas Kronwall and Justin Abdelkader. The first six Wings' goals were scored by players earning their third goal each of the season. So this must be what it's like, watching teams play in the Matrix.

Dan Cleary, Pavel Datsyuk, Kris Draper, and Niklas Kronwall each scored in the first half of the first period, raising the score 4-0 before the first intermission.

Todd Bertuzzi and Ville Leino scored in the second period, and Niklas Kronwall's second goal and both of Justin Abdelkader's came in the third.

Keeping track of the awesomeness?

--Myriad goals, spread out throughout the entire 60 minutes of play, rather than a flurry of goals early or a weak sauce attempt to catch up at the end? Check.

--Consistent play by top players? Check. Few glaring defensive breakdowns, and fabulous play by Datsyuk and Zetterberg, especially.

--Did the Wings' depth show tonight? Check. Is the sky blue? Leino looked better than he has since before he was benched; his razzle-dazzle before shooting the puck upstairs is reminiscent of the best plays we've seen him achieve in the past. Bertuzzi sent one to the back of the net. Cleary continued his scoring success. Kronwall proved his offensive prowess with being one shy of a hat trick tonight.

--Did the Wings keep it together? Yes. Again, consistent scoring throughout all three periods and no excessive or stupid penalties. Not counting Brad May's fighting major, none of the Wings made it to the sin bin until the end of the second period.

--How about special teams? The Wings managed two penalty kills successfully, with no power play goals against. Conversely, the Wings' power play accomplished two goals (both by Kronwall).

Sweet.

Holy crap, I'm in love. (Wings @ BJs tonight.)

Sorry, Aaron Downey. I never thought I'd end our imaginary relationship this way, via blog post, but I have to move on immediately.

I've found a better prospect. If you guys don't ever read this blog again after today, I'll understand, but please, do yourself the favor of going here to watch this, single-handedly the most amazing Columbus Blue Jackets fan in the history of the cosmos. I'm unbelievably perturbed that embedded has been disabled, but I promise, it's 20 seconds of your life that you will not wish you had back. Just know that I have already called dibs on this new love of my life.

***

So, yes, the Wings take on the Blue Jackets/BJs/Blowjays tonight in Columbus. I have no solid beef with this team, except that they're in the Central Division, their coach is Ken Hitchcock, Antoine Vermette plays for them, their logo makes me suspect they stole it from the dumpster outside Disney's PR office, and they're in the state of Ohio. Hmm. Maybe I should rephrase. I have no use for this team other than Rick Nash. But at least I don't hate them.

***

The Jackets are currently 6th(!) in the Western Conference and 2nd in the Central Division, with 20 points. The Wings are in 11th place overall and 3rd place in conference, but are only three points behind at 17. Eh. Howard's starting in goal, Williams is out for approximately 8 weeks, and I'm not sure what to expect out of this game, but I'm honestly ok with that. Having no expectations is better sometimes. What I hope for is the same thing for every game, that the Wings leap out of the gate at full speed, put points on the board early, and maintain pressure for 60 minutes of play. Is that so much to ask?

In order to get pumped up for the game, I'm going to take a little stroll down memory lane and relive some of the Blue Jackets' magic over the past six months or so. Care to join me?

***

I don't think Detroit would do anything in drag racing, because they would never pass the Christmas tree test. They would be red-lighted (for a false start) every time because their wingers cheat. So we're going to cheat just like they are. (On) the power-play goal they scored, their winger went in (early); good for him. We're going to do the same thing. It'll be interesting to see who gets kicked out (of the faceoff circle) first. --the illustrious Ken Hitchcock during last year's playoffs

I don't want to just stay in the (playoff) mix. I want to go and chase Detroit (atop the Central Division). I'm tired of watching Detroit in first place. I'd like to chase them. I mean, somewhere along the line, somebody's got to make them bleed, and it might as well be us. --the illustrious Ken Hitchcock prior to the start of the current season

You know, at this point, it isn't even about what happens on the ice. Because let's be honest, if Ken Hitchcock promises to chase anything and is threatening violence, we should all get the fuck out of the way, because nobody wants to get between a man and his donuts. It's just asking for pain.



***

He just used me like pony. He was on top of me. I don't like being the pony. I want to be on top. --the incomparable Pavel Datsyuk on Antoine Vermette's piggyback antics during last year's playoffs

Here's to you, Antoine Vermette, you rascal, you:



***

The puck drops tonight at 7 p.m. Anticipate magic and mayhem, as I'm sure the H-cock has gotten his squad riled up for the organizations' first meetup since the Wings swept them last spring. Oh, and a note about the tags--despite what happens in the standings this year, I'm never changing it from "St. Lounashbus bullshit" because that's just how I roll. They will always be one gigantic clusterfuck in my mind's eye.

Latent hypocrisy due to the current standings be damned. This blog has no qualms regarding its sanctimonious behavior and takes full responsibility for its asshat projections. I guess that answers any lingering questions about the potential of a Saintly Octopus. Ha!

Wings sink Sharks in shootout, 2-1.

I've been blogging for a little over a month now, and one of the most fun parts of these recaps is to devise a new subject/verb combo to describe what happened. "Sinking" Sharks just makes me happy. And yes, I am a hopeless nerd.

***

So, holy shit, how awesome was it that Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg suddenly remembered how to deke during a shootout?! I've said on this blog that I love shootouts, as long as they don't involve the Wings. The Twins' work, combined with Ozzie's prowess in goal, could make me reconsider.

Speaking of Zetterberg, how about that super-sneaky move to slide the puck in, tying the game during regulation? Nice work, Z.

Darren Helm also stood out for me, having two huge breakaways. I'm 99% sure this kid could give Usain Bolt a run for his money (no pun intended).

***

And now, on to some more happy news. I know my loyal readers, being the conscientious people you are, have been losing sleep over this one for the past week or so. Rest assured, kiddies. Nobody's going to jail:

Police in Idaho's capital won't pursue charges against a junior hockey team whose members held a strip shootout at a city-owned rink two weeks ago.

Boise Police spokeswoman Lynn Hightower told the Idaho Statesman that officers concluded a 17-year-old member of the Idaho Junior Steelheads who mooned a teammate didn't intentionally violate the city's decency laws.

The Idaho Junior Steelheads had already been forbidden from using Idaho Ice World for four days, and the player who dropped his drawers briefly also served a 3-game suspension.

Huge collective sigh of relief: Breathe in, breathe out.

On the other hand: What the fuck is going on in Boise? Sure, these kids are off the hook, but let me tell you, mooning your pals is just the first step on a very slippery slope to a life of dereliction and debauchery. Just go talk to your math teacher, Kyle Dennis, the one who got caught getting slaphappy with his dong in Costco--in BOISE. Exposing himself to his classmates was just a gateway act in the long line of lasciviousness. Sigh.

***

And now, because it's Friday, and the sun is shining, and because the Avs can go suck a big one, I present you the following, courtesy of James Mirtle's From the Rink:

There was not a single person in sections 330 and 334 a few minutes into the game tonight. Not one. I think a couple souls showed up a while later and sat there, but that was…it.

You definitely did not dissuade critics who say Denver is just a bandwagon hockey town tonight, folks. The announced attendance was definitely not the actual number in the building either. I’d say the real number was about 8,500, maybe a bit less actually.

— Adrian Dater, All Things Avs

And to that, I say:



Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Fuckers.

Wings @ Oilers tonight.

Tonight, the Wings meet up with Edmonton for the first time this season.

There's all kinds of talk about the fear of catching swine flu, specifically because the Wings are playing Edmonton, which apparently is a heeby-jeeby H1N1 hotbed. Ick...

Worth noting are solid pregame summaries via Snipe Snipe, Dangle Dangle and On the Wings. The always-entertaining The Triple Deke and Nightmare on Helm Street have some funnies to rock your socks, including, respectfully, a Don Cherry-inspired Oilers blog and a nice Kronwall-ed joke. Highly recommended.

Me? I kinda got nothing today. I'm gearing down for the game tonight, but today is one of those days when work is turning my brain into goo. Is it feasible to quit and become a professional fan?

I did want to point out that Pavel Datsyuk had put out several awesome quotes into the universe over the course of this week, the first before the Vancouver game on Tuesday, re: Mikael Samuelsson (per George Malik):

I see he's playing well, but now he's no friend of mine.

And today, regarding his improved performance and going forward (also per George Malik, per the Detroit Free Press):

“I’m a shooter now, shooter,” Datsyuk said. “I’m happy to shoot. I need more shoot. I’m looking forward to shoot. Sometimes I shoot, sometimes I forget I need to shoot -- maybe I make it tattoo.”

Thatta boy, Pasha. Love this guy. You need more shoot? Here you go:



***

I have a good feeling about the game tonight; I've been experiencing all kinds of auspicious signs. Well, ok, TWO auspicious signs, but whatevs:

1. There's a guy at my place of employment right at this very moment who sounds just like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I kid you not. And we KNOW that guy had excellent taste. Fuuuuck yeah:



2. I head heard (heh, heh) Ted Nugent on the radio today. "Cat Scratch Fever". Yeah. That happened. Why does it matter? Incidentally, he's from Michigan, AND I have permanent dibs on him, two very good reasons why this counts as a positive sign.



***

LET'S GO, WINGS.

And now, to get us really, really psyched, it's time for the old standby:



***

All right, Michigan inhabitants, I'm going to post something at the end of all my posts directing you to another post in which I beseech you for your opinion on a hotel The Scrappy Octopi are considering for our December jaunt to Detroit. Just a quick yes or no on whether the place in question is sketchy. I will do this on every post; I have no pride...or shame.

Part 2 - Wings triumph over Canucks, 5-4.

To be sure, it was an imperfect game. The penalties the Wings took in the third period almost made me lose my damn mind, not to mention the fact that the Canucks scored within the first 30 seconds of the puck drop.

No matter how happy the game made me (exact description: happier than Kurt Warner at a Jesuslovefest), it's important to keep in mind that it's just one game, and in no way is the team out of the woods. It's a long season, we're only in October, we've got a long way to go.

Thoughts on the game:

1. Pavel Freakin' Datsyuk. Holy shit. I looked for a video last night of this goal and couldn't find one. Today, we're in luck. Here is a beautiful goal, his first of the season, straight from Datsyuk's playbook:





I know I've bitched, ad nauseum, about how Pasha needed to score in every game ever, so it's obvious that I missed watching him do his thing and score amazing goals like this, but wow--watching him do this never fails to amaze me.

2. Jimmy Howard came up huge last night. It's unfortunate that Chris Osgood had the worst night ever, but pulling him was totally the right call, and I am ecstatic that Babcock did it so early. Had he not, it would have only gotten worse from there. (How much did I want to light myself on fire after the Canucks scored their 2nd goal? On a scale of 1-10, -----> infinity.)

3. The Scrappy Octopi, while watching the game last night, looked at each other during the 3rd period flurry and remarked, "Has Homer been on the ice for every single goal scored by the Wings?" Although statistically not true, it sure felt that way. (Oh, and anyone who thinks that goaltender interference should have been called when Homer was shoved into Luongo after Kronwall's goal was in the net should kiss my ass.)

4. I can't believe Brett Lebda actually lifted the net up and out of the ice. I'm not even mad; I'm impressed. (Thank you, Anchorman.)

5. How much did I want to physically harm Brad Stuart for the boarding penalty at that crucial moment during the third period? On a scale of 1-10, -------> infinity^infinity. I thought the hit was a little shady--not that Stuart intended to board him, but it was a close call.

6. Todd Bertuzzi is bound to get a goal one of these days. I would gladly give 10 years off my life, however, if in the interim, we don't have to hear the adjective "snakebitten"; it reminds me too much of everyone's description of Datsyuk during the playoffs, and it gives me nightmares.

7. Brian is funny. Per an email from him:

Sadly, in an unprecedented move, the NHL said the last 5 of the game will need to be replayed. Brad Watson phoned the league at 3am and said he intended to blow the last Wings goal dead. This sucks :(

8. I giggle with wreckless abandon every time I hear the name Mason Raymond now. Can't you just picture him putting in a chaw before he goes on the ice? Or retreating to his deer stand after games? Brian likes to picture him with camo skates on. I couldn't find a picture of this, but I did find a picture of this:

Come on, it's a car painted in a camo pattern and it's a Camaro. That would fetch you at least $1K at a yard sale around these parts. Or you could go park it at the high school and snag some jail bait. I'm just saying.

***

All right, Michigan inhabitants, I'm going to post something at the end of all my posts directing you to another post in which I beseech you for your opinion on a hotel The Scrappy Octopi are considering for our December jaunt to Detroit. Just a quick yes or no on whether the place in question is sketchy. I will do this on every post; I have no pride...or shame.

PashaPashaPasha

Wings beat Canucks, 5-4.

Pavel Datsyuk scores two goals and one assist.


More to follow tomorrow. Imperfect (and definitely interesting) game, but nonetheless, am on cloud nine for the night.

Wings lose to Avalanche, 3-1.

So, since I got over my hangover yesterday, and since I finally brought myself to watch the game last night, I can share some thoughts on Saturday night's experience v. the Avalanche:

1. Jimmy Howard is not on my shit list. The 2nd goal he allowed was flukey and weird, but he otherwise played a solid game.

2. Todd Bertuzzi impressed the hell outta me with his 1,437 scoring chances. I especially love that he accomplished this in front of a crowd of booing Avs fans because, you know, I heart animosity.

3. I can't believe Adam Foote took another puck to the face from Nicklas Lidstrom. Ouch.

4. Regarding the first goal for the Avs, Brian Rafalski should not have attempted that pass to Jonathan Ericsson. I love that Big E smashed his stick on the net immediately after the goal; I'm not sure whether he was mad at himself or mad at his teammates, but all signs of temper tantrums make me happy.

5. The top line, currently Datsyuk/Zetterberg/Holmstrom, needs to score now. Is the sky blue? They had some decent chances, especially Datsyuk, doing his thing, but they need to find the back of the net. I feel like I write this exact same thing after every single game we lose.

6. Officially joining the chorus of angry Wings bloggers with this one: Brad Watson should go fuck himself. Maybe it would help him do his job better.*

That's really all I have right now. I'm super disappointed, but when I watched the game last night, I didn't walk away with the same sense of abject failure as I did following other recent games. The game the other night against Phoenix? I'm pretty sure I barfed blood for the rest of the night. Maybe the difference here is that I saw the score while drunk, blogged about it when I was drunk, then finally got around to watching the game, so my emotional state kind of went from, "OMFG, how-could-they-have-lost-again-this-is-horseshit-i-need-another-beer" to "Wait, what was the score again? WHAAAT, we lost?!" to "..." Therefore, maybe this is a sign. A sign that alcohol needs to be present in all viewing situations in order to invert my emotional reactions to disappointing games.

*Actually, at this point, I'm willing to buy this guy a prostitute. He needs to get laid. It would help him relax with this whole whistle-blowing thing and get over himself. I mean, think about it: What do you really think is on his mind with the entire "intent to blow" thing? Anybody in for splitting the costs with me?