Tonight's game was one of them flaming bags again...

Good things about tonight's game:

During said game, I downloaded an Antoine Dodson soundboard for my Android. So I got that going for me.

Things that were bad about the game:

Things involving ice.

The cries of "Eat a dick Ozzie" were heard round the Twitterverse. Brad Stuart was apparently abducted before the game and replaced by Rig (or at least he played like that over-sized shit filled colostomy bag who attempts to play defense) . We all waited with baited breath for the Kari Lehtonen catastrophic injury that didn't happen (I had tonight in the office pool). A dumpster fire all around.

Here are some thoughts to cheer you up, because as you know, I'm a glass-half-full kind of cat:

1. Currently on VH1, Rocky 4 is on, right at the point Rocky is giving his "If I can change, you can change" speech that ended the Cold War.

2. Todd Bertuzzi didn't kill anyone...that we know of.

3. It's Friday.

4. Following up Rocky 4 on VH1? Road House.

Kick back and enjoy the weekend. There's a lot more hockey ahead.

Whoa, was there a game yesterday?

Because to me, it looked like stone cold, country bullshit.

When will the NHL get this right? In this season, we've seen a puck enter the net--and get stuck there--only to get disallowed due to a Dennis LaRue's early whistle (Brad May). We've witnessed other close calls due to premature ejaculations of the whistle. We're still reeling after Marian Hossa's goal was waived off due to an early whistle in last year's Semifinals against the Ducks, which eventually went the full seven games.

Not to mention the other teams it's happened to across the League: Just the other night, I tuned in to the Ducks @ Kings game, and never in a million years would I have thought a no-goal call on the ice, by a referee standing in perfect position to see the back of the crease and the puck, would have gotten overturned after review. The NHL's explanation for it?

A lengthy review determined his shot slipped underneath Jean-Sebastien Giguere, reversing referee Don Van Massenhoven's apparent call and agreeing with a linesman's determination.

Can I have some of what they're smoking in Toronto? Usually, my drugs just numb the pain of everyday existence, but this shit has to be a full out-of-body experience.

But never, in a trillion years, did I expect to see something like what happened yesterday, considering (A) the referee was staring at the goal line, (B) there was a camera angle showing the puck not fully crossing the goal line, and (C) overturning the no-call on the ice resulted in a shootout win for the Dallas Stars.

I don't know what the solution to this is. There's no way we can threaten to stop watching hockey. We're at the mercy of this bullshit for as long as it continues. Maybe Toronto should be forced to share immediately whatever footage they use to determine their decisions. It is, after all, stated that they need indisputable video evidence to reverse the ref's call. Maybe they can also go to hell. So can anybody who mocks us for being tin-foily at times. What does the League expect?

Oh, and for fuck's sake, did it really have to be Steve Ott scoring the game-winning goal?

Blackhawks @ Wings today at 12:30 p.m. on NBC. That's right, boys and girls. You get to nurse your hangover listening to the bile spewing forth from Mike Milbury's lips. Might as well vomit now and get it over with.

Wings @ Blackhawks tonight.

Yeah, yeah: We totally took a pass at writing any sort of game preview of the Dallas Stars game. It's just that...we got nearly two feet of snow, and playing in that is infinitely more exciting than writing about the Dallas Stars, whom I consider one of the most yawn-inducing teams in the Conference. I guess that's why they have ice girls, for Christ's sake.

Anyway, if you want a recap for yesterday's game, here it is: Pavel Datsyuk wiped up both ends of the ice with the faces of every single person on the Stars' roster. Tomas Holmstrom scored a magnificent goal. The Homer/Datsyuk/Bertuzzi line played a solid game yesterday. Brad May actually kicked someone's ass. Time stood still. Jimmy let in a couple of softies. Doug Janik looks like the kind of guy who if you let go on a Friday, you'd want to notify security the preceding Monday that this guy means trouble. Toby FlendersonVille Leino had a decent chance...at some point in the game, but you know how much we care about Leino's decent chances over here (if "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas). Wings played a decent first period, an absolutely electric second period, and came out flat for the third period. Hey, at least nobody got injured yesterday. Lose to Dallas, 4-3.

***

Wings visit the Windy City tonight for the first time this season. We're also going to see Marian Hossa face the team for the first time since he jumped on board the Chicago bandwagon. I'm ready to see Brad Stuart make wallpaper out of him; he did a pretty good job of doing that to Kopecky back in October, but I hear Kopecky is still standing, so if Stuart could go ahead and finish that job, it would be fanfuckingtastic.

Should be an interesting game. Chicago is on fire right now. I'm tempted to make the requisite "Oh, if we drop this one, it's only because we're playing back-to-back road games or because we're so injury-ridden, blah, blah, blah", but instead, I'm going to quote rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.

I've sent a little memo to the Wings. It's not a big deal or anything, but I thought I'd stick it on here and maybe pump up the morale for tonight's game. Here goes:

Dear Red Wings,

Hey, it's your favorite Scrappy Octopus here. Just wanted to send you a little note of encouragement to say good luck tonight against the Blackhawks. I don't have to tell you how symbolically important your meetings against the Hawks are to your fanbase.

I did want to point out that in addition to it being five days before Christmas, it's also the day before my birthday. And since you're not sending me Aaron Downey in a box (unless it's going to be a late delivery, right on my birthday, and not to be bratty, but I did specifically request an entire week with him, not just one day), you really owe it to me to go ahead and win tonight. If tonight goes poorly, it will ruin my birthday and my chances of living a productive year. Also, I will promptly light myself on fire. So there, you all have all of that on your consciences.

Much love to you all! Stay positive.

XO, Me

Let's. Go. Wings.

Miscellany

Yep, this blog has sunken to a new level of inanity with such a title. I'm sorry, kids, but we're turning over a new leaf on The Scrappy Octopus today. Since we've been nominated for a blog-off award of distinction or some such, plus we're trying to be uber good for Santa this year, we're putting on our halos and toning down the scrappy.

How about a quick show of hands for anybody who believes that? Ha, that's what I thought. You guys are way too fucking awesome and smart for that.

***

So, how about that game last night? Wings win 4-1, with little to no controversy. I know, right? I shat my pants. But don't feel bad for me. It was gleefully in celebration!

Also, it seems that everybody ever hates Ville Leino, so I don't feel so bad about writing that post blasting his ass. I feel a teensy bit of remorse for asking Santa to deport him, but oh, well. I'd deport my own mama if she did what he's been doing. And, er, if my mom were from another country. (I'm totally American. I have Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" tattooed on my heart. Promise!)

I've been putting off writing this because I haven't wanted to jinx anything or start getting out-of-control excited too early, but your Scrappy Octopi are traveling to Detroit next week! As in, less than a week from RIGHT NOW, we will be partying like rockstars in Detroit Rock City. Holy fuck! I don't even know what to do with myself until then. Before we leave, I'm going to post something random about all the things I hope to do in Detroit (I'll try to keep it PG-13, but I'm really not prepared to make promises I have no real intention of keeping).

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So, I want to direct your attention to two brand new Wings' blogs: Fight Night at the Joe and Red, White & Black-n-Blue. Andy from FNatJ is a diehard Wings' fan all the way from Norway (awesome), and Christine from RW&BnB is a relative newcomer to hockey fandom (I can relate to that) who shares our affinity for boozing it up while dealing with traumatic games. Both sites are very funny and entertaining and score very highly on my Scrappy-o-Meter, so check them out asap, heathens!

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Also, I want to take a timeout and thank those of you who have actually voted for this site on the aforesaid contest. From the bottom of my heart, muchos gracias. There are so many amazing Wings' fan sites out there, and to be included among the ones I've read and admired for so long is an honor.

Now, I don't want to encourage bribery or anything, but...if you vote for TSO, we'll have a part deux of the Reader Appreciation Day, featuring BJ's and Levi Johnston and hallucinogens and liquor and who knows what other shenanigans. I have an active imagination, so it's guaranteed to be fun times. (Also, Brian's initials are BJ; I'm not saying, but I'm just saying. Catch my drift?) Anyway, take some time and think it over; the offer is on the table until midnight tomorrow.

Stars @ Wings tonight.

So, since your Scrappy Octopi were tripping off quaaludes, tryptophan and bourbon, we were too lazy to write a recap for Saturday night's game. First things first:

1. Woo! We won!

2. Homer broke the scoring drought with the first goal of the game.

3. Fucking Todd Bertuzzi! He done went and won us a shootout. That old so-and-so...

4. What in the hell is this universe coming to?



5. And, most importantly, why doesn't Bert still rock this hair? (Dibs for-ev-a.)

***

Wings take on the Dallas Stars at home tonight. Let's hope this meeting goes better than the last.

***

I hope everyone's holiday weekend was spectacular. Mine was ok. I know I am quite possibly the only Wings fan who also cares about U.Va. football (whatever, I went there), but since The Scrappy Octopus is a promoter of all things ridiculous, I have to share this. My Hoos went 3-9 this year, colossally losing the most important game of the season to the fucking horrible team from Blacksburg on Saturday (I'm still crying; I should be used to it, but I'm not, so shut up). Anyway, as predicted (and hoped for, by fans such as myself), coach Al Groh was fired yesterday.

Anyway, at his press conference announcing his getting canned, Groh reads a poem called "The Guy in the Glass." He then goes on to add his own coda: "When I visited the guy in the glass, I saw that he's a guy of commitment, of integrity, of dependability and accountability. He's loyal. His spirit is indomitable. And he is caring and loving. I'm sure I will always call the guy in the glass a friend."

Can you imagine how you would feel if that was your school's head coach, reciting some bullshit like that following his abysmal performance over the last nine years? If that wouldn't make you want to fly, head first, into a gas oven, I'm not sure you're really a true fan.

***

GO WINGS.

Stars shoot down Wings 3-1

The Scrappy Octopus is feeling under the weather tonight so her not so better half will be taking the reigns for tonight’s game recap. I promise to try to keep the dick jokes, swearing, toilet humor, and general inappropriateness at a high enough level that maybe you won‘t notice a difference. A guy can dream. What a game to recap…

Oh, there will be one thing on Wings fans minds tonight I’m sure, but lets talk about the game itself before we get to officiating. In order:

1. This game was sort of a huge turd all around wasn’t it? The Wings were outplayed tonight. Both goalies faced 32 shots tonight, however, Alex Auld wasn’t really challenged that much. It kind of felt like Dallas dominated play for the most part and had more scoring chances. Which leads me to…

2. JIMMY! Great game by Jimmy in the loss. Lots of key saves to keep the Wings in the game during the times where the team looked relatively uninterested (which is to say the majority of the game). The Wings had a chance to win tonight thanks to Jimmy.

3. Henrik Zetterberg - what can you say? He played a great game. The Wings future captain was once again the best player on the ice. No one can touch this cat right now. Conversely…

4. Pavel Datsyuk looked like he couldn’t have given less of a shit throughout the first two and a half periods of this game. 16:27 in ice time tonight and I couldn’t tell you one fucking thing he did tonight aside from fair well in the face-off circle. That’s certainly SOMETHING, but it doesn’t really seem like enough does it?

5. Jonathan Ericsson can eat a dick.

6. Seriously, is it legally possible to file a restraining order to keep that dick hole 100 yards from frozen surfaces until he figures it out? I speak harshly, but I don’t actually hate him. I just don’t have to like him right now.

And now on to officiating….

I’m notoriously absent minded, so perhaps I’m forgetting a game somewhere, but that was one of the worst overall officiated games I can remember seeing. I can’t say that for the most part it wasn’t officiated evenly, because it was. The hooking call on Rafalski was borderline ridiculous; May’s “slash” on Auld WAS ridiculous. Daley’s goaltender interference, Auld’s delay of game, Homer’s hooking….all absurd. Drunk Mickey Redmond referred to the officiating this evening as “a circus”, and for once that drunken bastard said something lucid. For all of the bad officiating I cannot seem to wrap my mind around May’s no-goal. In the playoffs last year we ALL remember Brad Watson’s intended whistle. You can argue all you like about “intended whistles” and such (and I will in a second), but the rule, as written, was interpreted correctly then. Ok. Gotcha. Tonight though? What is happening there? I’m trying to picture how the conversation went while analyzing this and every time I do it makes brain goo seep out of my ears. Why? Because my brain literally melts when I try to imagine things that fucking stupid. If I, on my 15 inch (size approximated, but its small), can plainly see that the GOD DAMN PUCK IS SITTING IN THE FUCKING NET, maybe it oughta be a goal.

Ok, I grant you that there is a rule regarding intended whistles (which is stupid on its face, being that we are in the day in age with TV’s and VIDEO and SOUND that can be rewound and what not. Fancy!). I once again refer to drunk Mickey when he said the save was never made! The puck went straight into the net after it was shot, barely glancing off the goaltenders pad. So, unless you INTENDED to blow the whistle before he shot the puck, that’s a goal and that call was ridiculous.

Enough about officiating. It would’ve been interesting to see the rest of the game play out. Again, we got outplayed, so its not like we deserved to win the game; and the call disallowed the tying goal, not a go-ahead goal. You could argue that if we’re tied the defense doesn’t pinch up as much, which doesn’t leave the Big Rig stranded to take a dumb penalty, which eliminates the power play……

What if’s. I guess it could’ve been summed up with one word:

Whatever. We got outplayed and lost the game. Tomorrow the Scrappy Octopus returns to its regularly scheduled (and higher quality) programming. Appreciate you folks stopping by.

Stars @ Wings tonight, 7:30 p.m.

The Dallas Stars come to the Joe tonight for the first time this season. The team leader in points is Brad Richards, who has 20 points, including 14 assists, the same as our team leader in assists, Henrik Zetterberg. James Neal leads Dallas in goals with 11; our Homer has 9 for the season.

I feel insufficient today because I don't have any real feelings of anything toward the Dallas Stars. They're a team in the Western Conference, and I hope we beat them. I guess I could talk about Steve Ott being annoying, but I don't feel like it. Meh. Here, watch this, just for fun:



***

It was a daunting task to find a sufficient video of Dallas Stars dancing fan debauchery. I think this video was worth the hunt, and it's a perfect tie-in to the impending holiday season looming ahead of us.

Without further adieu, I give you Dancing Santa with Dallas Stars Ice Girls: