Let's make sure this is adequately bloated.

I'm pretty sure somewhere Dany Heatly just demanded a trade.

So the Wings have staved off elimination for another day, winning tonight fuck you-1. A statement game that San Jose didn't seem to care about. And why should they? They are up 3-1. The Wings have to win three in a row, an extremely tough task against this San Jose team. Who knows if they can pull it off, but it was nice to watch the effort tonight. It's good when you can see your team move up and down the ice with ease and know that they can pretty much do whatever they want on the ice. We've not seen that Wings team often enough through the playoffs; I'm glad it happened tonight.

Since we've received some feedback stating this site doesn't provide much in the way of game analysis (and we at the Scrappy Octopus take all complaints seriously), allow us to provide our take on the game:

The Sharks shit the bed. Oh, and Joe Thornton acted a fool. Great leadership, guy.

So there you have it. It's simple when you break it down scientifically. Now, the Wings still have a huge hole to climb out of. It's going to be hard. McLellan is an amazing coach. Marleau, Thornton, Pavelski, Blake...it's a talented group. All the right role players. It's going to be a tough road. Tonight, however, the Wings started the first step in that process - they won tonight.

Three more guys. Oh, and Nat wanted me to quote her on something: "Abdelkader's fight was very Downey-like". Her words, not mine (though I feel her on that one). I'm pretty sure if Abby's right would've connected, it would've killed a guy.

Go Wings. Let's get this done.

"I don't want to talk about it."

So said Homer in his FSD interview during the first intermission, specifically in reference to the garbage goal we coughed up to San Jose in, literally, the last seconds of the first period, after playing a commandingly strong game at both ends of the ice.

And that's how I've felt during this entire series.

Because how can we really talk about it?

Take yesterday's game. Yeah, we killed off all six penalties, had a chance at a penalty shot, scored four goals (one of which was overturned), all of which were scored by our typical postseason rockstars, and managed to show up in the faceoff circle. So, what the fuck happened?

Various people during my workday ask me how the Wings are doing during playoff runs. Smart move by them, as it's really all I'm capable of discussing during the spring months. My new-ish coworker is a complete and total sweetheart (yeah, yeah, my polar opposite--the joke pretty much makes itself); she has absolutely no interest in hockey, but she always makes a point to ask me how the games go.

In order to express my angst, I've sketched a little interpretive ditty of each conversation thus far following each game in Round 2:

And then...

And, in anticipation of talking to her tomorrow:

And yeah, for those of you who don't already Facebookstalk me, I am actually a purple troll with unkempt pencil hair.

I have no words to describe adequately and completely how I'm feeling right now. Angry? Of course. Frustrated? You bet. Nervous? Sure.

Despite the Wings' lack of cohesive play at various times throughout the season, I was in no way, shape or form mentally prepared to watch them give up the goals they gave up last night. I'm further in no way, shape or form prepared to deal with being down 3-0 in the series against a team that I've lambasted as a disappearing act the likes of which are incomparable unless Marian Hossa's present. It's such a scary set of numbers, isn't it? What does this even feel like? How is it that the Sharks have capitalized on every single instance of the proverbial "letting our feet off the gas" in this series? This is the composition of TSO's current existential funk.

It's amazing how far a 3-0 series deficit and a white-hot team like the Sharks can foster hatred in the heart of someone who already hates plenty as it is. Do I have any real reason to hate San Jose? Not especially. There's no equivalent of cockface extraordinaires Matt Cooke or Georges Laraque or Chris Pronger on the team to whom I can easily point and jeer, "Yeah, look at all those assholes at the HP Pavilion, cheering for that motherfucking prick." Speaking of the HP Pavilion, it's amazing how much the denizens of Silicon Valley show up for that team. Aside from the superlame shark jaw motion they do to rile up the team (because what's more invigorating than seeing someone munch his/her entire arms in your general vicinity? A whole bunch of nothing, that's what.) and the superlamer Styx-esque sound effects they play after announcing the names of goal-scorers, I have to tip my hat to a city that gets behind its team. Furthermore, the team as a whole has refused to get shaken up, even when down 3-1 for much of yesterday's game. And for fuck's sake, the laser-haired Todd McLellan is a former Babcockian acolyte. There's so much NOT to hate about this team...

...but I do, anyway, for the time being. Sorry if you disagree, kids, but perhaps you're stronger people than I. Right now, there's little more I hate than San Jose. Major-league genocide? Yeah, that's probably worse than the Sharks. People who cram their religious views down other people's throats? Yeah, they suck at life a tad bit more, as well. Uninvited rimjobs? Welllllll...that might be pushing it.

For crunch time during the last series, I put on my Pollyanna hat and professed my staying in my proverbial seat until the final seconds of Game 7. Obviously, the same is true for all of us in this situation, except instead of knowing that our team's fate will be determined in 60 +/- minutes from the first puck drop, in our only good-case scenario, we have four sets of 60 +/- minutes to endure. For residents of Hockeytown at Large, it means an awful lot of nail-biting, whiskey-guzzling, nipple-clamping, tears, and cheers until time runs out in Game 7. Hopefully, there are more cheers than tears.

P.S. One final thought on last night's game: I would have bet Patrick Marleau's eyebrows against him scoring the game-winning goal last night. One of the fine details that chaps my ass the most about this series is the fact that Marleau and Thornton have each scored game-winners against us after being mostly invisible for the duration of the postseason. Fuck me sideways.

A night of effort, heebie-jeebies, and frustration.

So as you saw tonight, the Wings lost to the Sharks...

...fuck a bunch. The Wings played a great game overall tonight. A ton of effort, all kinds of chances, and they just couldn't get it done. Tonight's game was maddening. This might have been one of the better efforts all season, and it wasn't to be. This is all at the expense of our sanity. I don't get it. I know they played a good game tonight. Why, however, is it always the Wings who have a ton of chances but just cant get it done? Why can't these guys light the lamp? So, so many open chances. Whatever. I guess it doesn't really matter. Some of my highlights from the game...

1. Franzen looks like a ginger possessed. For all those who wondered what state he'd come back in, he's told us - super bad ass. That's the state.

2. I'm pretty sure Darren Helm has not had a bad game yet.

3. Jimmy certainly saved our ass countless times. I have no idea how he can do the things he does.

4. It's good to have a top line back.

5. Bleh. They really have to start getting some WINS on the board, right? Great effort, great chances, but came up short. I'm too sleepy for this.

6. I'm prone to overreaction, but shootouts. What's up with that? How are we THAT bad at 'em?

Is it Olympic time yet?

Wings drown Sharks, 4-2. (Regulation. Bitches.)

Christ on a stick, thankyouthankyouthankyou for giving us two points in regulation tonight. Mandatory keyboard explody type celebration time: sdofdofndofodsufowehofsfnds.

Super duper quick thoughts before calling it a night:

1. Welcome back, #96. Homer played like a man possessed tonight. Time and again, I've praised him on here for always working hard, and tonight, he displayed as much hustle and grit as ever. He notched an assist on each of the first two Wings' goals scored, and by the end of the game, he'd put six shots on goal.

2. When Kronner couldn't stay on his skates during one of the Sharks' power plays during the first period, I thought, "Fuck. Not again." Turned out it was just a broken blade on one of his skates. Then, for start of the third period, he didn't return to the bench; Derek Meech took his place on the power play. Late in the third period, FSD reported that Kronwall had a "slight tweak, nothing serious." After the game, Babcock indicated that he "tweaked his ankle." Hmm. I don't believe "tweak" is a serious medical offense, so we'll keep hoping for the best until we hear otherwise, right?

3. Speaking of Meech, he actually played a decent game; on the aforesaid power play, he scored a goal, and he elevated his defensive play throughout the game (particularly noticeable after he scored that goal). Way to finally play as if you give a shit about earning a permanent spot on the team, cochise.

4. Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg both had stellar efforts tonight. Zetterberg scored the Wings' second goal tonight on a power play, and feeling my heart soar while watching Homer reunited with the Eurotwins was a feeling I shant soon forget.

5. Speaking of Pasha, my jaw is still scraping the ground due to the fact that I witnessed Joe Thornton strip him of the puck during a Datsyukian playbook rush. I believe the universe attempted to negate this by later having Nabokov cough up a juicy rebound to Datsyuk, but still...

6. How about Brian Rafalski's defensive play along the boards during the final 60 seconds? Holy Jesus...

7. San Jose is really just too ridiculously good at faceoffs.

8. I like seeing Dan Cleary and Valtteri Filppula play together, and I didn't mind seeing Homer on the second line tonight, either, as much as I love the Flying Circus. I thought these three did a great job maintaining pressure and creating chances.

9. Patrick Eaves's goal was magnificent--I love when our guys are in the right position to catch the other team with the pants around their ankles, which is exactly what happened with San Jose here. Also worth noting is Kris Draper (who earned an assist on Eaves's goal) and Darren Helm, who also both had tremendous efforts tonight. Valtteri Filppula also showed up to rock and roll, earning himself two assists.

10. Joe Thornton is a dickhole for crashing into Jimmy late in the third. But thanks for negating that stressful 6-on-4 sitch, Joe. You just gotta hate it when that happens.

This was the most consistent effort the Wings have put forth recently. They were a little sluggish to start the game, but warmed up to a fever pitch during the final eight minutes of the first period. They were a little uneven at the beginning of the second period, but left all that soon behind after Cleary scored the first of four unanswered Wings' goals. The third period was all around outstanding for Detroit.

We owe ourselves a tiny sigh of relief that the game didn't go into overtime; Nashville earned a point tonight against Phoenix (who won in the 11,403th round of a shootout), Dallas beat Minnesota, Colorado beat Columbus, and Los Angeles topped the Rangers. The standings are so ridiculously tight right now--every little bit counts. The Wings now have 64 points (tied with the Preds). Tomorrow night, we play the delightfully disgusting Anaheim Ducks, who are not far behind us with 59 icky points. We don't need to be reminded of how crucial another regulation win tomorrow is. Let's go, Wings.

Wings @ Sharks tonight.

If you needed any incentive to stay up tonight to catch the game, here goes:

1. The triumphant return of Homer(!!!), for sure this time. (And just how appropriate is it that he returns on Groundhog Day?)

2. This is probably going to happen (seriously, so kickass):



Per the norm, there are all kinds of reasons to be slightly annoyed with the San Jose Sharks. They're currently first place in the Western Conference. Patrick Marleau (him?) is tied with Sidney Crosby for most goals scored league-wide at 37 each. Joe Thornton is fourth in the league in points (68). Evgeni Nabokov is third in the league in save percentage, GAA, and wins. None of this should be truly surprising since San Jose often sits atop or very near to the top of the Western Conference.

When we here at TSO look at teams beforehand, usually we say something earth-shatteringly deep like, "Oh, a win tonight would really help us gain momentum at the beginning of this road trip," or "Wow, at this point in the season, beating a top team like the Sharks on their home ice would feel better than sex," or "Let's go ahead and solidify our place at the bottom of the pack that's still good enough to go to the playoffs with a win."

Bleh. Obviously, all those things are still true (except the sex part...I reserve that reaction for Wings' wins against teams I actually make an effort to loathe), but the Wings' loss against the Pens this weekend left a bitter taste in my mouth. The offensive effort was there--but only during the final twenty minutes of the game. In fact, I'd worked on one of our live blog recaps during the game, only to give it up during the second intermission because I was completely disgusted with the team's performance against Shittsburgh, and I just couldn't find the words. (Instead, we went out for Mexican food and margaritas after the game. I poured one out for all equally distraught TSO readers. WIN!)

The Wings can't afford to do that against tough opponents, including tonight (despite having a good track record against San Jose--the last game against them, on January 9th, resulted in a 4-1 win for us). It's common sense: When you allow offensive powerhouses to hang out in your own zone for the better part of 40 minutes and pepper your goaltender with 40+ shots by the end of the game, at least one of them is bound to make its way into the net, even if it's a result of a shitty bounce or rebound that Howard has no chance to stop. With the Wings' lack of offensive production leading to losses being decided by one- or two-point games, it's certainly a recipe for disaster.

So what's it going to be tonight? The Wings have to come out, guns blazing, to defeat San Jose, and then they have to keep on trucking until sixty minutes have elapsed. If I see another half-hearted effort for any major portion of the game, whether it's an attempt to come from behind to score (no, not the shocker) or letting their foot off the gas after building a one- or two-goal lead, I'll be dead by sunup.

Wings cock punch Sharks, win 4-1

How do you follow up one of the best goaltending exhibitions that most people have seen (myself not included, as I went to bed, as I am old and work super early in the morning)? You dominate the second-best team in hockey.

After a fairly even first period, the Wings dominated the remainder of the game, rattling off four unanswered goals. It was kind of a needed performance after allowing poor Jimmy to get shelled against the Kings. The defense looked decent, the offense looked good. In this game, the team looked closer to the Red Wings we're used to and against a good Sharks team. That's encouraging. As usual when I fill in, a few observations from the game:

1. It's fun to watch Jimmy grow this season. Opinions in the preseason ranged somewhere between "Let's give the kid a chance" to "I wonder if Beachball Cloutier will still be available after he fails". To be fair, it was easy to doubt. This kid has stepped up. It's almost to the point where you don't really know what else can be said. Great game by Jimmy. Again. The game looks easy for him right now.

2. Also fun to watch - the evolution of Darren Helm. I hope this kid is around for a long time.

3. 70 goals Heatley, while having a good season, is going to have to pick up the pace a bit, isn't he?

4. Thank you, St. Louis. I know it's early, but being in 9th is worrisome anytime.

5. Non-Red Wing related, this video is fun! Kick ass Russian fighting.

6. I did not think Dan Cleary had wicked, well-placed wrist shots in him.

7. My thoughts on this team overall - right now, I know we're in ninth, but this team is endearing, isn't it? I mean, we're all Wings fans, and we have our favorite moments. Yzerman's toughness, the Russian Five, Hasek, Bowman, et al. This year's team is interesting and chocked full of all kinds of stories. This is the closest I've seen the Wings to being a team of "cast-offs". Look at some of the players who have stepped up. Todd Bertuzzi, bane of TPL's existence, has stepped up in a big way with everyone injured. Tomas Holmstrom, given up for dead by so many (sadly? I'm slightly guilty of this. I love him, but I was worried he was done after last year), has hooked himself up to the rejuvenation machine. The evolution of Darren Helm from young spark plug to dynamic force you can't take your eyes off of (lest you miss something amazing). Young players like Abdelkader stepping up before they're ready. Cast-offs, people who were either waived during the season (Drew Miller), getting no offers in the off-season (Bert, Doug Janik), or completely given up on (think Carolina wishes they had Patrick Eaves)? They're really hanging around with this crew? This year's team is gritty. The fact that the Wings are even 9th right now in the West is largely due to coaching and leadership. We're lucky to have Uncle Mike and company and a great front office who time and time again find these spare parts on the scrap heap.

I guess what I'm saying here is this is a team I'll remember, what they've overcome and how they've hung in there. Maybe Jimmy is our goalie of the future; maybe he's Jim Carrey. Maybe some of our young players won't pan out. Maybe some of these guys who are around this year will flame out. One thing is for sure - this is a team I'll remember, and I like where they're headed. They are playing good, sound, tough hockey. Missing all the players they've missed, and they survive. This team is going to be even more ready to go once players start trickling in from IR. By the time Franzen gets back, everyone SHOULD be healthy, and won't that be around the time this team is hitting its stride? You think the top folks in the West want to play this team in the first round?

Next year's team is going to look different from this one. I'm certainly enjoying this year's team, though. This was a good win tonight. Go Wings.

Wings sink Sharks in shootout, 2-1.

I've been blogging for a little over a month now, and one of the most fun parts of these recaps is to devise a new subject/verb combo to describe what happened. "Sinking" Sharks just makes me happy. And yes, I am a hopeless nerd.

***

So, holy shit, how awesome was it that Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg suddenly remembered how to deke during a shootout?! I've said on this blog that I love shootouts, as long as they don't involve the Wings. The Twins' work, combined with Ozzie's prowess in goal, could make me reconsider.

Speaking of Zetterberg, how about that super-sneaky move to slide the puck in, tying the game during regulation? Nice work, Z.

Darren Helm also stood out for me, having two huge breakaways. I'm 99% sure this kid could give Usain Bolt a run for his money (no pun intended).

***

And now, on to some more happy news. I know my loyal readers, being the conscientious people you are, have been losing sleep over this one for the past week or so. Rest assured, kiddies. Nobody's going to jail:

Police in Idaho's capital won't pursue charges against a junior hockey team whose members held a strip shootout at a city-owned rink two weeks ago.

Boise Police spokeswoman Lynn Hightower told the Idaho Statesman that officers concluded a 17-year-old member of the Idaho Junior Steelheads who mooned a teammate didn't intentionally violate the city's decency laws.

The Idaho Junior Steelheads had already been forbidden from using Idaho Ice World for four days, and the player who dropped his drawers briefly also served a 3-game suspension.

Huge collective sigh of relief: Breathe in, breathe out.

On the other hand: What the fuck is going on in Boise? Sure, these kids are off the hook, but let me tell you, mooning your pals is just the first step on a very slippery slope to a life of dereliction and debauchery. Just go talk to your math teacher, Kyle Dennis, the one who got caught getting slaphappy with his dong in Costco--in BOISE. Exposing himself to his classmates was just a gateway act in the long line of lasciviousness. Sigh.

***

And now, because it's Friday, and the sun is shining, and because the Avs can go suck a big one, I present you the following, courtesy of James Mirtle's From the Rink:

There was not a single person in sections 330 and 334 a few minutes into the game tonight. Not one. I think a couple souls showed up a while later and sat there, but that was…it.

You definitely did not dissuade critics who say Denver is just a bandwagon hockey town tonight, folks. The announced attendance was definitely not the actual number in the building either. I’d say the real number was about 8,500, maybe a bit less actually.

— Adrian Dater, All Things Avs

And to that, I say:



Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Fuckers.

If you're not first, you're last.

Ah, the immortal words of Ricky Bobby. They could be used to describe the San Jose Sharks. Except not really. Because they have been first. Last year, they won the President's Trophy, leading the League with 117 points. Alas, they were eliminated in the first round of playoffs by the Anaheim Ducks (bleh).

I don't really like the Sharks. To be honest with you, the only real reason I dislike them is because they perpetually underachieve. They give Detroit a run for their money in winning the Western Conference, and then they disappear during the playoffs. It's irritating that they demand to be taken seriously...but only until April. Probably not the best reason to dislike a team, but that's just how I roll.



(Oh, and anybody who assigns "deep Pacific teal" as a team color is undoubtedly demented.)

So, yes, the Sharks circle (surround? attack? stalk? what the fuck else do sharks do?) the Joe tonight, looking for a back-to-back win after their victory in Columbus last night. Last night was also their sixth win a row. The Wings are looking for their third straight win, and Chris Osgood will be starting in goal tonight (after his 50th career shutout on Tuesday...god, am I horrible at not writing recaps for games I didn't get to watch).

I'm really sad right now that I won't be in Detroit tonight. Maybe I would have been lucky and gotten to see this in person:



Amazingly, I think I found this woman's house on YouTube. Too early to think about Christmas? Nah. If this doesn't get you pumped for the holiday season, then you're a godless heathen, and I don't like you:



***

Completely superfluous and unrelated, but I have to do it. Saw this on Deadspin, the mother of all things fabulous, and I couldn't resist.



My new heroes, hands down. Happy belated Halloween, boys and girls. I would give 20 cents anything for you guys to enjoy this as much as I do.