25 March 2012

Thanks For The Angina, Hockey

That was quite a game last night. Both of them. We were flipping between two games last night. Red Wings vs Hurricanes and the UMD Bulldogs vs the Maine Black Bears.  And because of that flipping we missed two thirds of the goals scored, and there were 16 scored in total. At one point the Wings were down 4-1 and UMD was down 2-0. At that rate, if I popped Die Hard into the DVD player, John McClain would have been shot and killed in the first five minutes, thus negating all subsequent Die Hards and tearing a hole in the space/time continuum.  Thanks sports. You just made Planet of the Apes possible. And there is no way I am going to be a house-boy for an effeminate baboon named Chauncey, who I serve tea to while cleaning up all of his flung poop.

But this alternate time-line was not meant to be.  The Bulldogs came back and won 5-2, while the Red Wings dominated the 3rd period finishing the game 5-4. And there was much rejoicing. Zetterberg basically said fuck you to losing last night. Special teams are still sketchy but the Wings can drop the hammer on any team when it comes to 5 on 5. Was there a little extra inspirado with Lidstrom back in the line-up? Maybe. Was there a bit more cohesiveness with old lines being reunited as the injured return? I think so. Did I shit myself when Miller took a puck to the hand? Smells point to yes.

The conundrum the Wings' brass will face is what to do with Smith. He's NHL ready. I know he has been reassigned to the Griffins, but let's just break it down like this.  Kindl has 12 points in 51 games. Ericsson has 10 points in 63 games. Smith has 7 points in 14 games.  I'm no mathaholic, but that gives Smith my G.M. couch nod.  They are all pluses on the season. Smith quarterbacked the PP for the Badgers, so I place a higher value on someone who can play the powerplay. It would make more sense to move Hudler off of the blue line and put Smith back there for the second unit.  This is actually a nice problem to have. It means that the defense is finally fucking healthy. The specter of Doug Janik no longer looms above our heads.

The Hank-Flip-Huds line was a beast last night. This is totally your Lord of the Rings line. Zetterberg is Aragorn. Filppula is so Legolas it is not even funny. And Hudler is any random hobbit. This has been one of the most consistent lines all season.  Nyquist  with Dats and Bert was nice as well. The Thunderchief showed off his awesome summer league softball skills with his mid-air swat. It will be very interesting to see what Nyquist can do with a whole season. One of the coolest things about Datsyuk is the opposing players with the puck know he's there and it doesn't make any difference. He is still going to steal the puck. It's like he is some kind of, I don't know, a....magician.  The ghost of Houdini slips out his straight jacket and applauds every time. Miller is not Miller Lite. He is the High Life. He is your champagne of beers. He gets the job done.  Cleary kind of fits on this line after bouncing around lines this season.

This next paragraph is only for Disch, and not even hockey related. We were grocery shopping yesterday and almost done. And then I saw it.  The most beautiful loaf of marble-rye you ever did see. I believe bread is one of the most sandwich inspiring ingredients out there.  Badass Reubens are on the menu tonight. Jen and I double teamed that grocery store like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman. She went to the deli for some premium corned beef and Swiss cheese, where I might have broken an old lady's hip rounding up thousand island dressing and sauerkraut.  I will lightly brush the slices of bread with olive oil to give them the correct amount of crustiness. I will amply layer the meat followed by the Swiss cheese. I will firmly press the sauerkraut to remove excess liquid, (because nothing ruins a sandwich faster than sogginess) and add that layer to the sandwich. A little fresh cracked black pepper and then the thousand island, wrap in tinfoil and heat in the oven for about 20 minutes. Bon Appetit.

There are fourteen points left to go this season. Go out there and get 'em Wings. I'm out to go watch the Hunger Games. I love biographies. And it's been a long time coming for the full story of the Takeru Kobayashi/Joey Chestnut hot-dog eating rivalry. I hear that Larry Murphy is the narrator. I am stoked.

Let's Go Wings

11 March 2012

Roller coaster of...well, it's not love

What's exciting? Seeing what these kids can do. What's not exciting? Having to see what these kids can do this time of year. Despite riding this roller coaster of win, lose, win, lose, lose, win, lose, there are some silver linings. Their losses are only by one goal, so they are not getting blown out with half the Griffins in their line-up. Zetterberg and Filppula are getting hot down the stretch. Miller, Miller, chicken diller (that didn't work how I wanted it to) is adding a little bit of scoring spice to his defensive work. And we are finally getting a good look at Smith, and I am liking what I see. Living in Madison, we got to see what he could do all the time as a Badger, and what he did was good. Right now Ericsson is polishing up Conks plunger. That last sentence is in no way whatsoever a creepy penis euphemism.

 The Griffwings are losing to the better teams by only a goal and they still smoked the Wild and Blue Jackets. So I would be worried if I were these other teams when they have to face a healthy Wings squad, which is hopefully soon. Plus, the Wings have some good kids to plug in when needed, just not all at once. Seeing all of these different lines is a little weird and is probably why we are seeing the more than usual odd-man rushes, which is one of the un-silver linings as assignments are missed. The PP is the same as it was when they were healthy. What I'm saying is, it still sucks. One of those P's must stand for 'poop'. Is their rule of thumb that only the man with the puck can skate around? It's like some bizarre form of freeze tag.

 Another benefit of these switched-up lines is seeing different guys being thrown on a line with Helm. Like Franzen. Yeah motherfucker, you gotta skate hard to stay in the play now. No more Meat Loaf on ice waiting to skate like a bat out of hell only when it suits you. Ewwww, grody. I'm am sincerely sorry for the double Meat Loaf reference. Just a weird thought: If you are meeting Meat Loaf in a formal setting, do you address him as 'Mr. Loaf'? I know I would.

 Sometimes I wonder what's going through players' heads when they are out on the ice. Like, do they have their 'pump me up' song running on repeat in their mind. I wonder what they would be....what they would be...they would be..would be.

 Pavel Datsyuk-Magic Man by Heart

 Valtteri Filppula-Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

 Nik Kronwall-Crush Em by Megadeth

 Darren Helm-Flight of the Bumblebee by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov

 Jiri Hudler-Pimpin' Ain't Easy by Big Daddy Kane

 Johan Franzen-Everyday I'm Shufflin' by LMFAO

 Brad Stuart-Unfortunately it's California (O.C. theme song) by Phantom Planet

 Justin Abdelkader-Abra Kadabra by The Steve Miller Band

 Tomas Holmstom-Obviously it's Demolition Man by The Police

 Jonathan Ericsson-Oscar Mayer Weiner Theme Song by The Oscar Mayer Kids Choir

 Nick Lidstrom-The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived by Weezer

 Todd Bertuzzi-Movement I O Fortuna from Carmina Burana

 Henrik Zetterberg-Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top

 Drew Miller-Time To Get Ill by The Beastie Boys

 Dan Cleary-Der, it's Come in Cleary by Greely's Reel

 Now when you watch the next game, these songs will run through your heads as well as theirs every time they touch the puck.

 Now before I leave, I have one request of Mike Ilitch. Dear Mr. Ilitch, I think it would behoove you to get in touch with George Lucas. If you pay close attention to the Star Wars movies (and why shouldn't you?) they have this invention called a bacta tank that rapidly heals injuries. I know what you are saying, "that's from a movie, it's just fantasy". True, but if you don't believe for a moment that George does not have real working replicas of his movie inventions at his compound, then I understand how Ericsson got his contract. Thank you for your time, sincerely, Scrappy Octopus.

 That's it. I'm out. It's time to lock myself in the bathroom with a boom box so I can peacefully lip sync with into a hairbrush to Sexy Back. Let's Go Wings