Wings sink Sharks in shootout, 2-1.

I've been blogging for a little over a month now, and one of the most fun parts of these recaps is to devise a new subject/verb combo to describe what happened. "Sinking" Sharks just makes me happy. And yes, I am a hopeless nerd.

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So, holy shit, how awesome was it that Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg suddenly remembered how to deke during a shootout?! I've said on this blog that I love shootouts, as long as they don't involve the Wings. The Twins' work, combined with Ozzie's prowess in goal, could make me reconsider.

Speaking of Zetterberg, how about that super-sneaky move to slide the puck in, tying the game during regulation? Nice work, Z.

Darren Helm also stood out for me, having two huge breakaways. I'm 99% sure this kid could give Usain Bolt a run for his money (no pun intended).

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And now, on to some more happy news. I know my loyal readers, being the conscientious people you are, have been losing sleep over this one for the past week or so. Rest assured, kiddies. Nobody's going to jail:

Police in Idaho's capital won't pursue charges against a junior hockey team whose members held a strip shootout at a city-owned rink two weeks ago.

Boise Police spokeswoman Lynn Hightower told the Idaho Statesman that officers concluded a 17-year-old member of the Idaho Junior Steelheads who mooned a teammate didn't intentionally violate the city's decency laws.

The Idaho Junior Steelheads had already been forbidden from using Idaho Ice World for four days, and the player who dropped his drawers briefly also served a 3-game suspension.

Huge collective sigh of relief: Breathe in, breathe out.

On the other hand: What the fuck is going on in Boise? Sure, these kids are off the hook, but let me tell you, mooning your pals is just the first step on a very slippery slope to a life of dereliction and debauchery. Just go talk to your math teacher, Kyle Dennis, the one who got caught getting slaphappy with his dong in Costco--in BOISE. Exposing himself to his classmates was just a gateway act in the long line of lasciviousness. Sigh.

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And now, because it's Friday, and the sun is shining, and because the Avs can go suck a big one, I present you the following, courtesy of James Mirtle's From the Rink:

There was not a single person in sections 330 and 334 a few minutes into the game tonight. Not one. I think a couple souls showed up a while later and sat there, but that was…it.

You definitely did not dissuade critics who say Denver is just a bandwagon hockey town tonight, folks. The announced attendance was definitely not the actual number in the building either. I’d say the real number was about 8,500, maybe a bit less actually.

— Adrian Dater, All Things Avs

And to that, I say:



Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Fuckers.

Wings lose to Avalanche, 3-1.

So, since I got over my hangover yesterday, and since I finally brought myself to watch the game last night, I can share some thoughts on Saturday night's experience v. the Avalanche:

1. Jimmy Howard is not on my shit list. The 2nd goal he allowed was flukey and weird, but he otherwise played a solid game.

2. Todd Bertuzzi impressed the hell outta me with his 1,437 scoring chances. I especially love that he accomplished this in front of a crowd of booing Avs fans because, you know, I heart animosity.

3. I can't believe Adam Foote took another puck to the face from Nicklas Lidstrom. Ouch.

4. Regarding the first goal for the Avs, Brian Rafalski should not have attempted that pass to Jonathan Ericsson. I love that Big E smashed his stick on the net immediately after the goal; I'm not sure whether he was mad at himself or mad at his teammates, but all signs of temper tantrums make me happy.

5. The top line, currently Datsyuk/Zetterberg/Holmstrom, needs to score now. Is the sky blue? They had some decent chances, especially Datsyuk, doing his thing, but they need to find the back of the net. I feel like I write this exact same thing after every single game we lose.

6. Officially joining the chorus of angry Wings bloggers with this one: Brad Watson should go fuck himself. Maybe it would help him do his job better.*

That's really all I have right now. I'm super disappointed, but when I watched the game last night, I didn't walk away with the same sense of abject failure as I did following other recent games. The game the other night against Phoenix? I'm pretty sure I barfed blood for the rest of the night. Maybe the difference here is that I saw the score while drunk, blogged about it when I was drunk, then finally got around to watching the game, so my emotional state kind of went from, "OMFG, how-could-they-have-lost-again-this-is-horseshit-i-need-another-beer" to "Wait, what was the score again? WHAAAT, we lost?!" to "..." Therefore, maybe this is a sign. A sign that alcohol needs to be present in all viewing situations in order to invert my emotional reactions to disappointing games.

*Actually, at this point, I'm willing to buy this guy a prostitute. He needs to get laid. It would help him relax with this whole whistle-blowing thing and get over himself. I mean, think about it: What do you really think is on his mind with the entire "intent to blow" thing? Anybody in for splitting the costs with me?

What should I call this, anyway?

A) I swore I wouldn't watch NHL scores tonight because I'm out and about, and I Tivo-ed the Wings game.
B) My Wahoos lost--and lost royally--after sitting atop the ACC standings for an entire week. Come on, it was a great 7 days...
C) Yeah, so I saw the score, somewhat inadvertedly, on a Blackberry, and I haven't watched the game yet, and it's taken me 6324 minutes to write this, and I'm drunk and pissed off and I hope there's a good reason for this bullshit. Sorry, guys, but I don't know what else to say right now.
D) Why the fuck is Sheryl Crow playing at Sheetz right now? Is this the big JC's way of telling me Armageddon is nigh? Or maybe I'm already in hell? Sigh...
E). I am royally concerned. And frustrated. Ugh...

Bleh.

I am having the worst day of my life.

Today at work, a guy came in and the following transpired:

He asked me how many powers I've given away to the federal government. I don't remember signing over a power of attorney to Uncle Sam or anything, but I didn't want to piss him off, so I just said I didn't know.

Next, he proceeded to open his briefcase and hand me a pocket version of the U.S. Constitution. (Be honest, sickos--you were hoping I said pocket penis, weren't you?)

Then--I swear to god--he told me to go home and read it so I was better educated about the things my federal government could do to me.

Then he said, "The answer is seventeen. There are seventeen things the federal government has the power to do to you," but he wouldn't tell me what any of them were.

Before he peaced out, his parting words were, "The domain of the states is the only thing we have that's sacred. It's the only thing keeping us free and safe."

I just died.

***

The Wings take on the Avs again tomorrow night, and if they don't win, I am seriously considering parking myself in oncoming traffic.



You're welcome.

Avs beat Wings in shootout, 4-3.

Eh. I have mixed feelings about this game. Obviously, it sucks that the Wings lost, and it further blows ass that it was a loss to the Avalanche. That being said, I thought the way the Wings played during the majority of the game was faster, more industrious, and more consistent that any other game thus far this season.

The goals given up to the Avalanche sucked; the first was due to a bad defensive breakdown. The second was junk given up by Ozzie. The third was getting caught in a bad change, something that hasn't happened so glaringly since last year's playoffs.

I'm not happy about the circumstances under which the Avs were able to score, but on the other hand, the Wings clearly dominated the majority of the game, something that hasn't happened yet this season.

They just did that thing that makes me want to light myself on fire: They took their foot off the gas at the wrong times, against the wrong team, eager to take advantage of chinks in the armor. Grr.

On a happier note, I did enjoy Justin Abdelkader's goal; it was his first NHL regular-season goal. Sure, it might not have been a "pretty" goal, but you gotta love those gritty, chipping-away-at-the-net goals that somehow make their way to the back of the net. You also have to love Abdelkader for being in the right place at the right time and finding himself some great scoring chances; I'm excited to see more of this guy now that everyone ever has injuries.

Oh, actually, there is something else that's weighing on my mind. Can somebody explain to me why Dr. Rahmani replaced Pavel Datsyuk as his/her spokesperson with Tila Tequila? I demand a reinstatement.

Wings take on the Avs tonight.

Should be an interesting game. Despite the Avalanche's performance in recent years and despite my own mockery on this very blog, Colorado is off to a strong start, with an impressive 5-1-1 record. Who would have thought?

Sadly, Pavel Datsyuk will not play again tonight.

***

And now, as I promised Maxie several weeks ago, a shoutout to the worst current jersey in the NHL:



Come on, it has a fucking FOOT on it, for Christ's sake.

Incidentally, the Avalanche's captain is named Adam Foote. If that doesn't make you want to barf blood, or at least giggle inappropriately, then you are not to be trusted.