Leftover Valentine's candy.

UPDATE: Now including poems submitted by some of our fabulous readers via comments.

Happy belated Valentine's Day, scrappy readers. We were going to let this fun-filled, jailsexed romp of a holiday go unscathed by our demented minds until one of our espionage-specializing affiliates unearthed a treasure chest from the Wings' locker room. Turns out they hired a consultant to assist them with their Valentine's Day endeavors, but not a terribly creative one: He/she just helped them write poems to their respective beloveds by revising the cliched "Roses are red..." ditty.

Far be it for us to withhold such amazing insight into the minds of our boys.

Some of them are just sweet:

Henrik Zetterberg:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can't wait to come home,
Where it's just us two. (Whammy!)

Kirk Maltby:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
While we've been together for years,
My love only grew.

Kris Draper:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
For you there is nothing
That I wouldn't do.

Brad Stuart:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I will love you
My whole life through.

Others are well-meaning, albeit a little unorthodox:

Nicklas Lidstrom:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Let's make love like cyborgs,
The way we always do.

Todd Bertuzzi:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I wish I knew another word
That rhymes with blue.

Darren Helm:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
How did you catch me,
Considering how quickly I flew?

Niklas Kronwall:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My fans will all be KRONWALLED
To show them my love is true.

And some are just, well, awesome:

Pavel Datsyuk:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I trust my eyes to Dr. Rahmani,
You should, too.

Johan Franzen:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Why don't we get drunk
And screw?

Tomas Holmstrom (a bit of a copycat, but with his unique twist):
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
For sure, why don't we get drunk
And screw?

Jason Williams:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hey, while you're up,
Can you grab me a Mountain Dew?

Valtteri Filppula:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You're nice and all,
But you'll never mess up my 'do.

Jonathan Ericsson:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Until I saw myself in the mirror,
Never thought anyone was as pretty as you.

Chris Osgood:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My goaltending situation sucks,
So how about a brew?

Jimmy Howard:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My goaltending situation rocks,
So how about a brew?

Ville Leino (found crumpled up in the corner):
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
To get past my stalker vibe,
Enclosed please find glue.

Interestingly, there was another one from Todd Bertuzzi:

Todd Bertuzzi:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
The day you crossed me, Michael Petrella,
Is the day you'll soon come to rue.

***

Response from Michael Petrella to Todd Bertuzzi
Roses are red,
Violence is blue.
Steve Moore's neck is sore,
I bet your soul is, too.

***

Submitted by Nurse Nitz

For the Big Rig:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You know we can always count on
A costly turnover from you

For Abby:
Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
I miss that big butt of yours
Landing hits on a player or two

For some of the awesome fans on here:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Watch out for Dena, Johan,
She wants baby mules with you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Jailsexed, frolicking, and She-Tuzzi
Wings fans, how I love you.

***

From saraneuie to Johan Franzen:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Dena and I want to spoil rotten
Those small mules for you.

***

Submitted by Andy:

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
my stare can kill puppies
and it will kill you too
(Babs)

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
and in Soviet Russia
Mule rides you

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I'm so god damn proud
of my red white and blue
(Tollefsen, not funny, but had to be said)

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I get paid to watch hockey
So I still own you
(Leino)

***

More from saraneuie:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
In Soviet Russia
Dr. Rahmani trusts you

***

More from Nurse Nitz:

Canadians are white & red,
Americans are red, white & blue,
Brian Rafalski can score goals,
Who freakin' knew??

For both Ryan Miller & Ryan Kesler:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
The Americans won the big game,
Ryan, the kudos go to you!

For 20-cent:

Rose are red,
Violets are blue,
That cheap cabby-punching Kane,
I really hate rooting for you.

For Homer, regarding the totally FAIL effort by Finland vs. Sweden last night:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Watching from his lazy-boy at home,
Homer's handmade Viking darts hit you.

***

And a few more from yours truly:

To Pavel Datsyuk:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your puck-handling's so amazing,
Does your stick contain glue?

Also to Pavel Datsyuk:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you ever snag the Hart,
My heart will turn to goo.

To Brett Lebda:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Does it make you feel shitty
To know you make me boo?

To Tomas Holmstrom:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You inspire me to make animal sounds
So here I go: "Moo."

(That's just because I think Homer and I could have kid-like fun together. Oh, how I love him.)

To Niklas Kronwall:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Are you aware that many TSO readers
Want to take you in a loo?

To Patrick Eaves:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
How crazy your eyebrows are
You haven't a clue.

(I love Eaves, but come on. He has some CA-RAZY eyebrows.)

To Jiri Hudler:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your clucking belongs
In mine and Homer's zoo.

(I STILL miss Huds.)

To fans everywhere:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Red Wings fans are the greatest,
Our mad love is most true.

To anyone who hates Wings fans:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hockeytown haters beware:
To you I'll fling poo.