Tonight's game was one of them flaming bags again...

Good things about tonight's game:

During said game, I downloaded an Antoine Dodson soundboard for my Android. So I got that going for me.

Things that were bad about the game:

Things involving ice.

The cries of "Eat a dick Ozzie" were heard round the Twitterverse. Brad Stuart was apparently abducted before the game and replaced by Rig (or at least he played like that over-sized shit filled colostomy bag who attempts to play defense) . We all waited with baited breath for the Kari Lehtonen catastrophic injury that didn't happen (I had tonight in the office pool). A dumpster fire all around.

Here are some thoughts to cheer you up, because as you know, I'm a glass-half-full kind of cat:

1. Currently on VH1, Rocky 4 is on, right at the point Rocky is giving his "If I can change, you can change" speech that ended the Cold War.

2. Todd Bertuzzi didn't kill anyone...that we know of.

3. It's Friday.

4. Following up Rocky 4 on VH1? Road House.

Kick back and enjoy the weekend. There's a lot more hockey ahead.

About last night

Watching that game sucked. And no, I don't want to talk about it.

Let's hope things turn around in St. Louis tonight. A few brief notes (I guess I do want to talk about it):

1. Ozzie played fine, but playing in front of this team, Ozzie needs to be super-human playoff Ozzie. And thats unfortunate.

2. Ville Leino does nothing well. At all. Unless you count not skating fast a skill. If so, sign me up.

3. Sure, you can get 40 shots on goal, but if 35 of them are harmless, does it really matter?

Bleh. Here come the Blues. Let's turn it around tonight, eh?

Wings sink Sharks in shootout, 2-1.

I've been blogging for a little over a month now, and one of the most fun parts of these recaps is to devise a new subject/verb combo to describe what happened. "Sinking" Sharks just makes me happy. And yes, I am a hopeless nerd.

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So, holy shit, how awesome was it that Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg suddenly remembered how to deke during a shootout?! I've said on this blog that I love shootouts, as long as they don't involve the Wings. The Twins' work, combined with Ozzie's prowess in goal, could make me reconsider.

Speaking of Zetterberg, how about that super-sneaky move to slide the puck in, tying the game during regulation? Nice work, Z.

Darren Helm also stood out for me, having two huge breakaways. I'm 99% sure this kid could give Usain Bolt a run for his money (no pun intended).

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And now, on to some more happy news. I know my loyal readers, being the conscientious people you are, have been losing sleep over this one for the past week or so. Rest assured, kiddies. Nobody's going to jail:

Police in Idaho's capital won't pursue charges against a junior hockey team whose members held a strip shootout at a city-owned rink two weeks ago.

Boise Police spokeswoman Lynn Hightower told the Idaho Statesman that officers concluded a 17-year-old member of the Idaho Junior Steelheads who mooned a teammate didn't intentionally violate the city's decency laws.

The Idaho Junior Steelheads had already been forbidden from using Idaho Ice World for four days, and the player who dropped his drawers briefly also served a 3-game suspension.

Huge collective sigh of relief: Breathe in, breathe out.

On the other hand: What the fuck is going on in Boise? Sure, these kids are off the hook, but let me tell you, mooning your pals is just the first step on a very slippery slope to a life of dereliction and debauchery. Just go talk to your math teacher, Kyle Dennis, the one who got caught getting slaphappy with his dong in Costco--in BOISE. Exposing himself to his classmates was just a gateway act in the long line of lasciviousness. Sigh.

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And now, because it's Friday, and the sun is shining, and because the Avs can go suck a big one, I present you the following, courtesy of James Mirtle's From the Rink:

There was not a single person in sections 330 and 334 a few minutes into the game tonight. Not one. I think a couple souls showed up a while later and sat there, but that was…it.

You definitely did not dissuade critics who say Denver is just a bandwagon hockey town tonight, folks. The announced attendance was definitely not the actual number in the building either. I’d say the real number was about 8,500, maybe a bit less actually.

— Adrian Dater, All Things Avs

And to that, I say:



Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Fuckers.

If you're not first, you're last.

Ah, the immortal words of Ricky Bobby. They could be used to describe the San Jose Sharks. Except not really. Because they have been first. Last year, they won the President's Trophy, leading the League with 117 points. Alas, they were eliminated in the first round of playoffs by the Anaheim Ducks (bleh).

I don't really like the Sharks. To be honest with you, the only real reason I dislike them is because they perpetually underachieve. They give Detroit a run for their money in winning the Western Conference, and then they disappear during the playoffs. It's irritating that they demand to be taken seriously...but only until April. Probably not the best reason to dislike a team, but that's just how I roll.



(Oh, and anybody who assigns "deep Pacific teal" as a team color is undoubtedly demented.)

So, yes, the Sharks circle (surround? attack? stalk? what the fuck else do sharks do?) the Joe tonight, looking for a back-to-back win after their victory in Columbus last night. Last night was also their sixth win a row. The Wings are looking for their third straight win, and Chris Osgood will be starting in goal tonight (after his 50th career shutout on Tuesday...god, am I horrible at not writing recaps for games I didn't get to watch).

I'm really sad right now that I won't be in Detroit tonight. Maybe I would have been lucky and gotten to see this in person:



Amazingly, I think I found this woman's house on YouTube. Too early to think about Christmas? Nah. If this doesn't get you pumped for the holiday season, then you're a godless heathen, and I don't like you:



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Completely superfluous and unrelated, but I have to do it. Saw this on Deadspin, the mother of all things fabulous, and I couldn't resist.



My new heroes, hands down. Happy belated Halloween, boys and girls. I would give 20 cents anything for you guys to enjoy this as much as I do.

Part 2 - Wings triumph over Canucks, 5-4.

To be sure, it was an imperfect game. The penalties the Wings took in the third period almost made me lose my damn mind, not to mention the fact that the Canucks scored within the first 30 seconds of the puck drop.

No matter how happy the game made me (exact description: happier than Kurt Warner at a Jesuslovefest), it's important to keep in mind that it's just one game, and in no way is the team out of the woods. It's a long season, we're only in October, we've got a long way to go.

Thoughts on the game:

1. Pavel Freakin' Datsyuk. Holy shit. I looked for a video last night of this goal and couldn't find one. Today, we're in luck. Here is a beautiful goal, his first of the season, straight from Datsyuk's playbook:





I know I've bitched, ad nauseum, about how Pasha needed to score in every game ever, so it's obvious that I missed watching him do his thing and score amazing goals like this, but wow--watching him do this never fails to amaze me.

2. Jimmy Howard came up huge last night. It's unfortunate that Chris Osgood had the worst night ever, but pulling him was totally the right call, and I am ecstatic that Babcock did it so early. Had he not, it would have only gotten worse from there. (How much did I want to light myself on fire after the Canucks scored their 2nd goal? On a scale of 1-10, -----> infinity.)

3. The Scrappy Octopi, while watching the game last night, looked at each other during the 3rd period flurry and remarked, "Has Homer been on the ice for every single goal scored by the Wings?" Although statistically not true, it sure felt that way. (Oh, and anyone who thinks that goaltender interference should have been called when Homer was shoved into Luongo after Kronwall's goal was in the net should kiss my ass.)

4. I can't believe Brett Lebda actually lifted the net up and out of the ice. I'm not even mad; I'm impressed. (Thank you, Anchorman.)

5. How much did I want to physically harm Brad Stuart for the boarding penalty at that crucial moment during the third period? On a scale of 1-10, -------> infinity^infinity. I thought the hit was a little shady--not that Stuart intended to board him, but it was a close call.

6. Todd Bertuzzi is bound to get a goal one of these days. I would gladly give 10 years off my life, however, if in the interim, we don't have to hear the adjective "snakebitten"; it reminds me too much of everyone's description of Datsyuk during the playoffs, and it gives me nightmares.

7. Brian is funny. Per an email from him:

Sadly, in an unprecedented move, the NHL said the last 5 of the game will need to be replayed. Brad Watson phoned the league at 3am and said he intended to blow the last Wings goal dead. This sucks :(

8. I giggle with wreckless abandon every time I hear the name Mason Raymond now. Can't you just picture him putting in a chaw before he goes on the ice? Or retreating to his deer stand after games? Brian likes to picture him with camo skates on. I couldn't find a picture of this, but I did find a picture of this:

Come on, it's a car painted in a camo pattern and it's a Camaro. That would fetch you at least $1K at a yard sale around these parts. Or you could go park it at the high school and snag some jail bait. I'm just saying.

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All right, Michigan inhabitants, I'm going to post something at the end of all my posts directing you to another post in which I beseech you for your opinion on a hotel The Scrappy Octopi are considering for our December jaunt to Detroit. Just a quick yes or no on whether the place in question is sketchy. I will do this on every post; I have no pride...or shame.

B.S. -- Part 2

Actually, I did feel like writing a little bit more:

It is so fucking frustrating to watch the Wings dominate the play throughout the first part of the game, only to lose the game in the end. Play throughout the game was solid and consistent; Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Filppula, Osgood, Leino--they all had great nights. Hell, even Brett Lebda scored a goal.

But toward the middle of the third period, when they were up only by a goal, the Wings switched from maintaining a strong offensive presence to facing down the Coyotes in their own zone and struggling to clear the puck; it would have been great if there had been a cushion separating the two teams. With each rush, the Coyotes inched closer and closer to having a solid scoring chance, and the Wings struggled to barely get it out of their zone, until finally, the bullshit goal resulting from a pileup on Chris Osgood happened.

And THAT'S frustrating.

I write this because I don't want to blame the entire thing on the bullshit that I believe should have been considered goaltender interference. Rather, just like losing in OT in general--it sucks ass, without a doubt, but you shouldn't have put yourself there in the first place.

So, that's why I'm so pissed off right now.

As a postscript, I don't even want to talk about the GWG in OT. Yeah, it totally and completely sucked ass, but that's like saying the sky is blue.

Well. I guess it's to be expected.

Per Nightmare on Helm Street, per Ansar Kahn, Pasha will not play tonight.

Holy fuck on a stick. I knew this was going to happen.

The announcement of his injury followed the typical pattern:

1. Yesterday morning: He missed a morning skate, but it's no big deal.

2. Later yesterday: He's "day-to-day", but it's nothing significant.

3. This afternoon: He's not playing tonight.

I hate pessimism and taking things too seriously; that's why I try to look on the bright, or at least humorous, side of things on this blog, so I'm not going to freak out. But I want to light myself on fire. But I won't.

Here are things that need to happen tonight:

1. Henrik Zetterberg needs to score. Immediately.

2. Dan Cleary needs to produce more offensively. He and Z are on the top line together tonight; they need to light it up. Bertuzzi needs to stay consistent with the defensive pressure. If it's just Z doing all the work tonight on that line, I'm going to be super, duper pissed.

3. I feel good about Leino/Filppula/Williams back together on the 2nd line. I liked seeing these guys together during the game against Chicago last week.

4. So excited to see Darren Helm back finally (couldn't watch the game two days ago because DirecTV v. Versus fucking sucks my life away).

5. Homer, Draper and Maltby are together on the 4th line. In the grand scheme of things, I actually don't mind this, either; these guys have played hard, for the most part, and have produced more than people significantly younger. Draper's goal against Chicago the other night was fantastic.

6. Brett Lebda is back, Derek Meech is out. At this point, who gives a shit?

7. I hope the home crowd energizes Ozzie and that he can make a few stellar saves early enough in the game to set the pace.

I can't believe I'm most nervous about the top line. It's as if everything I've ever known and held true has been thrown askew. It's like finding out I'm adopted, Santa Claus isn't real, and Chris Kunitz actually isn't permanently dressed up as a hobgoblin for Halloween, all at the same time. What the hell?

So, last week, in preparation for the battle royale v. the Blackhawks, I used one of my favorite "get pumped" songs, courtesy of Bonecrusher, to set the tone for the game. I feel we need something different today, something a little less gangsta, but equally as hardcore.

I have just the thing:

I guess tonight's just one of those nights, huh?

The Wings lost to Buffalo, 6-2.

I'm going to be honest with you; I didn't watch the game. I'm one of the oh-so-lucky DirecTV customers who are getting royally screwed every single time a Wings game is broadcast on Versus.

But that's neither here nor there.

I've watched the highlights--can we really call them that? I'd say lowlights, but that sounds like I'm going to spend the remainder of the blog discussing the players' coifs--and I'm just kinda at a loss of what to say.

I feel I have to say the requisite statement, as a Wings fan, that not every goal was Ozzie's fault. He got pulled after five goals against, so one of them was definitely not his fault, as it was on Howard's watch. (Come on, we take what we can get. Laugh a little. It was a cute joke.) From what I saw in one of the clips, Brad Stuart seemed to have his head up his ass again. What the hell is up with this guy?

More thoughts, based on what little I've seen:

--Absolutely adored the Homer redirected goal. This guy is off to a great start this season, and I couldn't be happier for him, especially because there are many people, Detroit fans included, who were ready to write him off as too over the hill and too beat up from years of abuse. Keep it coming, Homer; we need you. Badly.

--It's too bad Valtteri Filppula didn't convert on the penalty shot. The team was already trailing by four, but at least it would have been badass.

I had just typed that I was not going to look up stats because I wasn't in the mood; I was just going to type some random shit, go to bed, then look up a bunch of stuff tomorrow and write a somewhat coherent post. But I couldn't help myself. And now I wish I could undo it.

Why in holy FUCK is there not a single player on the Wings' roster with a positive +/- overall?!

The entire team combined for a -20. Yes. A negative twenty.

The best anybody did was break even.

By contrast, the Sabres' team +/- was a +20.

I guess this is to expected when you allow 6 GA in one game. But it's still gut-wrenching.

Another question worth asking: How in the hell does a team with seemingly no offensive presence score six goals against arguably the best two-way team in the league?

Bleh.

On the positive side, at least this game does not matter. It is one game of 82. The only people it genuinely matters to are Buffalo fans, sort of, because I'm sure they're psyched, and to naysayers who are always ragging on the Wings and champing at the bit to be the first to pinpoint the exact second the Wings' demise begins.

This team isn't in our division. It's not in our conference. It's 1/82 of the season. Take a deep breath. Let it go.

The Wings face Los Angeles later in the week. I'm suing the Kings. I just winked. You can't see it. (Bonus points for you if you are an Arrested Development fan AND you're reading this blog AND you're a Red Wings fan. Can the world really handle this much awesome?)

Goodnight, ladies and gents.

Post-Battle Royale Notes

The Wings beat the Hawks 3-2 last night, and that game was awesome.

Not necessarily because the Wings played their best game; the Hawks outshot the Wings and had excellent scoring chances, far too many for my comfort level, due to Wings' defensive breakdowns.

That being said, the Wings staved off two Hawks' power plays with a 2-man advantage, including one that ran literally to the final buzzer.

To fans who have watched the Wings' penalty kill throw up on itself over the past year or so, this is a huge confidence booster.

Some more things that rocked my socks last night:

--Chris Osgood. Ozzie was the man last night. He made 32 saves, stood on his head, and even the two Hawks' goals were really unpreventable by him.

--Kris Draper's goal was a-ma-zing. He also ended the night with 3 shots on goal and a +1 rating.

--Todd Bertuzzi (!) prevented a very scary scoring chance for the Hawks.

--Thank you, Brad May, for providing some toughness to the team. You'll never be Aaron Downey to me, but you're doing a pretty good job of making me like you.

--I'm feeling the Leino/Filppula/Williams line; I'm excited to see what these guys can do throughout the season together. (On a side note, FSD interviewed Mike Babcock during one of the intermissions, and I swear, he referred to Filppula as "Phillip-pula". This also rocked my socks.)

--Derek Meech, in for Brett Lebda, ended the night with a +1 rating. I know, right? Keep it up, Meech.

Some things that I'm iffy on...

--I want to see more offensive production out of Pavel Datsyuk. I heart this guy with all my being, so this isn't me being hard on him. It's tough love.

--Henrik Zetterberg looks injured still. He isn't skating with the same fluidness and ease that he normally does.

--I hope Jonathan Ericsson is ok. He took a puck to the same ankle he hurt during the Stockholm series.

--The Wings need to stop giving teams so many ridiculous scoring chances, and I mean both taking penalties and giving up turnovers. I nearly peed my pants when Niklas Kronwall got the penalty, enabling the Hawks to have 6-4 for the final minute and a half of the game. Yes, it made for an exciting game, but it shouldn't have happened in the first place.

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In other news, how excited do you think I was that this happened:



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Ovie and the Caps come to town tomorrow night. Should be a great game. Let's go, Wings.