A Call to Arms

Dear Scrappy Readers*,

*This is actually directed at the approximately zero of you who stumble across this site and not the infinitely more fabulous Motown Wings, The Production Line, and/or The Obstructed View. Yep, all none of you. But whatever, since you're already here, just keep reading, please.

It's time we had a serious talk.

By now, you've all heard of Herm to Hockeytown, or, more colloquially, H2H. And I know you've all opened up your wallets and donated a few bucks to the effort because even though Herm's all set to go to the game on March 26, you know that the extra moolah is going to the kiddos at DMC.

You're also all keyed up to participate in live-blogging during the Pens game on Sunday over at Winging It in Motown because you know that for every comment posted, money will be donated to helping the relief effort in Haiti.

But wait, there's something else on your to-do list, isn't there?

That's right. You still have to make that Twitter account so you can follow @RedWingsOV and @H2Hockeytown.

Since we've been pals for several months now, I feel I can be frank with you: What the fuck are you waiting for?

I mean, seriously. Do you not realize that we have a potentially life-changing scenario on the line here, and it all depends on enough of you following those accounts?

Oh, wait. You haven't heard? Oh, boy: We were commissioned by Chris over at Motown Wings a few days ago to design a killer T-shirt for #44's #1 fan, Michael Petrella to wear during the H2H game. And by "killer", I mean it's going to be so awesome, people may die of awesome overload upon resting their eyes on it. We're pulling out all the stops, including, but not limited to, egregious use of flourescent colors, multiple hearts and other whimsical designs, excessive liberties with glitter--basically all the fabulously elaborate factors you'd imagine would be involved in conveying Petrella's undying love to his hockey idol.

But here's the deal. If you don't sign up for Twitter and follow them, it won't happen. And that would be really detrimental to the happiness of everyone involved. I mean, Herm is coming all the way from Brazil. Don't you think seeing one half of TPL sporting a Bert-lovin' hot pink shirt for all the world to see would make his experience just a teensy bit more awesome than it's already guaranteed to be? Really, you guys have seen tons of my artistic finesse via Paint collages. You can imagine how bombass this shirt will be. (Yves Saint-Laurent on meth is how I describe my eye for design.)

Oh, I get it. You're not going to H2H, so you're not all that excited for it. Well, guess what. There will be pictures taken. And maybe even video. I mean, Brian's planning on having a danceoff with at least one other person there, so we'll try to get Petrella on camera, too.

So, it's decided then. You've already opened up another tab and are signing up for Twitter as you read this. Awesome! Here are some of the fun things you can do:

--Follow yours truly and we can talk about all kinds of awesome things 140 characters at a time (Brian may even sext you via direct message, so get excited!): @ScrappyOctopus

--Follow Petrella and harass him with tweets about how much he and Bert were probably separated at birth (they each have half a golden medallion, and H2H will be the magical event in which they'll discover it!): @mpetrella

--Follow Chris and thank him for being the boss of brainstorming devious plans: @chollis

--Follow our bud Andy and harass him with Abba lyrics (I heard somewhere that's his favorite band): @FightNightatJoe

For fuck's sake, just sign up for an account, follow RedWingsOV and H2Hockeytown, and then forget that you have a Twitter account, if it's not your bag. Just do it. Please?

Thanks a million and LYLAS/B,
The Scrappy Octopus