28 January 2010

A Call to Arms

Dear Scrappy Readers*,

*This is actually directed at the approximately zero of you who stumble across this site and not the infinitely more fabulous Motown Wings, The Production Line, and/or The Obstructed View. Yep, all none of you. But whatever, since you're already here, just keep reading, please.

It's time we had a serious talk.

By now, you've all heard of Herm to Hockeytown, or, more colloquially, H2H. And I know you've all opened up your wallets and donated a few bucks to the effort because even though Herm's all set to go to the game on March 26, you know that the extra moolah is going to the kiddos at DMC.

You're also all keyed up to participate in live-blogging during the Pens game on Sunday over at Winging It in Motown because you know that for every comment posted, money will be donated to helping the relief effort in Haiti.

But wait, there's something else on your to-do list, isn't there?

That's right. You still have to make that Twitter account so you can follow @RedWingsOV and @H2Hockeytown.

Since we've been pals for several months now, I feel I can be frank with you: What the fuck are you waiting for?

I mean, seriously. Do you not realize that we have a potentially life-changing scenario on the line here, and it all depends on enough of you following those accounts?

Oh, wait. You haven't heard? Oh, boy: We were commissioned by Chris over at Motown Wings a few days ago to design a killer T-shirt for #44's #1 fan, Michael Petrella to wear during the H2H game. And by "killer", I mean it's going to be so awesome, people may die of awesome overload upon resting their eyes on it. We're pulling out all the stops, including, but not limited to, egregious use of flourescent colors, multiple hearts and other whimsical designs, excessive liberties with glitter--basically all the fabulously elaborate factors you'd imagine would be involved in conveying Petrella's undying love to his hockey idol.

But here's the deal. If you don't sign up for Twitter and follow them, it won't happen. And that would be really detrimental to the happiness of everyone involved. I mean, Herm is coming all the way from Brazil. Don't you think seeing one half of TPL sporting a Bert-lovin' hot pink shirt for all the world to see would make his experience just a teensy bit more awesome than it's already guaranteed to be? Really, you guys have seen tons of my artistic finesse via Paint collages. You can imagine how bombass this shirt will be. (Yves Saint-Laurent on meth is how I describe my eye for design.)

Oh, I get it. You're not going to H2H, so you're not all that excited for it. Well, guess what. There will be pictures taken. And maybe even video. I mean, Brian's planning on having a danceoff with at least one other person there, so we'll try to get Petrella on camera, too.

So, it's decided then. You've already opened up another tab and are signing up for Twitter as you read this. Awesome! Here are some of the fun things you can do:

--Follow yours truly and we can talk about all kinds of awesome things 140 characters at a time (Brian may even sext you via direct message, so get excited!): @ScrappyOctopus

--Follow Petrella and harass him with tweets about how much he and Bert were probably separated at birth (they each have half a golden medallion, and H2H will be the magical event in which they'll discover it!): @mpetrella

--Follow Chris and thank him for being the boss of brainstorming devious plans: @chollis

--Follow our bud Andy and harass him with Abba lyrics (I heard somewhere that's his favorite band): @FightNightatJoe

For fuck's sake, just sign up for an account, follow RedWingsOV and H2Hockeytown, and then forget that you have a Twitter account, if it's not your bag. Just do it. Please?

Thanks a million and LYLAS/B,
The Scrappy Octopus


  1. Okay, I don't want to cramp your design style, but I wanted to toss out some ideas. For starters, I think it should be modeled something like this (https://www.reteez.com/images/BackstreetBoys.jpg), but with more neon colors and GLITTER. Instead of the BSB faces, there should be 5 different images of Bertuzzi. One must be She-Tuzzi. Another one needs to be photoshopped onto Patrick Kane's hairless body. Other than that, the pic of him hugging a teammate (I can't remember who) might be good, and there should probably be a shot of his awesome faux-hawk. I'm sure he has some glamor shots that are to die for too.

    Anyway, design away, and I look forward to seeing your handiwork. This t-shirt needs to be a walking trainwreck.

  2. Poor, poor Mike. At least he's a great sport. :)

  3. Also, if there's any way you can get your hands on a Bedazzler, I will love you forever.

  4. If someone ever tweets to me about fuckin' Abba... or U2, or Queen or Madonna=manwhore.. well I will use more time trying to kill them than to spell this right (3 drunk minutes. I am a bad drunk writer)

  5. I cannot believe I just did this, but I did this for you Natalie. I am so ashamed, but I just signed up for twitter. My user name is Wings3_26_97.

  6. wow, I became Dena's first follower...

  7. Kris, we love your suggestions. I think the finished product will not disappoint. (Bedazzling is DEFINITELY happening.) The bottom line is Petrella has obviously been looking for a creative way to express his love for Bert; we're just giving him the outlet to do so. And Baroque, you're right: He is the best sport ever.

    DENA, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! I was absent from the internet until this morning, so Andy beat me to the punch. That's ok; there's a singing telegram in the form of "Dancing Queen" headed to his residence as we speak. ;) But seriously, thanks for signing up! Now we can have all kinds of fun, even more than we already do. :)

  8. The Bert/She-Tuzzi T-shirt is so full of WIN that I almost want to go to the game just to see this monstrosity. I know I am an outsider looking in on most of you (where the hell did this reader come from, she doesn't have a blog and hardly Twitters), but consider me signed up to make this happen. You guys truly rock a lot more than most of my real-life friends.

  9. Seriously Natalie. You inspired Kris to quote Abba, Queen and U fucking 2 for me on twitter last night. Evil, just evil.

  10. Nurse Nitz, you have to come to #H2H! It doesn't matter that you don't have a blog or that you don't Twitter frequently. Some of the main people involved don't have their own blogs. Seriously, you have to be there! It's going to be an awesome experience.

    Andy, I just continued that conversation on Twitter, where I am attempting to conspire with Kris to hatch a diabolical plot.

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  12. LOL. You guys all rock. Poor Andy :( They played a few Queen songs at The Joe tonight & it made me think of him ;) Are there tickets still available for H2H??