17 January 2010

Do we have to come up with a title?

Our second attempt at a "live blog", posted well after the game ends. I started it off; Brian took it over at the end of the third and continued through overtime and the shootout. Main lessons learned from this venture? Dan Cleary shouldn't appear in shootouts, the Wings played (mostly) a hell of a game and still lost, which means we're just at a complete loss of coherent thought right now, and we're going to go ahead and blame this guy since he was at the game. Payback for Grandy, pal; plus, we just gotta blame somebody.


12:35 – Pierre McGuire asks Nicklas Lidstrom how the Wings will hold up to the younger players on the Blackhawks’ roster. Wow. I really wish I had heard before that Chicago’s roster was laden with young stars. All this time, I thought their collective age was 4,735,093 years old.

First Period

12:36 – Puck drop. Let’s go, Red Wings!

12:37 – Antti Niemi makes the first save of the game. Duncan Sheik is, apparently, the MVP of the Hawks, according to Eddie Olczyk. I don't suppose he's worth the price, worth the price that Chicago pay-e-yay-yay-yaid?

12:38 – First time today: Chicago is the new Detroit. Have they won the 2010 Stanley Cup already? Somebody once tried to explain to me the fundamentals of quantum physics, in which every imaginable possibility to every imaginable scenario occurs at some point in a parallel but distinct universe. I really wish I had paid closer attention. Maybe I wouldn’t be so bitter.

12:38 – Hell of a scoring chance by Darren Helm. Love the crowd’s reaction to everything this kid does. Valtteri Filppula follows suit with a nice chance chasing the puck up through the neutral zone.

12:39 – “Tomas Kopecky is not being booed here in Detroit.” That’s because nobody gives a fuck.

12:40 – Replay of Steve Ott “goal” yesterday. The “frustration” they’re feeling on the Red Wings bench seems to be translating to speed and urgency in the play; can they sustain three periods’ worth?

12:40 – Niemi makes a save on great shot by Pavel Datsyuk, who is starting the game by having more shoot. Datsyuk had a decent chance on the rebound, too, but Niemi was too fast for it.

12:41 – Dan Cleary shot just wide of the net, but it’s nice to see him working hard.

12:42 – Derek Meech takes the first penalty of the game for hooking Brian Campbell, who was charging to the net. Thanks, #14. Anybody want to give Kronner a knee transplant so (A) reader Dena gets her groove back and (B) Meech goes away?

12:43 – Chicago’s power play makes me nervous. Nicklas Lidstrom helps to take away some of that nervousness by playing tight, clean defense, per the usual. The Hawks manage to keep the puck in the Wings’ zone for the first half and change; Wings clear with 0:50 remaining. Hawks scramble to get back into PP order; Drew Miller—everyone’s favorite fourth liner-cum-rock star deflects puck out of play. Wings manage to keep Chicago’s power play unorganized for the remainder of the penalty kill.

12:45 – Nice pass by Bert to Hank, then to Datsyuk, who tried to find his way to the net, but too much traffic in front prevented a score. Coherent and organized work by our current top line on this shift. Wings outnumber Hawks in shots so far, 6-2.

12:47 – FUCK. Brad May/Justin Abdelkader/Kirk Maltby fail to bury on awesome breakaway chance—May tore puck away, passed to Abdelkader, and Maltby joined up at some point and tried to net the rebound; in the blink of an eye, Jonathan Toews and Troy Brouwer carry puck back up the ice. Toews passes to Brouwer. 1-0, Blackhawks. The crowd is chanting…something. I hope it’s obscene.

12:51 – Hawks appear to have gained some momentum; they’re on the Wings’ second line like Kane on cabbies white on rice. Whoa, NBC just revealed that Brent Seabrook has the third-best plus-minus in the League with +23.

12:52 – Marian Hossa touches the puck for icing against Detroit. This is the first time I’ve noticed him all game.

12:54 – NBC goes to commercial break; the camera catches Abdelkader saying something to Patrick Kane. I hope it’s something about two dimes being forcefully placed into an orifice.

12:56 – Mike Babcock denies that his team is frustrated. I love Babs, but frankly, I want to hear that they’re frustrated. They should be frustrated. Just make it translate into something productive. That’s all we ask.

12:57 – Power play for Chicago for penalty called against Brad Stuart for…something. It looked like good defense. Maybe the good folks in Toronto sent out a strongly-worded memo including this in list of no-nos for Detroit?

12:58 – Jimmy Howard stands tall against shot by Troy Brouwer. Marian Hossa is on the Hawks’ second power play unit; the crowd boos. Nicklas Lidstrom blocks shot by his nemesis, Patrick Sharp. Red Wings clear the puck with 0:22 remaining. Rest of the PK disappears without much notice.

1:00 – Darren Helm steals the puck and sprints up the ice with Patrick Eaves alongside. Effort is broken up by Chicago’s tight defensive play. Helm takes the puck away again—get your tickets, everybody! The Darren Helm one-man-show, coming to a venue near you. Never gets old watching it, does it?

1:02 – Penalty called on Patrick Eaves for high-sticking. Shit. It just feels as if it’s a matter of time until Chicago capitalizes on Detroit’s lack of discipline this period, although Jimmy is playing his ass off.

1:03 – Patrick Kane scores his 20th goal of the season. 2-0, Chicago. Fuck.

1:05 – Jeremy Roenick is celebrating his 40th birthday today at NBC. Lucky us. He and Mike Milbury can duke it out for Jagoff of the Day. Very special.

1:07 – Fucking tight save by Howard on a shot by Andrew Ladd, right in front of the net.

1:08 – Nicklas Lidstrom scores #3 of the season! The drought is over times two. The play leading up to the goal was magnificent—hell of a pass from Henrik Zetterberg to Pavel Datsyuk, who somehow appeared in the play and finagled his way around several opponents.

1:09 – Patrick Eaves, scrapping it up at the faceoff with Kris Versteeg. Love this kid’s chutzpah. I’ll give Eaves $--HOLY SHIT, THEY ARE FIGHTING! HELL OF A FIGHT! YESSSSSSSS. That fucking kid can fight! Whoa. I am just floored. Patrick Eaves is my new hero. Maybe Brad May oughta take fighting lessons from him? I mean, get your five minutes’ worth.

1:12 – Just as Pavel was moving his way up the ice with good speed after a takeaway, Bert draws a penalty for interference. Damn. And for the record—the organ playing doesn’t make it any easier to watch.

First Intermission

I left the room as soon as I saw Mike Milbury and Jeremy Roenick seated together. Aneurysm avoided.

Second Period

1:31 – Darren Helm speed thrust, AGAIN. Solid coverage by the Hawks prevents him from capitalizing. Especially nice effort, considering we’re still killing a penalty.

1:32 – Jimmy Howard makes a tight save on Marian Hossa, who has stopped being invisible against Detroit. Every time Howard makes a save on Hossa, an angel gets its wings, and we have a teeny, tiny orgasm. It’s not really worth booing him in light of this. Also, enjoy it while it lasts Chicago. He'll go back to being a figment of your imagination in April. Can't wait.

1:32 – Flurry of action, starting from Zetterberg passing to Bert, who passed to Jonathan Ericsson at the blueline. Ericsson shot it in, the rebound was there for Zetterberg and Miller, but Niemi finally made the save.

1:34 – I can’t stand hearing Johan Franzen’s name pronounced with the same “a” sound as in “France”.

1:35 – Penalty against the Blackhawks, their first of the game. Tripping call against Colin Fraser. Brian Rafalski’s wristshot almost made it in to the net, but was deflected. Wings hold the puck in the Hawks’ zone for the first half. The second power play unit looks so drastically different from the second power play unit a few weeks ago or even earlier in the season. Remember when Ville Leino played on the second unit? Fuck, it’s nice to have Filppula back. Except…it sucks to watch Jimmy have to make two saves while our opponents are shorthanded, which just happened. On the bright side, at least it’s a high-energy game, meaning the Wings definitely showed up this period.

1:38 – Brent Seabrook takes a penalty for holding. He does the douchey, “Oh, but that other ref didn’t call it.” I love when people live up to my preconceived impressions of them.

1:41 – Delayed penalty call on Patrick Sharp for nearly murdering Dan Cleary. That was the longest penalty delay I’ve ever seen in my life—exhausting the remaining 0:16 of the Seabrook penalty and change, even-handed.

1:42 – Wow. I hadn’t realized how much I don’t miss GoDaddy.com commercials and Danica Patrick’s skeeziness until I saw the first one I’ve seen since last year’s SCF.

1:44 – Patrick Kane is a crater face.

1:45 – HENRIK ZETTERBERG TIES THE GAME WITH A PP GOAL! He swiftly maneuvers the puck—somehow, in the midst of a Chicago line change—and beats Niemi. Beautiful. He had an off game yesterday; this is much better.

1:48 – Patrick Sharp scores. On a shitty defensive breakdown by the Wings. What could Jimmy have done in that situation? Gross.

1:51 – Joel Quenneville is so hot.

1:55 – Tomas Kopecky is so funny to watch. It’s kind of like watching two orange hamsters boning.

2:01 – Brent Seabrook continues his dickweed behavior—as Brian pointed out, he sorta karate-chopped the ice with his stick because the refs called Chicago offside. (Side note: MS Word just autocorrected “dickweed” to “duckweed”. Anybody good with computers out there who can develop a scrappy word processor for us? I want my ambivalent or mild language to be autocorrected to strongly offensive diction. Get on it.)

2:03 – End of the second period. Chicago leads, 3-2.

Second Intermission

Mike Milbury talks something about Brian Rafalski and the Olympics and—OH, JESUS CHRIST, WHY DID WE FORGET TO TURN THE CHANNEL?! Fuck, Jeremy Roenick’s still there, too. NOOOOO…

(I hope on my 40th birthday, I have somebody more kickass to hang out with than Mike Milbury. If not, I’ll just hang it up.)

Third Period

2:21 – Third period starts off kinda weird; Jimmy had to make a couple of great saves on unfortunate chances for the Hawks. The Wings aren’t doing a whole lot to generate offensive pressure.

2:23 – Darren Pang reveals that before the game, Colin Fraser said that his team is good, and they know it. Eat a dick.

2:26 – A whole clusterfuck involving various saves by Jimmy and rebounds, ending with a scary chance for Toews. No score, though. I hate this kind of play, when it just feels as if it’s a matter of time before the other team scores.

2:28 – Niemi makes a strong save on Dan Cleary; immediately thereafter, Jimmy saves on what would have been an unassisted goal by Hossa on a breakaway. Thank. Christ.

2:30 –Abdelkader and Brent Sopel crash into Niemi after Niemi makes one of the craziest kinds of saves, leaping off the ice to swat the puck from high above him. Sopel limps off the ice. Whatever. We always predict pain for these meetups; it’s disappointing when it doesn’t happen (to the other team).

2:32 – Patrick Kane was miked up for NBC’s Sounds of the Game. What we discovered today: He screams “boom” when he scores, and he mumblefucks with his mouthguard hanging out of his mouth. So now we know exactly what it would be like if we did the grownup with him.

2:39 – FUCK YOU, NBC, FOR NOT SHOWING THE GOAL TYPING THE GAME 3-3. Patrick Eaves is my star of the game. Fuckin’ A, man. Wish I could have seen it…LIVE. Instead, we had to stare at Niemi’s mug, which is hilarious, since he was simultaneously giving up a goal.

[Tag-team member Brian takes over the helm.]

2:48 – Draper gets away with a high stick. Chicago baby-cries about it. They lead the league in that category, which is good for them. Detroit is playing with a ton of passion right now. NBC just dropped a hard stat – only three shots on goal for Chicago in the third. Craziness.

2:54 – Bert decides to lay down and take a nap on Niemi’s back on a breakaway. Jimmy makes a nice save or two on the other end. The tension could be cut with a knife. It would be great to steal a point today.


3:00 – And we’re going to overtime! It is really nice to get that point today, a point that you’d be hard-pressed to think we would’ve gotten out of this game today. Let's hope they finish it.

3:02 – Seabrook completely shit his pants. What a save by Niemi on the breakaway by Zetterberg. Damn it.

3:05 – Holy fuck balls. Two on one, Datsyuk breakaway, Jimmy with no stick standing on his head, giving a big fuck you to Chicago...

3:07 – Holy mother of god. I cannot even type fast enough to describe everything that just happened. You saw it. I watched the last minute of overtime, and I shit my pants. Wow. Shootout.


3:11 – Datsyuk with an amazing move, and then Toews buries one on the other end.

3:12 – Zetterberg smacks the crossbar. Now for 20 cent……..FABULOUS stop by Jimmy! I think I’m feeling faint.

3:13 – BERT LOOKING LIKE A FIGURE SKATER. I thought everything he did involved falling down and committing penalties...and Hossa, of all people, evens it up. That stings.

3:14 – Babcock does the unthinkable and puts out Cleary, who, unsurprisingly, does nothing, followed by Sharp winning the game. I have no words.


  1. I turned 40 a couple weeks ago (or 28 in hexadecimal notation) - I'll gladly hang out with you when you get that old and we can laugh at Milbury (who will probably have replaced a Don Cherry so senile all he can do is cackle and drool by then, poor old man) on the new Coach's Corner. :)

    And booing Kopy would be like laughing at the child in a wheelchair until his broken legs are healed and he can get out of his casts - cruel and pointless.

  2. Very very entertaining stuff. The Norwegian Department of fact checking would like to point out the following though:
    - The last 2 meetings between the Wings and Hawks ended 3-0.
    - It was Nick's 3rd goal (I think)
    - And I am pretty sure it was ultra-douche Pierre McGuire and not Darren Pang (who is actually cool).

    Anyway... I don't factcheck either so...

    And Natalie, you guys have to get some good internet so you can be on TOV.

  3. Hello all,
    I was also in attendance at the Joe today. 2nd row, next to the Wings bench (sigh). Here are some of my thoughts on the game this afternoon:
    1. I swear I saw Pierre MacGuire cum all over Patrick Kanes face.
    2. Kris Versteeg is a midget.
    3. I'm pretty sure that Princess Patrick thought that I was pretty. The glances of longing that he kept sending my way, oh how I wanted to call him a douche. But, you know what, I would rather get close enough to shove his mouthguard up his nose and into his brain. Hey Patrick, Boom goes the dynamite.
    4. Big rig, Eaves and Flippy should never be on the ice at the same time, the ice becomes too easy on the eyes.
    5. Stewie misses his Kronner. Nick come back soon, we miss you!
    6. There was alot of frustration on the Wings bench. Big rig, Eaves, Helmsy, and Stewie all tomahawk chopped the boards after a bad play.
    7. Pav and Berts shoot out goals were things of beauty, I wept.
    Oh, and Baroque, I turn 40 in September. (It hurts to type that)

  4. Dena -

    No one, including Stewie, misses Kronner more than me however Eaves does have me thinking of heading out to Walgreen's tomorrow for Schick Quattro. It's early days yet but maybe I'll see my chins again soon.

    As to age, I'll be 48 in three months but I still got carded last trip to the Joe so just let the number go.

  5. Baroque, Dena, and Anonymous--age IS nothing but a number. Happy belated birthday to you, Baroque. I'm glad you enjoyed the game, Dena. Don't you wish you could have told Patrick Kane that in person? I would pay money I can't afford to have 5 minutes to tell him exactly what I think of him. It can't be healthy to have this much hate in my heart. I bet you were floored to get to see the shootout magic in person; too bad it ended the way it did.

    Andy, please inform the Norwegian Department of Fact Checking that the errors have been corrected; they were right on all counts. This is what happens when you aren't connected to the internet...and can't double-check things of which you're not certain. It's a good thing we make no assertions of our content's accuracy. Oh, but just so you know--I can't tell you how I know this, but I received word through my contacts that the West Virginia Commission on Truth in Blogging has both your blog and ours on its radar now. Tread carefully: They supposedly already have our fingerprints on file. (I heard they're using Bush-era wiretapping techniques to get to the bottom of things. Shit.)

    Also, regarding the internet issue: Where we live, high-speed internet is not an option, as in it's literally not available, or else we'd have it. It sucks. A lot. It pains us NOT to be able to be on TOV for the time being. Maybe we can get involved via smoke signals or messages conveyed via carrier pigeon.

  6. Hehe, fact checking, spell checking and research are all way too time consuming for me :P So the Commission might just as well arrest me now.

    Wow, that kinda sucks. We all agreed last night that we'd really love too hear you there. Well, you should sit close to a mic at the H2H thing...

  7. Oh, I don't worry too much about the 40 - it just sounds so old, and I'm even a little shocked when I think about it because I still think of myself as being in my mid-thirties.

    If I had a chance to talk to Kane I'd probably start channeling my mom - he just seems like such a kid that he needs that. :D

  8. Baroque, I feel like I'm 12 years old most of the time. Hence, the ridiculously juvenile humor used on this blog. In fact, I feel confident that a high school freshman could stumble across this blog and scold me for my immaturity. And I'm totally ok with that.

    Andy, thanks for wanting to include me! That makes me feel special. I just commented on Fight Night that you guys did such a great job with this episode. I would love to be a part of it; I've talked with Chris a little bit about it. He said he and Brian are working on a solution to my lack of decent internet roadblock. I have a feeling if you lead a public outpouring, though, they'll have to listen. I mean, nobody wants an angry Viking knocking on their door, right?

  9. Nice summary of the action yesterday. I was in and out of the room watchng it. I really don't like NBC's NHL coverage. Doc is tolerable, but the rest are like finger nails on a chalk board to me. Roenick as a studio analyst? Ugh. It would only be entertaining if they brought Chelios in to sit on the other side of the table. Now that would be TV worth watching.

    Anyway... We got 2 out of 4 points this weekend and didn't lose any ground to the Kings, so that's good. I think. This coming week is huge in that we have an opportunity to finally get by the Kings. Just gotta take care of business against the Caps and Wild, then the Kings visit the Joe on Saturday night. It's a good week to be a Wings fan.

  10. Haha, we actually talked about it after the podcast and we need you guys on, so at least you'll be seated close to a mic at the H2H show.

  11. Thanks, Michael. Glad you enjoyed it. At least Roenick's appearance made it clear that a solo Mike Milbury is NOT, as we'd initially suspected, the worst thing that could possibly happen in the entire cosmos.

    Andy, we'll straight up steal a mike at #H2H. I'm not proud.