08 January 2010

An Ode to Homer

If I know what love is, it is because of you. - Hermann Hesse

As mentioned in the game recap last night, I actually cried when I learned of Homer's injury. This is officially my breaking point. Naturally, I'm worried about our team's offensive production and ability to hang in there (Howard's and Helm's superhuman performances last night aside), but perhaps even more than that, I'm just very sad. Reports indicate he'll be gone for three to four weeks. This would put him back in time for the Olympics with a week to spare, barring any setbacks. Homer will be 41 years old in 2014; missing the Olympics this year could be the last chance he'll have to skate for Team Sweden. Considering how hard Homer has worked this year and how much he's accomplished, particularly in light of so many anti-Detroit naysayers insisting during the off-season that he was over the hill and incapable of demolition any longer, this is a very glum possibility for TSO's second-favorite Red Wing (really, it's more of a 1[a] and 1[b] situation).

When Hank injured his shoulder, I tweeted that a Zetterberg-less world is a world I do not want to inhabit. I guess now I'll have to up the ante to this being a universe I no longer want to inhabit.

So, in order to raise our spirits and to make sure Homer feels the love, we've made a greeting card to send to Homer. From our hearts to yours:

If you listen closely, in that video--and mind you, I'm no expert in Swenglish/Swedegian, yet--I'm pretty sure he says, "Wow, signing these autographs for kids is so much fun, but it would be even more kickass if that silly girl from The Scrappy Octopus was here!" Maybe we can get a confirmation on my translation, Andy?

And finally, a long-distance dedication. Until you return, Homer:


  1. Completely correct translation! (actually I can hear him say "you're welcome" and "do you want an autograph" and "yes", but I can't really make out the rest. He mumbles too much)

  2. I feel your Homer pain. Welcome to my non-Kronworld. I haven't shaved my legs since that night in Montreal.

  3. Thanks, Andy! I knew I could count on you to reiterate my delusions of grandeur.

    Anonymous commenter, that is sad, but understandable. It's been eleven gajillion years since we've seen Kronwall. I do love your use of the word Kronworld. You've inspired me to do the following: Change all the photos on the sidebar to Homer photos until he returns. It'll be my equivalent of burning a perpetual candle in the window.

  4. haha awesome. I was actually thinking of (considering the name of my blog) to only have DMac pictures there. Then I remembered that my favourite player ever is named Stevie

  5. J.J. from KansasFriday, January 08, 2010

    I too have let my legs go unshaven since Kronwall's injury. I will continue to do so during Homer's foot pains. I will probably continue to do so for the rest of my life because I'm a guy, but it's always nice to have a second reason for things.

  6. The Anonymous Commenter thanks you for your support.

    You must also remember to mumble "aahh...for sure...yah" as you gaze into the flame of your perpetual candle (lovely photo choices by the way).

  7. Andy, I think you should do that sometime; maybe do it as a D-Mac commemorative thing on his birthday. Or whatever, just do it because you feel like it.

    J.J., it IS nice that you have a plan B in case you decide to start shaving because you feel it'll make you more aerodynamic. Just. Say. No.

    Thanks for the approval, Anonymous. And yes, I so very much love how Homer's favorite phrase is "for sure". I always try to impersonate his goofy accent, and it ends up coming off as some super cheesy Italian/Russian combo, like a bad actor with a worse fake accent portraying a European villain in an 80s/90s movie.

  8. Natalie: Yeah. I probably should.

    Holy fuckin Hetfield, you just gave me the bestestest idea ever. In my upcoming "Swedegian 2: Return of the Swedegian: Laugh in the face of the announcers Olympic special" (probably coming at some point close to the Olympics) I'll have a section where I pronounce American names the way the Swedes massacre them.

  9. http://www.kuklaskorner.com/index.php/a2y/comments/back_to_the_doghouse_ville/

    Natalie, don't wanna get your hopes up, but did you read this?

  10. YES. I did read that! You're talking about everyone skating except for Kronwall (sorry Anonymous Commenter from Kronworld)?

    And yes, please do the reverse Swedegian Swenglish special so we Americans won't feel as if we're the only ones who butcher names. After listening to your audio clip the other day, I was starting to feel like George W. Bush attempting to pronounce "nuclear" correctly. Jesus Christ, can you imagine if he decided to be a hockey announcer?

  11. No, that about Homer's injury possibly not being that serious...

    Hahahaha. Bush would suck as a hockey announcer. Norwegian announcer probably butcher names a bit too, but not as bad as the Swedes. They just somehow have a Swedish intonation on frickin everything

  12. Yes, I heard Murph say that during the game, too, but like the Chief, I kinda chalked it up to his being drunk and ridiculous. It would be amazing if he came back in two weeks, but I'm trying to prepare myself for worst-case scenario.

  13. yeah, I guess it's safest to be pessimistic