Wings @ Canucks tonight.

The Wings take on the Canucks in Vancouver tonight at 10 p.m. Eastern (sigh).

First: Please, please, please help out The Scrappy Octopus decide where it's going to park itself during its trek to Detroit in December by reading this post and commenting with helpful recommendations. So far, the only suggestions are (A) a zamboni and (B) Aaron Downey's potato farm, the former of which isn't very feasible, and the latter of which is just my imagination running away with me.

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And now, The Scrappy Octopus's lameass version of a preview, in the form of a worst-case scenario list.

Things That Are Worse Than Discovering Your Boyfriend Has a Penchant for Vampire Vag in a Can*

1. Mikael Samuelsson scores a hat trick and not a single one of his shots ends up in another time zone.

2. The Wings get beaten by a team whose mascot is this:

3. The Wings get beaten by a guy who is the proud owner of the most redneck name in all of hockey, Mason Raymond. (I can totally say that; I'm from West Virginia.) Also, he looks like this:

4. The Wings get beaten by a guy who is the proud owner of the second most redneck name in all of hockey, Willie Mitchell. Here's a picture of him knuckle-pillaging his nose:

*Or, for boys who like girls, Things That Are Worse Than Discovering The Hard Way That Your Handy Vag in a Can Has Morphed Into a Vampire Vag (Ouch)