20 December 2009

Three steps to recovery.

1. Let it out. Own it.
2. Forget it ever happened.
3. Double shots all around.

Because tomorrow's my birthday and tonight went down in a shitty manner, I'd prefer to live in a universe of my own design and delusion.

The team that took the ice tonight for the Hawks is better than the team that we dressed and put on the ice. Period. It fucking kills my soul to write that, but there's no other way of putting it. When you're missing [fill in the number you think relevant] of your top players, and you're facing a team as good as Chicago is this season, what can you really expect?

That being said, a few things that fucking piss me off, no matter how much the logical side of my brain can rationalize why we lost (in other words, this is my "owning it"):

1. Did we REALLY have to lay a goose egg tonight? I mean, really. Fucking KILLS me to get shut out at the United Center.

2. Speaking of the United Center, I hope anyone who chanted "Detroit sucks" during the last ten seconds of play chokes on his/her own bile. I mean, really: You shut us out today. Do we need to have an arithmetic refresher prior to the puck drop so you understand how to decipher the score? This behavior reminds me of the stereotypical high school bully--you know, the guy who races his Camaro through town, revving his engine at gimpy kids, and in school, spends his time stuffing geeks in their lockers after they refuse to let him cheat off their history tests--come to find out, after many years of therapy, the bully admits he was just ashamed of his inability to achieve anything more impressive than half-mast, even after enjoying extended "heavy petting" with the hot cheerleader he told everyone he was nailing. Go to hell.

3. Pavel Datsyuk should have gotten his money's worth out of Kris Versteeg, unequivocally the douchiest person I have ever had the sheer misfortune of laying eyes on.

4. I've always wanted to know what aborting myself mixed with liposuction gone wrong mixed with nuclear holocaust sounds like. Having heard that goal celebration bullshit they play in Chicago three times in a scoreless effort by the Wings, I can cross that one off my to-do list.

Feel free to let it out in the comments below in order to start your personal path to recovery. That's all from me on this one. Never discussing it again.


  1. Chicago sucks SMW. I'm actually glad I missed this game. I don't think I could have taken it.

    But hey, Happy B-Day!!! Maybe if you stay in your own universe, the Wings can at least win there.

    Hey, if they do, can I come visit?

  2. As to 4, I love the Fratellis and I hate that they've ruined a damned good song for me.

    Kane is an ass. This is the second game where he's taken a hit and gone down like a girl. He acts like he's hurt only to make it to the bench and not miss his next shift. Someone needs to smack him upside his cocky little head.

    The only positive was seeing the Mule.

  3. Happy Birthday there!

    It was a painful game to watch. The only thing worse than the loss is that I'll be thinking about this game until the Wings have another game till Wednesday.

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. this game was a turd. It never happened.

    Ditto on the Blackhawks ruining a damned good Fratelli's song. BOOOOO

  5. Happy birhtday.

    Steps to recovery for me:
    1. Depression
    2. Disbelief
    3. Depression
    4. Watching the Hawks get ravaged on wednesday

  6. Happy birthday!

    Goddamn I miss Zetterberg. I think I miss him the most, actually.

    I won't get to see this rematch on Wednesday because I don't live in Michigan or get the NHL Network even though I pay for Center Ice, but I really don't want to watch the Hawks again so soon. Last night was painful.

  7. 3 People IM'd me after the game to tell me something along the lines of "zero, ziltch, nadda. You suck". I congratulated them on their team beating the Grand Rapids Griffins and Waiver Pickup team.