Tonight, we're playing
You're welcome, Brian.
I'm not even going to pretend--I don't give a flying fuck about this team. At all. To put it into perspective:
Things I Care the Least About in My Life
1. Fidelity issues of famous athletes
2. Corona (seriously, who DRINKS that stuff?!)
3. Anything Joe Lieberman has to say
4. Any reality show that involves dancing
5. My bad reputation
6. Taking down Christmas decorations in my workspace any time before March
7. Aliens (sorry, Brian)
8. Being able to understand tip jars while sober
9. Tampa Bay Lightning
10. Any and all programming on Headline News
So there you have it, Tampa Bay G&L. You rank right between my inability to comprehend the fine art of a really kickass drunken activity and the trainwreck that is Nancy Grace. You should feel pretty pumped about that.
Thoughts I Will Inevitably Have During the Game
1. The name "Antero Nittymaki" will make me think of sushi, and I will want some, stat. I kinda want some now, and it's 10:00 in the morning. Sigh. It's going to be a loooong day.
2. The name "Martin St. Louis" will make me wonder what I always do when I see a last name involving "St.", which is, "Does he count the 'S' in 'St.', the 'L' in 'Louis', or both letters in his initials?" I wonder what it's like to have more than three initials. One of my suitemates in my first year of college was a girl who--no joke--had three middle names and a hyphenated last name, one of which involved a "D" and an apostrophe and then the rest of the name, like "D'Angelo". So, in actuality, this girl's initials were E.C.R.E.D.A.D. Insanity.
3. Why doesn't Vincent Lecavalier play for a better team?
4. Alex Tanguay does not, does not, does not equal Alex Tangueray.
5. Mattias Ohlund has one of my current favorite names in hockey, but only because of that bombass umlaut over the "O".
6. I'm really happy we took Drew Miller off their hands.
Let's. Go. Wings.
***
Before we get to the item that's really the heart and soul of all TSO game previews, I want to give you all a reminder that if we can convince a certain someone to release a certain video that a certain me has in her possession, then we could be watching a video of someone near and dear to our hearts. Just saying.
Enjoy:
Posts
Including the first #5 was awesome.
ReplyDeleteThe second #3 is something I often wonder about.
I really want to see the dancing video in your possession.
Ahh.. Finally an American who seems to understand beer. Corona, Miller, Bud, Bud lite and all that shite that tastes like pee with water in it can go to hell.
ReplyDeleteAre ümläüt's that cool? Personally I prefer the much more hardcore æ,ø and å :P
Oh, Andy, a few of us respect the brew. Personally, I have a strict rule not to drink any beer I can see through. Unless the temperature is over 85F. Then I bend, but reluctantly.
ReplyDeleteAnd Natalie, the only reason I care about TB is because I hope and pray that 2 days off and our pattern of playing lame against teams we don't take seriously won't come out to haunt us.
Good, good. That's a pretty nice rule to live by. At least it should distort your vision heavily. I can agree with the heat thing (though 85F doesn't tell me much. Around 25 degrees? Google says 29,444 sensible degrees). But I still prefer beer that's a darker than Corona when it's hot.
ReplyDeleteJenny, thanks for voting. The more who speak up, the better chance we have for success!
ReplyDeleteRe: Umlauts. Yes, they are awesome. Why? Because as an English-speaking American, I am constantly saddened when I look at other languages and see that they have kickass punctuation that we don't have. It's yet another reminder of my mediocre existence.
And re: beer. This is actually a great topic for me; in recent years, I've turned into a beer snob, although hypocritcally so, because I used to make fun of people who were particular about their brew. Generally speaking, I like amber-colored beer or darker, but my tastes vary. The only real light-colored beer I'm into at the moment is Stella Artois, which has become popular in the States lately; it doesn't have a very strong taste, but it's crisp and doesn't taste like urine, which is a plus. Belgian or Belgian-style wheat beers are yummy. I'm also a big fan of English-style brown beers and red Irish beers in general; I'm not sure I've ever tried one that I don't like (although I can't say I'd remember it, anyway, so that's that). Another popular beer that I love is Guinness; it has a taste of its own, and I love it. That's Brian's all-time favorite beer, which is fitting for him because he looks like a leprechaun.
We have a couple of microbreweries near where we live, plus there's a pub we like to go that has an extensive list of unusual beers, so when we go there, I like to try something different. Had pumpkin beer recently and loved it, although I'm generally not a fan of sweet alcoholic drinks, so I couldn't drink the pumpkin beer all the time, even though it was yummy (and I'm not a big fan of fruity cocktails, either, unless it's a lime margarita, and then I'm totally on board).
P.S. I think Corona actually IS pee. Brian's job involves overseeing drug tests; I wonder if anyone's ever tried to pass off Corona as their urine. Hmm...
Please, please, please, show us the dancing video!
ReplyDeleteAnd Natalie, no need to worry or apologize about being a beer snob. That's a good thing. Give some New Belgium beers a try if you see any around (my favorite local brewery in CO). Fat Tire or 1554 are good choices but you really can't go wrong.
Natalie: That sounds pretty good, seems like you know your beer. I generally enjoy beers brewed on the darker pilsnermalts and bayermalts, but now and then a Guiness is good. Stella is absolutely very enjoyable, but I have to say that nothing beets Czech beer, especially not Staropramen.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I just remembered that the greatest beer on earth is actually quite light. Weissbeer, but I guess that's a whole other kind of beer though.
Jenn, I will definitely try New Belgium if/when I see it. I love Belgian beers with all my heart.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad we can't all teleport ourselves to one central location, meet up for a Wings game, and bring our own contributions to a sort of "Beer Around the World" party. That would be so kickass.
Andy, the only Czech beer I've ever tried is Pilsner Urquell, and it was honestly the worst thing I've ever tasted in my entire life. No kidding--it tasted like dead skunk vomit. I would definitely give Czech beers another chance, though, because (A) obviously not all Czech beers taste like that (I hope), and (B) I'm tough and can handle dead skunk vomit again, if need be, although it's not my preference.
Do people in Norway even drink American beer? I always wonder things like that, mostly because I assume other countries have better beer than we do, or access to better beer than American beer, so why would they ever choose to drink American beer? For example, I love Molson Canadian. I know it's a Canadian mainstay, but our equivalent here is something by Budweiser/Miller/Coors, and to me, that all tastes like ass. Yeah, I can drink it, if necessary, but I'd never go out of my way to choose it.
Beer: Well, Stout. Drinking Guinness at St. James Gate in Dublin made me cry. No greater joy in life. Otherwise, grab some Anchor Steam (and some Maytag bleu) as it's my favorite American brew. If you're out in SF (I guess that means it's STL for Martin) or Reno (heavens help you), get it on tap.
ReplyDeleteUmmmm...is it bad that I really want to see that dancing fucktard take a header down the steps?
ReplyDeleteRegarding beer, my current personal preference is Shiner Bock, but I also like Killians. Also? A newish local microbrewery near us has a red that is similar to Killians...they call it The Production Line. They had me on the name alone (drank way too many at Quizzo Playoffs one night...oy).
Pilsner Urquell is decent, but not really among the best Czech beers.
ReplyDeleteNo, we don't, but my best friend's dad used to be the head of the biggest brewery here and they imported the shit, so I tasted is. I also have drunk it in the Caribean. Molson is great, but impossible to get here. Usually we drink Norwegian or Danish beer or one of the big European brands