30 March 2010

...The Kind You Clean Up With a Mop & Bucket

So, in light of today's Twitter feeding frenzy about the merits of dropping hard F's and whatnot onto the internets (man, what a fucking buzzkill), TSO has decided to renovate the site. Sorry if you kids turn into a bunch of sad pandas, but no more visions of glued-up dickholes, no more references of fuckwads/assfucks/sumbitches/SNBs/taint problems, no more gratuitous hyperlinks to TPL and all their jailsexing, and definitely no more shitting the bed--anyone's bed. They say that every good time comes to an end, so here it is.

To give you a little sneak peek into what the new and improved (and squeaky clean!) TSO looks like, I present you the following hypothetical game recap of the Nashville experience on Saturday:

Title: Holy Christopher and Gee-Willikers, That One Sure Was Close!

Some of the #H2H (#fudgeyeah) kids gathered at the Town _____, a non-offensive place for adults where I had a couple of Shirley Temples to watch the Red Wings take on the Predators. It was a completely nonthreatening environment in which the harshest thing said was "Someone is about to go #Eaves himself," which I think is just a silly term meant to mean somebody is about to grow a really sweet set of eyebrows.

Anyway, the first 60 +/- minutes of the game were pretty _____ lame. I think I heard Serven exclaim something about how games like that are just so motherhubbarding flusterating because you never know what to expect! LOLZ!

The overtime and shootout were pretty _____ nerve-wracking! I just wanted to tell _____ Rinne to go to h-e-double hockey sticks. During the first few rounds of the shootout, Datsyuk was a _____ . Williams was a _____ . Zetterberg was a _____. Finally, Bert scored because he's a total _____, but the Preds answered with their goal. When Kronwall finally scored the game-winning shootout goal, I felt like taking off my _____ and _____ it up with my _____.

Oh, _____ on a _____ . It's no _____ use, is it, _____ers? A Scrappy Octopus without swearing is just like a _____ _____ without a _____ to _____on. In fact, this is the first time in my entire _____ life I can say I know what _____up _____hole must feel like. Without the ability to _____ up a _____ , I really feel like some mother_____ er took my _____ _____, _____ ly ripped it out of its _____ place, and _____slapped it to _____oblivion. A _____ hockey fan without the _____ ability to say _____, _____hole, _____er, _____happy, _____-me-sideways is like a _____ _____ around a bunch of _____ hot _____tutes at the _____ kegger of the year. _____ useless, man.

_____ a bunch of that _____ing _____.

And now, please skip ahead to 0:42, _____ers:

12 comments:

  1. It's like MAD LIBS! We could have so much fun with that. New H2H2 bar game!!!

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  2. HAHA! Amazing! You get all the prizes.

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  3. This needs to be a contest. Best mad lib wins something super Scrappy.

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  4. Natalie,
    This was an incredible ****ing post, I ****ing loved every g**damn ****ing moment of it. It really ****ing was the ****ing ****. **** yeah. A mad libs contest would just be icing on the mother****ing cake. FTMFW!

    @TheNorm41

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  5. fantastic! I'll read this one again and again...so I can fill in new words every time!

    I guess I missed the Twitter discussion--I'm always in a dilemma about what language to use there myself (knowing my mom reads it ruins everything, yet doesn't stop the way I talk on my blog).

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  6. EVERY sexual harassment speech should be like this one. At least it covers all the bases.

    That's what she said.

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  7. ______ ________ ___ __ ____ __ FUCKYEAH ____ _ ____ ____ FUCKING _____ __. MOTHERFUCKING, COCKSUCKING, PUSSYCHEATING CUMGUZZLERS!

    Wait, did I do that right?

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  8. BTW, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT IS THE GREATEST TV SHOW OF ALL TIME. Oh yeah, I'm looking at you Petrella.

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  9. That's what I keep hearing, Dena. Sadly I'm doing other things that last longer than Arrested Development's run on television - like making dinner or making sweet love to my fiancee.

    I swear, if they ever replay all six minutes and I'm not on the john or something, I'll totally check it out.

    Anyways, back to work creating shows that have staying power. TOODLES!

    =)

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  10. LMAO, Petrella... Sadly, I haven't checked out this show yet either. Will definitely have to do that in the summer months when I'm going thru hockey withdrawal.

    Dena, you totally WIN at mad-libs. I always wondered what they would look like if you just put profanities in the blanks, so thank you for this.

    Once again, TSO is the ____ ______ _______ing ____. I ______ing love you guys.

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