As we all saw tonight, the game was absolute shit. The Wings, a team SUPPOSEDLY wanting to make the playoffs, came out and laid down in front of the Canucks. Bam. Loss. This kind of shit can’t happen this late in the season in this spot. It just can’t.
If you read Babcock’s post game comments I think it summarizes well how things went. That having been said, I’d like to present you with Brian’s “You were terrible at hockey tonight and I REALLY wish you’d given a shit, therefore I‘d like to take a shit on your head” list. Similar to a shit list, but less clichéd.
1. Niklas Kronwall. I know you folks love him, and I do as well….but what the fuck tonight, sir?
2. TSN’s announcers. Since the game was on NHL Network we were officially banned from the FSD feed, and TSN’s announcers suck my shit. I hate how they refer to Henrik and Daniel Sedin as “Henrik” or “Daniel”. They have last names, fuck-o. I know it would be difficult to tell apart if you did that, but INCLUDE the first name. It's not that hard.
3. Gary Bettman. Permanent inclusion on any biggest villian/needs to be on the business end of my runs list.
4. Jonathan Ericsson. Has he played hockey before?
5. Todd Bertuzzi. I’ll turn coat this quick - I’m not extremely con-Tuzzi. But he could not have been a bigger sack of useless out there. If he had tried to just do something simple, like...be a table tonight...he would’ve found a way to fuck that up, too. I’m convinced he should not be paid more than $12.75 an hour. For anything.
Having mentioned what a fuckwad Bert was tonight, and the trade deadline having just passed, I’d like to present my SECOND LIST-- things I would take in return in a trade for Todd Bertuzzi:
1. Any draft pick
2. 8 hockey sticks
3. Subway coupons
4. Pulled pork BBQ sandwich
5. Postage to mail him wherever he gets sent
6. Mange
7. Scabies
8. George W. Bush
9. Tim Cheveldae
10. A copy of Mariah Carey’s movie Glitter
The list could go on. A quick note of clarification about the pulled pork BBQ sandwich--it doesn’t even have to be a good one. A microwave one is fine. We’re desperate.
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Him and Ericsson for Subway Coupons and a reedemable free movie at Blockbuster that expired last Tuesday?
ReplyDeleteI'd pull the trigger on that.
I would have traded him for pulled pork when he was actually slightly less useless.
ReplyDeleteI want a sandwich.
Yeah, he had a bad one. He wasn't alone. Let's just leave it at that. I'll be out Friday night so that gives me the option of only watching the game if there is a favorable outcome. I don't usually do this but at this point, I don't even care if it's close. If they lose, I hit "delete".
ReplyDeleteSurely not W?
"Mange" gives me the giggles.
ReplyDeleteGreat recap.
ReplyDeleteI may have hallucinated this but I'm pretty sure I heard a TSN guy call Daniel Henrik's sister.
I JUST got done watching the game. I know, I know, but I had ALOT of stuff going on that had to do with cute boys and drinking. Whatever.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, I am looking straight at you Kronner when I say this... What...the....fuck...is up with the elbow to the head? Hum? YOU ARE NOT THAT KIND OF PLAYER!!!! I don't know if it is just me or not, but he has seemed like a ginormous crab cake for the past month or so. Yes, even before the Olympics. Is it something that your female fan base can help you with? Because really, anything you need, and I mean ANYTHING. We are here to help.