30 March 2010

...The Kind You Clean Up With a Mop & Bucket

So, in light of today's Twitter feeding frenzy about the merits of dropping hard F's and whatnot onto the internets (man, what a fucking buzzkill), TSO has decided to renovate the site. Sorry if you kids turn into a bunch of sad pandas, but no more visions of glued-up dickholes, no more references of fuckwads/assfucks/sumbitches/SNBs/taint problems, no more gratuitous hyperlinks to TPL and all their jailsexing, and definitely no more shitting the bed--anyone's bed. They say that every good time comes to an end, so here it is.

To give you a little sneak peek into what the new and improved (and squeaky clean!) TSO looks like, I present you the following hypothetical game recap of the Nashville experience on Saturday:

Title: Holy Christopher and Gee-Willikers, That One Sure Was Close!

Some of the #H2H (#fudgeyeah) kids gathered at the Town _____, a non-offensive place for adults where I had a couple of Shirley Temples to watch the Red Wings take on the Predators. It was a completely nonthreatening environment in which the harshest thing said was "Someone is about to go #Eaves himself," which I think is just a silly term meant to mean somebody is about to grow a really sweet set of eyebrows.

Anyway, the first 60 +/- minutes of the game were pretty _____ lame. I think I heard Serven exclaim something about how games like that are just so motherhubbarding flusterating because you never know what to expect! LOLZ!

The overtime and shootout were pretty _____ nerve-wracking! I just wanted to tell _____ Rinne to go to h-e-double hockey sticks. During the first few rounds of the shootout, Datsyuk was a _____ . Williams was a _____ . Zetterberg was a _____. Finally, Bert scored because he's a total _____, but the Preds answered with their goal. When Kronwall finally scored the game-winning shootout goal, I felt like taking off my _____ and _____ it up with my _____.

Oh, _____ on a _____ . It's no _____ use, is it, _____ers? A Scrappy Octopus without swearing is just like a _____ _____ without a _____ to _____on. In fact, this is the first time in my entire _____ life I can say I know what _____up _____hole must feel like. Without the ability to _____ up a _____ , I really feel like some mother_____ er took my _____ _____, _____ ly ripped it out of its _____ place, and _____slapped it to _____oblivion. A _____ hockey fan without the _____ ability to say _____, _____hole, _____er, _____happy, _____-me-sideways is like a _____ _____ around a bunch of _____ hot _____tutes at the _____ kegger of the year. _____ useless, man.

_____ a bunch of that _____ing _____.

And now, please skip ahead to 0:42, _____ers:


  1. It's like MAD LIBS! We could have so much fun with that. New H2H2 bar game!!!

  2. HAHA! Amazing! You get all the prizes.

  3. This needs to be a contest. Best mad lib wins something super Scrappy.

  4. Natalie,
    This was an incredible ****ing post, I ****ing loved every g**damn ****ing moment of it. It really ****ing was the ****ing ****. **** yeah. A mad libs contest would just be icing on the mother****ing cake. FTMFW!


  5. fantastic! I'll read this one again and again...so I can fill in new words every time!

    I guess I missed the Twitter discussion--I'm always in a dilemma about what language to use there myself (knowing my mom reads it ruins everything, yet doesn't stop the way I talk on my blog).

  6. EVERY sexual harassment speech should be like this one. At least it covers all the bases.

    That's what she said.

  7. ______ ________ ___ __ ____ __ FUCKYEAH ____ _ ____ ____ FUCKING _____ __. MOTHERFUCKING, COCKSUCKING, PUSSYCHEATING CUMGUZZLERS!

    Wait, did I do that right?


  9. That's what I keep hearing, Dena. Sadly I'm doing other things that last longer than Arrested Development's run on television - like making dinner or making sweet love to my fiancee.

    I swear, if they ever replay all six minutes and I'm not on the john or something, I'll totally check it out.

    Anyways, back to work creating shows that have staying power. TOODLES!


  10. LMAO, Petrella... Sadly, I haven't checked out this show yet either. Will definitely have to do that in the summer months when I'm going thru hockey withdrawal.

    Dena, you totally WIN at mad-libs. I always wondered what they would look like if you just put profanities in the blanks, so thank you for this.

    Once again, TSO is the ____ ______ _______ing ____. I ______ing love you guys.