01 February 2010

Jesus frowns upon your SPORT.

Who knew?

For our everlasting souls' sakes, it sure is a fantastic thing we have the good folks at Westboro Baptist Church to give us the 411 on God's hate list.

Best known for picketing the funerals of anybody they deem to be ruining our country (read: they even picketed Jerry Falwell's funeral, in addition to protesting the motley crew including, but not limited to, U.S. Holocaust Museum, Lady Gaga, the Academy Awards, the entire nation of Italy, Twitter, and the funerals of fallen soldiers), they've really outdone themselves this time.

Yesterday, they took to the Stars/Coyotes game to really stick it to those godless heathens on the ice and in the stands:

God H8s Ur hockey! Valor Pl. & Olive St. WBC will picket your stupid, cold (you will truly pray for these days of being in the cold hockey games when you burn in hell for eternity) violent, time-wasting hockey game - your SPORT. You know there will be only a few more of these entertainment events before God lets Obama simply destroy this nation. God does not have anything good to say about your sport(s).

Whoa, somebody just overdosed on H8rade. (Ziiiiiiiiiiiing!)

Yikes, apparently they're anti-Sunbelt, too:

God Hates DOOMED america, God Hates Arizona, God Hates Florida. You are all going to hell, and there is nothing to do but hear the words, hate the words, get mad at the words - - then get more words.

In yo' face, Bettman!

My thoughts are muddled. After all, for all the things I could possibly be sent to hell for...

Also, I guess I have to throw this away now. Thanks a lot, WBC:

At least now we know why hell is spelled h-e-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS.


  1. Do you think there's anyone left on the planet -- hold the WBC itself -- that would be against a genocide of it's entire membership?

  2. The original WBC is located in Topeka, about an hour and a half from where I live. They've been to my town quite a few times to picket soldiers' funerals (I work a fat man's walking distance from the front gate of Fort Leavenworth). Fortunately, local news outlets have learned not to give them the media coverage they so covet.

    I plan on someday going to one of their protests wearing a devil costume and holding up a sign that says "I'm with Stupid".

    Also, they make almost all of their money by baiting people into attacking them and then suing those people. I wish people like this didn't exist.

  3. These idiots wanted to protest at Virginia Tech following the shootings saying that the people deserved to die because they were trying to get a college degree.

  4. Well, what to say,
    I've had my handbasket decorated for YEARS. Oh, and I've already had my best gays pick me out something red and fabulous for the trip down.
    This Whore of Babylon is ready because you know what? I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm going to laugh when they're down there with me. But I hear it's a dry heat.

  5. I now know where the saying 'If there ain't hockey in Heaven, I ain't going!' came from...

  6. THAT is what I'm going to hell for? Hockey? Not the drinking, the swearing, the pre-marital sex, the pro-choice, the loving gay people or the laughing at homeless people? No, I'm going to burn for all eternity because I like to watch men in skates beat each other with sticks, which, if you think about it, is practically Roman. Well, good. At least when I'm sipping margaritas outside my bungalow by the gay pits, I'll know why I'm there.

  7. If only they were playing the Boston Bruins and Miroslav Satan. The New Jersey Devils perhaps. Follow the gourd. When it comes to religion, I've got to run for the Python.

    Who knew Jesus could skate or is that how he managed to walk on water?

  8. Satan already has the best tunes, so why don't give him the best sport too. I am sure he has an ice rink or ten in hell.

  9. I agree with everything you said, but I was hoping people would follow the idea someone (I think Wysh from PD) raised on Twitter yesterday... Just ignore this shit.

    Not a personal thing to you, by any means, because that last little bit (and the fact tath you used h8erade) made me laugh. But when you think about it, it's obvious that people as retarded as the WBC will have no power to change anything about whatever it is they don't like about hockey, but what they can do is get attention, and get people talking. The ultimate middle finger to the WBC would be to have absolutely nobody talk about their latest little publicity stunt.

  10. God, if you're listening... Give Gary Bettman herpes.

  11. I especially love JJ and Casey's first-hand accounts of how WBC affected (or almost affected) their lives. It's like group therapy!

    Kyle, no personal offense taken. I completely understand your point-of-view, and I think on a larger scale (i.e., Puck Daddy), not making a big deal of this story is probably best. You're right when you say that these kinds of extremist groups thrive on the attention they receive from the press, etc. But really, I wasn't looking for the "ultimate middle finger" in posting about this--we often make a point on here to acknowledge and lampoon the ridiculous (it's pretty much our M.O.), and when we caught this little bit on Deadspin yesterday, it was far too irresistible to pass up. Otherwise, it would have haunted my dreams the way a kickass comeback nags you long after you've lost a petty fight. Bottom line? I don't really see it as stirring the pot so much as pointing out that there's a funky soup brewing in the pot, and if somehow, this gets back to a WBC supporter, I would die laughing. (And apparently roast in hell.) Not to mention I'd feel more flattered than the fugly chick who gets a makeover and subsequently invited to prom by the hot-but-douchey quarterback.

  12. Well, if you go along with the Scandinavian concept of hell, it is very cold - so there would be perfect ice with no slush pockets. Whee!

    I can't help thinking that if there actually is a god somewhere, he/she/it is right now holding its head in its hands, wondering how a seemingly simple, foolproof command like "love thy neighbor" (no math, no unfamiliar words, only FOUR TOTAL SYLLABLES!) could be so completely f***ed around and misunderstood.

  13. Anonymous said...

    God, if you're listening... Give Gary Bettman herpes.

    And Colin Campbell migraines so he has an idea what players with post-concussion syndrome feel like.

    And finish making Getzlaf bald.

  14. And if you're feeling generous, let Sidney Crosby finally experience puberty.

  15. God does hate hockey. What else explains Bettman? HA!

  16. @Baroque: WTF? Never heard of that concept. Of course Scandinavia is so cold it might be hell already...

    BTW How fun would it be if Miro Satan went to heaven

  17. Oh hell, Happy Homer Day Natalie!

  18. I hadn't heard about these morons before they tried to come up here to Canada a year and half ago to protest at Tim McLean's funerals, who had been beheaded in a bus.


    Just when you think you have seen all the stupidity and evilness this world has to offer, then come these people.


  19. Pat, that's horrible. In addition to the protesting of funerals being beyond ridiculous, Canada is far too awesome to be infiltrated with the loony bullshit we produce down here. Sigh. Just terrible.

    Thanks, Krononymous. :) It's a two-fer, considering he's coming back on GROUNDHOG Day. Mwahaha.

  20. @ Andy -

    From Norse mythology: Niflheim World of the ice and that of the dead, which is also known as Hell.


  21. ah okay. Never was big on that stuff. We kinda got over it when the Christians won a few battles.It's big with ex-satanists though.