10 February 2010

"Recap" & Waylon Wednesday.

So, there was a game last night. Against the St. Louis Blues. No, we didn't watch it. Versus + dial-up internet at home = no dice for such games. But here's what we learned from monitoring the game summary and reading other people's recaps:

1. We earned a point last night because the game went to OT, and, eventually, a shootout. Commence celebrations in the form of nipple clamping and bukkake sandwiches.

2. According to The Triple Deke and The Production Line, Johan Franzen rocked a sweet mustache. And in addition to feeling distraught over missing the Mule's first game back since his 1,247-year-long stint on IR (no, seriously, doesn't it feel like it's been that long?), we're equally disturbed we missed out on that, as well. After all, TSO is your one-stop shop for all things mustache rides and dirty Sanchezes, which are a form of mustache, if you think about it. (Go ahead and think about it. You know you want to.)

3. Further according to TPL (in a guest post written by Chris Hollis of Motown Wings and The Obstructed View fame), Henrik Zetterberg should not be allowed in a shootout ever again. Not seeing the game last night, I can't judge his effort; however, he has not had a particularly strong year when it comes to shootouts. Ballin' B and I talked about this yesterday while we awaited the results of the riveting game summary during the shootout (refreshes every 30 seconds for your convenience). The last time I saw, his shootout success rate hovered somewhere in the early 30% range. Far be it for me to question seriously Babcock's judgment in selecting his shooters (oh, puh-leeze, like anybody takes this site seriously, anyway), but it does get frustrating to watch the same players fail to convert time and time again (ahem, Dan Cleary, during all the injuries, way back about 3+ weeks ago). Then again, how shitty would it be if Babcock replaced his star players with under-the-radar guys and still came up short? Six in one hand, half a dozen in the other. Shootouts suck; I have no problem watching other teams participate in them, but when it comes to the Wings, my heart sinks every time the OT clock winds down.

4. Jimmy Howard stopped 42 of 45 shots on goal last night, including the 5:00 of OT. Twenty of those shots were in the first period. The mind fucking reels.

5. Kris Draper's persistence as of late paid off last night in the form of scoring the first goal of the game.

Questions I have for people who caught the game:

1. How the fuck did Todd Bertuzzi manage to commit a penalty only 0:28 into the game? Did somebody urinate on his skates? Threaten to force him into a glass-bottom boat scenario? Taunt him with accusations of his mom smelling like cheese?

2. Brad May got into a fight. How did that work out?

And that's all I really want to know. No, seriously. We're going to adopt the motto of the drag queen/transvestite in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil: "Two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it." The Wings take on the Sharks on Thursday. Go big or go...home? How does that work if they're already at home? I guess it's go big or leave home, in that case? Whatev. Our satellite is still jacked up (SNOWPOCALYPSE!--no, really, we now have 4+ feet of snow and counting...I'm 99% sure I'm going to build an igloo and live in it for free or else charge someone for all my construction labor), so you may get another fantastic recap like this one or one of our oh-so-awesome real recaps when we watch it and still have nothing productive to say. Gear down!


Let's get to the point with our Wednesday question. This one's been asked all over the blogosphere, plus we delved into it the other week in our Wednesday comments, but it's hard not to bring it up formally since we're only two days away from the Opening Ceremony:

Which men's ice hockey team do you hope wins Olympic gold?

This is a toughie for me; I've been all over the place with my loyalties. Obviously, I'm an American and would be proud of my home country for winning the gold, despite Patrick Kane's craterfaced presence on the team. (No, seriously, there are no cab rides involved in ferrying the players about Vancouver, right? Just checking. Don't embarrass the stars and stripes, assfuck, or you'll have a lot to answer for 'round these parts.) We've got Rafalski on the roster, plus players TSO likes in the form of Ryan Miller, Tim Thomas, Jonathan Quick, and Jack Johnson. On the other hand, we also have Brooks Orpik, who annoys us only because he plays for Pittsburgh, and Ryan Whitney, who plays for the Ducks and has a girl's last name. I'll be happy enough if Team USA nabs the gold, but I won't be surprised if they don't because the competition is stiff.

Like many of you, the only thing I care about regarding Team Canada is Stevie Y and Babcock. Other than that, the team at large makes me ralph. Sidney Crosby, Ryan Getzlaf (who may return from his injury for some of the games), Scott Niedermayer, Chris Pronger, Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook, Corey Perry, and Dany Heatley? Words fail me. How are Canadians dealing with this level of code red douchiness? I know Olympic gold is more important to our neighbors to the north than sex, air, or water but...blehhhhhhhh.

Team Sweden is stacked with winners, never mind the controversial snub of one Johan Franzen. Despite the annoying Sedins' presence on the roster, it's damn near impossible to find any reason to dislike the blue-and-yellow rascals, considering how many Wings made the cut. The only thing is...they've already won the gold.

Other than being inherently biased toward Team USA, I'm rooting for Team Russia. Their roster is stacked with fantastic NHL-ers: Our own Pavel Datsyuk, plus Ovie, Semin, Kovalchuk, SNB, Nabokov, and Bryzgalov. The only downer is that Russian gold means Malkin and Gonchar benefit, which is a bonafide tragedy, but really, I would love to see Pasha with a gold medal.

In any event, there's obviously a lot to root for--and against--each particular "powerhouse" team. Any of the aforesaid four countries taking home top honors will bring some sort of happiness, as well as a teeny, tiny iota of strife, to our lives. One thing I think we can all agree on is hoping that Team Slovakia is a wash; Marian Hossa, Marian Gaborik, and Tomas Kopecky with a gold medal in their hands? I'd rather watch somebody sign my own death certificate.

And now, a little mood music...because nothing gets me fired up for Team America (fuck, yeah!) quite like Waylon:


  1. Stealin' mah words, glitchin' mah matrix.

    Also, I thought there'd be at least a MENTION of Team Norway for our boy Andy. It's fun rooting for the little guy.

    Nice little Petrella fact for you: I LIVED for the Dukes of Hazzard as an infant. I have no idea why. It went off the air when I was three, but apparently I went batshit crazy for it.

  2. I didn't even want to TOUCH Team Norway; Andy did such an excellent job breaking down the roster after they announced the team back in December, and I knew if I screwed up anything about it (which I probably would), he would be on my case like white on rice. Besides, I know if he comments on here, he'll be sure to let us know exactly why Team Norway is in gold medal contention.

    Brian loved the Dukes of Hazzard, too. I'm pretty sure it went off the air before I was born, so I've only seen reruns (ziiiing, for stealing MY words!). And for the record, the Bert shirt just got a lot more ridiculous.

  3. "bukkake sandwiches"

    I think I have IMDB credits for that DVD.

  4. Q1: He's Bert. He's like Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde but mostly Mr. Hyde right now.
    Q2: There was a fight? Oh yeah. It really energized the bench as you can tell by the shots on goal.

    My only hope for the Olympics is that none of our guys get hurt. Other than that, I'd like to see Pavel walk away with the gold. I wish Babs & Company all the best but I really would like to see Canuckistan humbled some more. "Own the Podium"! Please.

    Dukes went off the air in 1985 and I think my hair was two-tone at that time. I don't believe I ever saw a single episode.

  5. Being a full blooded Irishman I'm still trying to figure out why Ireland has no hockey team. They do well in swimming and boxing... I would think combining both those things would make a good hockey player. In fact, why aren't there like any drafted players. I think we need to start and Hockey is for Ireland campaign.. Ireland as the new Sweeden of the hockey world!

  6. Russia, duh -- and I'm not just rooting for them, I already know the outcome. But I have soft spots for Latvia and Sweden.

  7. Owen Nolan is from Belfast. Does that count or is Northern Ireland like the Upper Peninsula: "it counts..... I guess...."

    Little known fact: I was working my way through the Italian Olympic Ice Hockey Program after high school, but gave it up when it became apparent I'd have to move to Italy and the chances of Italy making the Olympics were slim AT BEST. Unless they hosted the Games, then the host gets an automatic entry into every sport. I walked away, playing college hockey instead, just before the '06 Torino Games were announced. FAIL! FAIL SO HARD!

  8. Yo Crater -- there is Hockey in Ireland, and they do have a national team, it just sucks lots and lots of ass. I'm married to a Galway man, and while he's clueless about hockey, we make comparisons to hurling.


  9. Owen Nolan is practically a narrowback, his parents migrated from Ireland when he was like 6 months old... but it does surprise me that the sport never got off for the paddies, it seems like something they'd have much passion for.

  10. Q1: Can't answer. I was listening on the radio so didn't see it, and then screaming at the radio so missed the explanation.

    Q2: I was confused about everyone's reaction to the May fight. It was just the normal pretend fight he always has. I guess it's been so long since he's even done that?

    Olympics: I am rooting for Team USA (because I'm American) and Team Sweden (because of all the Red Wings players, plus I don't think there is anyone I hate on that team). If they ever play each other, well, we'll see. I will try my hardest to root for Team USA, but no guarantees.

    I'm fine if Russia wins though. Or really anyone, just as long as it's not Canada.

  11. This comment is brought to you by the free internet at the Hilton Garden Inn; where I am snowed in. Woo! Special thanks to my company for footing the bill and making all this possible.

    I loved the shit out of the dukes of hazzard as a child. I have no idea why. Probably the car chases. In retrospect, a car with a rebel flag on top is sketchy, but kids are silly. And I grew up in WV, so it was kind of commonplace.

    Olympics? Team USA, but I know deep down they dont have the horses to get it done. Sweden, and Russia would be nice. In lieu of any of those.....some really big underdog. Maybe Switzerland? So neutral. And Belarus.

  12. Crater, I can't claim any credit whatsoever for "bukkake sandwiches"; Brian referenced that in one of his infamous recaps, and I totally stole it. Where could we get our hands on a copy of that DVD, though? Also, re: team Ireland--can you fucking imagine how awesomely scrappy they would be if they were a competitive team? Holy Jesus, Mary AND Joseph. As a mutt who knows she's at least part Irish--and as the proud girlfriend of a full-tilt leprechaun--I'd like to see Team Ireland get their act together. (And before Vicky pointed it out, I had NO IDEA Ireland had a national hockey team, either.)

    Krononymous, thanks for pointing out "own the podium". Bleh. Watching the World Juniors gold medal game this year was enough to make me fall in love with the mute button on my remote. (For the record, my hair is like seven-tone, and it's 2010. No excuses for me.)

    Vicky, I should have given you a shoutout in the original post because I remember you saying your dad is from Russia. Just out of curiosity: What causes your sentimentality toward Team Latvia?

    Michael Petrella, that is simultaneously the most awesome and most horrible story ever. How do you get into an Olympic ice hockey program? Did you at all seriously consider moving to Italy? I think living in Italy would be kickass, but that's mainly because I would eat and drink my way into a 700-pound handicap/death, but at least I'd go happily. I suppose that doesn't qualify you for the Olympics, unless there's an event for gastronomical prowess.

    Jenn, thanks for your insight on the game, as well. I have nothing against May as a person--he seems like an all right guy--but I'm sick of seeing him on the team. But that's true of a handful of people these days.

  13. Oooooh, yes. Brian is totally right about the Dukes of Hazzard/West Virginia thing. There's a car in our hometown that the owner restored as an exact replica of the General Lee, complete with the Dixie horn and everything. Go, Dub-Vee.

    Does Team China count as an underdog in hockey? Or not, simply because they pretty much bankroll our livelihood these days?

  14. Natalie, I was born in Latvia, and grew up there until I was 9, then we moved to good ol' USA as political refugees. My accent comes out only when I'm shitfaced and belligerent.

    Anyway, Latvia is super mellow (read: boring) and every citizens is quite happily obsessed with hockey there... or body building. After joining the EU the influx of Latvians in Ireland started the push for the Irish Ice Hockey League.

  15. Even longer story short(ish), I was involved with USA Hockey in Michigan from age 9 to about 14, when it was announced that pros were going to be allowed to play a few years later, at the '98 Olympics.

    It was clear that I stood absolutely no chance of playing for Team USA anymore, but it was always my dream to play in the Olympics. Thanks to Team Italia's shitty (by comparison) hockey program, they have more lenient eligibility requirements, and since I was the first one in my family NOT born in Italy, I qualified.

    So, in 1996 or '97 I shifted focus to Team Italy, hoping to play in '02 or '06. In 1999, I had to make a decision about my future (because I was graduating in 2000). I wasn't prepared to move to Italy (as awesome as Italy is) for a chance to MAYBE make the team that MAYBE qualifies for the Olympics. It was too many maybe's for me, so I committed to go to DePaul University and I played there. Later that year ('99), it was announced that Torino was hosting '06 so Italy would at least field a team. There's no guarantee I made that team, but - frankly - it was definitely possible. They were TERRRRRRIBLE.

    It's kind of a good thing I didn't play, considering I'm 5'9" and would have played a round robin game against guys like Joe Thornton (presumably, ending badly...physically).

    BUT! I have a pair of Team Italy jerseys, so maybe if there's an H2H drop-in game one day, I'll sport one...

  16. I'm giving Flips gorgeous ass some luv. Go Team Suomi (or whatever). Yeah, yeah, there are alot of douches on Finlands team, but someone has to have Flippy's back. Also, if Teemu Selanne wanted to get naked, I don't think I could say no. Besides there are umlats and double vowels. Awesome.

    I have not viewed the game as of yet, just about to though.I'm hearing alot about Franzie's mustache. Seeing that I will be attending the game tomorrow evening, in person, I would like to cash in my free mustache ride. Could we make that happen?

    And on the Dukes of Hazzard. I was a prepubescent teenage girl, and I loved me some Luke Duke. I used to fantasize that he was my boyfriend and we would ride ponies together and eat ice cream....

    What, Luke, you ask? I have always preferred brunettes over blondes. But you stick a red head in the mix. I am a HUGE sucker for a red head.

  17. I do have to add this statement.
    Anytime Calgary plays the Wings at the Joe, I have to watch Mikka Kipprusoff do his pregame stretches. Mmmmmmm, he's so bendy and gingery.

  18. Natalie,

    Seven tone is fine. Mine is at least three tone at the moment. It's when the top of your hair is a single tone, say white/blonde, and the bottom of your hair is another single tone, say red, then it might be a little dated. Not that there weren't some good looks in the 80s, I am just pretty sure we don't need to see them again (for example, I saw a bimbo in stirrup pants the other day).

    Dean, your infatuation with the Kipper is very interesting, albeit unexpected.

  19. In retrospect, I cant believe I graduated with the guy who has a replica dukes of hazzard car. the mind reels. 10 year old me wouldve LOVED it.

    Gingery and bendy might be the greatest thing i've heard ever.

    Mr. Petrella, I had no idea Italy had a hockey team. Being so, you probably couldve made it. Shitty situation sir.

    I wish there was some wierd ass non-typical team in the olympics; like maybe Costa Rica or something. Not that they even have a team, but it would be great to root for that big an underdog. I'm probably the only one who thinks so. whatever.

  20. Brian, Team Jamaica. Head Coach John Candy. They would have my full support.

  21. The whole Team Jamaica with Head Coach John Candy is the BEST IDEA EVER.

    Just a question, does Iceland have a hockey team, because they should for obvious reasons.

  22. Iceland does have a hockey team; I had to google that to find out.


    I also assume that Bjork is somehow involved. I assume she's involved in anything Icelandic in nature.

  23. What is funny about that is that they played Israel (?). I would pay to see a bunch of my bretheren playing ice hockey. Do they wear yarmulkes on their helmets? Say Oy vez, the cold is really doing a number on my di beyner.

  24. Petrella: Team Italy at that time was steady in the World Championships and did decently (like losing all their games in the preliminary rounds, then narrowly avoiding relegation). Their team was always mostly Canadiens who had changed Nationality.

    Natalie: Team Norway will win gold just because Norway is the pinnacle of fucking awesome. Honestly though, they will suck.

    I am very conflicted about who to root for (except for Norway of course, but we suck). I like the Red Wing contingent on Sweden, but rooting for Sweden is kind of an act of treason.
    I'd like to see Russia win for Pasha, but Malkin and even worse, Fedorov (FUCKING HATE THAT FUCKING FUCKER) with a gold medal would be painful.
    I like Filppula, but the Finns are such a weird people. Well, if they win I get to swear in Finnish, so maybe.
    I'd like USA to beat Canada, but I in general dislike the team.
    I hate everything about Canada, except for Stevie, Kenny and Mike.

    100 points for Waylon, the only good country singer ever.

  25. Andy --- totally, not "TERRIBLE," I guess I mean in comparison after being close to the HQ for Team USA and relatively close to Canada.

    They're no Norway, that's for damn sure.

  26. Haha, we used to have close games with them, but win. BTW, are you happy now that you know the Ace of Base pronounciations? It was Ace of Base right?

  27. Vicky, that is awesome that you grew up in Latvia; you are officially the first Latvian I have ever "met" (met-ish?). I also did not know there was a strong contingent of Latvians living in Ireland, but that would explain the newfound interest in hockey on the Emerald Isle. Also out of curiosity, have you been back to Latvia since your family immigrated to the US?

    Michael: Brian and I both agree that no matter what the circumstances were or how it ended, it's very kickass that you were in the running for playing for Team Italy (and in the Team USA program as a kid). You at least MUST bring the Team Italy jerseys for all of us to see at H2H. That's just completely awesome that you had the experience of training for the teams.

    Dena and Andy: Team Finland is an offbeat, but understandable choice. I love this, Andy: "Finns are such a weird people." Also, your attitude toward Sweden reminds me of Herm and his unadulterated hatred of Argentina. I wonder which set of countries has the bigger rivalry.

    As a sidenote, Dena, I am a huge sucker for redheads in that the only redhead I've dated is the redhead I'm happily dating now. There's just something special about a ginger. I have died my hair red a couple of times, and it happens to be one of the seven colors I'm currently sporting. Ha! (Hi, Krononymous. Oh, and stirrup pants? I'm pretty sure Brian works with someone who STILL wears those. They were uncomfortable even when they were in style back in the day! The mind reels...)

    Brian, what about Team New Zealand? After all, we know Murray would always be present for the team meetings.

    Michael, I hadn't thought about Cool Runnings in for-ev-er. Excellent reference!

  28. (Continued due to fascist word limits...)

    Dena & Brian re: Team Iceland: You know how Iceland is a pretty progressive country, what with its openly gay president and geyser-fueled energy grid (not to mention CA-RAZY banking system)? I heard their men's hockey jerseys involved live swans wrapped around the torso. Hope you're keyed up for it.

    Andy: What would we all do if Team Norway DID pull a Miracle-level upset on the rest of the world and snatched the gold? I'm pretty sure the entire nation of Canada would spontaneously combust. It would be a global meltdown of epic proportions.

  29. I'm rooting for Russia. I want a gold medal for Pavel and even for Sergei, I want to see if Ovechkin explodes with sheer joy and the shrapnel takes out a mortified Don Cherry, and I want to see if Malkin and Gonchar show off their gold medals to Crosby. :)

    Also USA because they aren't supposed to do anything very good, and the team is so absurdly young, it would be fun to see them perform better than expected - even with the cabbie-puncher on it.

  30. Late to the party, but I'll root for Canada, beating someone good in the gold medal game. Reasons:

    -it will be on TV, I don't want dark horses Latvia and Belarus in the last game, I want someone good

    -Winter Olympic year is soccer World Cup year, and Canada is to hockey what Brazsil is to soccer.

    That said, I want Sweden and Russia eliminated in the first round, so Pavel and Hank comes back in one piece (two pieces, whatever).

  31. Herm, the party is ALWAYS going. you are never late. Interesting take. I can understand wanting our players back healthy. I'd have to say if for some reason they dont medal, i'd like them done in the first round so they're back alive.

    Re: Stirrup pants - yes, I do work with someone who wears stirrup pants. I have to describe this, because its funny. They are CUTOFF STIRRUP HIGHWATER PANTS. meaning they USED to be stirrups, but they were cut off at the stirrup. STRETCHY PANTS. at a professional office. ONE WITH A DRESS CODE. I have no idea how this flies.

  32. We love gingers because they are evil and have no souls. I have confirmation on that, from a Mr. Eric Cartman. I hear he is an expert.

    The thought of cheering for the Canadian hockey team at all makes me throw up in my mouth, alot. Princess Cindy and her court need to go out in the first round. Come on Norway!

    Re: Stirrup pants. I noticed this winter that Victorias Secret had revived the "legging". And stirrup pants are a bastardization of the legging. I will admit, back in the 80's, I owned both. It seems that the only people that are sporting this look again are people that should not be wearing them,EVER.I like to call pants like these I've given up pants. Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you should wear them. I am a runner, who runs in half-marathons/marathons and I see ALOT of spandex leggings. These people are usually in phenomenal shape and they shouldn't wear them either. The guys look like they are hiding their marbles and the women, come on. These are trends that need to die a quick death.

  33. Natalie: Finns are really weird. They are known to be kinda dark, they don't like strangers, they don't like to talk much. They struggle with a lot of alcoholism and depression and has a high suicide rate. Their favourite thing in the world is a sauna. Every Finn has a sauna in their house. They have, in a country of just a few million people, had two HUGE school shootings in the last three years. They are a dark, tragic and fucked up people, with a language that has nothing to do with the other scandinavian ones. Their movies (I am pretty sure I have mentioned it before) goes like this:
    Man and wife in a sauna. They drink. They swear. The man beats the woman. The man feels guilty. The woman feels guilty. They drink. The man swears. Repeat ten times.

    Norway - Sweden and Brazil - Argentina, not excactly the same. As I am sure that Herm will tell you, the rivalery between Brazil and Argentina is fierce as fuck and there is no brotherly love included in it. Norway and Sweden has friendly rivalery that goes way back. In 1396 Norway, Sweden and Denmark became unionized under the rule of the Danish queen. In 1536, Sweden pulled out, leaving us as kind of a Danish sub-country. In 1814, as a result of the end of the Napoleonic war, the Danes had to give us to the Swedes. In 1905, we broke free from them. We were ready to go to war for our freedom, but they gave it to us without a fight. Since then there has been a lot of brotherly rivalery. We have made jokes about them, they have the same jokes about us. They are bigger and used to be the richer, more developed brother. But then in the 60s we found oil and became one of the five riches countries (in GDP per capita) in the world. We also beat them in a ll ski sports, so the rivalery has grown. But on the bottom of it, we love each other. There are thousands and thousands of young Swedes working in Norway (because we earn more money, but on the other hand our prices are higher). And Swedish chicks are as sexy as it gets. So while Brazil vs. Argentina is built on hate, our rivalery is built on love, envy and inferiority complexes.

    If Norway wins I will proceed to make out with every single person in Vienna (where I will be at the time of the finals). I am pretty sure that America as a result will turn communist and we will find out that Bertuzzi is the second coming of Jesus.

    On the Iceland thing: Iceland used to be one of the most progessive countries in the world and be in the top 5 on the UN living standard list (you know, the one Norway always tops). But the banking system depended waaaay too much on foreign (and American) banks and their economy went to hell. I am kinda freaked out that I just took a huge loan to buy an appartment in Iceland street, Oslo. :P

    Dena: Me and my brother dream that Norwegian veteran defensman Tommy Jakobsen breaks Cindy's leg. This would be fun sinc he is about 173 cm tall (5-8, 5-9? fuck knows, why don't you guys change to a sensible system?).

  34. I'm just catching up here on all this hotness...and I can't read fast enough to get through the 5,000 words of comments...but as far as I can tell nobody is questioning your patriotism for this RUSSIA pick.

    Until now.

    How can you, in good conscience, honestly consider pulling for Russia? Are you not a child of the Cold War? I'm not saying you pull for Canada or anything like that...GAWD no...but if you start rooting for Russia, who in the hell else is next on your list of Olympic hopefuls? North Korea? Those communists in the Netherlands (I need to fact check that)?

    "If I can change...and you can change...everybody can change." I don't know how that fits into all of this, but it's from Rocky IV and by placing it here, I'm asserting my patriotism. I learned a long time ago to never question Stallone.

    Do we need to have an FCK YEA AMERICA-OFF between TSO and TPL?

  35. Herm, nobody is EVER late to the party because the party is ongoing here at TSO. Like Brian, I like your perspective, too. It's definitely a concern we all should have heading into the Olympics, no matter how exciting the games actually are. I guess we'll all have to keep our fingers crossed...

    Andy, I died laughing when reading your description of Finns. I had no idea. It's actually really sad, although your description of their movies really did make me laugh for five good minutes. Too funny.

    And yeah, I was actually not being sarcastic about Iceland being a progressive country, even though I used it to build to a Bjork joke; it's really sad what happened to their banking system, but, like most of the Western world, it was built on literally unreal money. It's a big, convoluted mess that's too huge in scope for me to wrap my mind around.

    Rob: If you want to have a patriotic showdown, bring it on. Just watch out because I'll put a boot in your ass--it's the AMERICAN way. I didn't spend my formative years in hillbilly honky tonks and monster truck rallies to go down without a fight...

  36. Finland is a tragic nation, and if the reports are right, it is also quite an ugly, grey and bland nation. But their movies are, as you might guess, unintenionally hilarious. What's even better is Finnish television theatre.

  37. Let me just begin by saying Uh-merica, Fuck Yeah!! I have feverishly been trolling the internet all afternoon trying to find the demotivational poster that says: America, Fuck Yeah!, with a picture of a huge lady riding an amigo pushing her riding lawn mower, to no avail. :( ( I think this speaks to how the world pretty much views us, obese and lazy. Awesome.)
    On a side note: I hope my Patti cakes does do something completely disgustingly douchy with his shirt off and belt unbuckled. Everytime he does something douchy, it makes me happy. I'm coming for you Kaner and you better be ready.

    On an even sider note: I just volunteered to hold a sign against the glass tonight over at Fight Night (Dr. Seuss rhyming!!!) that will say something about me wanting to have baby mules with Franzie. Awesome. If you want someone to humiliate themselves for the sake of comedy, I'm your girl. I won't even need drinks, I'm naturally goofy and doofusy.

  38. Since I doubt I'll wear a Team Italy jersey to H2H, I took a photo of them for ya...


  39. Dena: Hey, don't forget ignorant, nationalistic, hypocritical, overtly religious, overtly conservative and like 1000 other stereotypes...

    Michael: Nice!

  40. Dena, I like to think that that fat lady with the mower picture is Kaner in about 20 years. Hope you had a good time at the game last night. One question, though: Won't Kronner become insanely jealous of your babymaking with the Mule?

    Michael, I love the jersey! I especially like the flag on the sleeves, and the shield on the front is tight, too. In fact, I'm pretty sure I would wear that everyday.

    Andy, your honestly is hurting my feelings. Now I'M going to cry...not really, though, because you're right. At least we know it, and at least you're hanging with some awesome Americans. I hope we prove that our horrible stereotypes aren't a universal truth about ALL Americans.

  41. Andy: Spot on with your adjectives. Don't forget zenophobic, racist, and money-grubbing. There is a small percentage of us that are pretty cool. :)

    Natalie: It was a night of the fantabulous gingers. If only Drapes had scored. The Mulestache is luxurious and I just basked in its awesomeness. I better leave it to just basking because you're 100% right, Kronner will become insanely jealous, you know what a temper he has.

  42. You guys are the good kind of Americans and I believe I adressed this in the Swedegian thing. I think the legion of Swedes have made Detroit hockey fans very unxenophobic

  43. Oh and I forgot, JAILSEXED!

  44. If Herm showed up late to the party, then I showed up on a completely different day. I also feel totally sad that comment will turn your # of comments from one of AWESOME (Helm) to FAIL (Tuzzi). Yes, like Sara, I measure things by Wings #s.

    I want to thank Andy for his insight into the Finnish people. Honestly, when I read his description of them, I thought to myself, ahh, Ville Leino makes a lot more sense. He just always "looked" depressing, kind of I guess like what Finns are... Maybe he's been jailsexed, I dunno. Contrast that with Fil's hair, which Sara & I are convinced is like a "ray of sunshine." Yes, I just said that.

    Anyways, for the Olympics, I'm obligatorily rooting for Team USA, and I'd love to see them get into the medal rounds, but I'd have to go with Team Sweden. It won't happen because I think ultimately it'll be Canada vs. Russia for the gold, but I'd love to see Nick Lidstrom win gold again as captain of Team Sweden. That and I think it would give our players a big boost of confidence to come back to the Wings with to make the big playoff push. I'd love to see Pav come home with some hardware too, but I feel like Team Russia is spending a lot of time using this tournament as an agenda to prove that the KHL is just as good or superior to the NHL. I give the edge to Canada though. It's their home ice, being played on NHL-sized rink, and frankly, the best over-all team. But then again, if Sid the Kid DOESN'T win the gold here, doesn't that guarantee that Bettman's gotta let the NHL-ers compete in 2014?? I dunno...

  45. Nurse Nitz, you make an AWESOME point with the politics of Crosby and Canada; the "controversy" with letting players play in the Olympics is a topic we could all hash out at length. I intentionally didn't ask "Who do you THINK will win?" because honestly, as difficult as it is to decide between rooting for Team USA or someone else, I think it's even harder to predict who's taking the gold, no matter whether we like it or not. Team Canada has a huge advantage, and despite disliking 99.9% of the players on the team, it would be special for them to win the gold on home ice. And don't we know how hardcore the home crowd is going to be. In any event, it will make for some exciting viewing, for sure.

    And yes, I completely agree with the assertion that Leino looks exactly like what Andy described in his description of the Finns. How did the Finns get to be that way, Andy?

    Andy, you are right when you say that it would be difficult for Detroit fans to be xenophobic considering the large number of Swedes we have on board, unless said person was a complete lost cause (i.e., related to Don Cherry). I know the rest of the world looks at us Americans and sees all the crappiness that the most vocal of us have put out there, and it really is embarrassing to me, at least. I'm just glad we've gotten to show at least one Norwegian that not all of us are as prejudiced and narrow-minded as many of our country's practices and policies suggest.

    Dena: You're right. The last thing you want to be is KRONWALLED (in a bad way). ;)