I Broke Out the Canned Air

'Sup Folks. Hahas. It has been awhile. So between work, holiday doings, a bunch of December birthdays, naps, and tweeting about meals, I have totally neglected the ancient holiday tradition of blogging. We also had Jen starting a new job and the neighbor kid eating all of our food. Seriously, this tyke packs it away. I wonder if pet food stores sell tape worm food, either that or I buy stock in Cheez-its. How about those new Colby Cheez-its? They are fucking great.

Wait a minute, why am I here? Oh yes, Red Wing hockey. Since I last wrote at this fine establishment the Wings were doing pretty good. Scoring goals, Jimmy looking not at all like an All-Star, shutting other teams down. Then they came up on the Predators who were doing just as well. It was a battle of a couple of 3 game winning streak teams. And even though the Preds came out on top, the Red Wings played very well. Hank and Pavel both had missed opportunities, but sometimes that's the way the puck bounces. And speaking of bounces, that Weber goal was about as mental as you are ever going to see. Watching that slow-mo was like watching that scene in JFK where they were watching the Zapruder film in slow-mo. "Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left." I really don't think any of Jimmy's goals were all that weak. The Preds just happened to be in perfect position for the rebound after Jimmy made a great save.

Unfortunately the mistakes the Wings did make in this game cost them. That would be them having a chance to get the puck out of their end and failing to do so. That allowed the Predators to cycle while preventing a Wings line change. I saw people on the twitter saying that game was a horrible choke. I must have been watching a different game. The Predators played them tight all night and were really laying the body on the Wings. Sure, the Wings controlled the puck a ton in their end and had some good cycles, but it's not like the Preds were playing like shit.

Aside from the suckitude of a Wings loss, it seems that the close Wings games have been really exciting games to watch. But I will take a boring blow out over a close nail biter any day. Especially with the points in the West tightening up. I would rather enjoy my adult beverage of choice leisurely rather than slamming shots of flaming Everclear to calm my nerves.

Tonight the Kings come to the Joe. This is a Kings team with a broken crown. They have all kinds of shit going on. Firing the coach, tied with the Mighty Islanders for last with 67 goals for this season. I never like to say, "This should be a win for the Wings", but this one should. The Kings are in disarray and playing a team like the Red Wings is not a good place to try to put the wheels back on the track. I'm just glad they are playing on the ice at the Joe and not like the ice they played on at their last game. Which had about the same consistency as a fucking hard packed Slushee.

I know the countdown is on for Christmas and that's all well and good, but my countdown is on for my free motherfuckin' ham from work. I also have a couple of projects to finish up, (I have not forgotten you Ann, a series of events has delayed this project but is back on track now). I also found something I started a long time ago that, when finished, I will probably give it away here at Scrappy Octopus. Just don't hold your breath, it will be done when it's done and I have other art obligations to tend to before I can even think about that.

Let's Go Red Wings

And Ham on Ham Eaters

Don't Say That Out Loud

There are some things, as a Wings fan, that you do not want to say out loud. Hank didn't look very good in yesterday's game. Yes, he had that beautiful backhand pass to Flip for that goal, but there were times where it didn't look like he could do what he wanted to do. With his history of back problems I have to ask, "how hurt is Zetterberg?" I really don't think that this is a case of a player slumping or trying to get himself going. He just doesn't look sharp, especially when he is twisting or turning. Does he need to sit? Not as a message, but to have his injury evaluated. I know that people will say, "if he was injured he wouldn't or shouldn't be playing". Yeah, well sometimes it's not as simple as that, especially with a back injury. Some days you feel great. Some days it feels as if a railroad spike is driven into your spine. And sometimes treatment or surgery doesn't do a whole lot. So if he is feeling at around 80%, maybe he needs a more Homeresque like schedule. Of course this is all speculation on my part. Maybe he is slumping a bit, but watching the way he is moving out there, something is a little off.

Now here is something I will say out loud without any hesitation. Fuck Jonny Ericsson. He still makes all of the same old mistakes. I will say that he looks a tiny bit better than last year, but not by much. When he is a non-entity in games, I guess it means he had a decent game. The one thing that I noticed that has gotten worse is his speed. It bugs the shit out of me when he goes gliding to the puck like a fucking glacier. Hey doucheface, you're supposed to be hustling to the puck to negate the other teams' forecheck, not carving out the Great Lakes. And why is it that one out of ten checks is decent? His checks look like he's that one single guy that goes to a club by himself to grind on chicks. His body checks are so Night at the Roxbury. I wonder if the rest of the team wants to give him a Full Metal Jacket 'blanket party'? I know I do. That being said, the penalty against him battling for the puck was weak and that goal where we all shouted, "And there's Shitbox", was caused by Jimmy's noodle-armed pass.

Datsyuk and Bertuzzi are looking really good lately. Seriously, Datsyuk has been downright magic-dirty. If you lowered him by his feet from the scoreboard while being handcuffed and strapped into a straight-jacket into a tank of water, he would still score within 30 seconds. And the Thunderchief is playing a lot smarter out there, and I love it when he is in the shootout. When he scores on a nasty move it allows me to stand up and shout, "KNEEL BEFORE TODD SON OF JOR-EL". It just seems that he really gets how Datsyuk plays and that's why he plays well on that line. I know people will argue that playing with Datsyuk makes everyone look better, but I don't think that is it. I think Bert being on that line allows Pavel to do different things, to really let his creativity flow.

Aside from Howard's 90 year old lady pass resulting in the goal, I like his play this season. He just seems more poised and confident this year. Challenging shooters. And like the twitterverse says, "He's got the Jimmy Hands".

So tonight is To Catch A Predator Night at the Joe with buy one get one free Mike's Hard Lemonade. The Preds are on a little slide, and let us hope that that continues. This is the first meeting between the two. The Wings need to start this first of six match-ups on a good foot seeing as the Predators took 4 of 6 last year. The Predators top defensive pairing of Weber and Suter are in the top ten of +/-, and that's with them usually going against an opponents top line. The Predators give up over 30 shots a game which is nice seeing as the Wings take more than 30 a game. Look for the good guys to pour the shots on.

Well, let's hope that Zetterberg proves me wrong, making me look like an inept blogger. Jimmy will need to be strong in net. On a side note, isn't it fitting that Conklin has been demoted to latrine duty in the Wings make you feel at home commercial.

Alright, I'm outta here. Lets Go Wings.

Skate Off That Turkey Bloat

First I have to apologize to my three readers for not posting in awhile. Due to a combination of sick kid, work, and general laziness, farting around on the interwebs wasn't a high priority. That being said, I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. Our Thanksgiving festivities were very good, despite me cooking for a house full of Packer fans. And even though the Lions lost, I didn't sabotage the meal. That's why today's headlines are full of morons pepper spraying each other for buy one get one free Crocs and not "Southern Wisconsin family suffering from volcanic diarrhea".

With these last two wins by the Wings, the standings look a lot different than a couple of weeks ago. They are on the better side of the goals for/goals against ratio with a +12. They still take the most shots in the League and their shots against are among the lowest, usually in the one or two spot. These may seem like dork stats, but in the long run they usually turn out favorable for a team. Some of the teams that are on top of the league may be scoring butt tons of goals, but they are also giving up too many.

Now today the Wings go into Boston to face the red hot Bruins. The Bruins come into this game riding a 10 game win streak, scoring a shitload of goals while doing it. This is a good test for the Red Wings, to see if they can shut down a high-powered offense while still getting shots to the net. All four lines will have to work hard because Boston runs deep in their line-up. Not only will getting shots on important, but the quality of those shots will count when you are facing Tim Thomas.

So what is going to be the deciding factor in this game? It will be the anti Ken/Mick jinx. During the pre-game or first five minutes of the game, one of them will mention some kind of streak or milestone that is like the Sword of Damocles hanging over the game. How many times have we heard, "So and so hasn't scored a goal against the Wings in X amount of time", only to have that player have a 4 point night? Even though this is a NBC game, in my head, I can hear Ken or Mick really talking up Boston's win streak. And that is what cuts the horse's hair.

Could I be any more obtuse in coming up with a deciding factor? At least I didn't consult with the psychic octopus that picks soccer matches.

No, Jimmy will have to be extra sharp. The back check will have to help out the defense. And they need to crash the net making life for Thomas difficult while piling up the shots. How do you like that? I basically just said what every coach has said since the dawn of time. Oops, I forgot, "we just need to stick to the basics and keep the puck in their end".

Well, I gotta go and see if I can get pepper sprayed while battling some tard for a $10 dollar crock-pot Thunderdome style.

Lets Go Wings

Top Jimmy Cooks. Top Jimmy Swings

He's got the looks, he's the king. The one thing that always bugged me about Howard's play the last two years was his lack of shutouts. I know it's a little arbitrary because a win is a win. But I always felt that the shutout was a nice way for the goalie to give a little extra fuck you to the opposing team. Jimmy has three on the season now, which is tied for first in the league. That gives him eight for his career. I like this. I like how he is playing this year. It shows that if you give a goalie goal support and strong forechecking and backchecking, things will go their way more often than not.

Kudos to the Wings for giving Khabibulin his first regulation loss and getting his goals against above 1. It's nice to see them figuring these goalies out on this win streak. During the slide it's not like they weren't getting pucks to the net, but the amount of quality pucks to the net. I always felt for some reason that opposing goalies always played way up against the Wings. Like they used some magical video game power-up before the game. I like the shots they are taking. But Datsyuk, please, need more shoot. I would be very interested to know what Kronwall's blast clocked in at, 'cause that thing left vapor trails. Any guesses? For sure +100mph.

So now the Wings finish out this home stand against the Stars who have been clicking. What kind of team shows up after dropping one to the Pens last night? This will be a battle between the haves and the have Otts. And if you have Ott, then I don't like you because he is a douche. There is good balance on this Stars team. They have a good defensive core and some good young guns up front. When you look at their roster, there are a couple of players where you go, "Aw shit, I forgot they picked up THAT guy". Plus there is Lehtonen who leads the league in wins. Hopefully tonight he is Kari Lehtsomein.

When the Wings are playing their game, other teams don't frighten me. I think they are the best 5 on 5 team out there. On a side note. I have always been pro Bertuzzi. He gave the team a lift when they needed it. But having him out ill has been a nice break for the Wings since you can subtract about 3 penalties a game. One reputation penalty. One dumb retaliation penalty. And one 'What the Fuck, Todd' penalty. When he comes back and does something like that, I think he will be the odd man out and taking some healthy scratches.

Hey Dallas, welcome to the Real D. Let's Go Wings.

Protect Yer Berries

So the source of all of my news, twitter, informs me that Zetterberg is suffering from a "middle body injury". I do not know what this means. This sounds like when you rent a porn pay-per-view and you get a three hour block, but you took care of business before the opening credits were done rolling. Now you spend the next three hours making sure that you are making the most of the rental fee. Inevitably you cause yourself a "middle body injury". Or, like someone suggested, volcanic diarrhea. Who knows with these injury reports these days. It's a page out of the Belichick school of disinformation.

For the last two games at the MacRostie Clan household you could feel the hum of will power as we collectively concentrated our mind beams through the television to have pucks magically fly into the net for the Wings. Well, that didn't really happen. The Red Wings played well enough on their own without the help of my neurotic superstitions. As a fan, when I listened real hard during that first game, I could hear a collective sigh from Red Wings Nation as the goals started piling up.

Watching these games I noticed something that will not come as a shock to anyone-Ericsson is really fucking slow. There are so many times where he just quits skating and glides to the puck. Which in turn causes a turnover or errant pass from him. Or you have him taking a penalty. Although that weak-ass hooking call that led to the bulldozing Landeskog goal. That's a weird name. You have been banished to the Land of Skog. I think the Landeskog is the natural enemy of the Sleestak. Long story short, Ericsson is not worth 3 jillion a season. More like minimum wage plus tips. But then he would forget to claim his tips and the IRS would be all over his ass. And you don't want to know what he does for tips.

Tonight the Oilers are in rollin' into the Joe. There is a lot of youth on this team. Which in turn leads to inexperience, which leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to the dark side. The way the Wings played against the Avs shows they know how to play against these youthful, speedy teams. Their puck possession is a start to a good game plan. So is not getting caught flat footed. The big thing will be getting pucks past The Bulin Wall who has been playing Beyond Thunderdome so far this year. Jimmy has not been too shabby himself though, bettering himself in most categories so far this young season. The two teams have about an 18% success rate on the PP, but the power play isn't much of an advantage against the Oilers, whose PK has been stellar at just under 87%.

So they will going up against the number one draft picks for about the last decade, Ryan-Nugent-Hopkins-Alliwishous-Esquire-the III. What up with all of these hyphenated names lately? Isn't nugent the stuff they put in candy bars? Now with 50% more nugent. Yes, I realize that it is actually nougat you asswipes. Shame on you for trying to piss on my fun.

Let's Go Wings

Well Goody Gum Drops For You

I kind of knew this was coming. I have been fartin' around on the interwebs reading various Wings blogs just to see what everybody else was posting as their pre-game. And over at A2Y I saw it. Two perfect examples of what I was looking for.

1. Trolls reveling in this little slide by the Wings. I never understood trolls. The biggest thing I don't understand about them is them basing their whole hockey identity on hating the Red Wings. Oh I understand your jealousy, really I do. But for you to think that I give one giant steaming pile of shit about your taunts written from your sister's basement while you furiously masturbate over where the Red Wings are in the standings, well, you have got another thing coming. Quit trying to match wits with some of the best in the business. Your arguments always break down due to you using half-assed research, invalid stats, and the most egregious of all offenses-your boring ass tired cliches. Seriously? These are the weapons you arm yourself with before going into battle. Just shut your stupid ass face, wait for the Proactiv to kick in, and find yourself a life you fucking turds.

2. Fans of suck-ass teams trying to console us. Welcoming us to sup at their buffet of suck. Fuck off. We are Wings fans. Pardon my arrogance, but even with this losing streak, the Red Wings are nothing like your team. The last twenty years is proof to that. Here's my stat laden argument-The Red Wings are awesome, so suck on that shithead. Sorry if we decline to join your brotherhood of losers, but we just don't roll like that.

To everyone saying that the wheels are falling off of this franchise, are you fucking retarded? I have been hearing this for the past decade. This is a talent laden team that just needs a few tweaks here and there. Enough with the age thing. The team has gotten younger with the off-season's retirements. And don't tell me you wouldn't trade your top two defensemen, plus the agreement to become a eunuch for Lidstrom. Yeah you would, you liar.

Geez, lately the first half of my posts have become reactionary to the happenings on the internet. So I guess we talk about tonight's game. Eww, the Ducks. If there was ever a team to turn things around with a massive beatdown, it would be them. I am not afraid of Hiller's Darth Vader mask. Remember in Return of the Jedi at the end of the movie when Luke helps Vader take off the mask and underneath his head just looked like a chewed on eraser? Yeah. Under Hiller's mask is just a mealy-mouthed pig-nosed turd with a femmy page boy haircut. Nobody ever liked Prince Valiant or his stupid hair. He should cut his hair and donate it to Getzlaf even though he only deserves a wig of pubes.

Whew. My dander is up and I am full of vitriol today. I guess it's due to all of the assclowns shooting off their mouths. Don't get all butthurt when we shoot back. For our aim is deadly and our ammo plenty.

Let's Go Wings

Blame It On The Rain or Remember When Ashley Simpson Lip-Synced on SNL

There was a virtual shit storm on the twitters yesterday, that is still overflowing today. Keep in mind that the offending party has done this in the past. Joe Burkel who ran RedWingsGuy.com, (don't bother going there, it doesn't exist anymore) stole an article for the last time. He cut and pasted the Bill Roose article of Nyquist's call-up and called it his own. This was not a mistake. It was blatant plagiarism. Roose called him out on it publicly on twitter and was supported by many in the blogging community, myself included. Burkel appears to be non-existent, taking down the offending site and nuking his twitter account. Do not feel bad for him for he did this to himself. Whether he took the site down of his own volition or was prompted by the RW legal department is of no consequence for both scenarios would be the actions of a guilty man. He knew what he did was wrong.

There were two great pieces written about bloggers and mainstream media dealing with plagiarism. One from J.J. over here at Winging it in Motown http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/31/2528498/policing-our-own-bloggers-msm-in-the-new-media

And the other by Nick at http://nickonsportsblog.com/

Give these both a read.

Anybody defending Burkel has now become suspect in my book, especially if they are a blogger. As I have mentioned before, this isn't the first time he has pulled this stunt. I saw someone tweet that this is a sad day in the RW community. No it's not. Not everyone needs to be a blogger. And when you take away the plagiarism all you were left with were articles with misspelled players names, incorrect stats and a podcast that was like freight train of knitting needles driven straight into your eardrum. It's okay to just be a fan.

I do this for fun. I like interacting with other Wings fans. Some take it very seriously. But the actions of Burkel put us all in jeopardy.

Shit. There's a game tonight, right? Well then, here's hoping that the Red Wings pull the chute on this free-fall. Look at all of this shit you caused Nyquist. You better score a hat trick. I'm only yanking your chain kid, think of yourself as a catalyst for a better tomorrow. There. No pressure. It's time to get two points tonight. It's time to climb the ladder vanquishing foes along the way. It's time to show the Minnesota Mild who you really are. I've got beer and whiskey and I'm ready to go. Are you?

Let's go Wings

Hopefully It's Nyquist and Not Nyquil

So the Wings call up Nyquist. Is this the shot in the arm the team needs? Hopefully. People are wondering who is going to sit. I say sit someone who isn't scoring goals. All kidding aside, I see him fitting nicely on the 4th line. The instability there will probably be around for a while until something clicks. But seriously, someone needs to start scoring. I'm talking a nice fat 10 game point streak, because 1 goal a game isn't going to cut it. Being a bunch of defensive minded forwards is all well and good, but that's only if you are keeping the other team off of the board. Biscuit in the mother fucking basket please.

Will a fatter walleted Kronwall be a happier, scoring, body smashing machine? Again, hopefully. It would be nice to see more points coming in from the back end. And sir Ian White, time to clean your shit up. Figure out how you fit in this system before trying to do too much on a play and leaving the team out to dry. I don't know if the defense is overreacting to the low score output and are pinching when they shouldn't be, but it seems that there are a lot more odd man rushes or outright breakaways so far this year. So by all means pinch, but pinch smart.

Quite honestly, no one individual is playing consistently shitty this year. It's just easier to focus on one player's fuck-ups when there are no goals on the board. When it is a mediocre team effort, a mistake by someone is amplified. Hopefully the turnaround happens soon. Shit, I've used the word 'hopefully' entirely too much in this post. And as of this moment I'm no longer concerned about an even distribution of goals. I want someone to go on a tear. I want that someone to climb the leader boards. I want them to skate in, score with authority and finish it off with a good old DX crotch chop right in the goalie's face. (That last part won't happen because Red Wings players are classy where I am not). We are burning for a win. But we are really burning for a fucking curb-stomp of a win.

Now hopefully, (again with that word) @jennyquarx and I publicly shamed/coerced/guilt tripped the original Scrappy Octopus, Natalie, into doing a pre-game for the Wings/Wild match-up. If not, then I say to all of you, bombard her on the twitter to bring on the snark, for it has been far too long since she has graced this blog. Sorry Natalie, I'm fucking shameless.

LET'S GO WINGS

To Don The Winged Wheel

We missed lasts nights game against the Wild due to a Halloween party we went to. Most people are saying be glad you missed it. Reading the other blogs, it sounds like it was a pretty poor outing by the boys in red and white. I followed the game on my phone, furiously hitting the refresh button, willing the score to change.

The panic button has been pressed by fans and it has been pressed hard. I am just as worried as the rest of you. People keep reminding me that it is early in the season and that the Wings will be fine. But I believe that these early season games are important. A good start balances out the slumps and streaks that every team deals with throughout the course of a season.

I'm not going to harp on the negatives. We've all flogged that horse plenty in the last four games. A lot of people are calling for a shake-up. And switching up lines is all well and good, but that seems more of a band-aid to me. What I think needs to happen is someone in that locker room needs to stoke the embers in the guts of each and every player into a raging inferno. They need to capture that proverbial lightning and bottle it. They need inspiration. They need to remember what it means to wear the winged wheel, that they play for one of the best franchises ever. It's time for them to step up and etch their names into the annals of hockey history.

You are a Red Wing. A team that fell from prominence only to rise from the ashes like the mythical phoenix and make the playoffs for twenty straight years. You have won four cups within that stretch, more than some teams have in their entire history. You have won against adversity in the past. Now that adversity raises it's ugly head you dig deep and find a way to slay that beast. We have seen you dedicate a season and win the Stanley Cup for a fallen comrade. We have seen you fight for each other as brothers gaining a sense of redemption with the beat down of Lemieux.

You have one of the greatest fan bases ever, many of whom I have met and now call friend. I have seen them step up and bring a fellow Wings blogger from Brasil. These same fans raised over twenty thousand dollars in two years for the Children's Hospital of Michigan. I am proud to be a part of this community, and we do it for you, Red Wings, the uniting factor of this community. We don the winged wheel in support of you. We are proud to be your fans. We know what you can do, so it starts now, the march to the 21st straight playoffs. Play your hearts out for the rest of the season, not for us but for yourselves, because we will be with you through thick and thin.

And as always, Let's go Wings

Put Roy Scheider on the Fourth Line

If there is one thing that Roy has done well, it would be killing big dumb sharks. So if anybody knows of any good necromancers out there, give them a holler so they can resurrect Mr. Scheider to don the mantle of police chief, Martin C. Brody. Somebody is going to need to step up tonight and be a shark killer, (I'm looking at you Franzen). Z has been a little too quiet for my liking at the beginning of this season. If Hank is looking to inherit the 'C' after Lidstrom retires, then he has to start leading this team when they face adversity.

There is a trend I would like to see end this season. Quit making bad teams feel good about themselves. Also, you can quit letting rookies get their firsts of their NHL careers. Every time Ken or Mick announce that so-and-so hasn't scored in approximately seven years it seems that player scores against the Red Wings. Make these other teams hang their heads in shame as they make their way to a dark recess of the locker room to quietly sob with self loathing.

Besides the atrocious power play, another aspect of their game that has been lacking is-the breakout, because it hasn't been there. I don't know if there is some kind of side betting going on, but it seems as though their breakout consists of trying to hit the scoreboard. I don't know if they are trying to hit the opposing teams goal totals so they don't have to look at it, but guess what guys, those goals don't disappear.

All right. Here is a streak to keep going since they have dropped the last two-Jimmy is undefeated. Since aliens have abducted shutout Conklin and replaced him with Swiss cheese Conklin, Howard will have to shoulder the goaltending load. And he needs to be rock solid. Which Jimmy will show up? I'm hoping for Jimmah, and not distracted-new-dad-Jimmy.

Helm, Bertuzzi, and Holmstrom are the only players who are either even or on the plus side for the last two games. The top line hasn't been shutting down other teams top lines. Maybe Babs should be looking more for match-ups rather than different line combinations. I will have to pay close attention to where the lines are matching up tonight to see if this is true. Maybe the top line could jump start their scoring if matched up with weaker lines.

Besides the weak scoring chances and no offensive zone pressure the last two games, I do put a lot of the blame on Conklin's shoulders. He let in some bad goals. It's hard to gain momentum when a goal gets let in from the parking lot or you forget that the posts are your best friends.

I realize that this post seems like I'm Debbie Downer, but unfortunately that's where a fans mind goes when you are used to cheering for a winning team. And tonight I want the Wings to beat the Sharks. I am willing it from the very core of my existence.

Now everyone together-Let's Go Red Wings *Clap Clap clapclapclap*

Sports Hurt Your Soul

I am not good at doing post game write ups after a loss. I definitely can't write them right after because it takes me until the next day to uncurl from the fetal position. The title of this post comes from @jennyquarx, who at the end of a bad sports night, turns to me and says, "Sometimes sports hurt your soul". Absolutely.

We had some important games going last night in our household. Obviously, the Red Wings/Caps, and we also had the Spartans/Badgers football game. I congratulate you MSU fans, and to the sports gods....Fuck hail Marys. The ending of that game was a butt-clincher. It's hard to watch people celebrate on twitter, be it friend or foe. While nobody did anything to us per se, I did notice some people being shitty to others. There is a line between good natured ribbing and being a cunt-ass-fuck hiding behind your keyboard. Don't say something you wouldn't say directly to someone's face. That's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. Even bigger than dipshits saying Lindstrom.

Now on to the Red Wings loss. I don't have the correct words to express the feelings I had during this game. That was pretty brutal, but like many people said on the twitters, better a brutal loss now instead of at the end of the season or during the playoffs. There was a moment during the beginning of the first period where the Wings were buzzing around the offensive zone, cycling, shooting, and putting up some good pressure. That was the only highlight, other than the Kronwall goal. The Caps didn't even have to play awesome hockey last night, they just had to capitalize on Red Wing mistakes, which they did very proficiently. I'm not going to break down each goal. If you want that info go here for J.J.'s CSSI analysis, http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/23/2507242/cssi-analysis-red-wings-1-capitals-7 It should actually be CSI analysis because last nights game was a crime scene.

I never knew that J.J. was trained as a wizard because coming up with those numbers boggles my mind. I don't grasp the formulas. Hell, I still think E=MC Hammer. But let us apply a little CSSI analysis to me as a fan.

half-minus: I pushed the luck of my newly purchased Target Red Wings shirt, which was 2-0. I should know better.

It's going ok until Washington's second goal where I incur a double-minus. One for not forgiving Emmerton his rookie mistake, and the second for saying "Fucking-A" in front of my kid.

I earn a plus for honoring Murph and making hot dogs for dinner, but then getting a half-minus for getting mustard on my shorts.

I get another full minus for not making a voodoo doll of Mike Green.

I get a plus for saying we can get back into this when Kronwall scores the power play goal.

A minus three comes next. Two for having "Budd Lynch goal" enter my thoughts. And another minus for getting so pissed at Conklin for giving up a goal from the Zamboni parking garage.

A big minus five for considering turning it to Nick Jr. and seeing which episode of iCarly is on.

Another minus for saying, "Come on guys, what the fuck are you doing?" at least 11 times.

Tack on another minus for searching the interwebs to find the perfect Lolcats to sum up my feelings.

So I come in at a sucky minus 12. Way to go Zac. That was a tough one to watch but hopefully it was a learning experience for the team. At least it gives them plenty of video to show what they need to button up when going against a very solid team.

I think I need to go lay down now. And for the next game, Let's Go Wings

Take a Ride in the DC Cab

Good thing nobody listened to my, "Ahhhh, it's a trap", bullshit in my last post. The Blue Jackets are not playing good hockey and their single solitary point is like a single solitary tear trickling down Rick Nash's face. I think a Freaky Friday scenario may have happened and the spirit of Joe Thornton inhabited Nash's body, because Ricky was getting a little bit douchey last night. I liked that Hudler dropped him to the ice with a lovely single-leg takedown. See everybody, MMA training does pay off.

The power play was shitting glitter last night. And so was the Mule. And the Legolas of the NHL, Valtteri Filppula, had a nice and sneaky 4 point night. That earned him player of the night from the NHL Network. Darren Helm had another awesome non-point night. He was all over the ice last night. I think he even ran up to the DJ booth to spin in between shifts. But please Helm, no more trying to block shots with your face....because you are too beautiful to me. I wish all of the little things he did translated to fantasy points though, because he is on my team.

A bizarre highlight for me last night was when Ken was mentioning the two tickets, two drinks, two hot dogs deal, my kid, channeling his inner Murph said, "Mmmmmm. Hot dogs."

So tonight we have a battle of the last of the unbeatens. The Caps are 6-0-0 against the 5-0-0 Red Wings. This is a tough test. Alex 'Alfred E. Newman' Ovechkin is hopefully hampered by Datsyuk all night. If they play responsible hockey I think they squeak this one out over the Caps.

Or maybe Ericsson will just going around punching people. He looked like one of the big headed fight bosses from Double Dragon. Another bonus of Ericsson fighting is it means he is off the ice for 5 minutes.

Saddle up people, to the victor goes all of the fortune and glory Dr. Jones

And as always, Let's go Red Wings

I'm Done Hibernating

Sweet zombie Jeebus has this been a way too long of a fucking break. I feel like I had just started a season of NHL 95 on my Sega Genesis and one of my drunk roommates hit the reset button, making me start the pre-season all over again. It seems pretty ridiculous that the schedule makers that be thought this was a good idea. With my tin foil hat firmly in place, blocking out the evil brain waves of Gary Bettman, I'm able to theorize that this was done on purpose to overload the Wings at the end of the season. Shit, other teams have already played twice as many games.

This long stretch really fucks up my inept blogging skills. I've lost my flow. I want game action to write about. I don't want to write about an IR's recreation of Scenes From a Mall. Although I am happy to hear about your latest enjoyment of a Cinnabon purchase, or your heartbreaking dilemma of where to eat at the food court. (Yes sir, there are sooo many choices.) Except I don't know if Steak Escape counts as fine dining, even if you do have a lit candelabra and a cello serenade.

See, I'm totally writing fake shit now. Well, half fake. You can guess which half is fake.

So we finally get a game tonight, in fact we get a little back-to-back action. It's Columbus tonight, and I hope they wear their third jersey 1950's soda fountain uniforms. (Even though it's an away for them). That way, when Carter's foot starts bothering him he can don a paper hat and serve us delicious vanilla phosphates.

When I roll my 12 sided die it bolsters my hyper awareness giving me an extra +8, allowing me to sense a trap up ahead. That's what sucks about these games after a long break, they have trap written all over them. Couple that with the Blue Jackets really needing a win here, the Red Wings will have to be on their toes. Hopefully they worked on their power play on this hiatus, which seems to be the consensus amongst Wings fans as needing much improvement.

So what did @Flapjack_McZap and @jennyquarx of Clan MacRostie do this week while the Red Wings were idle. Well, we met up with a fellow Wings fan who happened to be in Madison for a few days. Especially after H2H2, we take every opportunity to catch up with a Wings fan if they are in the vicinity. Ryan, you are a gentleman and a scholar. A lover of fine beers and tasty metal riffs as well as burning a mean fret board yourself. If Ericsson does not give up a breakout pass to the opposition's wheel house for a one-timer this season, you will win his jersey. I don't know if that's a reward or punishment. Plus, we also met a cool Kings fan. Jose, you are an encyclopedia of NHL knowledge. Nice job stumping three Wings fans with some Red Wings trivia.

I will see everyone tonight, (interwebally speaking of course) in various spots, mostly the twitters and at times, the Winging It in game thread, which takes me all intermission to catch up.

Let's go Red Wings. Don't let Columbus spoil the undeats like the Niners did to the Lions.

How Do You Follow A Conkblock?

I don't know if Jimmy's performance was spurred on by Conklin's shutout from the game before, but he needed a nice game like this. Sure, there was that blast off his shoulder that went up and over, but triple zeros negated that. And there was that other dinger off of the pipe, but that's the way the bounces went for Jimmy last night.

Speaking of the no-time-left-no-goal, how long before O'Halloran starts announcing no goals in Soup Nazi fashion shouting, "NO GOAL FOR YOU."

I think Franzen is feeling pretty good, talking about his knee specifically. He's been making his old school quick cut to the net with soft hands move.

Hudler does not want to hear any more of this trade bait bullshit. Plus the fact that nobody even offered the Wings a carton of Lucky Strikes and a fully stamped Subway card for him. With his off season MMA training he looks to be raising his game from Juicy Couture to Randy Couture.

Bertuzzi's pass to Abdelkader was a beaut. Having Datsyuk skate into the offensive zone attracting 15 Canucks really helped open up the ice for Abs. And how about Abdelkader's bitch slapping of Lapierre last night? He should have thrown in a donkey punch for good measure. I liked how Sally Lapierre pretended to fight back after the refs stepped in.

Both of the penalties to Bertuzzi were very weak at best. At least he doesn't draw further attention by putting his hands in the air proclaiming innocence before the whistle is blown. He just starts jawing Yosemite Sam style at the refs on his way to the box.

I really can't say much about the power play because nothing much happens on the power play. I don't see why they are having these pp problems when a lot of their 5 on 5 play has been dominating. Like Mickey pointed out last night, they are being too cute. They keep trying to force passes into a crowd. Even if the pass connects, you are trapped in a phone booth, and not everyone is Datsyuk.

One of my favorite moments from last night is when they had a graphic up during the pregame which had the ginger twins pictures side by side with their stats below. Then Mickey says, "That's Sedin on the left". Oh really Mick. Then who's that on the right? Sedin 2.0, a weird alien clone, or a robot sent from the future to protect John Conner? Your guess would be as good as any because the jury is still out on that one.

Ericsson didn't poop on anyone's head so I guess that's a good thing. He still makes way too many bonehead plays that just make your sphincter clench. He made a couple of those last night. We will all need O-ring transplants by the end of the season.

That's all I got. It's a nice start to the season. Work out some of the bugs, especially on the power play and then keep it rollin'.

Later folks. (hahas)

One Down, 81 To Go

Last night was a very nice start for the Red Wings, well minus the third period. The third wasn't too bothersome what with the outcome, but it just shows you can't let up off of the gas and coast.

First goal was a fantastic rifle shot from the Thunderchief. It was a sweet pass from Helm that sprung Bertuzzi. The Hudler from Datsyuk goal almost made me choke on my awesome homemade chicken pot pie. Emmerton does not want to sit in the press box or go to Grand Rapids. Lidstrom's goal was totally sick. "Hello inexperienced kid, I'm just going to do this, and a little of that, and oh, watch this, whoooop....goal."

Now over at http://theproductionline.us/ Chris Hollis made a point about Holmstrom being put on the fourth line. And he is correct. Sometimes I felt that when he was on either of the top two lines, everyone had to wait for him to get into the play and then plant his butt in his office. If Babs needs to switch things up this year, I have the feeling that he is going to get Eaves paired up with Zetterberg and Filppula. Last year and this pre-season, whenever Eaves and Zetterberg were out on the ice together, it just looked like they clicked.

The third line was shittin' glitter last night.

Now they face the Grammalanche. Let's hope the boys keep it rolling and smoke those guys. If there is a team I love to see the Wings beat, it would be them. Or the Ducks, or the Hawks, or the Penguins. I would like to see Howard play a solid 60 minutes, but that means everyone has to play a solid 60. And hopefully the power play looks a bit better.

Let's go Red Wings

It Has Begun (Mortal Kombat voice)

Yay. That sums up my thoughts on the start of the new hockey season. I know, I'm super profound. I could have said, "Oh Yeaaaah", but I fear that the Kool-Aid man would come bursting through my wall. That always bugged me about those old Kool-Aid commercials. All this kid wanted was some nice liquid refreshment and now he has to explain to his parents how this giant fucking hole in their house happened to appear. Good luck trying to convince them that a giant talking beverage pitcher did it. They are more likely to think that you were breaking bad in the shed behind the house and drove the family station wagon through the living room in a meth induced rampage.

Wow. One sentence in and I already went off on a fucked up tangent. That's either not too shabby or, shit, am I out of practice.

Since we live outside of the Detroit viewing area, we had to accept the scraps fed to us by the NHL Network. The one thing that I took from the pre-season is that the kids look good. There are a lot of them that look really hungry to make the big club. And the ones who aren't there yet get to simmer with the Griffins. There is a ton of great potential in the cupboard and the call ups will make for an exciting season.

The Smith hit was unfortunate and shows his sometimes over-exuberance. He was just as passionate as a Badger. Let's just get these suspension games out of the way and move forward. I don't know about anybody else, but I was pretty pleased with the Brunnstrom try out. This could turn out to be another one of those great 'player from the scrap pile Red Wings' stories.

Way down the road and we will look back at this post and note that I said it here. Nyquist and Jurco will be the Euro-twins of the future.

The biggest story in the last week has got to be the scoop of all scoops. Somebody broke a story about a player nobody ever even heard of that has been in the Wings training camp all along. Nystrom. He doesn't even have a first name. He's like Prince or Sting. Kudos goes out to this crew and their superb fact checking skills. When this kid wins the Calder we should all pitch in and send these guys Nystrom jerseys as a reward for their diligence to the facts they put forth in the blogging and podcast community.

All right then. Let us get this shit started. In fabulous HD this year. Plus free Center Ice thanks to @jennyquarx's magical phone skills. Telemarketer types do not stand a chance against her.

And last but not least, go Red Wings.

Let's Just Roll With It

Christmas in July started and I think the Red Wings did pretty good. We got a classic piece of tech-the Commodore 64. Sure, it's not an i-pad or some android device, but this could be fun. We got our functional household gift in Ian White. It's not flashy, but it does its job. It may not have been what you wanted, but it was definitely something you needed. Our beer of the month club was extended with Miller and our favorite magazine subscription was renewed with Eaves. And then some asshole re-gifted a pair of their shitty underwear with that Ericsson deal.

Mike Commodore gets to be the Bertuzzi of this coming season. Not the Bertuzzi that we all now know and love, but the Bertuzzi that first signed on for his second stint as a Red Wing. Some of us were unsure, some of us were pissed, some of us were indifferent and took the wait and see approach. Personally, I love this signing. The Wings get a big body and someone who knows how to use it. The Red Wings also get someone who will drop the gloves, and that will alleviate the pressure from Bertuzzi who always had to be the glove dropper.

"Hey Bert. I didn't like that hit on Z. Let's send them a message and give us a spark."

"Can't Abby do that? I'm feeling like a shooter tonight."

"I know you've got the hot hand tonight, but Ab-Der-kader lost control of his stick and stabbed someone through the head."

Sure, Commodore isn't going to score a jillion points and that's cool. But now the Wings added some toughness to the back end. And I promise everyone that I will no longer use Commodore 64 unless that becomes the jersey number he chooses. Oh, and Mike, please bring back that glorious afro. The kind of afro that makes you think, "Is this guy in one of those named-after-a-place bands like Boston or Kansas?"

I know that some people were pissed after the Ian White signing, not because they didn't want Ian White, but because that meant that Brendan Smith wasn't going to have a spot with the big club. Settle down, Smith will get his chance. And seriously people, when have the Red Wings rushed anyone up? But I digress. Back to White. This move has a lot of potential. White is a defenseman used in all situations. You may look at his point totals and think, "Big whoop, we lost a bunch of points off the back end with Rafalski retiring." True, but look at the teams he played for. The Leafs and the Flames. Now it's time for Zac's fake stat corner. If you take the 10 points in 23 games with the Sharks, who are a much better team then the Leaf and Flames, and keep that production going for a whole season with a good team, you could be looking at a 40-50 point D-man. And let's face it, how consistent can you be playing for 3 teams in one season? Plus, for playing in his first playoffs he did pretty good.

Now I have a serious question for everyone. Does Jonny Ericsson have pictures of Babcock giving Holland a hand-job or something? I do not understand a) how this kid is still a Red Wing and b) how this guy commands this kind of contract. With this deal that $hitbox (trademark TPL) got, I just throw my hands in the air. Only I am waving them like I DO care. I seriously have a fantasy that Kenny has this brilliant master play regarding the fate of Ericsson that has our jaws dropping like when you first saw the ending of The Usual Suspects. We will be replaying key moments of Jonny's Red Wing career, with Holland sound bites spliced in, in black and white as well as slo-mo, to make it all dramatic and artsy. And then we will never doubt Kenny 'Kaiser Soze' Holland again.

All in all I am pretty happy with the deals the Red Wings have made. And if they want to pick up Conklin as a back up, I am cool with that too. So I say we just roll with this. This is good. As always, the Wings have some good players in the pipeline that I would be comfortable seeing getting a shot if things go that way and now there is a stash in the piggy bank if things go terribly awry. So hurry up October, I want to see this shit in action.

I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention

Holy jeez. Does it seem like these playoffs are lasting forever? If Detroit were in the finals we would be heading into game three by now due to Bettman scheduling a double header right off the bat. Who am I pulling for in this series? Neither. I just can't muster up two shits for this one. Which is weird because I watch a metric butt ton of hockey during the regular season. @jennyquarx and I have Center Ice and in addition to watching every Red Wing game, we have games on all the time. Seriously, I get stoked watching an Edmonton/Minnesota matchup. So why can't I get excited for these finals? Besides the obvious being that the Wings aren't in it? I can't put my finger on it, so let's take a look at it and try to figure it out.

Boston Bruins

I guess one of the reasons why I don't care if the Bruins win the cup is because that sports market has enough championship trophies. All of their major sports franchises are always in the playoffs so who cares unless you are from the area. Another negative reason is that I don't think that its fair that Lucic gets two sticks when he's on the ice. Hold on a sec...........Sorry everyone, I have just been informed that that is not a second stick but it is actually his fucking nose. I kid. Speaking of Lucic, whenever he is on the ice you have to say La La La Lucic in the same singy way as the La La La Loopsy doll commercial. I mean, you don't have to, but it is much better if you do.

See? I am just not that emotionally invested in these Bruins. Hey Tim Thomas is from Flint. Is that really a relevant excuse to cheer for a team? Hey, all NHL players are from planet Earth and so am I, so I cheer for all the NHL teams. Plus with Kesler being 'Livonia's Son' does that mean the two Michiganders cancel each other out? I don't think people need to be digging that deep to find a reason to back a team. "I'm cheering for the Bruins because Patrice Bergeron is an accomplished falconer in the off season and I totally love birds."

I don't want to reach for a reason to root for or against a team. But on the other hand, I love hockey so I do want to be emotionally invested, especially since it is the Stanley Cup.

Vancouver Canucks

The Sedin twins. Well, you either admire their superb play where they know what the other is thinking. Or you are creeped out by a pair of alien ginger twins, where they know what the other is thinking. I guess we can go with the, "I'm gonna cheer for the Western Conference team." Which is a little bit how I'm leaning. If the Sharks had made it I wouldn't though. I almost never cheer for a team that ousted my team. I don't subscribe to the whole, "I just want to know that my team was beat by the best." Fuck that. I want the team that beat the team I cheer for to explode into a bajillion pieces. I then will sweep those said pieces up into a big pile so that I can piss on it.

I wish had that passion for this series that I have for a Red Wings/Ducks game. Seriously, stand in a room with more than three Red Wings fans during that game. You can practically feel the will power oozing from their pores. A will power that emanates from their core that screams, "Just beat these fucking douchebags." I guess I will have to cheer for exciting close games. We've got two goaltenders that can stand on their heads. There is a ton of talent out there. Both teams lines go pretty deep. They've both got diggers and hitters. They both have a creepy factor, Sedins/Chara. With game one we already got a goalie battle. Plus we learned that Alex 'the Cannibal' Burrows has a taste for the long pig. Gosh, when I put it like that, I should be watching the shit out of this series......unless it conflicts with Game of Thrones. I'm almost not kidding back there.

Well Crap, 'cause I don't golf

I'm not going to lie. That was a tough loss to take. For me it's because I really can't stand the Sharks. And a big part of that comes down to their captain. I don't think Thornton is captain material. Captains don't dive, plain and simple. Captains don't start shit just because they are a douchebag. As Red Wings fans we have been extremely spoiled for over two decades because we have had two of the best captains ever. I compare the rest of the league's captains to Steve Yzerman, and I always will. And if they are even half the captain he was, then I guess that is pretty good.

So overall, (minus winning the cup) this was a pretty good season. We have learned some things. Like one Jimmy Howard is a playoff goalie, no question. He had good win stats this year and if he gets his GA down and his SP up, then we have a Vezina goaltender on our hands.

We have learned that we will probably have to invent new words to describe Pavel Datsyuk plays. Seriously, dude pulled some sick shit out this year. I am trying to invent a word that combines Fucking awesome, Holy shit, That just blew my mindhole, and I think I just jizzed in my pants. It's not going so well because I think I dislocated my tongue. If Datsyuk didn't get injured, I'm going to say that he would have been adding a Hart trophy to the trophy case.

We have also learned that Red Wings fans are the coolest ever. H2H2 is testament to that. I wish I had the opportunity to talk to more people than I did. I wish I had clinked glasses of Ghettoblaster with more people. I wish less people puked on our floor, naw, it's okay, you got this.

Now I have seen people screaming for people's heads on the twitter. Fire this guy, trade that guy. This guy's contract is ridiculous. And this shit was happening before the handshake line. Settle down people. A little side note about the handshake line. Did you all notice that Hank leaned in and said a little something to every Shark he shook hands with? That is because he is all class.

There are some big decisions that individual players have to make about retirement. That goes a long way into figuring out the other pieces of the equation. There have been many people saying we NEED another 30 goal scorer. Really? Last time the Wings did that they picked up Hossa. How did that turn out? Sure, another scorer would be nice, but it seems that the Wings do better when they have more double digit scorers. But then again, when it comes to sports, one can always cite stats that make their argument look bulletproof.

So we all just need to relax. Me bitching about Ericsson on the interwebs is not going to change the Wings mind about what they are going to with him. Even though if you notice that anybody paired up with him looks like shit because they are doing the job of two defensemen. So when Rafalski gets to look like an ass because the Shitbox blew another assignment, by all means, call for Rafalski's head.

All you Red Wing blogs out there, keep blogging throughout the summer. How the hell else am I supposed to get my news, by watching ESPN? Not fucking likely. I like getting the real scoop with a dash of opinions and rants. You all do an awesome job and it breaks up the monotony of surfing for porn.

And lastly I really have to thank Brian and Natalie for letting me join in on these reindeer games. I am already looking forward to next season. And who am I rooting for the rest of the playoffs? Honestly, I just want the Sharks to go down. I always cheer against the team that eliminated the team I root for. So I guess I am cheering for the Yzerbolts.

Happy Mothers Day, here's a free ticket aboard the stress train.

A big ole' Word To Your Mother for all of the moms out there today. Just a quick little what's up before the game.

Hey Clowe, it's Mother's Day, not Motherfuckers Day. Just so you know, you don't have to be a motherfucker today, unlike all the rest of the days of your miserable life. You can go be a douche on your own time you whiny jagoff. A perfect place for that would of been the pressbox you instigating motherfucker. I see you started celebrating your misunderstood holiday a couple of days early. Not only with your actions at the end of the last game but also by your statements to the press. Clowe, I want you to stand in front of a mirror and answer me this. How the fuck do you fight the urge to punch yourself in your stupid-ass face? In the garden of life, you sir, are the dickweed.

Let's go Red Wings

HEY! I Said Knock it Off

The title was said in my dad voice. Even if you don't have kids, you probably remember someone using that voice on you. It has a tone and a timbre that is unique in that the receiver stops everything they are doing and snaps to attention. Now that I have your myopically focused attention, listen up. Stop this shit. Let us move forward.

First things first. The game. Yeah, that sucked. It was hard to watch. Were the Wings outplayed? Perhaps. Was their flow and inability to get some sustained pressure caused by some horseshit calls and non-calls? I believe so. Have I ever played in the NHL? No. Have I ever reffed an NHL game? No. I only have my opinion and replay which makes me kind of an expert, just like millions of others around the world. And the medium of blogging is just that. It is you, the writer, officially putting your opinion out in the world to see. Not only to see, but to comment on as well.

So second things second. People who are putting these opinions out into the world need to live by the old adage, "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen". And if you want to comment on these blog posts you have to be able to stand the heat as well. None of this hit and run bullshit. From both parties. There are plenty of blogs out there for you to read for whichever team you follow. Fat blogs, skinny blogs, blogs who climb on rocks. And even blogs that still think Lidstrom is Lindstrom. So if you don't like someone's opinion on a consistent basis, don't go and fucking read it. Doi.

Thirdly. The twitter. Yes, all of this shit will eventually get to the twitter. Which quite honestly, because of the 140 character limit, is kind of the perfect place to argue. It's hard to write your soliloquy of doom in such a short space. Oh, and threatening to unfollow someone on twitter is some passive aggressive bullshit. Unfollow or don't. Don't talk about it for three days. And tweeting about how many people you unfollowed is wishy-washy. Who cares. If you are following other fanbases, especially during the playoffs, things are bound to get heated. But seriously, you should know that going in.

Here is an example. Yesterday I wrote that Douglas Murray was as ugly as a jar of smashed assholes. Somebody on twitter called me out on my mistake. He said Murray is UGLIER THAN a jar of smashed assholes. He would be right and I was wrong and I thank you for pointing out my egregious error. And I also apologize to jars of smashed assholes everywhere for even thinking of comparing the horrendous visage of Douglas Murray to you.

So in summation: Sometimes it is okay to agree to disagree. Fuck the stupid-head Sharks. Let's go Red Wings. You know what kind of calls and douchebaggery this series will bring so you boys need to play accordingly.

Doubling the Output for 2011

I did want to have some kind of revengey type title, but that's not really the tone I'm going for. And let's face it, I would be the shoe in the Revenge Society. I also don't really see this as a revenge series. If you were a team that struggled for years, made the playoffs, got bumped, and then faced the same team in the following years' playoffs. Then I would see it as a revenge series. As it is, the Red Wings face a team that they stumbled on last year.

Some little known Shark facts:

They are required by law to have a life guard at practices.

Greg Louganis is a special secret advisor to the team.

The Sharks refuse to stay in a hotel that has a No Diving sign posted by the pool.

"Okay Zac, we get it. You think the Sharks are divers."

Yeah, we'll get to that, but I have one more Shark fact to share:

Doug Murray is as ugly as a jar of smashed assholes. Oh wait. One more thing. Setoguchi takes longer than the other players to hit the showers after practice because he takes a little bit of "Devin Time" while wearing Thornton's jock on his face like a doctor's mask.

All right, I will give you that the Murray one is an opinion and the Setoguchi one is an educated guess. I mean come on, look at that douchebag.

The Sharks can actually be a scary team when they are clicking. Their lines go deep. They are their own worst enemy though. When games don't go their way they resort to douchebaggery. When you see Jumbo getting thuggy then you know the game isn't how they want it to be. And if he starts taking shots at Lidstrom and Holmstrom he can fuck right off back to his summer home in Cuntsylvania.

I see the Red Wings taking this series in 6 games.

My game gear is still going to the Shirtuzzi. I wore it for all four games last series. Yes I did not wash it. Yes I am lucky that I am married to a Red Wings fan who is just as superstitious as me.

Who's this clown?

The Scrappy Octopus has been most generous in inviting me to come say a few words every once in a while. Who am I? Just a fellow Red Wings fan. What makes you think you can blog about the Wings? I don't, really. I will never rely on "stats" or "facts". I won't use "rationale". I will scream Fuck You at the top of my lungs just to win an argument. But seriously all joking aside, I am too lazy to create my own blog, and there are already enough good ones out there. I am just happy to pop in, write some crazy shit for some like minded people, and then steal away like a thief in the night. On the twitter you might know me as @Flapjack_McZap. In real life you might know me as Zac, lover of fine hams.

Let's get down to some business toot sweet.

So the Norris nods came out and it shouldn't be any surprise that Lidstrom was nominated. Let us look at the other nominees. Shea 'Unfrozen Caveman' Weber and Zdeno 'Swingin Neckbreaker' Chara. I don't know if Chara was thrown in there because of his +/- or what. Hell, if you try to base it on numbers, Brian Rafalski had stats comparable to that of Chara and Weber with 20 less games. But as long as Lidstrom is around all other D-men for the Wings will always be bridesmaids but never the bride. Quite honestly, you can take any defenseman in the top 20 and make a case for every one of them.

But fuck all that noise. Chara is out because of the 'Hit'. And Lidstrom beats out Weber because.....how does this go? Oh yeah, Lidstrom is a better defenseman than Weber.

Speaking of Weber. I know a lot of Wings fans hate that guy, but he's a restricted free agent next year and I like the cut of his motherfuckin' jib. And for all of you haters out there, I understand, this is like the Chelios situation for me. For a lot of people he WAS the Blackhawks. It took me a couple of seasons to get used to him being a Red Wing. And now look, he's our beloved Chelios.

I am getting really anxious for round 2 of the playoffs to start. I'm totally, "yay for the sweep", but I want to watch my team again.

One last thing before I go. Can we as a society all agree to stop using pun titles for blogs and websites where you substitute a form of the word 'puck' for a form of the word 'fuck'. I'm sorry, but its so played out. Remember, puns are the mimes of the joke community. And nobody likes a mime. Or mimery. Or mimeness. If we don't put a stop to this now we will end up like Idiocracy and wind up getting all of our hockey information from Butt Puckers.com.

This blog still exists?

Back from an EXTREMELY long holiday break (MUCH needed), I am very much of two minds about tonight's game; therefore, I shall break it down in two sections:

1. Fuck you, Roberto Luongo.

I don't know if I've ever voiced my thoughts on Luongo in this medium previously, so if not, here goes. Technically speaking, to me, he is a good goalie. Quick, fast movement, flexible, good vision.....everything you'd want in a goalie (maybe not for the next ten years at $10 million per, but still). He does, however, have a flaw which irks the shit out of me.....

....he is the biggest baby I have ever seen.

Yes, more of a baby than Sidney (gasp!). While players may dive, work refs, it seems like a larger than it should be percentage of goals are NEVER his fault, in his mind anyway. Watch a Canuck game sometime. If someone is within two feet of his crease, if a puck goes in, he ALWAYS seems to cry about it. He is perpetually working refs, bitching about everything under the sun. The end of tonight's game is a prime example of this. Bert's foot GRAZES him. Comes in close to him. Luongo, however, dives like he just got whacked by Jeff Gillooly. Seeing that contact, you REALLY have to act to even fall in that way. Its shameful.

So picture that. Play is happening. The game hasn't stopped. You've had Homer's planet sized ass in your face all night, and maybe he'd had enough. Whether these factors entered his mind or not, he had a decision to make - Flop like you're a European soccer player and POSSIBLY allow a puck in the net that may or may not be waved off; or make a fucking attempt to stop the puck....

....and you know which he picked. He went down like he'd been shot in the leg, and Kronner's shot got waved off. And that's fine, since we won in the shootout anyway (the best possible FUCK YOU to such a giant vagina). But that's who he is. HE WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THAT TEAM UNTIL THIS SEASON. How fucked in the head is that? He is not clutch. Sure, he won a gold, but my recollection of that game is Luongo positively itching to give that game away, looking shaky in the clutch. What a wuss.

2. Saddle up Jimmy, because you're carrying this team.

The state of the Wings health is kind of astounding this year. Pav, Buckets, Fil, Mikey-Mo, and now Brad Stuart. Now, Osgood is getting his groin injury evaluated, and there's a possibility this might be a longish term injury. How does Jimmy respond?

He seemed to know what he needed to do. He won this game tonight. He carried that team on his back; and with every god damn body out, he'll have to do that with a lot more frequency than he probably should. The team is in a great place in the standings in a VERY competitive Western conference, which is good, because with all the injuries, they may need it.

Players are stepping up and filling bigger roles better than last year, but while everyone is out, this team will go as far as Tiberius can carry them.

So many other things we could talk about, but TSO is working its way back into blogging shape. Welcome back to us. Game recaps, hockey talk, and creative swears will appear with more frequency. Welcome back to us.