28 April 2011

Doubling the Output for 2011

I did want to have some kind of revengey type title, but that's not really the tone I'm going for. And let's face it, I would be the shoe in the Revenge Society. I also don't really see this as a revenge series. If you were a team that struggled for years, made the playoffs, got bumped, and then faced the same team in the following years' playoffs. Then I would see it as a revenge series. As it is, the Red Wings face a team that they stumbled on last year.

Some little known Shark facts:

They are required by law to have a life guard at practices.

Greg Louganis is a special secret advisor to the team.

The Sharks refuse to stay in a hotel that has a No Diving sign posted by the pool.

"Okay Zac, we get it. You think the Sharks are divers."

Yeah, we'll get to that, but I have one more Shark fact to share:

Doug Murray is as ugly as a jar of smashed assholes. Oh wait. One more thing. Setoguchi takes longer than the other players to hit the showers after practice because he takes a little bit of "Devin Time" while wearing Thornton's jock on his face like a doctor's mask.

All right, I will give you that the Murray one is an opinion and the Setoguchi one is an educated guess. I mean come on, look at that douchebag.

The Sharks can actually be a scary team when they are clicking. Their lines go deep. They are their own worst enemy though. When games don't go their way they resort to douchebaggery. When you see Jumbo getting thuggy then you know the game isn't how they want it to be. And if he starts taking shots at Lidstrom and Holmstrom he can fuck right off back to his summer home in Cuntsylvania.

I see the Red Wings taking this series in 6 games.

My game gear is still going to the Shirtuzzi. I wore it for all four games last series. Yes I did not wash it. Yes I am lucky that I am married to a Red Wings fan who is just as superstitious as me.


  1. I'd always suspected Thornton was from Pennsylvania....

    Holy hell that's some funny shit. I'm with you on game attire. It's like a hundred fucking degrees in our house, but I rock the shirtuzzi with the Howe jersey over it. Gotta represent.

  2. You might want to take a look at "The Bleacher Report". I'm not a hockey expert, I enjoy watching the games, and love a good hard-fought game that can go either way right down to the end, but even I know enough to question the validity of the statement:

    "Nicklas Lidstrom vs. Dan Boyle

    Lidstrom struggled through the regular season a bit, and may be showing some wrinkles in his game..."

    Huh? That is literally the first time this season I've seen anybody suggest he struggled at all. But maybe I'm just not knowledgable enough to tell. Anybody else want to weigh in?

  3. Dear Anonymous,
    I tend not to read "The Bleacher Report". I'm not going to mince words here, they fucking suck. My 4 and a half year old might me more knowledgeable. I'm serious, he knows his shit.

    The only way Boyle beats Lidstrom at something is if it is fucking horses. Boyle is a champ at fucking horses. Lidstrom doesn't fuck horses. Good job Dan, you won that round.