I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention

Holy jeez. Does it seem like these playoffs are lasting forever? If Detroit were in the finals we would be heading into game three by now due to Bettman scheduling a double header right off the bat. Who am I pulling for in this series? Neither. I just can't muster up two shits for this one. Which is weird because I watch a metric butt ton of hockey during the regular season. @jennyquarx and I have Center Ice and in addition to watching every Red Wing game, we have games on all the time. Seriously, I get stoked watching an Edmonton/Minnesota matchup. So why can't I get excited for these finals? Besides the obvious being that the Wings aren't in it? I can't put my finger on it, so let's take a look at it and try to figure it out.

Boston Bruins

I guess one of the reasons why I don't care if the Bruins win the cup is because that sports market has enough championship trophies. All of their major sports franchises are always in the playoffs so who cares unless you are from the area. Another negative reason is that I don't think that its fair that Lucic gets two sticks when he's on the ice. Hold on a sec...........Sorry everyone, I have just been informed that that is not a second stick but it is actually his fucking nose. I kid. Speaking of Lucic, whenever he is on the ice you have to say La La La Lucic in the same singy way as the La La La Loopsy doll commercial. I mean, you don't have to, but it is much better if you do.

See? I am just not that emotionally invested in these Bruins. Hey Tim Thomas is from Flint. Is that really a relevant excuse to cheer for a team? Hey, all NHL players are from planet Earth and so am I, so I cheer for all the NHL teams. Plus with Kesler being 'Livonia's Son' does that mean the two Michiganders cancel each other out? I don't think people need to be digging that deep to find a reason to back a team. "I'm cheering for the Bruins because Patrice Bergeron is an accomplished falconer in the off season and I totally love birds."

I don't want to reach for a reason to root for or against a team. But on the other hand, I love hockey so I do want to be emotionally invested, especially since it is the Stanley Cup.

Vancouver Canucks

The Sedin twins. Well, you either admire their superb play where they know what the other is thinking. Or you are creeped out by a pair of alien ginger twins, where they know what the other is thinking. I guess we can go with the, "I'm gonna cheer for the Western Conference team." Which is a little bit how I'm leaning. If the Sharks had made it I wouldn't though. I almost never cheer for a team that ousted my team. I don't subscribe to the whole, "I just want to know that my team was beat by the best." Fuck that. I want the team that beat the team I cheer for to explode into a bajillion pieces. I then will sweep those said pieces up into a big pile so that I can piss on it.

I wish had that passion for this series that I have for a Red Wings/Ducks game. Seriously, stand in a room with more than three Red Wings fans during that game. You can practically feel the will power oozing from their pores. A will power that emanates from their core that screams, "Just beat these fucking douchebags." I guess I will have to cheer for exciting close games. We've got two goaltenders that can stand on their heads. There is a ton of talent out there. Both teams lines go pretty deep. They've both got diggers and hitters. They both have a creepy factor, Sedins/Chara. With game one we already got a goalie battle. Plus we learned that Alex 'the Cannibal' Burrows has a taste for the long pig. Gosh, when I put it like that, I should be watching the shit out of this series......unless it conflicts with Game of Thrones. I'm almost not kidding back there.