23 November 2009

Memo to the NHL: Suspend Laraque immediately.

And I don't want to hear anybody's bullcrap about how Georges Laraque "accidentally" stuck his knee in Kronwall's path. Honestly, I would rather hear my boyfriend admit that he cheated on me by "accidentally" having somebody fall on his dick. That statement is less ridiculous than the former.

There is no instance when a hockey player should stick his knee out, aligning it with another hockey player's knee. No decent or legal check or hit results from doing that. End. Of. Story.

Per Puck Daddy, a quote from the gentleman in question:

There were four refs on the ice and they didn't call anything," Laraque said. "If they called a match penalty it would be different. There was no intent. There was no reason why I would try to go and hurt him. It was a pure accident, that's why they called it tripping, so I'm not worried at all.

There was no "intent". I love it. You know, I kind of have that same thing, when I walk down the street, and I just stick my leg out and trip up fellow passers-by. It's an uncontrollable spasm; I can't help it.

Oh, and I'm certainly "worried". Officially joining other Wings' bloggers on this one: I'm not sure the universe can handle the horribleness of Brett Lebda and Derek Meech on the same line. Taking it a step further, I'm pissed at Jonathan Ericsson's performance as of late, so the thought of Meech being paired with him makes me want to grab a wire coat hanger and abort myself.

Getting back to the issue at hand, though, I wonder if there's anything else out there that can help us shed some light onto the situation at hand. If only Georges Laraque had his own website. Wait, what's this? Holy shit, Georges Laraque has his own website!
To describe myself, well I have to say you will rarely see me anywhere without a big smile on my face. I love to laugh, makes jokes, I’m actually quite the prankster and as annoying as it gets sometimes on people, I like to entertain. When I'm somewhere in a big group, you know that I'm there! lol!
Like, OMFG. He sounds, like, such an awesome guy! Maybe we should totally hang out! I wonder if he also enjoys long, romantic walks on the beach? I am, like, totally the prankster in my group of friends, too! One time, I totally saran-wrapped my BFF's toilet seat at a sleepover. Hehehe! She was SO mad, she was like, OMFG, you biatch! (SWF, 23 YO, BRO hair, BLU eyes...call me, lova).
What I do on the ice is definitely not the type of person I am off the ice, I hate violence.
Yay! Because I was really worried that he might try to go all Tonya Harding on me in the bedroom, and while I'm not exactly a prude, I'm certainly not down for any out of control S&M, B&D, BDSM, CBT, D/s, or TT. ROFLMAOCOPTER.
Another thing about me is that I'm brutally honest. I always say something the way it is. I'm never afraid to speak my mind. You would say that in real life, it could be a good thing at times, but when you're a professional athlete, it’s not always a good thing in the eyes of many people, but I don't care. I don't like the cliché answer and don’t always say what's politically correct. I think the fans have the right to hear the truth and the way you feel at all times and over the years, many people know that about me and you can earn a lot of respect that way.
Ever noticed that people who call themselves "brutally honest" are usually total assholes? Think about it. Anyone I've ever heard of in my entire life who says, "I'm brutally honest" usually means they're about to say something shitty--or will say something shitty in the near future--and don't want their relationship with the recipient of the shitty comment to suffer any damage because, alas, they forewarned said person that they're brutally honest, and that's the way it is. It's like that bullshit T-shirt slogan or bumper sticker that skankbags tote that says, "I'm a bitch and proud of it." (I hope you're picturing a person with trailer blonde hair, glittery eyeshadow, and a baby tee at least 5 times too small because that's what I'm working with over here.) Yeah. You might be a bitch and proud of it, but guess what. Everyone fucking hates you. They just pretend to be nice because they're afraid of suffering the wrath, i.e., getting eaten.
I believe in God and pray regularly, I try everyday to be a good Christian and try to help as many people as I can.
Hmm. Well, if you get suspended, maybe you just didn't pray hard enough because God definitely always takes your side, right? Oops. Oh, and proclaiming yourself a "good Christian" when you have a history of being a dickface in the public realm does nothing to negate your dickface history; it just makes you look like more of a dickface.
I would actually recommend three movies for you to watch (down below) that have made a big change in my life. I truly believe that if you watch them it will help your life goals and dreams! And always remember, live your life to the fullest, we only live once!

- Pay it Forward
- The Secret
- Deepak Chopra
- 7 Laws of Success
That's actually two movies, one book, and one crazy writer. How can we expect Laraque to understand the rules on the ice when he can't even master counting or differentiating between living persons and inanimate objects? Asshole.


  1. Fuck you, To Kill a Mockingbird. This is the single greatest thing that's ever been written about anything.

  2. "Pay It Forward", indeed. I think that will come back to haunt him.


  3. I too am familiar with the teachings of 'The Secret'. I only hope the fact that I think it's bullshit will not dissuade the universe from raining a cement mixer down on Georges Laraque's head like I've been positively thinking about since early Sunday morning.

  4. And he can sing too...what a talent. La douche extraordinaire.

  5. I've heard about "The Secret" - it sounded like a sham to take advantage of vulnerable people by playing with their hopes for the future.

    Anyone who does that should be thrown off a cliff into an acidic Indonesian volcanic lake and left to dissolve. Reprehensible.

    Better punishment wouldn't be suspending him - it would be forcing him to play at least 12 minutes a game for as many games as Kronwall is out. See how good Montreal's record is after THAT for a couple months! :)

  6. hahahahahahahaha. Montreal SHOULD have to play this jackass 12 minutes a game. that'd learn em.

    "I'm brutally honest" is in fact code for complete dick. I'm pretty sure its in the dictionary.

  7. I'm going to be brutally honest and say that his 5-game suspension, combined with the fact that this douche posted videos of himself singing on his blog, makes me want to light myself on fire. No turning back now, especially with the way the Wings played last night.