13 November 2009

Holy shit, the quacks are coming to town.

I fucking hate the Anaheim Ducks. They'll always be behind (1a) the Chicago Blackhawks and (1b) the Pittsburgh Penguins, but in no way should they feel left out of the fray. They suck at life.

My dickweed ex-boyfriend sent me a Myspace message last year during the playoffs saying there was "no way the Wings would beat Chris Pronger the Donger" and company. Really, I have no idea what that means other than a reaffirmation of my belief that only assplugs root for this team. And rhyme a person's last name with a vernacular term for genitalia, unless the intent is to be disparaging, although that obviously wasn't the case in this example, as I'm sure said dickweed in question had a mouthful of little Prongers when he typed it. Story checks out, in any event.

Ryan Getzlaf: "Frat" Douche.

Scott Niedermayer: "Father Time/The Dad from Family Ties" Douche.

Todd Marchant: "No Eyebrows" Douche.

James Wisniewski: "Mark McGrath Called, He Wants His Circa-1997 Hairstyle Back, Ass" Douche. (P.S. I hope Homer makes you cry again.)

Mike Brown: "Oops, Sorry About That Roofie-Tini" Douche.

Ryan Carter: "I'm Really Happy Mike Brown Gave Me His Recipe for Roofie-Tinis" Douche.

The only good thing about the Anaheim Ducks is this fan:

You know how I feel about dancing fans.

Go Wings.


  1. do you realize this was your 50th post? congrats :)

    I do love the inclusion of the Pronger the Donger story. WTF. Ryan Getzlaf LOOKS like the biggest asshole on the planet. He also generally acts like it as well.

    Wait till we see them in person.

  2. Doucheland Uber Alles!

    I really could go for another 9-1 win tonight. Would that be considered a "getzlap"?

  3. Ha, a "getzlap" in judgment. I love it. I suppose that's what last night could be called, although he, personally, had a decent night?

  4. James Wisniewski's hair is AMAZING. It's a shame because he looks like he could be kind of hot if he got rid of that shit.

    Yes, I just read this blog for the men, obviously.

  5. I really can't deal with the fact that you just said J. Wisniewski is potentially hot. I've been struggling to think of something really clever to say back to that, and all I come up with is tears. Many tears.