21 October 2010

Wings extinguish Flames 4-2.

After a rest period of no fewer than 2.5 light years, Red Wings hockey returned tonight with a visit by the Calgary Flames to the Joe.

--How fitting was each of the Wings' four goals tonight? Zetterberg with his Flying Circus comrades, then Lidstrom, both of whom were previously goal-less in the young season, scored absolute Miss-Universe-with-real-cans beauties of goals, then Franzen scored on an otherwise indescribable Franzenesque chance off Kiprusoff's person. Kinda makes me regret the decision to tell B earlier in the game that Kipper always plays against us like he has a chip on his shoulder... Oh, and how about that last one from "I still have a purpose here" Man o'Lantern? Happy early Halloween, kiddos.

--Jimmy Howard looked absolutely on point tonight. While naysayers and worrywarts fret about sophomore slumps, he's kicking ass, taking names and probably nailing your girlfriend...in your girlfriend's dreams.

--In reference to Ruslan Salei's net-lifting, I have just one thing to say: Maybe we should kiss again to teach him a lesson about obvious. If you don't know, now you know.

--Anybody fascinated by the concept of time travel should probably get in touch with Mark Giordano, as I'm pretty sure he visited 1956 and stole Elizabeth Taylor's eyebrows.

--Speaking of pretty, anybody else still a little skeeved out by Mickey's talkgasm over seeing a helmet-less Kronner early in the game? I think it went a little something like, "Oh, my, that's a beautiful sight..." followed by some grumble-sighs, but it's all mostly fuzzy and redacted in my mind's eye. Something about a switch flipping to prevent the ol' PTSD from reoccurring...

--Jarome Iginla must dislike playing us.

--Yeah, it goes without saying on this site, and yeah, I've written several odes to the guy explaining exactly how I feel, but it's a new season, and I've gotta say it again: There will come a day when we no longer see Homer's upset face jabbering at opponents between whistles. Until that day, I move that FSD establish a permanent Homer Iso-Cam so we can watch him go through the motions of being Tomas Fucking Holmstrom at all times.

--Curtis Glencross is challenging Mason Raymond for TSO's favorite "Could Be a West Virginian" name. Negative points for not having a full name comprised of two first names, but bonus points for having a compound surname that sounds like either country directions ("I think she lives out on the bypass, at the glencross") or a country threat ("Imma cut that bitch if I don't glencross her first").

--Finally, since I know there are so many of you who found your way here because we're the top two Google results for "Doug Janik falls down" (check it, ingrates!), what about that time Doug Janik fell down tonight? Clock that one into the ol' spank bank, boys and girls.

Tonight's win felt fan-fucking-tastic. Let's do it again on Saturday against the Quacks.


  1. Your PTSD switch and mine must have been triggered at the exact same time, because that version matches my own recollections perfectly, unintelligible grumble-sighs included. Then he said some fake clarification: "uh, I meant I'm glad he didn't get hurt with no helmet on, right guys?!"

    We know better. It's OK, Mick. The pretty can be distracting.

  2. I think Glencross is related to Betty Sue Carbaugh....

    I love that we're the official go-to site for calling out Doug Janik's lack of balance. Its a comfy niche.

    Mickey is letting his commercial fame get to his head now, isnt he?

  3. Between the Lids/Rahmani ad and all the Mickey/Call Sam ads, I was completely verklempt. I demand my "ugly people in the mall Call Sam ad" back!

    The Man O'Lantern rocks! Best Bert nickname evah.

  4. Oh Soulmate I knew I could count on you to give me a indepth analysis of the game seeing that I have dishnetwork so I am unable to view any Red Wing games at this time. EAT A DICK DISHNETWORK. It is tearing up my lady parts that I was unable to hear Mickey's erection hitting the desk over Kronner's helmetless visage. SIGH.

  5. Don't say that about my girlfriend! The truth Hurts! I can see it in her eyes!


    Although, I can kind of see it in my eyes too.. creepy.