10 October 2010

Dropping deuces on Chicago's little party

Before we get to my thoughts on the game tonight, let's talk for a second about Chicago's little Stanley Cup party and their upcoming season...

Seriously, what the fuck was that?

I mean, really, what was that? What were you trying to do? You trot out every single member of the staff ever. You run a full montage of players who aren't there anymore to the tune of a shitty U2 song. You trot out Edzo to run off at the mouth about god knows what. I'm not sure exactly what you were trying to accomplish with your little "We're awesome!" dog and pony show, but I promise, it was way worse than you imagine.

So yes, celebrate. It's fine. Really. Because the way you donkey-punched your salary cap for the duration of Brian Campbell's life, well, it's the last one you'll see for a while, I'm sure. I'd feel bad for Q-Stache and the gang if I thought for a moment they were capable of feeling real feelings somewhere in the far reaches of their dark, empty souls.

So yes, on to my hockey-related thoughts for the weekend:
  • In regards to the Anaheim game - Fuck them. It's hard to waste a great deal of time hating a team that is terrible at hockey and not particularly good at anything outside of ridiculous thuggery. It was rewarding to see the Wings be able to move up and down the ice and do basically whatever they wanted for most of the game.
  • Jimmy looked stupid good against Anaheim. Almost makes you forget about the silly number of turnovers and odd man rushes allowed. It's hard to believe he's ours.
  • It looked like throwback Ozzie out there tonight against Chicago. He looked competent. Dare I say, even...good. Sure, goal number two was weak-ish, but he made a couple of great game-saving stops. Glad to see you back, sir.
  • Last note regarding goaltending - Marty Turco really looks like he's trying to do add a degree or two of difficulty, doesn't he? He makes basic shit look really, really clusterfuck-ish. Dallas fans probably giggled a little bit in the off season when they heard someone was paying him more than $10.50 an hour to do ridiculous shit (and be a starter, no less!). I bet they wish they could have afforded that extra $750,000 for Niemi's arbitration award, eh?
  • When your crunch time lineup in any way involves Mr. 21 points himself Tomas Kopecky, well, that doesn't bode well for your season (seriously, he was on the ice in the final minute! FOR REAL). Chicago fans would be fearful if they even knew he was on the fucking team. THEY ARE BANDWAGONERS, in layman's terms.
  • People who say Chicago won't make the playoffs are wrong. They will. They still have arguably the best top defense pairing in the league in Seabrook and Keith. They still have Toews and Kane. But, damn, are they top-heavy. It's like one good line and a complete abortion after that. When people like Kopecky, some guy named Pirri, and Fernando Pisani's ulcerative colitis are prominently involved, well, let's just say the word "repeat" won't be thrown around as much as Chicago's fanbase would like (whatever is left of it after the start of the season. BANDWAGONERS, that's what I'm trying to tell ya).
  • It's nice seeing Dan Cleary hooked up to the juvenation machine. As someone who has said previously I didn't like his game...nights like tonight and Friday change my mind. When he holds that puck till the last second, knowing he's going to get the shit knocked out of him, just to make a play...you need guys like him. My apologies, Buckets.
  • Hope you enjoyed playing last night, Rig, as I believe you've lost your job to Mr. Kindl. Good game by him.
  • A sweet game time observation courtesy of Nat - "Did Filppula attend the Briere and Leino school of not being a vag?" Why, yes, it looks like he did. Way stronger on the puck.
  • An overall observation - It's great to see Red Wings hockey this year. I don't mean the game itself, but the style of play. Skill through the neutral zone. Carrying the puck in. Not the same dump and chase, grind it out team we had last year. I missed this.
  • The top horses look as such again. Hank, Pav, they all look 100% better than last year.
  • And lastly - Todd Bertuzzi took a dumb penalty by basically riding a guy. Glad to see he's in mid-season form. I really don't mind that he's here, but I am saying his IQ is probably hovering somewhere around Brick Tamland territory.
  • Either way, it's great to see hockey back. Life makes sense again.
  • Oh, and a quick plug - If you have an Android phone, check out an app written by friend of the blog Crater. It's called NHL Hockey Feeds, and its neat/easy to use. Search for it in the Android market (either by its name, or author Michael J Gorman, if you rather) if you're interested in making it easier to follow your favorite team on Twitter.
I have to thank Nat for her contribution here. Without her, half these Chicago related quips wouldn't exist. Go Wings. Strong start to the season...


  1. Ulcerative colitis! Thank you for going where others fear to tread.

  2. Shots at Tomas Kopecky always make my life. He had 1.7 million opportunities on Saturday, and he jacked them all. Bet he wishes he had better control over blowing his wad. (It never gets old, does it?)

  3. P.S. Krononymous, we're so happy you're back! This season is already full of fuckyeah magic.