The Wings go for another win at the Joe tonight against the Blues. This will be a grind of a game. The Blues come in tonight sharing the lead with the NY Rangers with the stingiest goals against. It sounds like Jalak and roll will get the start tonight and he is on fire. Sir Jimmothy is having a good streak as well so this will come down to quality scoring chances. Pucks to the net and follow 'em hard, boys. Keep an eye on that butthole Backes, (is that hillbilly plural for 'backs'?) And Peetranjlo. That's how everyone says it, don't ask me, but he's a bit en fuego at the moment as well. This is a tough one, but they will keep the streak going at the Joe. And if it comes to the skills competition, I do believe the Red Wings can pay the bills.
The last couple of years you could feel a shift in the Earth's orbit as Wings Nation collectively raised their hands in frustration when it went to the shootout. It was the world's most anxiety filled six shots. It never seemed to go the good guys way. Until this year. All of the Wings shooters just seem to have a different confidence this year. I wonder what is going through their heads.....
Pavel Datsyuk-"I am Russian ninja. Is almost unfair for goalie. I should try blindfolded. I like soup. Soup. Soup is funny word. But tastes sooo good. Soooooouup. Oh, hey look I just put puck past another goalie. He looks like he got hit with stun gun."
Todd Bertuzzi-"That's right goalie. I'm coming in nice and slow, stalking the puck like a jungle cat. I like taking my time so I can savor the smell of your fear. Did you eat your Wheaties this morning? I didn't. I had a bowl of kitties marinated in tequila and clown tears and stuffed with ghost peppers. I've got loads of filthy, dirty moves. Moves that make everyone go 'DAAAAAMN' like Chris Tucker in Friday. Remember when you would be playing NHL 95 on your Sega Genesis with your asshole friend who would abuse the Spin-O-Rama move? I'm that asshole. I'm going to make the analysts at NHL Tonight say the word 'cheeky' twelve times with this move. Just close your eyes, it will be over soon. The puck is my dark passenger that I need to put in your net."
Jiri Hudler-"Woooooooooo. Hey everybody, check this shit out I'm going to....aw crap. Maybe a slap shot from the blue line wasn't such a good idea. I should just keep copying Z. Or my famous, Don'tforggedaboutdapuckbuddee, move."
Henrik Zetterberg-"I'm walking on sunshine, whooa ohhh. I'm walking on sunshine, whooa ohhh. I'm walking on sunshine, whooa ohhh. And don't it feel good."
See how much more relaxed they are. When we get more shooters, I will crawl into their heads as well.
Let's Go Wings.
23 January 2012
07 January 2012
A Very Scrappy Announcement
Do you want the good news first, or the great news? Well, since I'm the one writing this shit, I get to decide. The good news first then. The Wings are back in action tonight against the Leafs. For some reason it seems like they haven't played in eons. So hopefully Holmstrom and Helm have been getting plenty of groin massages. Not at the same time mind you because that would be creepy. Plus it costs a lot extra if you are into that sort of thing. Let's get back to hockey talk since this was starting to head down Hudler Road, which runs right through the heart of the red light district.
This game is a chance for the Red Wings to jump on top of the Central. With the Blackhawks on a three game skid and an upcoming tilt against said team, the Wings need to grab the Central by the horns and wrassle it to the ground. January needs to be a pull-away month leaving the Blues and the Hawks slap fighting for second place.
No realignment. I'm not weighing in on this one yet. I'm just going to sit back and pray that this isn't a harbinger of doom in regards to the CBA.
Discher made a very interesting proposal to the Blue Jackets yesterday at The Production Line. http://theproductionline.us/an-open-letter-to-scott-howson-and-the-city-of-columbus/
Here is what we need to do to make this a plausible reality. Everyone start calling Ericsson by his full name. Which according to me happens to be Jonathan Loui Eriksson. Remember to spell his last name with the 'k' to solidify my ruse. When talking about him, drop the Jonathan and use Loui because I am told by people that he prefers to use his middle name. Yes, I realize you all saw where this was going by the second sentence. But keep in mind, teams took Lebda, so sometimes simple ruses are sometimes the best.
Alright then. It's time to move on to the great news. The founders of this fine establishment have made a verbal agreement to, at some point in the near future, enter into the alliance of holy matrimony. A most sincere congratulations from the MacRostie household goes out to Brian and Natalie.
I am working with my non-existent contacts to get Todd Bertuzzi to perform the ceremony. Wouldn't that be rad. I think I could persuade him to do it for a case of PBR and a basket of kittens. Somebody suggested that Juri Hudler be in charge of the bachelor party. Are you insane? If I have learned anything from Hollywood, its that a dead hooker really kills the buzz of the celebration. Plus, with all of his KHL money tied up some 900 number scheme, it would mean everyone else is paying for the blow. And Juri's motto is, "No blow, no show".
If anyone has any ceremony suggestions, just put them in the comments.
All kidding aside, I am extremely happy for you two. This is great news for a great couple.
Now Let's Go Red Wings
And a bonus Let's Go Lions
This game is a chance for the Red Wings to jump on top of the Central. With the Blackhawks on a three game skid and an upcoming tilt against said team, the Wings need to grab the Central by the horns and wrassle it to the ground. January needs to be a pull-away month leaving the Blues and the Hawks slap fighting for second place.
No realignment. I'm not weighing in on this one yet. I'm just going to sit back and pray that this isn't a harbinger of doom in regards to the CBA.
Discher made a very interesting proposal to the Blue Jackets yesterday at The Production Line. http://theproductionline.us/an-open-letter-to-scott-howson-and-the-city-of-columbus/
Here is what we need to do to make this a plausible reality. Everyone start calling Ericsson by his full name. Which according to me happens to be Jonathan Loui Eriksson. Remember to spell his last name with the 'k' to solidify my ruse. When talking about him, drop the Jonathan and use Loui because I am told by people that he prefers to use his middle name. Yes, I realize you all saw where this was going by the second sentence. But keep in mind, teams took Lebda, so sometimes simple ruses are sometimes the best.
Alright then. It's time to move on to the great news. The founders of this fine establishment have made a verbal agreement to, at some point in the near future, enter into the alliance of holy matrimony. A most sincere congratulations from the MacRostie household goes out to Brian and Natalie.
I am working with my non-existent contacts to get Todd Bertuzzi to perform the ceremony. Wouldn't that be rad. I think I could persuade him to do it for a case of PBR and a basket of kittens. Somebody suggested that Juri Hudler be in charge of the bachelor party. Are you insane? If I have learned anything from Hollywood, its that a dead hooker really kills the buzz of the celebration. Plus, with all of his KHL money tied up some 900 number scheme, it would mean everyone else is paying for the blow. And Juri's motto is, "No blow, no show".
If anyone has any ceremony suggestions, just put them in the comments.
All kidding aside, I am extremely happy for you two. This is great news for a great couple.
Now Let's Go Red Wings
And a bonus Let's Go Lions
01 January 2012
I'm Not Making Any Promises
Yeah, yeah, I know. "Where the fuck have you been Zac?" I missed a couple of games here and there. Especially whenever there is a West Coast swing. I'm not saying I don't want to watch those games, and I'm not going all Sally saying they are just too late. It's that I get up at 2:00 am to go to work. It is impossible for me to watch those games. I do usually get to see them the next day if they are rerun on the NHL Network. We missed most of the Chicago game because we were out with friends for my birthday. We saw the third period and it looked like that summed up the game with the way the calls were going. To quote Mick, "But hey, a refs a ref".
We saw most of last night's game, and it was glorious. Another shutout for Sir Jimmy Howard VonStoppinpucks. Most people don't know that that was his family's original name from the old country. Jimmy is playing uber confident right now. I only wish he had the kind of stats that Maple Leafs goaltender James Reimer is putting up. Wait. What's that you say? What the fuck? According to the stats page over at NHL.com, Reimer is beyond 30th in all of the big goaltending categories. Those stats would be decent in a 1500 team league. Good thing he is on the All-Star ballot. It's right up there with Crosby's 8 games played. Sorry NHL, but you are really doing this shit all wrong. I know people say that they don't care about the All-Star game, but I do. I believe players should be recognized and rewarded for THE SEASON THEY ARE HAVING THIS YEAR. Get rid of putting people on the ballot based on reputation. And for god's sake quit letting us dopey fans vote. We are all retarded homers. Maybe next year we can vote on class clown, most likely to succeed, best dressed, and cutest couple. We all know that Keith and Seabrook run away with that last category. And I'm pretty sure that nobody can dethrone Lundqvist as best dressed. 24/7 is showing off his skills in dapperness.
You know what I would like to see? No, not world peace. That dream is a moot point considering that the world is supposed to end next December. Don't worry, I've already hired John Cusack and a limo to save me and my family. What I would really like to see is the disappearance of these fucking ridiculous reputation calls against Todd Bertuzzi. And yes, I am an expert because I have those one things, what do you call them...oh yes, fucking eyeballs. I have said it before, he gets at least one a game. These bullshit calls that magically seem to happen when the opposing team is down or the Red Wings are surging. Okay, I will take off my tinfoil hat now, but I will be damned if I am taking off my tinfoil underwear.
I am really enjoying the play of Zetterberg right now. I know that I was a little down on him a few posts ago, but he has been really strong on the puck. And if he had a goal for every time he hit a post these last couple of weeks, he would have a bucket full of goals. These shots will start going in. It was also nice to see Mr. Streaky score last night with a good ole fashioned Mule move to the net goal. Maybe this will be the start of one of Franzen's good streaks. So feed the Mule boys. Or according to Doc Emrick, feed the Moose. Just driiiiiiiive to your local pet food store and pick up some moose pellets.
Hey, who else wanted to go to Detroit and pick up one of those Special Edition Red Wing Ram 1500 Express trucks? Me too, only I have seemed to misplace that extra $36,000 I had laying around for just such an event. I would even take the one from the commercials with all of Franzen's puck dents. Maybe I would get a $35,500 discount, you know, kind of like hail damage.
I like that some of these Griffins are getting some big club playing time, but it will sure be nice when the Wings get some of the guys back from injuries. A whole line of rookies is just sometimes there. It is better when one of these guys gets inserted into a line of vets. But the experience gained just bolsters the depth.
Now as to the title of this post. I really am not going to make any promises. I am not going to make a ridiculous New Year's resolution stating that I will post before and after every game. I am not going to promise that I can coerce either Natalie or Brian to write here this season, we can only keep our fingers crossed. I can only promise that I will probably be just as inconsistent as the previous months. You will get the same shit from me, posts liberally sprinkled with various forms of the word 'fuck'.
I hope all of you in Red Wings Nation had a glorious holiday season. Here is hoping that the new year brings another Cup back to Detroit. We will also see if I can detox off of all the ham I have eaten this last week.
And as Always, Let's Go Wings
We saw most of last night's game, and it was glorious. Another shutout for Sir Jimmy Howard VonStoppinpucks. Most people don't know that that was his family's original name from the old country. Jimmy is playing uber confident right now. I only wish he had the kind of stats that Maple Leafs goaltender James Reimer is putting up. Wait. What's that you say? What the fuck? According to the stats page over at NHL.com, Reimer is beyond 30th in all of the big goaltending categories. Those stats would be decent in a 1500 team league. Good thing he is on the All-Star ballot. It's right up there with Crosby's 8 games played. Sorry NHL, but you are really doing this shit all wrong. I know people say that they don't care about the All-Star game, but I do. I believe players should be recognized and rewarded for THE SEASON THEY ARE HAVING THIS YEAR. Get rid of putting people on the ballot based on reputation. And for god's sake quit letting us dopey fans vote. We are all retarded homers. Maybe next year we can vote on class clown, most likely to succeed, best dressed, and cutest couple. We all know that Keith and Seabrook run away with that last category. And I'm pretty sure that nobody can dethrone Lundqvist as best dressed. 24/7 is showing off his skills in dapperness.
You know what I would like to see? No, not world peace. That dream is a moot point considering that the world is supposed to end next December. Don't worry, I've already hired John Cusack and a limo to save me and my family. What I would really like to see is the disappearance of these fucking ridiculous reputation calls against Todd Bertuzzi. And yes, I am an expert because I have those one things, what do you call them...oh yes, fucking eyeballs. I have said it before, he gets at least one a game. These bullshit calls that magically seem to happen when the opposing team is down or the Red Wings are surging. Okay, I will take off my tinfoil hat now, but I will be damned if I am taking off my tinfoil underwear.
I am really enjoying the play of Zetterberg right now. I know that I was a little down on him a few posts ago, but he has been really strong on the puck. And if he had a goal for every time he hit a post these last couple of weeks, he would have a bucket full of goals. These shots will start going in. It was also nice to see Mr. Streaky score last night with a good ole fashioned Mule move to the net goal. Maybe this will be the start of one of Franzen's good streaks. So feed the Mule boys. Or according to Doc Emrick, feed the Moose. Just driiiiiiiive to your local pet food store and pick up some moose pellets.
Hey, who else wanted to go to Detroit and pick up one of those Special Edition Red Wing Ram 1500 Express trucks? Me too, only I have seemed to misplace that extra $36,000 I had laying around for just such an event. I would even take the one from the commercials with all of Franzen's puck dents. Maybe I would get a $35,500 discount, you know, kind of like hail damage.
I like that some of these Griffins are getting some big club playing time, but it will sure be nice when the Wings get some of the guys back from injuries. A whole line of rookies is just sometimes there. It is better when one of these guys gets inserted into a line of vets. But the experience gained just bolsters the depth.
Now as to the title of this post. I really am not going to make any promises. I am not going to make a ridiculous New Year's resolution stating that I will post before and after every game. I am not going to promise that I can coerce either Natalie or Brian to write here this season, we can only keep our fingers crossed. I can only promise that I will probably be just as inconsistent as the previous months. You will get the same shit from me, posts liberally sprinkled with various forms of the word 'fuck'.
I hope all of you in Red Wings Nation had a glorious holiday season. Here is hoping that the new year brings another Cup back to Detroit. We will also see if I can detox off of all the ham I have eaten this last week.
And as Always, Let's Go Wings
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