Tuesdays suck.

It's my goal to hit every single day of the week at some point or another, and since I've already picked on Monday and Wednesday, it's Tuesday's turn to be the scapegoat.

But seriously, Tuesdays do sorta suck. Have you ever noticed that Tuesdays seem like the worst ever? It's true that Mondays have their own way of blowing ass, but usually, it's not until Tuesday that the shitstorm really rains down. It's as if karma/fate/the thetons gang up and wait until you've pretty much eased back into the workweek, thinking, like an ass, that you're going to be ok, and then--BAM!--disaster strikes.



So, in an effort to better myself ourselves (come on, I'm not really alone, am I?) and our stations in life on these shitty Tuesdays, let's try something we've tried before and really enjoyed.

That's right, boys and girls: It's time for another Hockey Celebrity Look-Alike Showdown!

(And how do I know "we" all really enjoyed it? Because I got a whopping six[!] comments on it, a record for this blog. And only one of those was from me. So, HA!)

And now, without further adieu, I present you...

Brad May



vs.

Russell Crowe



Facts About Brad May:

1. Plays professional hockey for a little team called the Red Wings in Detroit, Michigan.

2. Has dark hair and eyes that people may find equal parts provocative and psychopathic.

3. Played for a team with an avian name, the Anaheim Ducks.

4. Is a badass motherfucker and will eat your soul if you step to his game.

5. His trash talk on the ice during faceoffs often leads to altercations immediately thereafter.

6. Throws punches on the ice to protect his teammates and to prove that he is composed of true grit.

Facts About Russell Crowe:

1. According to Wikipedia, roots for a little football team called the Wolverines in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

2. Has dark hair and eyes that people may find equal parts provocative and psychopathic.

3. Plays in an upcoming movie with an avian name, Robin Hood.

4. Is a badass motherfucker and will eat your soul if you step to his game.

5. His trash talk during everyday life has led to various altercations with costars and Hollywood bigwigs, causing him irreparable harm to his reputation thereafter.

6. Throws telephones at hotel employees to protect his own ego and to prove that he has an attitude composed of true shit.

And the winner is...



Because who wants to run the risk of having a rotary dial chucked upside their heads? I'll pass, please. Besides, Brad May's interviews on FSD are the shiiiizzzzz, man. If I could find one on YouTube wasn't completely fucking lazy, I would totally add one here.

Mondays suck.

And I'm still bummed about the weekend. In order to remedy that, let's have a Hockey Celebrity Look-Alike Showdown.

Nicklas Lidstrom


vs.

Sting


Facts About Nicklas Lidstrom:

1. Has piercing blue eyes and fair hair.

2. Captains the best team EVER.

3. Has won the Norris Trophy as the league's best defenseman a bajillion times.

4. Dreams of Sweden, which, as we all know, completely and totally fucking rocks.

5. Facts about sexual life are unavailable.

Facts About Sting:

1. Has piercing blue eyes and fair hair.

2. Captained one of the lamest pop bands of the 80s.

3. Has won a measly sixteen Grammys. Big deal.

4. Dreams of rain-e-yaaaaayyy-aayyyyy-ayyyyyyyne, which is not nearly as bombass as Sweden, unless you're a farmer with no irrigation system. Otherwise, it's pretty fucking lame.

5. Is into tantric sex, which means he's had a boner since approximately 1984.

And the winner is...



Duh.

*****

As a bonus--and I can't take credit for this, as it's already all over the internet--here's another pair who may be Separated at Birth. I'm not going to bother with facts or a "showdown", as it pretty much speaks for itself. Enjoy.