I Broke Out the Canned Air

'Sup Folks. Hahas. It has been awhile. So between work, holiday doings, a bunch of December birthdays, naps, and tweeting about meals, I have totally neglected the ancient holiday tradition of blogging. We also had Jen starting a new job and the neighbor kid eating all of our food. Seriously, this tyke packs it away. I wonder if pet food stores sell tape worm food, either that or I buy stock in Cheez-its. How about those new Colby Cheez-its? They are fucking great.

Wait a minute, why am I here? Oh yes, Red Wing hockey. Since I last wrote at this fine establishment the Wings were doing pretty good. Scoring goals, Jimmy looking not at all like an All-Star, shutting other teams down. Then they came up on the Predators who were doing just as well. It was a battle of a couple of 3 game winning streak teams. And even though the Preds came out on top, the Red Wings played very well. Hank and Pavel both had missed opportunities, but sometimes that's the way the puck bounces. And speaking of bounces, that Weber goal was about as mental as you are ever going to see. Watching that slow-mo was like watching that scene in JFK where they were watching the Zapruder film in slow-mo. "Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left." I really don't think any of Jimmy's goals were all that weak. The Preds just happened to be in perfect position for the rebound after Jimmy made a great save.

Unfortunately the mistakes the Wings did make in this game cost them. That would be them having a chance to get the puck out of their end and failing to do so. That allowed the Predators to cycle while preventing a Wings line change. I saw people on the twitter saying that game was a horrible choke. I must have been watching a different game. The Predators played them tight all night and were really laying the body on the Wings. Sure, the Wings controlled the puck a ton in their end and had some good cycles, but it's not like the Preds were playing like shit.

Aside from the suckitude of a Wings loss, it seems that the close Wings games have been really exciting games to watch. But I will take a boring blow out over a close nail biter any day. Especially with the points in the West tightening up. I would rather enjoy my adult beverage of choice leisurely rather than slamming shots of flaming Everclear to calm my nerves.

Tonight the Kings come to the Joe. This is a Kings team with a broken crown. They have all kinds of shit going on. Firing the coach, tied with the Mighty Islanders for last with 67 goals for this season. I never like to say, "This should be a win for the Wings", but this one should. The Kings are in disarray and playing a team like the Red Wings is not a good place to try to put the wheels back on the track. I'm just glad they are playing on the ice at the Joe and not like the ice they played on at their last game. Which had about the same consistency as a fucking hard packed Slushee.

I know the countdown is on for Christmas and that's all well and good, but my countdown is on for my free motherfuckin' ham from work. I also have a couple of projects to finish up, (I have not forgotten you Ann, a series of events has delayed this project but is back on track now). I also found something I started a long time ago that, when finished, I will probably give it away here at Scrappy Octopus. Just don't hold your breath, it will be done when it's done and I have other art obligations to tend to before I can even think about that.

Let's Go Red Wings

And Ham on Ham Eaters

Don't Say That Out Loud

There are some things, as a Wings fan, that you do not want to say out loud. Hank didn't look very good in yesterday's game. Yes, he had that beautiful backhand pass to Flip for that goal, but there were times where it didn't look like he could do what he wanted to do. With his history of back problems I have to ask, "how hurt is Zetterberg?" I really don't think that this is a case of a player slumping or trying to get himself going. He just doesn't look sharp, especially when he is twisting or turning. Does he need to sit? Not as a message, but to have his injury evaluated. I know that people will say, "if he was injured he wouldn't or shouldn't be playing". Yeah, well sometimes it's not as simple as that, especially with a back injury. Some days you feel great. Some days it feels as if a railroad spike is driven into your spine. And sometimes treatment or surgery doesn't do a whole lot. So if he is feeling at around 80%, maybe he needs a more Homeresque like schedule. Of course this is all speculation on my part. Maybe he is slumping a bit, but watching the way he is moving out there, something is a little off.

Now here is something I will say out loud without any hesitation. Fuck Jonny Ericsson. He still makes all of the same old mistakes. I will say that he looks a tiny bit better than last year, but not by much. When he is a non-entity in games, I guess it means he had a decent game. The one thing that I noticed that has gotten worse is his speed. It bugs the shit out of me when he goes gliding to the puck like a fucking glacier. Hey doucheface, you're supposed to be hustling to the puck to negate the other teams' forecheck, not carving out the Great Lakes. And why is it that one out of ten checks is decent? His checks look like he's that one single guy that goes to a club by himself to grind on chicks. His body checks are so Night at the Roxbury. I wonder if the rest of the team wants to give him a Full Metal Jacket 'blanket party'? I know I do. That being said, the penalty against him battling for the puck was weak and that goal where we all shouted, "And there's Shitbox", was caused by Jimmy's noodle-armed pass.

Datsyuk and Bertuzzi are looking really good lately. Seriously, Datsyuk has been downright magic-dirty. If you lowered him by his feet from the scoreboard while being handcuffed and strapped into a straight-jacket into a tank of water, he would still score within 30 seconds. And the Thunderchief is playing a lot smarter out there, and I love it when he is in the shootout. When he scores on a nasty move it allows me to stand up and shout, "KNEEL BEFORE TODD SON OF JOR-EL". It just seems that he really gets how Datsyuk plays and that's why he plays well on that line. I know people will argue that playing with Datsyuk makes everyone look better, but I don't think that is it. I think Bert being on that line allows Pavel to do different things, to really let his creativity flow.

Aside from Howard's 90 year old lady pass resulting in the goal, I like his play this season. He just seems more poised and confident this year. Challenging shooters. And like the twitterverse says, "He's got the Jimmy Hands".

So tonight is To Catch A Predator Night at the Joe with buy one get one free Mike's Hard Lemonade. The Preds are on a little slide, and let us hope that that continues. This is the first meeting between the two. The Wings need to start this first of six match-ups on a good foot seeing as the Predators took 4 of 6 last year. The Predators top defensive pairing of Weber and Suter are in the top ten of +/-, and that's with them usually going against an opponents top line. The Predators give up over 30 shots a game which is nice seeing as the Wings take more than 30 a game. Look for the good guys to pour the shots on.

Well, let's hope that Zetterberg proves me wrong, making me look like an inept blogger. Jimmy will need to be strong in net. On a side note, isn't it fitting that Conklin has been demoted to latrine duty in the Wings make you feel at home commercial.

Alright, I'm outta here. Lets Go Wings.

Skate Off That Turkey Bloat

First I have to apologize to my three readers for not posting in awhile. Due to a combination of sick kid, work, and general laziness, farting around on the interwebs wasn't a high priority. That being said, I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. Our Thanksgiving festivities were very good, despite me cooking for a house full of Packer fans. And even though the Lions lost, I didn't sabotage the meal. That's why today's headlines are full of morons pepper spraying each other for buy one get one free Crocs and not "Southern Wisconsin family suffering from volcanic diarrhea".

With these last two wins by the Wings, the standings look a lot different than a couple of weeks ago. They are on the better side of the goals for/goals against ratio with a +12. They still take the most shots in the League and their shots against are among the lowest, usually in the one or two spot. These may seem like dork stats, but in the long run they usually turn out favorable for a team. Some of the teams that are on top of the league may be scoring butt tons of goals, but they are also giving up too many.

Now today the Wings go into Boston to face the red hot Bruins. The Bruins come into this game riding a 10 game win streak, scoring a shitload of goals while doing it. This is a good test for the Red Wings, to see if they can shut down a high-powered offense while still getting shots to the net. All four lines will have to work hard because Boston runs deep in their line-up. Not only will getting shots on important, but the quality of those shots will count when you are facing Tim Thomas.

So what is going to be the deciding factor in this game? It will be the anti Ken/Mick jinx. During the pre-game or first five minutes of the game, one of them will mention some kind of streak or milestone that is like the Sword of Damocles hanging over the game. How many times have we heard, "So and so hasn't scored a goal against the Wings in X amount of time", only to have that player have a 4 point night? Even though this is a NBC game, in my head, I can hear Ken or Mick really talking up Boston's win streak. And that is what cuts the horse's hair.

Could I be any more obtuse in coming up with a deciding factor? At least I didn't consult with the psychic octopus that picks soccer matches.

No, Jimmy will have to be extra sharp. The back check will have to help out the defense. And they need to crash the net making life for Thomas difficult while piling up the shots. How do you like that? I basically just said what every coach has said since the dawn of time. Oops, I forgot, "we just need to stick to the basics and keep the puck in their end".

Well, I gotta go and see if I can get pepper sprayed while battling some tard for a $10 dollar crock-pot Thunderdome style.

Lets Go Wings

Top Jimmy Cooks. Top Jimmy Swings

He's got the looks, he's the king. The one thing that always bugged me about Howard's play the last two years was his lack of shutouts. I know it's a little arbitrary because a win is a win. But I always felt that the shutout was a nice way for the goalie to give a little extra fuck you to the opposing team. Jimmy has three on the season now, which is tied for first in the league. That gives him eight for his career. I like this. I like how he is playing this year. It shows that if you give a goalie goal support and strong forechecking and backchecking, things will go their way more often than not.

Kudos to the Wings for giving Khabibulin his first regulation loss and getting his goals against above 1. It's nice to see them figuring these goalies out on this win streak. During the slide it's not like they weren't getting pucks to the net, but the amount of quality pucks to the net. I always felt for some reason that opposing goalies always played way up against the Wings. Like they used some magical video game power-up before the game. I like the shots they are taking. But Datsyuk, please, need more shoot. I would be very interested to know what Kronwall's blast clocked in at, 'cause that thing left vapor trails. Any guesses? For sure +100mph.

So now the Wings finish out this home stand against the Stars who have been clicking. What kind of team shows up after dropping one to the Pens last night? This will be a battle between the haves and the have Otts. And if you have Ott, then I don't like you because he is a douche. There is good balance on this Stars team. They have a good defensive core and some good young guns up front. When you look at their roster, there are a couple of players where you go, "Aw shit, I forgot they picked up THAT guy". Plus there is Lehtonen who leads the league in wins. Hopefully tonight he is Kari Lehtsomein.

When the Wings are playing their game, other teams don't frighten me. I think they are the best 5 on 5 team out there. On a side note. I have always been pro Bertuzzi. He gave the team a lift when they needed it. But having him out ill has been a nice break for the Wings since you can subtract about 3 penalties a game. One reputation penalty. One dumb retaliation penalty. And one 'What the Fuck, Todd' penalty. When he comes back and does something like that, I think he will be the odd man out and taking some healthy scratches.

Hey Dallas, welcome to the Real D. Let's Go Wings.

Protect Yer Berries

So the source of all of my news, twitter, informs me that Zetterberg is suffering from a "middle body injury". I do not know what this means. This sounds like when you rent a porn pay-per-view and you get a three hour block, but you took care of business before the opening credits were done rolling. Now you spend the next three hours making sure that you are making the most of the rental fee. Inevitably you cause yourself a "middle body injury". Or, like someone suggested, volcanic diarrhea. Who knows with these injury reports these days. It's a page out of the Belichick school of disinformation.

For the last two games at the MacRostie Clan household you could feel the hum of will power as we collectively concentrated our mind beams through the television to have pucks magically fly into the net for the Wings. Well, that didn't really happen. The Red Wings played well enough on their own without the help of my neurotic superstitions. As a fan, when I listened real hard during that first game, I could hear a collective sigh from Red Wings Nation as the goals started piling up.

Watching these games I noticed something that will not come as a shock to anyone-Ericsson is really fucking slow. There are so many times where he just quits skating and glides to the puck. Which in turn causes a turnover or errant pass from him. Or you have him taking a penalty. Although that weak-ass hooking call that led to the bulldozing Landeskog goal. That's a weird name. You have been banished to the Land of Skog. I think the Landeskog is the natural enemy of the Sleestak. Long story short, Ericsson is not worth 3 jillion a season. More like minimum wage plus tips. But then he would forget to claim his tips and the IRS would be all over his ass. And you don't want to know what he does for tips.

Tonight the Oilers are in rollin' into the Joe. There is a lot of youth on this team. Which in turn leads to inexperience, which leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to the dark side. The way the Wings played against the Avs shows they know how to play against these youthful, speedy teams. Their puck possession is a start to a good game plan. So is not getting caught flat footed. The big thing will be getting pucks past The Bulin Wall who has been playing Beyond Thunderdome so far this year. Jimmy has not been too shabby himself though, bettering himself in most categories so far this young season. The two teams have about an 18% success rate on the PP, but the power play isn't much of an advantage against the Oilers, whose PK has been stellar at just under 87%.

So they will going up against the number one draft picks for about the last decade, Ryan-Nugent-Hopkins-Alliwishous-Esquire-the III. What up with all of these hyphenated names lately? Isn't nugent the stuff they put in candy bars? Now with 50% more nugent. Yes, I realize that it is actually nougat you asswipes. Shame on you for trying to piss on my fun.

Let's Go Wings

Well Goody Gum Drops For You

I kind of knew this was coming. I have been fartin' around on the interwebs reading various Wings blogs just to see what everybody else was posting as their pre-game. And over at A2Y I saw it. Two perfect examples of what I was looking for.

1. Trolls reveling in this little slide by the Wings. I never understood trolls. The biggest thing I don't understand about them is them basing their whole hockey identity on hating the Red Wings. Oh I understand your jealousy, really I do. But for you to think that I give one giant steaming pile of shit about your taunts written from your sister's basement while you furiously masturbate over where the Red Wings are in the standings, well, you have got another thing coming. Quit trying to match wits with some of the best in the business. Your arguments always break down due to you using half-assed research, invalid stats, and the most egregious of all offenses-your boring ass tired cliches. Seriously? These are the weapons you arm yourself with before going into battle. Just shut your stupid ass face, wait for the Proactiv to kick in, and find yourself a life you fucking turds.

2. Fans of suck-ass teams trying to console us. Welcoming us to sup at their buffet of suck. Fuck off. We are Wings fans. Pardon my arrogance, but even with this losing streak, the Red Wings are nothing like your team. The last twenty years is proof to that. Here's my stat laden argument-The Red Wings are awesome, so suck on that shithead. Sorry if we decline to join your brotherhood of losers, but we just don't roll like that.

To everyone saying that the wheels are falling off of this franchise, are you fucking retarded? I have been hearing this for the past decade. This is a talent laden team that just needs a few tweaks here and there. Enough with the age thing. The team has gotten younger with the off-season's retirements. And don't tell me you wouldn't trade your top two defensemen, plus the agreement to become a eunuch for Lidstrom. Yeah you would, you liar.

Geez, lately the first half of my posts have become reactionary to the happenings on the internet. So I guess we talk about tonight's game. Eww, the Ducks. If there was ever a team to turn things around with a massive beatdown, it would be them. I am not afraid of Hiller's Darth Vader mask. Remember in Return of the Jedi at the end of the movie when Luke helps Vader take off the mask and underneath his head just looked like a chewed on eraser? Yeah. Under Hiller's mask is just a mealy-mouthed pig-nosed turd with a femmy page boy haircut. Nobody ever liked Prince Valiant or his stupid hair. He should cut his hair and donate it to Getzlaf even though he only deserves a wig of pubes.

Whew. My dander is up and I am full of vitriol today. I guess it's due to all of the assclowns shooting off their mouths. Don't get all butthurt when we shoot back. For our aim is deadly and our ammo plenty.

Let's Go Wings

Blame It On The Rain or Remember When Ashley Simpson Lip-Synced on SNL

There was a virtual shit storm on the twitters yesterday, that is still overflowing today. Keep in mind that the offending party has done this in the past. Joe Burkel who ran RedWingsGuy.com, (don't bother going there, it doesn't exist anymore) stole an article for the last time. He cut and pasted the Bill Roose article of Nyquist's call-up and called it his own. This was not a mistake. It was blatant plagiarism. Roose called him out on it publicly on twitter and was supported by many in the blogging community, myself included. Burkel appears to be non-existent, taking down the offending site and nuking his twitter account. Do not feel bad for him for he did this to himself. Whether he took the site down of his own volition or was prompted by the RW legal department is of no consequence for both scenarios would be the actions of a guilty man. He knew what he did was wrong.

There were two great pieces written about bloggers and mainstream media dealing with plagiarism. One from J.J. over here at Winging it in Motown http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2011/10/31/2528498/policing-our-own-bloggers-msm-in-the-new-media

And the other by Nick at http://nickonsportsblog.com/

Give these both a read.

Anybody defending Burkel has now become suspect in my book, especially if they are a blogger. As I have mentioned before, this isn't the first time he has pulled this stunt. I saw someone tweet that this is a sad day in the RW community. No it's not. Not everyone needs to be a blogger. And when you take away the plagiarism all you were left with were articles with misspelled players names, incorrect stats and a podcast that was like freight train of knitting needles driven straight into your eardrum. It's okay to just be a fan.

I do this for fun. I like interacting with other Wings fans. Some take it very seriously. But the actions of Burkel put us all in jeopardy.

Shit. There's a game tonight, right? Well then, here's hoping that the Red Wings pull the chute on this free-fall. Look at all of this shit you caused Nyquist. You better score a hat trick. I'm only yanking your chain kid, think of yourself as a catalyst for a better tomorrow. There. No pressure. It's time to get two points tonight. It's time to climb the ladder vanquishing foes along the way. It's time to show the Minnesota Mild who you really are. I've got beer and whiskey and I'm ready to go. Are you?

Let's go Wings

Hopefully It's Nyquist and Not Nyquil

So the Wings call up Nyquist. Is this the shot in the arm the team needs? Hopefully. People are wondering who is going to sit. I say sit someone who isn't scoring goals. All kidding aside, I see him fitting nicely on the 4th line. The instability there will probably be around for a while until something clicks. But seriously, someone needs to start scoring. I'm talking a nice fat 10 game point streak, because 1 goal a game isn't going to cut it. Being a bunch of defensive minded forwards is all well and good, but that's only if you are keeping the other team off of the board. Biscuit in the mother fucking basket please.

Will a fatter walleted Kronwall be a happier, scoring, body smashing machine? Again, hopefully. It would be nice to see more points coming in from the back end. And sir Ian White, time to clean your shit up. Figure out how you fit in this system before trying to do too much on a play and leaving the team out to dry. I don't know if the defense is overreacting to the low score output and are pinching when they shouldn't be, but it seems that there are a lot more odd man rushes or outright breakaways so far this year. So by all means pinch, but pinch smart.

Quite honestly, no one individual is playing consistently shitty this year. It's just easier to focus on one player's fuck-ups when there are no goals on the board. When it is a mediocre team effort, a mistake by someone is amplified. Hopefully the turnaround happens soon. Shit, I've used the word 'hopefully' entirely too much in this post. And as of this moment I'm no longer concerned about an even distribution of goals. I want someone to go on a tear. I want that someone to climb the leader boards. I want them to skate in, score with authority and finish it off with a good old DX crotch chop right in the goalie's face. (That last part won't happen because Red Wings players are classy where I am not). We are burning for a win. But we are really burning for a fucking curb-stomp of a win.

Now hopefully, (again with that word) @jennyquarx and I publicly shamed/coerced/guilt tripped the original Scrappy Octopus, Natalie, into doing a pre-game for the Wings/Wild match-up. If not, then I say to all of you, bombard her on the twitter to bring on the snark, for it has been far too long since she has graced this blog. Sorry Natalie, I'm fucking shameless.

LET'S GO WINGS

To Don The Winged Wheel

We missed lasts nights game against the Wild due to a Halloween party we went to. Most people are saying be glad you missed it. Reading the other blogs, it sounds like it was a pretty poor outing by the boys in red and white. I followed the game on my phone, furiously hitting the refresh button, willing the score to change.

The panic button has been pressed by fans and it has been pressed hard. I am just as worried as the rest of you. People keep reminding me that it is early in the season and that the Wings will be fine. But I believe that these early season games are important. A good start balances out the slumps and streaks that every team deals with throughout the course of a season.

I'm not going to harp on the negatives. We've all flogged that horse plenty in the last four games. A lot of people are calling for a shake-up. And switching up lines is all well and good, but that seems more of a band-aid to me. What I think needs to happen is someone in that locker room needs to stoke the embers in the guts of each and every player into a raging inferno. They need to capture that proverbial lightning and bottle it. They need inspiration. They need to remember what it means to wear the winged wheel, that they play for one of the best franchises ever. It's time for them to step up and etch their names into the annals of hockey history.

You are a Red Wing. A team that fell from prominence only to rise from the ashes like the mythical phoenix and make the playoffs for twenty straight years. You have won four cups within that stretch, more than some teams have in their entire history. You have won against adversity in the past. Now that adversity raises it's ugly head you dig deep and find a way to slay that beast. We have seen you dedicate a season and win the Stanley Cup for a fallen comrade. We have seen you fight for each other as brothers gaining a sense of redemption with the beat down of Lemieux.

You have one of the greatest fan bases ever, many of whom I have met and now call friend. I have seen them step up and bring a fellow Wings blogger from Brasil. These same fans raised over twenty thousand dollars in two years for the Children's Hospital of Michigan. I am proud to be a part of this community, and we do it for you, Red Wings, the uniting factor of this community. We don the winged wheel in support of you. We are proud to be your fans. We know what you can do, so it starts now, the march to the 21st straight playoffs. Play your hearts out for the rest of the season, not for us but for yourselves, because we will be with you through thick and thin.

And as always, Let's go Wings

Put Roy Scheider on the Fourth Line

If there is one thing that Roy has done well, it would be killing big dumb sharks. So if anybody knows of any good necromancers out there, give them a holler so they can resurrect Mr. Scheider to don the mantle of police chief, Martin C. Brody. Somebody is going to need to step up tonight and be a shark killer, (I'm looking at you Franzen). Z has been a little too quiet for my liking at the beginning of this season. If Hank is looking to inherit the 'C' after Lidstrom retires, then he has to start leading this team when they face adversity.

There is a trend I would like to see end this season. Quit making bad teams feel good about themselves. Also, you can quit letting rookies get their firsts of their NHL careers. Every time Ken or Mick announce that so-and-so hasn't scored in approximately seven years it seems that player scores against the Red Wings. Make these other teams hang their heads in shame as they make their way to a dark recess of the locker room to quietly sob with self loathing.

Besides the atrocious power play, another aspect of their game that has been lacking is-the breakout, because it hasn't been there. I don't know if there is some kind of side betting going on, but it seems as though their breakout consists of trying to hit the scoreboard. I don't know if they are trying to hit the opposing teams goal totals so they don't have to look at it, but guess what guys, those goals don't disappear.

All right. Here is a streak to keep going since they have dropped the last two-Jimmy is undefeated. Since aliens have abducted shutout Conklin and replaced him with Swiss cheese Conklin, Howard will have to shoulder the goaltending load. And he needs to be rock solid. Which Jimmy will show up? I'm hoping for Jimmah, and not distracted-new-dad-Jimmy.

Helm, Bertuzzi, and Holmstrom are the only players who are either even or on the plus side for the last two games. The top line hasn't been shutting down other teams top lines. Maybe Babs should be looking more for match-ups rather than different line combinations. I will have to pay close attention to where the lines are matching up tonight to see if this is true. Maybe the top line could jump start their scoring if matched up with weaker lines.

Besides the weak scoring chances and no offensive zone pressure the last two games, I do put a lot of the blame on Conklin's shoulders. He let in some bad goals. It's hard to gain momentum when a goal gets let in from the parking lot or you forget that the posts are your best friends.

I realize that this post seems like I'm Debbie Downer, but unfortunately that's where a fans mind goes when you are used to cheering for a winning team. And tonight I want the Wings to beat the Sharks. I am willing it from the very core of my existence.

Now everyone together-Let's Go Red Wings *Clap Clap clapclapclap*